Do "nice guys" really finish last with women?

[sloria1]

Originally Posted by Miss Rosie

A few phrases I love to hear from men when our needs collide:

"That wouldn't be convenient for me. Can we do it some other time?"
"I'm sorry, I really can't."
"I'd rather not. How about we do _______ instead?"
"That doesn't interest me. Why don't you ask a friend to go with you?"
"It really bothers me when you _________________."

Great insight! While I am aware of my own needs and interests, I suppose I can be bad at saying "no" sometimes. Because of it, I've done favors that have taken too much of my time. I have a new resolution for 2008: Learn how to say "no," and say it.

[Megan]

To me, there's a difference between a nice guy and a pushover. And I think every girl has had the crush on the bad boy, but in the end, a lot of women would prefer a nice guy to spend their lives with.

A nice guy isn't someone who agrees with me all of the time. But he is someone who respects my opinions and isn't afraid to offer his own. A nice guy is more than allowed to push back against me when he disagrees - and that's very much appreciated. A nice guy doesn't drop everything when I ask him for something (unless it is an emergency), but he is reliable and when he says he will do something, he will.

As an aside, I am a sucker for a guy who believes in chivalry. Even though I'm an independent woman, and don't need someone to open the door for me, a guy who can do so without making it awkward automatically gets points in my book.

[rainysparadigm]

In my opinion, this is two fold. One, there really are girls out there that simply can not strive in a healthy relationship. There's usually some deep rooted psychological damage that probably won't be undone no matter how 'nice' you are. Many of these fall under the 'drama queen' category, and it seems to be difficult for them to feel complete unless there's a crisis.

Second is like many others have said. Nice guys are great; pushovers are not. My SO falls under the 'nice guy/sweety' category and I was a little uncertain about that at first, me being quite the upfront and uhm opinionated sort. The he slugged a guy in the face for talking sh*t. We're engaged lol

[dapooh1]

There is a continuum between being a spineless doormat and a domineering jerk. I'm not interested in either extreme. I want someone who I can see as an equal in terms of having his own interests and values and confidence in his own identity but who will also respect my interests, values, and identity in return. (Hmm. Maybe I should post that on my eHarmony profile.)

[wildgift]

If you're a nice guy, get a "bad" outfit. The contrast might be interesting.

dapooh1: I like what you wrote. Is life really that easy?

I sense that the women here want a guy who has a strong sense of self. That may or may not come easily. I suspect it's not that easy, because a lot of guys (and girls) are taking shortcuts.

[amyschiff]

Originally Posted by wildgift

I sense that the women here want a guy who has a strong sense of self.

This is VERY true for me, as long as it doesn't go overboard and turn into egotism. Men with self-confidence are very attractive because they don't seem to be as needy.

[spencer]

I'm not a "nice guy" so I can't help you out here. You might enjoy this quote from Frank Zappa though:

"
I have a message to deliver to the cute people of the world...if you're cute, or maybe you're beautiful...there's more of us UGLY MOTHER***KERS out there than you are!! So watch out.
"

[Jason830]

I consider myself a nice guy...and I dont think I finish last

[Gypsypunk]

If you don't agree with what a woman wants, say so like, "No" or "I have another idea," or "How about..." or "We may try that later."

You may try a few things to please her, but if you're done with a few and you really do not want a repeat, make it apparent, in a nice way you can.

Make her laugh a lot.

Be unpredictable sometimes.

Be honest, 60% of the time ("nice guys" are honest about 30% of the time as they deny themselves for what they really want in front of a woman they try to please). But it does not mean you have to be liar 40% of the time. Just, think over, delay or "process" information you may not need to share immediately to the woman you want.