How do you teach your kids that 'things' are not important.

[kav122]

I get it. You get it. We all get it or we wouldn't be in this forum:

Things do not define us!

I think that we all have learned this over the years, and although my parents were very frugal, I went through my own consumption stage.

I want to teach my child from my mistakes, and I have this frightening re-occurring daydream of my sweet little one year old turning into a scary, demanding consumer.

I can just hear it "I want this, I want that! Gimme, gimme, gimme!"

I would like your opinions on what I can do to keep this from happening and teach my son now that things are not important--while I can!

[72Tiger]

-turn off the tv as much as possible

-expose him to people who don't have all the stuff - when he gets old enough volunteer together in a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, etc. seeing people who don't have anything helps put all we (even the frugal non materialistic) have in perspective.

-have him some way contribute to earning the things that he wants

-encourage him to support a charity of his choosing in some meaningful way

[Milehimama]

I try to help them see "through" the ads. Ask questions - do you think if you got that doll you would not ever have any problems again? Does having that brand of yogurt for a snack really make kids like you? Do they become REAL friends?"

And, my often repeated brainwashing mantra:
People before things.

At our house, if a thing causes people to fight, be mean to each other, etc. then that thing is GONE for the day at least no matter who was at fault.

I also encourage and help them buy presents for their siblings, dad, etc. from their allowance for birthdays. It might just be a pack of M&M's or something, but THEY bought it with their own money as an act of love.

[kav122]

All great ideas!

Have either of your kids gotten to the age where they can throw it up in your face that you're frugal (How come I never get this or that! Why can't I go to Europe?! You make me dress like a poor kid! etc, etc.)

Do you think that the first 10 or so years of teaching them the right thing means that they won't do this to you when they are pre-teen/teenagers?

Just preparing, you know

[lucille]

We try to downplay the "things" issue at home. We try to not make birthdays or holidays focused heavily on what your going to get. We work out purchases with both of the kids. They say they want something, if we say they can get it we work through the cost vs. value and they usually are part of the purchasing process. We look at quality, function, cost and how to weigh them in deciding what one is the best value. MP3 players and clothes are good examples. We worked through this with our teenager. He was set that he needed an iPod because all the marketing says that is "the" MP3 player and what his peer group wants. When we actually worked through the features vs. cost he decided an iPod was overhyped and overpriced. The fact that iPods are more proprietary in how you put music on them vs. other MP3 players where you can dump pretty much any MP3 on them along with storing data files etc. sold him on the cheaper players. His friend bought an iPod, had problems understanding the file transfer process and already broke it.

Another strategy we use is if you really want whatever the non-essential item of the week is, you earn the money to buy it. This goes for our 9 year old and our teenager. We will offer them various odd jobs that need doing as a way of earning money. Many times this makes them stop and really look at the price vs. the benefit when it is their money and labor not mine. 9 times out of 10 they decide the item really isn't that great if it is their money.

Probably the best consumer lesson ever was our teenager and his cell phone. He had been begging for one for his 16th birthday. We bought him a pay as you go phone and a minutes card. The deal was that he had to earn the money to keep it going. He got to see how fast service companies can make your money disappear. He had to deal with customer service to get some unauthorized charges off his account. It also pushed him to get a summer job to help fund his status symbol.

[jdp]

I don't try and teach him this one. I think its a lesson he'll learn better by experience. But I do make sure I am vocal about my own feelings. Once he asked me (after seeing some sad news) "What would we do if we lost all our things in a fire mom?" And I said "Move on, start over and be happy we were all ok." I hope its those kinds of words from me, not harping, just sharing that he'll learn from. And I think its spot on for him because then in those sort of times its his own thoughts (and he's 5) to "take them some of my toys?".

He's known since he could speak that things cost money and has had $ to spend and make his own decisions with. I just use his own circumstances and questions to get him thinking. "Gee, wouldn't you have $10 for that if you hadn't been buying all those $1 toys?"

[rstlne]

My parents did that by setting a good example. Other than necessities, they bought stuff for themselves only rather infrequently. When I graduated from college and started a new job, I did buy a number of things I wanted but soon fell back into frugal habits and deep discount shopping.

[kav122]

I am re-reading a book I got when I was pregnant, and it is saying a lot of the same things that you guys are saying:

"Teach Your Children Well: Helping Kids Make Moral Choices" by Don S. Otis

I agree that the best way seems to be setting a good example. I guess I just get a little neurotic when I see other kids in the neighborhood and the way they act. This stems from not only being around adults that "misbehave" but also the limited exposure to teenagers I get from the train, grocery store, etc.

I also agree that teaching your kids about money from a young age, making them work for it--in addition to "family chores"--and teaching them the value of giving can increase their general morality exponentially.

[lucille]

Originally Posted by kav122

I agree that the best way seems to be setting a good example. I guess I just get a little neurotic when I see other kids in the neighborhood and the way they act. This stems from not only being around adults that "misbehave" but also the limited exposure to teenagers I get from the train, grocery store, etc.

I think more rubs off on your kids that you realize. Both of ours get exposed to the marketing messages and other kids who are obsessed with "stuff". Some of these circumstances have presented good ways to point out other people's behavior. Like people living beyond their means, being heavily in debt for those things, having stuff instead of other more valuable things in their lives.

[Lynnae]

I do a lot of things already mentioned. Another thing I try to do is emphasize choices. Instead of saying "we can't afford xxx", I tell the kids that we have choices as to where we spend money, explain priorities and why I feel that saving money for an emergency is more important at the moment than buying the latest toy. Or I explain that we are choosing to give our money to charity to buy food for a child who doesn't have any, rather than spend money on another gadget for the house, when we don't really need it.

I think if kids learn to prioritize things, they struggle less with wanting to buy more and more. That being said, I think some of it just comes down to personality. My daughter is a born saver, and my son seems to be a born spender.