Peer Pressure to Spend

Rebecca · 01-10-2008, 04:26 PM

I'm really frustrated right now. Today I got an email from a co-worker (also close friend) with a list of fun things to do for the upcoming weekend - a "champagne tasting" evening for $25, restaurant week (3 courses for $35), etc. At the end of the email she wrote "Remember - you only live once!"

I don't have money for this. And I don't need the temptation.

She knows that. I had announced last week how much I was in debt and that I had cut up my credit cards. She really didn't say much when I told her. She knows I've been looking for a part time job. The thing is, she doesn't have $ to be doing these kind of social outings, either. She just charges everything (like I did). While she doesn't have as high of a student loan payment as I do, she's still in bad finances like I am.

What really irked me, though, was not the email but the comment "Remember - you only live once!". I thought that was kind of rude. Am I overreacting?

And how do you deal with friends who aren't on board with your frugality?

Mal Reynolds · 01-10-2008, 05:27 PM

It is helpful to have a group of frugal people to keep you grounded. That's why I come to Wise Bread to get support and perspective when things like this happens.

Quote:

a "champagne tasting" evening for $25, restaurant week (3 courses for $35), etc. At the end of the email she wrote "Remember - you only live once!"

There are a lot of great things to experience in life without spending a ton of money. Instead a $35 meal, maybe you can explore some exciting ethnic restaurants. The really authentic ethnic restaurants are usually dirt cheap. They are not easy to find and you do need a sense of adventure to enjoy them. But remember, you only live once.

Joanne · 01-10-2008, 05:31 PM

Yes, we only do live once. That's a good perspective to keep in mind. If the activites she e-mailed you about are things that you're really interested in, maybe you can save up and go at another time. But if you have no interest in even going, then don't sweat it.

Gootsy · 01-10-2008, 06:59 PM

I usually lie in cases like these.

Like, if I've got a few bucks spent on my Credit Card, I act like it's maxed out.

Or if I'm hovering around the top of my budget, I just say I've already spent too much this month and am struggling to get a handle on things.

Or just say you have other plans, things you have to take care of.

But yeah people trying to get me to spend money on stuff get on my nerves as well. Just last weekend someone I've only known for a couple months tried to get me to buy a car (any car). I'm like, "You know I live in a super central area right? Almost everything I need is within walking distance or 1 short bust ride? That I live close to work as well? That the costs of Insurance/gase/repairs and just buying the thing, do not justify the once a week/month it could come in handy?!?!?!?!" That shut them up hehe.

And yeah you know these people who're trying to get you to spend spend spend are jealous and want to drag you down with them

.

Rebecca · 01-11-2008, 04:05 AM

It especially bothers me because she knows how psyched I am to get out of debt. This isn't the first time I've told her my situation. I'm totally up for doing things that I can afford - which isn't much...If there were things that I really wanted to do, I might splurge on it...but for now, I have a goal and I really want to stich to it...

Will · 01-11-2008, 05:24 AM

Maybe you can take a rain check on those activities?

Tell her that you love her plans, but you will enjoy them even more in the future when you can do them guilt free!

kav122 · 01-11-2008, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Will

Maybe you can take a rain check on those activities?

Tell her that you love her plans, but you will enjoy them even more in the future when you can do them guilt free!

I agree! I know that it is hard, though, and peer pressure can be horrible. My husband and I are working very hard now to be completely debt free and although they do not know the specifics, my co-workers often make little remarks like "can you AFFORD to go out to eat with us?" "your financial situation" etc. I don't know why it irks me but it does. I guess because we are not drowning in credit card debt, but we are just working hard to get the house and student paid off super early. I mean they make it seem like I am about to be on welfare or something.

But that is exactly why so many people ARE in debt--because they are trying to keep up with everyone else (who are way over their own heads). I say stick to your guns and even be more blunt by saying "you know I can't afford those things! I am working really hard here to get out of debt and it would be great if you could support me."

Don't let this "friend" push you around! You only live once, you should live life in a way that makes YOU happy!!

windycindy · 01-11-2008, 11:38 AM

I am always totally honest! Even in stores where I use to frequent and they employees would tempt me! I tell them that I am a member of Debtor's Anonymous ( which I am ), and then say I can't spend today. No matter whether a person has a spending problem like me, or just not enough money at the time, be honest!

Ronni · 01-12-2008, 02:48 PM

Avoidance is a pretty good tactic.

If I go to the mall to get one thing or so, I know to avoid walking down a certain stretch of kiosks. Those salespeople (who always claim they're not on commission, yeah right) are SO high pressure that it's almost impossible to resist them. I keep my headphones in, don't make eye contact, and walk purposefully.

I don't really have that problem with friends. But there seems to be an unwritten rule. Whoever makes the plans pays the bill. Most of my friends are aware that I'm on a budget, and if one of them suggests we go out to dinner or whatever, he or she knows that he or she will have to pick up the tab, and it's always communicated upfront. Otherwise, I'm going to say "no."

