As some background, I attended private parochial schools through eighth grade, a small public high school and a small private college.

I think private schools are worthwhile for children. The biggest reason is that no one tends to get "lost in the shuffle." Public schools have fewer resources, normally, and that lends itself to educating to the middle of the group. Those that lag behind get left and those that excel get bored. Private schools are better able to give individual attention to all levels during the education process.

I live in the Northeast, which should become relevant in a minute. I attended a Catholic grammar school and the local public high school.

I think it all depends on the child. In terms of higher education what you need is a big fish in a big pond (ultimately, if you can get it). Colleges and Universities are looking for diversity and those students who stood out among their peers. Now, this can be accomplished in a variety of ways, get them Irish Step Dancing and have them win Worlds, colleges will accept them. But, academically, it's harder to do.

My Catholic school was fine. I did have one amazing teacher in the 7th and 8th grade who made everything related to English a breeze from then on because, if you'll pardon my French, she kicked our arses and didn't take any BS and she was a nun. At the time we thought she was Satan in a habit but since I've learned to appreciate her and would call her one of my best teachers ever. After 8th grade 'graduation', many of my classmates went on to all female or all male Catholic high schools, a few to suburban public, and I went to the local, urban, not with the best reputation because I"m a rebel, public high school (Lawrence High in Lawrence, MA for any of you familiar). I came out 3rd in my class (I"m a total school slacker, I learn and retain easily therefore the effort necessary to make it to Valedictorian would have eaten into my social time, any tips on how to change this with my masters program are totally welcome.) with the actual highest SAT score in my class (loads of ESL students) and was accepted to all colleges applied, with the exception of Bowdoin and Tufts, classmates ranked lower than I but of a more ethnic persuasion were accepted at both. (Just for the record, that got me into UMass Amherst, Middlebury, Hamilton College, Tulane University, George Washington University and I think American University.)

Some would maybe make an argument that, yeah, I went to a subpar school and stood out, but how did I do in college?? Well, I went to Tulane, slacker mentality prevailed and I graduated with a 3.3 GPA, BA in Art History and plenty of time on my hands to party hardy at Mardi Gras. Since I've pretty much slacked around for a while without direction and now I'm going for my masters in education from UMass Boston and hope to teach in an urban high or middle school. See,the secret is these schools get LOADS of funding and loads of opportunities and my school, at least, was not plagued by the John Hughes syndrome (nerds, geeks, jocks, slackers), we knew we were all sort of underdogs in the eyes of the surrounding community and we bonded together. If you were in more advanced classes than someone else they didn't label you, they asked for help with their math homework. It was great.

Now, Lawrence High had a program were you could spend a semester at Phillips Andover and I took advantage of this. I will admit it was fun to live there, the food was free and plentiful and yummy, and the classes were interesting (we only took two I think, I took an acting class and Urban Studies which is why we were there, take the poor kids and see how they react, I'm not kidding) and we had to keep up with our work at LHS so our teachers came to visit once a week and we had no problems. My point is Andover has a place BUT the vast majority of people I met there and I think you can check this out, ended up at UMass. A large number of Andover grads do NOT end up at Harvard, Yale, Princeton, etc because those schools don't want them. They want big fish and you're basically competing with a bunch of people in the same boat as you, at best you're a fish in a fishpond. And I am not disparaging UMass at all, I almost went there, but who spends $20k + on high school for a kid hoping he'll get into the local, public, state University?

And, after all that, my point is, it's all dependent on the child. If you have a smart kid who will do well and needs a bit of a challenge, I'd send them public and not really worry about 'good' districts. (the 'good' district by me has lost all funding for sports, all art and all music, although parents might be able to pay a fee because the override or tax hike or whatever failed.) You can get an education anywhere and everywhere has good, dedicated teachers to help with this. There are also crap teachers everywhere. If your child needs extra attention or extra motivation, I'd go private because that's where they excel and the smaller class sizes would benefit. Students with a tougher time will not slip through the cracks as easily at smaller, private schools. That said, a student, if he or she wants to, can disappear in any setting.

Should I have children, I will struggle with this question myself. My main points right now is that I am adamant that they will pay for their own college education (most of it) and I will not reinvent their room at home in college by hiring a decorator, etc. I think that's stupid.

