Question for single people: Is Frugality a Dating Impairment?

[RickLee]

Thankfully, I am happily married to a fine woman who is not at all materialistic. We have both recently embraced frugality without regret.

However, when we dated, we did so rather lavishly. If I followed frugal ways in my single days, I wonder if I would have been considered "too cheap to date".

My question to the singles: Any one out there finding their frugality thinning out the crowd in a positive or negative way?

[Booksalemanager]

There are many ways to have dates that are cheaper that dont appear cheap.

One is summer/spring/fall go for a nice walk in a park. IMO its alot better than sitting in a theater and now getting to know the person your on the date with.

Many towns have free concerts etc, these can be more fun that ones you pay $50 a ticket for.

Also you don't have to spend $20+ a plate for a good meal. There are some meals I have had that cost $5 a plate that were more satisfying. Find out the type of food he/she likes and find a restaurant that is highly rated in your area without breaking the bank.

Another food related way is to learn to cook, you can cook a Tbone dinner for 2 for under $15 if you wait till the deal is right.

Cooking classes are another date night idea. These may cost money, but you get a meal and life long skills to go with it.


It would be nice to hear other ideas, even if you are married it doesn't mean you can't go on these frugal dates

[Cidre Jones]

Well, it's nice if you're dating a person who doesn't place that much value on "things".

You can be frugal and date if you're creative and smart about it. A guy cooking me dinner? I wouldn't even think of it as cheap, but rather romantic. A guy who goes to the bar with me and nurses one drink all night? A buzzkill and turn-off.

Personality also counts for a lot.

It makes it more difficult when you're out there playing the field (you often can't tell the bank account by the way someone dresses) but on the first or second date it'll determine who you want to keep seeing. The best "first" date I've had was just chilling at a guy's house playing Wii with a six pack.

[trustno1]

Ding,Ding *** Referee's time out for a brief reality Check***

Okeedokeeey, pop quiz...

1) Does anyone really believe women are more impressed with a "fugal" guy, than a guy spending "money" on a first date?

2) Is it a safe assumption to say that most women figure guys are probably trying to "impress" them on date by exhibiting "lavish" behavior, which will probably be significantly downsized should they happen to become "life-partners" some day? (visa-vee...frugal + more frugal = ?) lol

3) If either party is "sizing up" the other in terms of "future potential" using a "frugal slide ruler" on their dates...is one or both of them "barking up the wrong tree" to begin with?

4) Is it possible for a guy to spend "money" on a date, yet still give the impression he is "frugal" in important financial matters?

5) Is character assessed by frugality, or is frugality assessed by character?

6) If you feel compelled to assume an "out of character" role on a date to qualify for further consideration with your date, what are you accomplishing?

7) If a guy "spends" money, and having "money" can always turn into "having no money"...then isn't "confidence" the issue instead of "frugality"? In other words, if he spends money now, does he appear to have the ability to "make it" again, if he "lost" everything?

8) Women (and guys)... are you "yourself" on a date? Or are you "what you think you need to be"...(and will "fix" later).
....and which type of person would you rather date?

ok, "time in", back to the "game"...lol

[trustno1]

Oops, forgot to answer the question...
Here is my answer, (presented with my natural tendency to twist life into a distorted cartoon perspective...).

I guess I would describe the "crowd" as "gaining weight" in some areas, and "thinning out" in others...lol.

I am single again because of this "dating" issue. (My ex had a difficult time remembering you are suppose to stop "dating" when you get married, lol). I find that the older you become, the more this concept of "frugality" changes. Many women, understandable so, approach their failed marriage attempt at the dating world with redefined terms. Frugality in earnest is equated with "losers". Frugality backed by financially security is equated with "winner". Just like cyberspace, some people confuse reality with the disneyland world of the internet. lol

I just hide at home. It is not a good plan, but at least it is a plan.

[countingcoinsfinance]

I find dating extremely difficult when you are trying to live a frugal life style. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for the past year and a half, and while we do split the cost of dates, he pays for one i pay for the next one ect. however, it has been hard trying to convince him that sometimes you do not need to spends large amounts of money in order to have a good time.

I don't think it is nessesarily all dating that will be made harder, but simply cases where you and your partner have two diffrent ideas of how money should be handled. I think if you find someone of like minded ways you will have no issues, however if there are diffrences you will find it will be a constant tug between doing what you want to do, and what you can afford to do.

[codeyeti]

I find that girls who can't deal with me not spending a lot of money on them aren't worth dating anyway. If people can't enjoy just being in each other's company without breaking the bank then something's wrong IMO

[TJSmith]

I don't thing a man has to spend a lot of money on a date to impress me. As has already been mentioned, there are lots of fun things to do without breaking the bank. However, the deal breaker rears it's ugly head when a man spends lavishly on himself, but wants me to buy his dinner. In my position (self supporting since I was 16) I just want someone who is willing to take as much care of me, as I will of him. This is the perfect balance.

[ALIZEE2009V]

Thanks a lot for the tip![img]http://www.*********.com/img/4713/n09x0302vnsn/clear.gif[/img]

[trustno1]

I look at it this way...dating or anything else really...

If you are stepping out of your natural character (blowing money, etc) to "impress" someone, what exactly are you accomplishing anyway?

-you spent more than you normally would, so now you must either "continue the mirage" or "admit you are a fraud" at some point.

-if you blow some money, and she is "impressed", congratulations...you now have a golddigger for a girlfriend.

-if you feel the need to change character, what kind of future is there in any potential relationship?

-just be yourself. If you can't do that...wear a mask on your first date. It will have the same result as not being yourself will, only it will not cost you as much money...lol