I still get the occasional "You HAVE to get this book" or whatever, and I usually ignore it, or say "Oh, I will read it, once it's available at the library." That kind of reminds that person of my budget situation and the person backs off.

VaranusK · 01-12-2008, 04:04 PM

You are free to do whatever you want with your life, moeny and time. So, if you definitively want to go there, save from another place and go. And if not, don't feel bad for it.

I read somewhere a nice tip, change "I can't" for "I don't want" and then ask yourself why you don't want it. Maybe you don't want to go because it would mean you have less money for books, or because you should work 5 hours more. You will find your reasons.

01-10-2008, 04:26 PM	#1
Rebecca Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 96 Reputation: (32)	Peer Pressure to Spend I'm really frustrated right now. Today I got an email from a co-worker (also close friend) with a list of fun things to do for the upcoming weekend - a "champagne tasting" evening for $25, restaurant week (3 courses for $35), etc. At the end of the email she wrote "Remember - you only live once!" I don't have money for this. And I don't need the temptation. She knows that. I had announced last week how much I was in debt and that I had cut up my credit cards. She really didn't say much when I told her. She knows I've been looking for a part time job. The thing is, she doesn't have $ to be doing these kind of social outings, either. She just charges everything (like I did). While she doesn't have as high of a student loan payment as I do, she's still in bad finances like I am. What really irked me, though, was not the email but the comment "Remember - you only live once!". I thought that was kind of rude. Am I overreacting? And how do you deal with friends who aren't on board with your frugality?

01-10-2008, 05:31 PM	#3
Joanne Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Originally from New York City, now in Florida since 2002. Posts: 131 Reputation: (43)	Yes, we only do live once. That's a good perspective to keep in mind. If the activites she e-mailed you about are things that you're really interested in, maybe you can save up and go at another time. But if you have no interest in even going, then don't sweat it. __________________ My Myspace Page Forever Parents Adoption Shop

01-11-2008, 11:38 AM	#8
windycindy Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 26 Reputation: (10)	Peer Pressure! I am always totally honest! Even in stores where I use to frequent and they employees would tempt me! I tell them that I am a member of Debtor's Anonymous ( which I am ), and then say I can't spend today. No matter whether a person has a spending problem like me, or just not enough money at the time, be honest!

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01-10-2008, 06:59 PM	#4
Gootsy Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 239 Reputation: (24)	I usually lie in cases like these. Like, if I've got a few bucks spent on my Credit Card, I act like it's maxed out. Or if I'm hovering around the top of my budget, I just say I've already spent too much this month and am struggling to get a handle on things. Or just say you have other plans, things you have to take care of. But yeah people trying to get me to spend money on stuff get on my nerves as well. Just last weekend someone I've only known for a couple months tried to get me to buy a car (any car). I'm like, "You know I live in a super central area right? Almost everything I need is within walking distance or 1 short bust ride? That I live close to work as well? That the costs of Insurance/gase/repairs and just buying the thing, do not justify the once a week/month it could come in handy?!?!?!?!" That shut them up hehe. And yeah you know these people who're trying to get you to spend spend spend are jealous and want to drag you down with them .

01-11-2008, 04:05 AM	#5
Rebecca Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 96 Reputation: (32)	It especially bothers me because she knows how psyched I am to get out of debt. This isn't the first time I've told her my situation. I'm totally up for doing things that I can afford - which isn't much...If there were things that I really wanted to do, I might splurge on it...but for now, I have a goal and I really want to stich to it...

01-11-2008, 05:24 AM	#6
Will Administrator Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 343 Reputation: (19)	Maybe you can take a rain check on those activities? Tell her that you love her plans, but you will enjoy them even more in the future when you can do them guilt free!

01-12-2008, 02:48 PM	#9
Ronni Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chicago, IL Posts: 92 Reputation: (25)	Avoidance is a pretty good tactic. If I go to the mall to get one thing or so, I know to avoid walking down a certain stretch of kiosks. Those salespeople (who always claim they're not on commission, yeah right) are SO high pressure that it's almost impossible to resist them. I keep my headphones in, don't make eye contact, and walk purposefully. I don't really have that problem with friends. But there seems to be an unwritten rule. Whoever makes the plans pays the bill. Most of my friends are aware that I'm on a budget, and if one of them suggests we go out to dinner or whatever, he or she knows that he or she will have to pick up the tab, and it's always communicated upfront. Otherwise, I'm going to say "no." I still get the occasional "You HAVE to get this book" or whatever, and I usually ignore it, or say "Oh, I will read it, once it's available at the library." That kind of reminds that person of my budget situation and the person backs off.

01-12-2008, 04:04 PM	#10
VaranusK Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 66 Reputation: (10)	You are free to do whatever you want with your life, moeny and time. So, if you definitively want to go there, save from another place and go. And if not, don't feel bad for it. I read somewhere a nice tip, change "I can't" for "I don't want" and then ask yourself why you don't want it. Maybe you don't want to go because it would mean you have less money for books, or because you should work 5 hours more. You will find your reasons.