Help me I suck at telling jokes

lazy23 · 09-27-2009, 03:53 AM

I'm just not one of those people who can tell funny stories or jokes.

Do you guys know of any somewhat clean and easy to remember jokes? OK they don't have to be super clean, but at least try to keep non-xrated.

smoothc · 09-30-2009, 03:27 PM

lazy23: it smells like up dog..
someonelse: what's up dog?
lazy23: nothing much, you?
haa get it?

trustno1 · 10-03-2009, 08:47 AM

"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw."

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, You.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Hi there! Can I buy you a drink? or do you just want the money?

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words..."mank" and "ind". What do these two words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is Mankind...

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they are kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

You know, it is a fact that 9 out of every 4 people, have trouble with math.

Hey, that's a nice tie...did you make it yourself?

Kids are just like having little roommates, who do not pay rent.

Why do people give "their two cents' worth", when you only offer them "a penny for their thoughts"?

People make things way too difficult. Here are some tips...

-It is easy to lose weight...just have all of your teeth pulled.

-An easy way to remember a person's name after you meet them is to introduce yourself first, then just after the person introduces themself...punch them in the face.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect, why practice?

What happens when you say "hi" to your friend on a airplane, whose name is "Jack" ?

Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?

What does the tooth fairy do with all of the teeth she collects?

I feel much more like I do now, than I did a little while ago.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl to marry him.
She said "NO".
So the guy lived happily ever after,

the end.

rafa · 10-05-2009, 06:45 PM

Fake it, to make it?
Act as you say it. ^^

michellescott200 · 10-06-2009, 11:23 AM

you can improve on that, there are books that will teach you good jokes and the way it has to be told, including actions, facial expressions etc.

goodluck!

Mich
chiropractor marketing

starshard0 · 10-06-2009, 01:27 PM

A salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down in front of a farmer's house.

As he walked up to the door, he noticed a three-legged pig in the front yard.

After using the farmer's phone to call a tow truck, he asked the farmer, "say, what's with the three-legged pig out front?"

"Oh that's a great story," replied the farmer. "Just this past summer we were all sleeping out in the barn. A fire broke out and that pig there woke us all and saved our lives."

"Well, that IS a great story, but that doesn't explain why your pig only has three legs."

"Son," said the farmer, "a good pig like that you don't just eat all at once!"

CheapZilla · 10-06-2009, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazy23

I'm just not one of those people who can tell funny stories or jokes.

Do you guys know of any somewhat clean and easy to remember jokes? OK they don't have to be super clean, but at least try to keep non-xrated.

Just do a quick search on Google or Yahoo. You will receive tons of sites with daily jokes, user submitted jokes, etc.

pinchy · 10-14-2009, 10:40 AM

a naked guy wrapped in seran wrap walks into a psychiatrists office and the psychiatrist goes "i can clearly see your nuts"

09-27-2009, 03:53 AM	#1
lazy23 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 42 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (15)	Help me I suck at telling jokes I'm just not one of those people who can tell funny stories or jokes. Do you guys know of any somewhat clean and easy to remember jokes? OK they don't have to be super clean, but at least try to keep non-xrated.

10-03-2009, 08:47 AM	#3
trustno1 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Rocky Mtns, Colorado, USA, Earth Posts: 266 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 9 Posts Reputation: (26)	"The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw." Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, You. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. Hi there! Can I buy you a drink? or do you just want the money? Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words..."mank" and "ind". What do these two words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is Mankind... To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they are kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. You know, it is a fact that 9 out of every 4 people, have trouble with math. Hey, that's a nice tie...did you make it yourself? Kids are just like having little roommates, who do not pay rent. Why do people give "their two cents' worth", when you only offer them "a penny for their thoughts"? People make things way too difficult. Here are some tips... -It is easy to lose weight...just have all of your teeth pulled. -An easy way to remember a person's name after you meet them is to introduce yourself first, then just after the person introduces themself...punch them in the face. If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect, why practice? What happens when you say "hi" to your friend on a airplane, whose name is "Jack" ? Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together? What does the tooth fairy do with all of the teeth she collects? I feel much more like I do now, than I did a little while ago. Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl to marry him. She said "NO". So the guy lived happily ever after, the end. __________________ "Think Less, Act More...Life is Short"

10-06-2009, 11:23 AM	#5
michellescott200 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	Help me I suck at telling jokes you can improve on that, there are books that will teach you good jokes and the way it has to be told, including actions, facial expressions etc. goodluck! Mich chiropractor marketing

10-06-2009, 01:27 PM	#6
starshard0 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Monterey, CA Posts: 608 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts Reputation: (13)	A salesman was driving through the countryside when his car broke down in front of a farmer's house. As he walked up to the door, he noticed a three-legged pig in the front yard. After using the farmer's phone to call a tow truck, he asked the farmer, "say, what's with the three-legged pig out front?" "Oh that's a great story," replied the farmer. "Just this past summer we were all sleeping out in the barn. A fire broke out and that pig there woke us all and saved our lives." "Well, that IS a great story, but that doesn't explain why your pig only has three legs." "Son," said the farmer, "a good pig like that you don't just eat all at once!" __________________ Why should you read my blog? Because I'm awesome, that's why. من جون جالت؟

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09-30-2009, 03:27 PM	#2
smoothc Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 2 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	lazy23: it smells like up dog.. someonelse: what's up dog? lazy23: nothing much, you? haa get it?

10-05-2009, 06:45 PM	#4
rafa Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Australia, Sydney Posts: 19 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post Reputation: (12)	Fake it, to make it? Act as you say it. ^^

10-14-2009, 10:40 AM	#8
pinchy Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 11 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Reputation: (11)	a naked guy wrapped in seran wrap walks into a psychiatrists office and the psychiatrist goes "i can clearly see your nuts"