One thing to remember here is that the public vs. private debate is not an all or nothing proposal. You don't have to commit to either 13 years of one or 13 years of the other. I started kindergarten in a public school and stayed there until second grade, when we moved to a city that had bad public education. In fifth grade, we moved again, this time to a wealthy district, but one whose elementary education was only geared for the "lowest common denominator". By seventh grade, I'd reentered public education, and stayed there until the end of my undergrad studies.

Yes, it's expensive, but when the alternative just isn't feasible, it may be best to consider all the alternatives, one year at a time. From my experience in the schools I went to, "Are you coming back next year?" was a very common question.

To quote Vicki: "My experience is that kids who have learning disabilities, ADHD, Asperger's or other challenges do not do well in private schools. Most private schools look for kids who can do their work without extra motivation, basically, they look for the "good kids.""

I think this alone can reflect the so-called benefits on average as to why a private school is better- they only have kids without significant learning problems and families that are already "buying into" their education. Its only logical parents are more apt to be invested in the outcome of school when they are paying the greenback dollars.

Not that I could afford it anyways- I wouldn't choose private school for my kidlets if I had the money. My kids need to live in a real world- not a fabricated one of monied isolationists. They need to see other life situations- families not necessarily mirroring their own, how other kids with issues work through them, etc. I think my kids learn a great deal of empathy and support for their peers in the inclusive public school classrooms they are in. For example, my daughter (soon to be 9) takes great pride in helping a learning challenged friend catch up to the lesson when she gets back from speech therapy twice a week. I can see some here would say- its not her responsibility, she should be in an environment where she only has to deal with ehr own needs- but to what end? Complete self involvement? It seems we have enough of those types in the world already.

Public Schools are at a disadvantage not because of money - Private schools usually make due with less - but because of philosophy.

Public Schools emphasis on political correctness, diversity & making sure nothing 'damages' a child's self-esteem is misguided & leads to a de-emphasis on things academic. A simple example: whereas in most private schools (forget uniforms for a minute), if a student came in inappropriately dressed, say just wearing a baseball cap, in most cases in public school, teachers wouldn't even take note. They might even be afraid of a lawsuit. In private school, the student would be told to take it off & put it away.

When you think of all the money spent on public education (and I realize the mantra is give us more, more, more) and the poorly educated students they turn out, it's a bit mind-boggling!

Two problems: teachers' union and bloated administration. Teacher's unions understandably look out for their own interests, not the students. They wish for and really have no accountability. In most school districts, it's impossible to fire blatantly incompetent teachers. In NYC, for instance, the really bad ones they segregate to what is commonly referred to as 'rubber rooms'. There they don't teach, they don't do anything except maybe read the newspaper, and there they sit collecting salary, bene's and finally retirement!

I've often wondered why there isn't a Parent's Union looking out for theirs and their children's best interest. The PTA doesn't fulfill that role.

And, if you look at where public schools spend their dollars, too little goes to the classroom. Public schools have overdone bureaucracies with layers upon layers of un-needed personnel, paid very well thank you.

Private schools are far from perfect. I went to parochial schools through high school, and maybe it was my rebellious spirit, but I thought I had to go to college just to make up for what I missed.

For my daughter - 8 years old - we have her in a private school, a very good one. She's in second grade reading at a 6th grade or 7th grade level. No one bats an eyelash. With Math she's only a grade ahead. I pay dearly - 10K a year! And we live in a nice area where the public schools are good. I just figure that we're 'front-loading' the process, giving her a real head start and cultivating her love of learning. Maybe that will pay off, literally, when she gets to college age.

Maybe?

I am really struggling with this decision, but we are planning to send our son to public school. Don't look at public and private as an either/or option because sometimes there are other options out there. In our school district, we have magnet schools and that is the option we have chosen. Parents are required to volunteer three hours a year (which I would have done anyway) and you can get a "private school" education on a public school dollar.

Great discussion!

Just a thought, but have you considered the impact of an educational environment beyond a child's school years?

An advantage to at least consider: private schools, even in small towns, teach children to navigate challenging social waters with confidence. They also help students focus on admissions to top colleges where these skills become more valuable.

Public school may do the same for many, but I was a shy kid from a working class background who lucked into a (partial) scholarship at a small private school school. My prep school tuition and college loans may have been painful at the time, but now I see they bought more than just a top notch education. They effortlessly opened up a social world that made my adult career goals not just possible, but expected.

