Ask the Frugal Duchess a question! (Women of Personal Finance Spotlight)

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Myscha Theriault

Hi Sharon. So thrilled you're here. One thing I've noticed (or been refamiliarized with) while on the road temporarily is how difficult it can be to be frugal in large cities or while on the road juggling work, travel and navigation. So, I'm in the process of collecting some tips from urban experts. Got a great one you feel like sharing?

Myscha: Thanks so much for your note. I'm thrilled to be here.

One of my top pursuits while traveling: Finding free wi-fi spots for my laptop.

The following website -- www.wififreespot.com -- is great for tracking down free wireless connections in different states and cities.

While traveling, I like to ask the locals (friends, business associates and family) for fun-n-free or frugal activities. In New York, insiders will tell you to take a roundtrip on the Staten Island Ferry, which is free. It's a cheap way to catch a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty and it's a great ride!

Frugal Food on the Road: When I was traveling in Washington, I purchased fresh fruits, yogurts and cake from a grocery store. My DIY breakfast buffet was much cheaper than the $8-a-person menu in the hotel.

But I'm preaching to the converted. Myscha: You could (and should) write a book on frugal travel tips! Thanks for the question.

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Ginger

Congratulations on your success! Can you tell us how you started the process of writing a book?

Did you know what you wanted to write about for a long time or did it just evolve?

Did you pitch your book to several publishers? What was that process like?

How do you balance blogging and a family? How are you able to maintain a good work-life balance or is that something you struggle with?

Ginger: Thanks so much for the kind words.

I started writing a book in 1985. The final project (23 years later!) emerged as part memoir and part how-to-book. The book includes essays from my mid-20s, when I was a shoe model/waitress/editorial assistant in New York City. Other parts of the book are just months old and were written shortly before publication in early 2008.

The memoir portion of my book includes stories about my unusual grandmothers and the Depression-era childhoods of my parents. That material has circulated through my keyboard in various forms: standard memoir, thinly disguised fiction and essays.

Over the years, I've approached various agents and publishing figures. My heart and pride have felt multiple stings of rejection. But I continued to write and stopped trying to please an imaginary audience.

Fortunately, my newspaper career and my blogging life provided doors and windows into a different kind of book. I owe a lot to an agent named Bob Mecoy, who suggested --several years ago-- that I write a frugal living book that combined a narrative with my newspaper columns about saving money.

He even suggested that I start blogging, which provided me with more material and confidence. The folks at DPL Press -- including the wonderful Mary Hunt -- spotted one of my posts and asked if I had interest in a book project.

About the family: I'm working on getting more balance into my life. I worry that I don't spend enough time with my children. I recently started a full-time job for a large non-profit company and it's a balancing act. But I realize --really, really -- how fortunate I am.

Thanks for asking. I think I may have treaded into TMI land, but I'm just trying to be real.

Thanks Ginger!

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Will

Sharon might be experiencing some technical difficulties due to tropical storm Fay. But she promises to drop in as soon as she's back online.

In the meantime, please feel free to keep posting questions.

Will:
Thanks for your patience with my posting in this forum. I am so delighted to be here!

The big drama about the storm involved all the preparations: Water, canned food, batteries, etc. We take storms seriously: A few years ago, we lost electricity and running water for an extended period during Hurricane Wilma.

Fortunately, during Tropical Storm Fay, damage and disruption were minimal, with a little bit of flooding, some power outages and delays.


Thanks for asking! Thanks for inviting me to the forum.

[Alpha Mom]

How did you get a cool title like the Frugal Duchess?

Sorry if this is already common knowledge. I just started reading your blog Sharon after finding the links from Wisebread. So far I love what I'm reading.

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Alpha Mom

How did you get a cool title like the Frugal Duchess?

Sorry if this is already common knowledge. I just started reading your blog Sharon after finding the links from Wisebread. So far I love what I'm reading.

First: The name Alpha Mom is great. Now that sounds like a book title.

Thanks so much for writing to me. It means a lot.

I'm glad that you like the Frugal Duchess title. I came up with the name in the fall of 2005 when I first started blogging.

The goal: It was a search for a name that suggested thrifty living with style. Frugal worked and Duchess sounded like a lofty title that was not too played out. Besides, I was too old to be a princess and queen sounded too matronly.

Thanks for asking. Thanks for finding the link. It's so nice to get feedback.

[Will]

Welcome Sharon!

shoe model/waitress/editorial assistant in New York City

And you've only just started watching Sex and the City?

To what extent do you identify with Carrie's character? What kind of advice would you give her about love, shopping, writing, and shoes?

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Will

Welcome Sharon!



And you've only just started watching Sex and the City?

