Annoyingly competitive friends and neighbors

belle2p · 01-03-2008, 05:48 PM

I have a neighbor who is always subtly dropping hints about how much money they are spending. They constantly tell us the purchases they've made and then ask us why we haven't made the same upgrades.

Generally theses things don't bother me, but I think it bothers my husband who is a very competitive person. He gets especially embarrassed when the neighbor's kids come over and show off their new toys. Now I've noticed my husband is beginning to deviate from our usually frugal lifestyle.

Does anyone else have annoying friends or neighbors who are always showing off? Does it make you or your spouse feel competitive? I really hate to lose our nest egg because my husband can't get over his need to keep up with the Joneses.

amandajane · 01-03-2008, 10:30 PM

My former flat mate is a techno freak. He has to upgrade all his entertainment equipment as new stuff comes out. Not that he needs to as the stuff he's got is better than most people have. He just brought a huge plasma tv. It doesn't bother me. I had a 14 inch portable tv for five years before I brought my last one. I certainly won't be upgrading any time soon. Keeping up with the Jones's is just too tiring and expensive.

zen · 01-03-2008, 11:37 PM

Yes, I do have a neighbor like that but I don't let it bother me. It is their right to spend what they want. I wouldn't be the wiser even if they had financed all their purchases through credit card debts. Hence, it is better to just be yourself. Do your honest day's work and live within your own means. We don't have to live for others so don't worry what they say!

Quote:

Originally Posted by belle2p

I have a neighbor who is always subtly dropping hints about how much money they are spending. They constantly tell us the purchases they've made and then ask us why we haven't made the same upgrades.

Generally theses things don't bother me, but I think it bothers my husband who is a very competitive person. He gets especially embarrassed when the neighbor's kids come over and show off their new toys. Now I've noticed my husband is beginning to deviate from our usually frugal lifestyle.

Does anyone else have annoying friends or neighbors who are always showing off? Does it make you or your spouse feel competitive? I really hate to lose our nest egg because my husband can't get over his need to keep up with the Joneses.

Savio · 01-04-2008, 02:43 AM

I got friends who buy whatever the latest hype is like the best laptop, new iphone and other gadgets.

The best thing to do is ignore them. And try to make most of what you already have instead of dishing out money on something you don't require in first place.

lucille · 01-04-2008, 11:50 AM

I have had coworkers who were constantly like that. They had to make sure everyone knew they had a massage scheduled at 10 that day and that they do it every week. New sports cars, diamonds, vacations you name it. There were two people I worked with that were totally neurotic about just having to make sure people knew they had expensive things. Most normal people were not running around announcing their new car purchase or stopping everyone to demand they pay attention to their new diamond. They would always make a point to ask me why I didn't have diamonds, drove an older econobox car blah blah blah. It seemed to really crush them when I told them I simply had no interest in buying a sports car or owning diamonds.

We have one set of neighbors that seems to spend their entire paycheck at Walmart. They constantly have new things, none of them particularly nice. Tons of new toys on a weekly basis. A kindergarten age daughter that has more clothes than a super model. I really can't wrap my brain around it. Their daughter wears perfume and makeup at that age. All she talks about is the new stuff they bought. I find it a bit bizzare and disturbing rather than jealousy.

Isis Uptown · 01-04-2008, 02:36 PM

I agree with making the most of what you have. I guess it makes your neighbor feel better to boast. People have different ideas of what is valuable.

My husband and I own the ugliest house for blocks (a brick ranch-style house in uptown New Orleans, amidst "double shotgun" houses and Creole cottages); we keep it as nice as we can, but we can't turn it into a Creole cottage, so we don't try. We did put up a fence, on which we've gotten many compliments, but we did that to keep the dog in! Our house if valuable to us because it's a comfortable house in a nice neighborhood, and it has a rental unit. Even if we wanted an "upgrade" like a hot tub, we've no room to put it.

Gootsy · 01-04-2008, 02:51 PM

this doesn't bother me much at all.

In the past I've used this opportunity to try and get something that they just replaced for cheap/free. I've gotten a perfectly good TV (very good), side table(ok), lamps (as good as new), and speakers(decent).

Tennessee Riddle · 01-04-2008, 08:30 PM

What you guys need are competitively frugal neighbors. I've been trying to out-thrift one of mine for months. (When I started making my own laundry detergent I thought I had her. Turns out she had been using the same recipe all year.) Thankfully, she is unaware that I'm in an undeclared contest and the whole thing has deteriorated into a spirit of cooperation, friendship, and the sharing of bulk food orders.

jaimekristen · 01-05-2008, 07:59 AM

I think the Jones live next door to me. They have everything anyone could ever want, 4 cars, a camper, plasma tv, a new house, something new every week! I am a very competitive person, but I realize that I have the things that matter. They are in debt and struggling to make ends meet.

I am so thankful for my situation, I am debt free. I stay home with my son and work part time, my husband works from home. My neighbors want to desperately stay home with their son but they can't. Time beats toys any day in my book.

Philip Brewer · 01-05-2008, 05:47 PM

My wife and I mock people who spend vast amounts of money on stuff that seems pointless to us. We don't do it to their faces, but privately we say things like, "Can you imagine spending that much money on a car?" "Who needs one of those?" "What can she be thinking of?" "Aren't you glad we don't have to pay for that? It'd be like supporting a whole 'nother person!"

It's a way of building family solidarity. It also offers a preemptive strike against any "keeping up with the Joneses" attitude that starts to creep in.