Six degrees of separation shrank to one or two. All thanks to private school.

The frugal side in me says homeschooling. Well not only for frugal reasons but unless we move our kids will be homeschooled.

We started my son in state preschool and switched to a private school because after being constantly guilted into volunteering in the classroom, I noticed too much regarding the kind of kids my kid was going to school with. I think the day the cop's kid and the drug dealer's kid was talking about 'my dad arrested your dad' with expletives all around I decided you know, let's make it through second grade before we deal with guns and meth and the F-word used like salt and pepper, shall we? 

The switch has been great. There are 10 kids in my sons' class. The teachers are ex-public school teachers who didn't want to just record test scores anymore but wanted to actually teach and incorporate the arts. They also flat up don't tolerate that sort of playground banter and behavioral issues.

I went to both and preferred private. My husband did public and has no opinion on it but he too realized we wanted to do a bit of intervention and find a school that reflected our values better.  

Margaret Garcia-Couoh

I attended private school from preK to 8th grade, then I attended public school for High School. Personally I found private school to be the best education I recieved. During High School I found myself unbelieveably bored and willing to do other student's homework, which I did on many occassions. I found private school to be wonderful in the education realm but I am glad that I attended public school because of the access to many different social opportunities.

The argument about it being dependant on the child is valid, however I am grateful that my mother forced the issue with private school when I was younger and then pursued the idea of public school later on. It was great to see both sides of education and social behavior. My husband and I debate this issue as well for our future children. I personally hope to expose them to both.

In regards to "is it worth the money?" who knows. I know plenty of individuals who attended public school their entire lives and took gifted classes and excelled in High School with Advanced Placement and Independant Study. I also know as many who achieved the same after attending Private School. If anything it could be viewed as an investment. Try it out for a year and if your child doesn't like it then public school it is.
That's my opinion about it anyways.

I think the conventional wisdom is that the education a the private academies is the best, then the public schools, then the parochial schools.

When I was growing up, kids got sent to private school when they were screwing up academically, and likely to not get into college. It was like the opposite of "dropping out" - like "pulled in". (The ones without money just dropped out.)

Parochial schools were for religious people and people who were at risk of having fun or something, and needed to be tamed.

My family was public school all the way, as were my sibs. I was a slacker and went to Cal like the original poster, and now read blogs at work while I try to code. My brother is now a physicist for UC. My sister is a teacher.

On the other hand, I'm Asian. If I were Latino or Black, I'd consider private school. The publics seem to allow some minorities to try less hard.

As personal background, I went to public school through high school, and now I'm about to graduate from a private college (Baylor) with a chemistry degree. My parents considered putting me in private school about 5th grade - we visited a couple - but I wasn't really interesteded. All the private school kids I knew were snotty. Which is what I expected when I came to Baylor, but I fell in love with the school, and the people.

I had an excellent education, but I was a pretty self motivated kid. I was reading Ten Thousand Leagues under the Sea in 2nd grade. Seriously, it was ridiculous. In high school, I had some classes with 10, 12, or even 4 people in them. But I was at the top of my class. Those class sizes were because no one else wanted to take them... :)

I find it interesting how many contradictions are in the comments. Some people say that smart, self motivated kids will do just as well in either place, some say those are the ones you want to private school. Some say that the kids who are struggling should be sent to private schools. Some say that kids with learning disabilities need the extra money at public schools, some that they wiill do better in private schools. There are no bullies at private schools, there are more than at public schools. You get the idea.

Anyway, I think I'll send my kids to public schools, unless there are problems there. Or unless they want to go to private school and/or win a scholarship.

In Texas, there's a rule that if you're in the top 10% of your high school class, you can go to any state school you want (and A&M is pretty darn selective, believe it or not). Obviously, there's some controversy over this....

I attended a private college for undergrad, and a state instution for grad school. I finished school without loans, because I was a scholarship kid. (I was probably assisted in getting that scholarship by the excellent education I received at my college-prep private high school).
Currently, I teach at a private college, similar to my undergrad. Most of our students receive a fair amount of financial aid, not all of it loans.
Don't assume you'll end up paying full price at a private institution.

