Engagement rings and communication

greasypigarvin · 08-19-2009, 10:14 AM

I would be surprised if 100% of the people on this forum are so "modern" that they're all about losing the surprise element of an engagement proposal, but understandably many PF blogs advocate talking with your SO about engagement rings.

I was just wondering if there's anyone else out there that finds such a conversation to be inherently difficult or tricky and how they dealt with it themselves.

My SO is extremely acute when it comes to these types of conversations, and would know that anything coming out of my mouth regarding this situation means I'm seriously considering it, not just something I'm asking to "shoot the breeze," and would tip her off.

We've been warding off queries from friends regarding when our time would come (partly because we've been together for a long time), and our default is to be demure and clam up or joke it off, so to start conversation now would be a telling sign.

Paul Van Lierop · 08-19-2009, 04:09 PM

I guess I may go against the grain, I'm all for the surprise. That's how I handled it when I proposed to my wife. Over the course of dating she would express interest in things as we dropped by the jewlery store windows and I took mental notes. But when the time came, I bought the diamond online (this was scary as it was 9 years ago) which turned out to be gorgeous and then I get it set at a local family jewelry store. She absolutely loved it and was completely surprised. I wouldn't have it any other way, it was an incredibly special time for both of us that we will never forget. It's time to play it sly, just work a trip by your mall jeweler and see if she wants to look, just don't prompt it yourself. Or if she has a girlfriend that you know wouldn't let your secret spill you could ask to help, but that's risky.

trustno1 · 09-17-2009, 03:14 AM

Women love surprises and love describing the details to their friends later even more.

This is no time to be "practical". You are popping the "big question", not interviewing a candidate for a job position, lol

Buy the biggest rock you can afford and go for it. You just give her the ring now. Then you both go back to the jeweler afterwards to select/design the setting. (or, if she says no, the time when you go alone to the flea market to sell the ring, lol)

That is the part where she takes over in the store, and you get to practice the role you will have for the rest of your life...nodding your head in agreement to everything she suggests, and not talking. hehehe

jcracker23 · 10-20-2009, 09:32 PM

Giving her a diamond engagement ring is one easy way to pop up the question you've been longing to say..that's all! surprises is special..just be yourself and do your own thing.

kaitlyn142 · 10-30-2009, 02:50 PM

Make sure you know what her opinions are. Does she care about diamond sourcing (blood diamonds)? Does she even want a diamond, or would she prefer a different gem? These things are important to many women. Ask her family and friends. It's not uncommon to ask her as a surprise and later pick put the ring together. As someone who was proposed to by a guy who didn't think about such things, I can tell you it makes a difference.

as you can guess, that engagement didn't last. My SO now knows to consult my sisters and not to go somewhere that uses blood diamonds.

08-19-2009, 10:14 AM	#1
greasypigarvin Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 17 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	Engagement rings and communication I would be surprised if 100% of the people on this forum are so "modern" that they're all about losing the surprise element of an engagement proposal, but understandably many PF blogs advocate talking with your SO about engagement rings. I was just wondering if there's anyone else out there that finds such a conversation to be inherently difficult or tricky and how they dealt with it themselves. My SO is extremely acute when it comes to these types of conversations, and would know that anything coming out of my mouth regarding this situation means I'm seriously considering it, not just something I'm asking to "shoot the breeze," and would tip her off. We've been warding off queries from friends regarding when our time would come (partly because we've been together for a long time), and our default is to be demure and clam up or joke it off, so to start conversation now would be a telling sign.

08-19-2009, 04:09 PM	#2
Paul Van Lierop Wise Bread Blogger Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Woodinville, WA Posts: 8 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post Reputation: (12)	Surprise is the Best I guess I may go against the grain, I'm all for the surprise. That's how I handled it when I proposed to my wife. Over the course of dating she would express interest in things as we dropped by the jewlery store windows and I took mental notes. But when the time came, I bought the diamond online (this was scary as it was 9 years ago) which turned out to be gorgeous and then I get it set at a local family jewelry store. She absolutely loved it and was completely surprised. I wouldn't have it any other way, it was an incredibly special time for both of us that we will never forget. It's time to play it sly, just work a trip by your mall jeweler and see if she wants to look, just don't prompt it yourself. Or if she has a girlfriend that you know wouldn't let your secret spill you could ask to help, but that's risky.

09-17-2009, 03:14 AM	#3
trustno1 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Rocky Mtns, Colorado, USA, Earth Posts: 266 Thanks: 0 Thanked 11 Times in 9 Posts Reputation: (26)	Women love surprises and love describing the details to their friends later even more. This is no time to be "practical". You are popping the "big question", not interviewing a candidate for a job position, lol Buy the biggest rock you can afford and go for it. You just give her the ring now. Then you both go back to the jeweler afterwards to select/design the setting. (or, if she says no, the time when you go alone to the flea market to sell the ring, lol) That is the part where she takes over in the store, and you get to practice the role you will have for the rest of your life...nodding your head in agreement to everything she suggests, and not talking. hehehe __________________ "Think Less, Act More...Life is Short"

10-20-2009, 09:32 PM	#4
jcracker23 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Buffalo, NY Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	Giving her a diamond engagement ring is one easy way to pop up the question you've been longing to say..that's all! surprises is special..just be yourself and do your own thing. Last edited by hermione; 10-21-2009 at 09:31 PM.

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10-30-2009, 02:50 PM	#5
kaitlyn142 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 15 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	Make sure you know what her opinions are. Does she care about diamond sourcing (blood diamonds)? Does she even want a diamond, or would she prefer a different gem? These things are important to many women. Ask her family and friends. It's not uncommon to ask her as a surprise and later pick put the ring together. As someone who was proposed to by a guy who didn't think about such things, I can tell you it makes a difference. as you can guess, that engagement didn't last. My SO now knows to consult my sisters and not to go somewhere that uses blood diamonds.

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