To what extent do you identify with Carrie's character? What kind of advice would you give her about love, shopping, writing, and shoes?

Hey Will:
Yeah! I just started watching Sex and the City and I have walked a mile in her shoes.

Here are:

5 Shoes Ties Between Carrie Bradshaw & Me

1. Shoes: I used to collect shoes. At one point, I had over 50 pairs of shoes in my closet. However, whereas Carrie B. wears expensive Manolo Blahnik shoes ($400-$600), I collected discounted high-end shoes from Marsalls. I've purchased BCBG shoes for $22-29. (Full price: triple digits!) Nine West shoes for $6 and other bargains.

But my frugal shoe fetish was dangerous. On the screen, Carrie B. and her pumped-up fictional friends are aware of their expensive foot path. I lacked self-awareness and honesty. With my bargain shopping, I could easily trick myself into believing that I was really saving money. Ha!

Eventually, I started investing more energy (and dollars) in soulful pursuits and spending less on the soles of my feet. Of course, my heart still beats faster when I find a great deal on pretty shoes, but I can walk away from the shoe rack with my budget intact.

2. The Keyboard Connection: Carrie B. is a newspaper columnist. I'm a newspaper columnist. We both write from our personal observations. We both write about important issues: Carrie B. writes about sex; I write about money.

3. New York Lives: Carrie could have been one of my neighbors. In fact, I'm convinced that I once bumped into her at a small grocery store in Manhattan.

4. Mr. Big: No comment. TMI. (too much info.)

5. Valuable Friends: Carrie's close relationships with her friends are wonderful. Her friends provide free therapy sessions and column fodder. I can relate to those close connections. Even when my bank account was depleted, I've always felt rich in friendships.

My advice to Carrie:

#1 Forget the labels. In fact, by the end of the Sex and the City movie, she marries Mr. Big in a no-name dress at City Hall. This event takes place after their initial broken engagement and cancelled big-ticket reception with the over-the-top wedding gown. Clearly, Bridezilla had a high-profile meltdown!

At the end of the day, Carrie realizes that The Dress, The Label, The Reception shouldn't overshadow the real milestones of life. She frugally takes vows in a plain suit.

Part of me wishes that we were all born smart and could just skip all of our financial, personal and professional meltdowns. Why can't we go straight to the happy ending and the credits?

But that insight leads me to my second piece of advice for Carrie B.

#2 Enjoy the journey. It's all a process. I've learned about living frugally and meaningfully through excessive mistakes. Errors can pay long-term dividends or at least provide material for a blog post if we're honest enough to examine our mistakes.

Thanks for asking Will. Thanks for asking me to participate in this forum.

[Myscha Theriault]

Sharon, I know we touched on this lightly in New York, but really we ran out of time.

Any tips on protecting your time without having to be short with those who just don't seem to "get" the writing lifestyle? I feel I'm very patient, but admit to really needing some ideas for this . . .

[soupkitchen96]

I really liked your recent article about teaching your daughter the "truth" behind friendly sales clerks. It's a tough lesson. I'm a grown man and I still have a tough time saying no to friendly (and cute) sales clerks.

Do you have any additional tips on how to make kids more savvy shoppers?

There's a lot of great material on your blog. How much of that is in the book? Is it all new material or a "top ten hits" compilation? Either way congrats!

[Frugal Duchess]

Originally Posted by Myscha Theriault

Sharon, I know we touched on this lightly in New York, but really we ran out of time.

Any tips on protecting your time without having to be short with those who just don't seem to "get" the writing lifestyle? I feel I'm very patient, but admit to really needing some ideas for this . . .

Hey Myscha: When we chatted in New York, the topic of time-management intrigued me also. Your ideas about the frugal and meaningful use of writing time were great!

I've been working on creating better priorities. And for me that means spending more time thinking and less time writing. I'm dangerous to myself (and to the written word) when I hit the keyboard without a plan or outline. So I'm working on these steps:

1. What is the most significant long-term project on my plate? That question helps me figure out where I should spend my energy.

2. Am I lying to myself about my ability to complete 2,000 assignments in 24 hours? (That's a big one!)

3. Is this someone else's emergency? Am I trying to play the hero at my own expense? Will my kids pay for my hero-delusions?

4. Will I get paid? It's admirable to work for free, but at some point the bills need to be paid.

5. When will I get paid? Ditto.

6. Am I being paid enough? Ditto.

I've also become better about telling people upfront about the limitations of my time, talent and good will.

When all else fails, I'll work all night with lots of coffee.

But really, Myscha: I'd like to hear more of your ideas on this topic! Are you going to write a blog post on the topic of frugal time use?

Thanks for asking!!! Sharon