Do "nice guys" really finish last with women?

[KingSalesK]

The term "nice guy" is a personal opinion. However, we can clearly see the difference between nice guys and jerks. I perfer the ones who are nice enough to care but jerks enough to have their own thoughts and argue with. I'm sure some nice guys do finish last with women but at the same time they are the last ones to get with women and tend to be in religious families. When religion is brought into the picture the women want a man that is nice and generous, sweet and caring, and agreeable. Why, I'm not sure at all. At the same time some women want the nice guys because they are easy to walk on and usually can be complete push overs.

[FinanciallySMART]

Just being yourself is better. Having girls always coming and crying on your shoulders will not make it if you are in love with this person. Let the person know how you feel upfront because sometimes she likes you too but because you are sympathizing with her problems she thinks that you have no interest in her. To me it is best the guy is upfront with his feelings for me and then after discussing it then our friendship can blossom from there. Remember friendship is always better inside of a relationship but being the Mr. Nice Guy will not open the door for it.

[trustno1]

Here is the Cliff Notes version...lol (based on observation/experience)

If the guy is lower to middle income bracket, yes.
If the guy is upper income bracket, no.

If the guy has wealthy, elderly parents and lots of luck...maybe not

[Dias Lu]

When it comes to relationships, women tend to prefer guys who are more 'naughty', adventurous and confident. I guess such traits are not the usual nice guys' traits.

The usual nice guys traits tend to be caring, concern and very thoughtful. In the start of a relationship, it is usually the traits where the guy portrays his charm and confidence that makes women attracted to.

Once the relationship goes deeper, women will become more interested in a guy who is more caring and thoughtful because women at that stage are probably looking for stability. Its a cycle.

[oatmeal]

Being the nice isnt a pitfall at all. when i was a young lady i remember the nice guys were the ones i could always see myself with, treated me very well but very true some could eventually become very predictable but if that was a downfall to the relationship obviously it wasn't a good one. Although if you're on the opposite end of the spectrum it also isn't any good at all. The key is to hold stock on both ends of the game. Be nice and also be able to make decisions/ argue your point of view...

[trustno1]

Now that I have identified the problem, the hard part is to get over my insecurity. Does anyone else have experience getting over the "nice guy" syndrome?

The quickest route to changing your life, is to adjust (improve) your "attitude".
"Internal dialog" plays a pivotal in determining "where we are", "why we are there", and "where we are going" in life. There is more depth in the saying "You Are What You Think", than most folks take the time to ponder.

Focusing on past failures instead of future successes is a silent, but deadly killer (of self-esteem/self-worth). It is an unconscious cognitive process that goes unrecognized unless you make a conscious effort to monitor it. (which will reveal to you just how much it can impact your attitude).

An example:

You have just been in a car accident. Just to make my point more obvious, let's assume it may have been your fault...

After the accident, you have two basic options for what you do next:

1) (the most typical choice) You ruminate about things that have already happened... Poor you, why me, I should have done this, if only that, I could have, if I would have, how did this happen, why didn't, I never should have, this could have been avoided if, I was so stupid, this always happens to me...etc, etc. What does this accomplish? Basically, you are trying to "back out of an accident" which of course is impossible because you cannot change the past.

OR

2)You deal with the "clean up" details of a negative experience as quickly as possible, spending your time thinking about what you CAN do next. (that will be productive = improve your position!)

Why would anyone choose to waste additional time "prolonging the agony" of a negative experience that cannot be altered?

Same concept with your "women" issue. Calling it a "problem" requires "fixing" or "replacing" something "broken". It also implies to yourself that there is something "wrong" with you.

Try thinking this way..."If I could add some additional depth to my personality, I just might improve my luck with women. I already have nice guy thing going, to build on. Hey, it is worth a shot. I am going to try (this or that) and see what happens."

You get the idea, focus on your successes and anticipate positives... forget or minimize negatives.

FYI, generally speaking...it takes approximately 21 days to "change" a routine behavior. (try moving a light switch. You will keep swatting the old position for about 21 days before you go for the new location).


Just a thought...


or, you could use one of the "get rich overnight" suggestions on some posts, and just throw money around, which unfortuately, will probably work as well, or better...lol

[Dias Lu]

Nicely said Trustno1!

The part about the attitude is really very important. It decides everything. Those with a great attitude really stands out. Rock stars always have this attitude that makes girls just go all over them. It is just something that makes a big difference.

As a guy, its even more important! I mean who will fall for a gutless scaredy cat that whimpers? Got to have that attitude!

[trustno1]

"There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference. The little difference is attitude. The big difference is whether it is positive or negative."
-W. Clement Stone

[trustno1]

Being "nice", or a "nice guy" is the right thing to do.

"You should always treat others the same way you would expect them to treat you. That way, it makes it easier for everyone to identify you as a loser, so they can take advantage of you."


lol

[Ryan6]

Great thread OP...

The problem I see is that the "nice guys" tend to lack the confidence and self-esteem to approach such appealing women in the first place. The ones that get all the luck have a front and this front seems to be an attractive quality to women. Be nice, but try and work on your confidence (in my opinion anyway).