It also gives us a chance to check one another's thinking--either one of might say, "Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't mind having one of those." And then we can talk about buying one. But our default attitude tends to be, "Who needs one of those?"

01-03-2008, 05:48 PM	#1
belle2p Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 3 Reputation: (10)	Annoyingly competitive friends and neighbors I have a neighbor who is always subtly dropping hints about how much money they are spending. They constantly tell us the purchases they've made and then ask us why we haven't made the same upgrades. Generally theses things don't bother me, but I think it bothers my husband who is a very competitive person. He gets especially embarrassed when the neighbor's kids come over and show off their new toys. Now I've noticed my husband is beginning to deviate from our usually frugal lifestyle. Does anyone else have annoying friends or neighbors who are always showing off? Does it make you or your spouse feel competitive? I really hate to lose our nest egg because my husband can't get over his need to keep up with the Joneses.

01-04-2008, 02:43 AM	#4
Savio Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 53 Reputation: (20)	I got friends who buy whatever the latest hype is like the best laptop, new iphone and other gadgets. The best thing to do is ignore them. And try to make most of what you already have instead of dishing out money on something you don't require in first place. __________________ A man should control his life. Mine is controlling me. --Rudolph Valentino.

01-04-2008, 02:36 PM	#6
Isis Uptown Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: New Orleans, LA Posts: 16 Reputation: (10)	I agree with making the most of what you have. I guess it makes your neighbor feel better to boast. People have different ideas of what is valuable. My husband and I own the ugliest house for blocks (a brick ranch-style house in uptown New Orleans, amidst "double shotgun" houses and Creole cottages); we keep it as nice as we can, but we can't turn it into a Creole cottage, so we don't try. We did put up a fence, on which we've gotten many compliments, but we did that to keep the dog in! Our house if valuable to us because it's a comfortable house in a nice neighborhood, and it has a rental unit. Even if we wanted an "upgrade" like a hot tub, we've no room to put it. __________________ Rosencrantz: I've frequently not been on boats. Guildenstern: No, no... What you've been is not on boats. Tom Stoppard

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01-03-2008, 10:30 PM	#2
amandajane Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Zealand Posts: 417 Reputation: (191)	My former flat mate is a techno freak. He has to upgrade all his entertainment equipment as new stuff comes out. Not that he needs to as the stuff he's got is better than most people have. He just brought a huge plasma tv. It doesn't bother me. I had a 14 inch portable tv for five years before I brought my last one. I certainly won't be upgrading any time soon. Keeping up with the Jones's is just too tiring and expensive.

01-04-2008, 11:50 AM	#5
lucille Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 510 Reputation: (33)	I have had coworkers who were constantly like that. They had to make sure everyone knew they had a massage scheduled at 10 that day and that they do it every week. New sports cars, diamonds, vacations you name it. There were two people I worked with that were totally neurotic about just having to make sure people knew they had expensive things. Most normal people were not running around announcing their new car purchase or stopping everyone to demand they pay attention to their new diamond. They would always make a point to ask me why I didn't have diamonds, drove an older econobox car blah blah blah. It seemed to really crush them when I told them I simply had no interest in buying a sports car or owning diamonds. We have one set of neighbors that seems to spend their entire paycheck at Walmart. They constantly have new things, none of them particularly nice. Tons of new toys on a weekly basis. A kindergarten age daughter that has more clothes than a super model. I really can't wrap my brain around it. Their daughter wears perfume and makeup at that age. All she talks about is the new stuff they bought. I find it a bit bizzare and disturbing rather than jealousy.

01-04-2008, 02:51 PM	#7
Gootsy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 252 Reputation: (24)	this doesn't bother me much at all. In the past I've used this opportunity to try and get something that they just replaced for cheap/free. I've gotten a perfectly good TV (very good), side table(ok), lamps (as good as new), and speakers(decent).

01-04-2008, 08:30 PM	#8
Tennessee Riddle Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 15 Reputation: (10)	What you guys need are competitively frugal neighbors. I've been trying to out-thrift one of mine for months. (When I started making my own laundry detergent I thought I had her. Turns out she had been using the same recipe all year.) Thankfully, she is unaware that I'm in an undeclared contest and the whole thing has deteriorated into a spirit of cooperation, friendship, and the sharing of bulk food orders.

01-05-2008, 07:59 AM	#9
jaimekristen Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 8 Reputation: (10)	I think the Jones live next door to me. They have everything anyone could ever want, 4 cars, a camper, plasma tv, a new house, something new every week! I am a very competitive person, but I realize that I have the things that matter. They are in debt and struggling to make ends meet. I am so thankful for my situation, I am debt free. I stay home with my son and work part time, my husband works from home. My neighbors want to desperately stay home with their son but they can't. Time beats toys any day in my book.

01-05-2008, 05:47 PM	#10
Philip Brewer Wise Bread Blogger Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Champaign, IL Posts: 51 Reputation: (15)	My wife and I mock people who spend vast amounts of money on stuff that seems pointless to us. We don't do it to their faces, but privately we say things like, "Can you imagine spending that much money on a car?" "Who needs one of those?" "What can she be thinking of?" "Aren't you glad we don't have to pay for that? It'd be like supporting a whole 'nother person!" It's a way of building family solidarity. It also offers a preemptive strike against any "keeping up with the Joneses" attitude that starts to creep in. It also gives us a chance to check one another's thinking--either one of might say, "Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't mind having one of those." And then we can talk about buying one. But our default attitude tends to be, "Who needs one of those?"