Marriage advice for a younger guy

[starshard0]

Hey everyone! I'm 19, in the military, and getting married in two weeks. Does anyone have any advice on things to do or NOT to do when I'm married? We've already got a rough budget system worked and we've talked about how spending and saving will be handle in our household, but any other advice (or expansions on those topics) would be super helpful. Thanks in advance!

[Julie Rains]

Congratulations! Here is a link to an article on money for newlyweds from Bridal Guide. One thing that I think couples need to discuss is a limit on big purchases -- how much can either of you spend on one item or per month without questions asked.

Are you looking for marriage advice or money in marriage advice?

[starshard0]

Pretty much any advice would be good. I've learned a lot from the people in my life who are happily married as well as those who aren't, but I always like to learn new things.

[purplefdu]

Remember that being married in the military is completely different than an other type of marriage. There are some great forums out there for help/support when you not available (assuming you get sent overseas at some point or even if you don't). The ladies are a wealth of knowledge over what to do and who to do it through, etc. I can't find the one I used to belong to, but below is another I have heard good things about.
http://www.soloops.com/
Make sure she has contact information for the ombudsman, etc before you leave and knows who to call for things, especially housing (if you don't rent off base/etc), ID cards, car ticker, commissary, etc. Having contact info and knowing who is in your unit/section of the crew is also a great relief.

Try to remember to do things you did before you got married. Its so easy to become different people and lose sight of what you saw in each other since its no longer as obvious. If you used to enjoy going out but stay home to save cash, try and go out just less often.

Don't go to bed angry/sleep on the couch. Talk it over, be reasonable. Remember you aren't identical. If she likes fish and you hate it, eat it for dinner anyway or go out so no one has to give up their differences.

Remember there is a difference between privacy and keeping secrets. My husband knows the password to my accounts/computer but doesn't use them since there is nothing I keep from him without reason (such as a gift purchase). This does not mean I spend money other than bills without telling him.

Retirement savings/IRAs are a necessary beast. Even if you contribute less than the maximum every year. If they are there you are more likely to put money in them when you have extra.

Never underestimate the impact of a hand written note and a flower. An e-mail or text message is quicker but nothing says I cherish you like a written love note and a flower picked just for her.

If you view marriage like job (but a fun one, lol) and put time and effort into it like any other job you will never be disappointed. I got married at 25 (my husband went to a job fair to find a job and decided to join the Navy ) and just celebrated my 4th anniversary. You will hear you are too young, etc. Everyone is different. Take your time, don't have kids before you are ready. After you have kids it won't be just the two of you for many years (if ever). I've heard the first five years are the hardest in a marriage, as well as any financial strain. As long as you're willing to stick it out and work together you'll do just fine.

Congrats on the impending marriage.

[khorrell]

Wow! That is some exciting news! I can't even imagine being a newlywed again (for the good reasons and the bad ones There is so much to deal with all at one time...getting used to this other person, setting up a household, paying bills, etc. I would say that other than communication and cooperation, being aware that it is a challenging process is pretty important. If you know it is hard, it doesn't seem so frustrating when it IS hard.

Good luck to you!

[starshard0]

Thanks everyone, that's some great advice there purple. A lot of people have told me I'm too young, but at the same time they tell me I'm mature and wise for my age. I guess they can't make up their minds.

[the weakonomist]

I did a guest post on the blog From Single To Married about the finances of post-honeymoon marriage. It's a good starting point. I'm a little bit older than you but am getting married this year. Good luck with the wedding and thank you for your service to our country.

[starshard0]

Originally Posted by fast1

have you guys got any savings plan/ insurance? i think you should look into that[IMG]http://*********.com/img/3322/n09x0302vnsn/clear.gif[/IMG]

I'm in the Army so life and health insurance is covered, and I've got a savings plan worked out.

[flipchick1127]

Don't listen to people who tell you that you are too young. I got married almost a year ago and I am only 21. So far, being married has been the best! If it is right, then it is right. My only financial advice would be to always talk to your spouse about your finances. Don't spend money (unless you are buying her a gift ) without telling her. Also, set some goals together. Where do you want to be in 5 years? In ten years? In fifty years?

My final piece of advice, and it isn't completely financial, is to listen to each other and be willing to compromise. Whenever m husband and I compromise, we feel even closer to each other afterward.

Congratulations!

[starshard0]

Compromise is really important to me, but I don't want to have to compromise on matters of personal finance that result in spending unnecessary money. I think a tight budget will clear everything up beforehand though.