How did you deal with bullies?

[Sakura]

How did you deal with bullies when you were a kid? Did your approach change as you became an adult? Bullies aren't always physical. Sometimes an overbearing parent or sibling, a demanding boss or a stalkerish ex can all be bullies.

I was a pretty quiet kid. When other girls bullied me I usually just turn red and kept to myself. I realize now that's exactly what I do when my boss yells at me too!

[Joanne]

I was never bullied as a kid and I don't allow it to be done to me as an adult. My favorite quote, and one that I often discuss with my children, is "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" by Eleanor Roosevelt. I try and model assertiveness to my children and show them that I stand up for myself. We also talk about how most bullies have low self esteem and use bullying as a way to make themselves feel better.

[quitejaded]

This is a cool question, so I am going to bump it up.

When I was little, I was made fun of, not bullied, for being a cry baby. I kind of just ignored it. At the time I didn't really care about people.

In middle school, I was kind of bullied. Some boys when out of their way to make me sad. So, I used the fact I was a girl to get at them. I kind of got violent... but it worked! One of them even started giving me his lunch money. Girls don't bully well, they just ignore you. I didn't really care or notice at the time.

In high school, people talked about me behind my back. There was a boy who kind of bullied me. So I said "Excuse you, do you have an issue with me? If you do, I think you need to grow up and talk about it." and he said "no, I don't have an issue with you" so after that he kind of laid off. Any other boy who made fun of me after that, I just laughed it off.

Now, I am in college. I couldn't believe it, but I encountered a girl who decided she didn't like me. I asked her what's wrong and she said she just didn't like to be around me. I alter fond out she was going out of her way to tell people that she didn't like me. I decided there was nothing I could do but go on with my life, but it made me feel better that I didn't like her personality to begin with and niether did much anyone else.

So, I went from not caring to slapping boys to confronting boys to still confronting people then forgetting about it.

[alex]

This topic reminds me of an old favorite by VA: How To Fight - Violent Acres

[Annie]

In that total "sad clown" sort of way, I've always dealt with bullies through humor and not letting their insults get to me. When I was little, there was always a lot of verbal bullying, but I would just let it slide and kind of joke about how dumb it was. After a while, the other kids saw that I wasn't bothered by it and let it go.

These days I rarely get any mean remarks. And when I do, it's always something incredibly, terribly childish. My automatic response is to laugh at the bully and say something, "Seriously? Come on."

[Julie Rains]

[quote=Sakura;6992]Bullies aren't always physical. Sometimes an overbearing parent or sibling, a demanding boss or a stalkerish ex can all be bullies.
quote]

I agree with your definition. I think of bullies as anyone who tries to intimidate you and then control your actions, sort of like some of the people who sell financial services and products. I have learned to stay away from them -- too bad they spend so much of their efforts trying to intimidate rather than offer expertise.

Some bullies are relentless; others move on quickly.

[Megan]

I learned to just let the negativity roll off my back and ignore it. I realized that I'm better than that. It was hard, and to be honest, the bullies still bother me, but I've discovered that if I don't let them get their way, they eventually stop.

To a certain extent, this also works in the professional world. Of course, it's tough if it's a supervisor bullying you - you can't really ignore their demands (you can ignore comments and insults though). But I've discovered that if I just smile and go about my business and treat the bullies with respect and remain polite and friendly, they just give up and either ignore me or respect me as well.

[boba1212]

Originally Posted by Sakura

How did you deal with bullies when you were a kid? Did your approach change as you became an adult? Bullies aren't always physical. Sometimes an overbearing parent or sibling, a demanding boss or a stalkerish ex can all be bullies.

I was a pretty quiet kid. When other girls bullied me I usually just turn red and kept to myself. I realize now that's exactly what I do when my boss yells at me too!

I, too, was teased often for being excessively quiet. What I did as a child was become very withdrawn, and eventually the bullies forgot about/ignored me and went after more blatant targets.

As I grew older, I met some people who, over time, have actually admitted to disliking me at first (though over time we became friends). I asked them why and they said they'd mistaken my shyness as me being a snob. That remark blew me away and helped me reassess my outward attitude. Nowadays, I'm still shy and quiet, but I do smile and try to talk to people a friendly manner. So I guess my philosphy for dealing with adult bullies is to "kill them with kindness."

[Looby]

I too follow the "kill them with kindness" theory, in high school there was group of girls who actively ignored me and tried to encourage others to follow, I just went out of my way to talk to them and even gave them Christmas cards etc, eventually other people laughed at how silly they looked trying to ignore me when we were hanging out in the same group and they all started to be nice to me. It was hard though and I do remember going home for a cry at the end of they day. It has made me very aware of always including everyone in group situations though.

[purplefdu]

I've always just ignored them. We moved ALOT when I was a kid so I was always the new kid and the perfect target. I had one girl in the 6th grade throw my desk over with me in it and break my pencil. I righted my desk and got out a pen instead. Its never really bothered me much as I know they bully because they don't like themselves or have someone doing the same to them. I've been accused of being a snob because I'm quiet or angry because I tend to think as I walk and make faces, but thats what happens if you assume instead of asking.