Cash/Check Gift Etiquette

[khorrell]

I have a question for you all - what do you do if you receive a gift of cash, in a check form, that you are not comfortable cashing (for whatever reason - they can't really afford it, it is a silly gift giving occasion, you sent out a baby announcement and they felt obligated to send you a gift.)

Usually it is a well-meaning relative who wants to send a gift for a birthday/anniversary/random holiday but doesn't know what to send. So they send a check.

99% of the time, I do not want to cash these checks. Sometimes I just rip them up, sometimes I cash them out of fear of messing up their accounting. At least when they were baby gifts, I could put them in the child's account and tell them in the thank you that it went for college!

Any thoughts?

[Kathryn]

Who are you, their mommy?

Sorry to be brusque, but it's not your job to decide what someone else can or cannot afford, or when they should or should not send you a gift. You're basically telling them they don't have enough common sense to manage their own money or figure out the social etiquette of gift-giving.

Cash the check, spend it on something or some activity you think they would appreciate knowing you bought or did, and write them a nice thank-you note describing the nice thing you bought and how it makes you think of them every time you see it/you thought of them while enjoying the experience they funded. Then you have given them a gift as well!

[diegosmama]

Thats tricky because I have felt the same way. I do believe it is a fine line, and you risk insulting the gift giver, whether you are trying to be gracious or not.

[purplefdu]

You definitely risk insulting them, upsetting their accounting and making them just think twice about ever sending another gift. If its more than you think is necessary for the occasion perhaps ask for a smaller check, but don't just not cash it at all. Many people equate spending with feeling good so its not your place to tell them they can't afford it. If they really can't (as in you know they are risking foreclosure this month, going through bankruptcy hearings, etc) perhaps find a way to cash it but put it toward their bills or buy them something they need instead.

[Megan]

I have family members who never cash checks from the grandparents. And the grandparents just end up getting angry, because they think the checks were lost, or that the family members are just so spoiled that they don't "need" the money and it's not worth anything to them.

I say cash it. The depositing into an account for the kids is a great idea - my parents made us do this when we were kids, and when I turned 18 and needed the money, I realized what a good idea that was.

[rstlne]

This discussion reminded me of the Pledge Drive episode of Seinfeld. Jerry Seinfeld hadn't been cashing birthday checks from his grandmother for years. Then one day, he cashed those checks and his grandmother's account got overdrawn.

The lesson: Either cash those gift checks promptly or never cash them at all. That's because after a while, the check giver will assume that you aren't going to cash the check and will stop accounting for it.

[hermione]

Our grandmother was one of those who always sent cash or checks in a birthday card. I think she started doing this after we'd reached a certain age because she lived far away and didn't really know what sort of things we were into. When we were little, we liked cats and she would send us a kitten calendar each year.

But when we got older, she had a harder time trying to figure out what we might or might not like, and it would have been a waste to buy something we didn't like and mail it to us. So she would send us $10 or $20 (I think it started at $10 and increased by a $1 each year until 20) and tell us to go to a movie or buy something for ourselves we really liked. I think we often ended up saving it.

So I think it was easier and less expensive for her to send money than mailing a gift. Besides, she has 9 kids and 8 out of 9 of them have at least 2-4 kids, so she had a lot of birthdays to remember and deal with.

Grandparents often really want to feel like they helped make your birthday nice in some way because, this sounds dorky, but when you're happy, they're happy. So I say, accept it graciously and like Kathryn said, write them a nice note thanking them and telling them what you did with it and how much you appreciated their gift.

If you decide to save it, tell them that you decided to put it away for a rainy day. There's nothing like a little prudence in an offspring to make a grandparent proud.

[Gootsy]

My Grandpa called me up a week before Christmas telling me what my gift was going to be... 2500 bucks

Without even thinking I said, "Wow thanks, but I think you should keep it." I've just been doing so well financially for the last 8 months, that I couldn't accept it. I realized after why he offered that amount.

Because he gave my sister his old car, and he recently (november) gave her money to pay for a new engine (which was a lot). He's also been paying for much of my cousins schooling expenses. So I guess to make it fair, he wanted to give me the equivalent of what they've gotten, in cash.

A few days later I said to myself, "OMFG are you retarded?" But he gave me 200 bucks instead, which was still quite nice

[hermione]

Originally Posted by Gootsy

My Grandpa called me up a week before Christmas telling me what my gift was going to be... 2500 bucks

Without even thinking I said, "Wow thanks, but I think you should keep it." I've just been doing so well financially for the last 8 months, that I couldn't accept it. I realized after why he offered that amount.

Because he gave my sister his old car, and he recently (november) gave her money to pay for a new engine (which was a lot). He's also been paying for much of my cousins schooling expenses. So I guess to make it fair, he wanted to give me the equivalent of what they've gotten, in cash.

A few days later I said to myself, "OMFG are you retarded?" But he gave me 200 bucks instead, which was still quite nice

OUCH! But what a nice grandpa! He'll probably try to find more ways to even it out later on.

[peg42]

I would cash the check. They will be hurt if you don't. However, I would try to repay them indirectly with a little white lie. Maybe some food that you got a "great sale on" or something like that.