I attended parochial schools K-12. In 8th grade at the local Catholic school, I decided not to be confirmed and that I vehemently disagree with much of the religious doctrine. So, I resented attending 4 more years of religion class. I also wished for more fun electives, and begged to go to public school so I could take shop class or auto repair alongside my AP courses.

I didn't realize what a tremendous gift my parents had given me until I went to a public college. I loved the warm and engaging people I met at my university, but was extremely disappointed in the academic level of my peers. I had been writing 6+ page papers as a HS freshman, and up to 20 pages as a senior in AP English. In my college freshman Honors English course, we were challenged to write less than half what I had done in HS. The grammar and diction in the papers I peer-edited were substandard; I, in turn, gained little from my peer editors. In my non-Honors courses, some of my classmates wrote so poorly that I wondered how they were ever admitted to college! It was hard to find the push I needed to really develop further in college, when the starting point for the class was much lower than my HS courses were.

I know I'm an academic elitist, and most people would shame me for such behavior. I feel compassion for bright students who care but don't have access to better teachers. However, it only makes sense to compete with those at or near your own level. Few would fault a pro athlete for declining to play in a pick-up game. (FWIW, I'm a crappy athlete)

I went to a great public school system and we live now in a great area so we are content with public schools but we have looked around for private ones.

However one reason we stay with public schools is the added support for children who learn differently or slower. Our daughter has an IQ on the high side of normal but has a what they call a 'silent learning disability' because it doesn't show up on any one testing tool but more of a collectively slow executive processing problems. Which is just gibberish for she's bright but just needs to go over things more to really learn them and have some extra time in testing to show what she really knows.

Private schools can offer small classes but they routinely do not offer extra support in terms of helping kids like mine. In a public school, she gets accommodations and support that have her on the honor roll. We've looked at private schools and they all are very clear that they keep children on pace more and it is harder for them to fall behind with the extra attention but if it is a learning issue, they are really out of luck.

I have to agree with the poster above. I know a few families that homeschool. One is a crazy rightwing witch. Yes, there are plenty of decent Republicans. But this one is one of those nutty racist flat earth types who practically spits with rage whenever she opens her mouth. It would be nice for children to be raised in an environment that's a little less, uh, angry. It might do her kids good to hear that somebody else could actually feel differently than Mother. I'm sure the kids look cute arguing for the Gold Standard and the flat tax, but they are like little pissed off robots.

Another is a sweet but wifty liberal mom. She would never pressure her precious snowflakes to do anything--she "unschools" them. The kids are delightful and charming. The teenage boy loves woodworking, which he basically figured out for himself. Reading, however, he has not figured out. At age 15. He probably has a learning disability. But there was never a reading expert who observed him and helped to correct him at a time of life when his young brain was being formed. But now, it could be too late. And even if it isn't, there's nothing going on in that home that would encourage him to take up an activity that requires self-discipline like learning how to read.

I am a public school teacher, and I would probably put my kids in private school. I do feel the teachers in public schools are generally better. They are required to complete more education and are provided with (almost too much) extra staff development. However, the behavior of the students is horrible. There is a lack of respect for the teachers, the school, and for education in general. And since children are required by law to attend school, there is little that can be done about it. Students are given detentions. They don't attend. Then they are assigned a Saturday School. They don't attend. It would be easy to say, well go to the next step and suspend the students, and then if that doesn't work expel them. But there are so many students that don't follow the consequences, that it is impossible to do this. As a parent, I would be more worried that my kids are around that kind of attitude so much of the day.
Plus, students simply don't do the work. I will give an assignment and most of the time over half of the class won't complete it. Forget about homework. It's impossible to have class discussions about anything because only three or four students will have know what is going on. I give failing grades, but they don't care. And neither do their parents. I can't get some of these parents on the phone to save my life! Or I call to tell them about their child's failing grade and they say, "Okay, thank you. I will talk to him/her," but nothing ever changes. When I hear the media talking about our failing schools, I want to scream! It's the parents of these kids who are failing. I'm doing my job as best I can. I can't physically make a child read or write.
Private schools have the option of booting the kids who do nothing. And parents have an extra incentive to make sure their child is doing the work because they are paying for it. I think public schools should fine parents for their children's poor behavior and lack of effort. Our tax dollars pay for the desk, books, and supplies these student are wasting. Let the parents pay for it if all it is is childcare.