How do you teach your kids that 'things' are not important.

[kav122]

How much detail do you let your kids know about your finances, Lynnae?

I'm just wondering how far to take it, because I don't mind sharing every detail with them, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do, either.

[jdp]

I knew I'd seen something related to this recently. Found it:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB120468099339812197.html

If you look at the one about "wish lists" - that really works. Even before I read this article I was doing this with ds. Came about one Christmas when I was done shopping early and had gotten him something he 'really wanted' and by the next month he'd forgotten about it.

[kav122]

Hey, thanks, jdp...if I had it my way I WOULD turn him into a "money-saving automaton", but I guess I see the value in both

[Lynnae]

Originally Posted by kav122

How much detail do you let your kids know about your finances, Lynnae?

I'm just wondering how far to take it, because I don't mind sharing every detail with them, but I don't know if that is the right thing to do, either.

I don't share a lot of detail yet. I mainly compare prices. You could buy a toy for $10, or for $10 everyone in our family could buy a one day pass to the community swimming pool and have enough left over for ice cream afterwards. Things like that.

I do let them know that nobody has unlimited amounts of money. And I talk a lot in generalities. I let them know that it's important to save some of our money and give some of our money.

My kids are only 10 and 5, so I haven't felt the need to go into in-depth discussions about our finances. I'm sure the subject will come up when they apply for college financial aid though.

[Julie Rains]

I think kids are influenced by their peers and though you can't pick their friends, you can influence who those kids are -- usually the kids with all the stuff hang around other kids with the same things, and they are children of people who place a high value on things (designer labels, cell phones at 10, etc.).

Though just b/c a kid has a cell phone doesn't necessarily mean their parent's values are not where yours are but it is an indicator. Example: I have a divorced friend whose son got a cell phone at 12 -- but she does that b/c he spends weekends with his dad (and his girlfriend) and his dad doesn't have a landline. So, naturally, she wants him to be able to contact her in an emergency.

We know some other folks who just had to get their child a cell phone at age 11 and yes they seem obsessed with having more and more stuff. The kid didn't abuse the cell phone (he did use it responsibly) but the parents would rely on him calling rather than keep up with schedules about when and where he needed to be picked up, etc. But honestly, these people are the exception in my world.

I'm using the cell as an example not that I think anything is inherently wrong with them.

I never bought designer clothes for my kids -- when my oldest was a fifth grader, he came home and wanted to know who Tommy Hilfiger was.

I haven't taught my kids everything I think they should know about money -- yet. But at some point, they have to learn on their own what they should value though you can create the environment for them to learn. Letting them have other adults as friends is useful to letting them see something other than their friends' perspectives.

[Kathryn]

I've got two thoughts on the matter:

(1) you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink, and you can lead your kids to your values, but you can't make them think like you think.

(2) The more zealous you are about your values, the more likely you are to push your kids in the opposite direction.

Actually, a third thought occurred to me, which is that if you really want your kids to share your values, your best bet is to live in a community of people who also share them.

[Kathryn]

Originally Posted by kav122

All great ideas!

Have either of your kids gotten to the age where they can throw it up in your face that you're frugal (How come I never get this or that! Why can't I go to Europe?! You make me dress like a poor kid! etc, etc.)

Do you think that the first 10 or so years of teaching them the right thing means that they won't do this to you when they are pre-teen/teenagers?

Just preparing, you know

LOL, no doesn't work. (Mine are 10 and 13)

My main strategies right now to inject some realism into their wishes are to (a) make them work for a lot of the things they want, and (b) make them understand that there is a definite dollar figure I have in mind for what I am willing to spend on their wants, both on a day-to-day basis and for things like birthdays and Christmas, so that if they want one big thing, that's about all they'll get for that occasion for for a while.

It's interesting, because the two of them are actually very different in their relationships with money and stuff. The 13-yo is a bit obsessed with wealth and blinginess (and has been for a long time--he went through a long period of earlier childhood being obsessed with limousines). He remembers the time when we were pretty poor, and does not want to revisit that time, that's for sure! He tends to go for high-dollar items, but only a few of them, and he actually uses his expensive stuff all the time (he basically spends all his time while not in school on his laptop, listening to his iPod, or playing his violin). My 10-yo daughter, OTOH, likes to just surround herself with cheap stuff, most of which she uses for a short while and then forgets about.