Explaining Away the Green M&M
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the company behind M&M’s has decided to let the urban legend run wild. No longer will the impotent and uninspired have to dig through their candy bags to get to the good ones. Here’s the dirt on the green ones, and how we got here, anyway.
“The green ones will make you horny.” I was only a 3rd grader when I first heard the legend of the green M&M. Unaware of what that fully entailed, I continued to dig around in the bag for something that wasn’t red. Everyone knew that the red ones gave you cancer.
Later on in life, I came to the startling conclusion that boys didn’t need M&M’s to become “inspired.” Reports of rock stars ordering large bowls of the green ones for their dressing rooms filled the media. Shortly after, ecstasy became the new way to “feel the lovin’.” (Or so I heard….)
As an adult in my late twenties, the topic hadn’t come up in my household until the recent barrage of green M&M commercials making their way across television sets just in time for the holiday of lovers. My toddler wonders why the green one talks, my daughter asks why green means love and not red, and my husband questions why all the commercials during the 5 o’clock news are for E.D. prescriptions and M&M’s. I pull my hair out trying to answer these questions.
Yes, M&M Mars has embraced the childish stories of my childhood with their new campaign to sell bags of all-green M&M’s. While no mention of the words “horny,” “randy,” or the like appear on their website, we all know what they are talking about. According to the website, green is the “new color of love.” Yikes. I don’t believe “love” was what we used to talk about on the playground, as I nervously ate the green M&M and wondered if I would get sick or possibly die.
Here’s a clue from a confused consumer. I see the fun in the product, really I do. Would I spend money on an all-green bag of M&M’s? Probably not. (Unless they went on sale as part of the after-holiday clearance AND I had a coupon.) I would much rather my husband show me the “true” color of love – something with gold in it.
For those who choose to feed the “green” machine this holiday, let me know how it goes. Some have said that they taste different, but what I’m really curious about are the undocumented “side effects.” Happy Valentines Day!
(UPDATE: I am happy to report (I think) that there was a surprise in my early Valentine's gift basket from hubby today. You guessed, it... it was full of those little green candies. Delicious, but I'm not sure yet if they are magical...)