The cost of having children - Page 2

Tennessee Riddle · 12-31-2007, 07:24 AM

Whether you have kids or not, it's great to think about flexible work arrangements. I work one 12 hour shift a week. Because I'm working part-time I have a higher hourly wage and I pay $0 for childcare. I'm actually making more than half of what I did working myself to the bone full-time. I'm a nurse, which is a great profession for flexible (albeit grueling) schedules. Many of my friends have worked part-time as lawyers, doctors, telemarketers...Some jobs just take more negotiation. I've also traded childcare with other friends working part-time. Just think of it...
-tax breaks for having dependants
-pay less taxes on your smaller salary
-excellent commute
-if you work part-time you may just save some money on zoloft or prozac

Think of all the money you'll save!!!!

rodaniel · 12-31-2007, 08:01 AM

My wife & I waited for a few years after we were married so we'd be more financially stable and just to allow for plenty of "us" time before crowding things in with children. However, once we decided the time was right to start trying, nothing happened. Try again. Nothing. Rinse. Repeat.

So, here we are married almost 12 years and we're about a month away from adopting the cutest little 20-month old boy from Russia. I more excited than words can describe at the prospect of finally becoming a dad. But at the same time, I'm also a bit worried that my son will be a little shortchanged with having a 44-year old dad instead of, say a 34-year old dad.

So, I'd say, don't wait. Even once you start trying, there could be plenty of delays and you'll still have time to strengthen your finances.

Rob

Emily · 12-31-2007, 08:33 AM

You should also think about the "selective squeamishness" involved in frugal childrearing: Cloth diapering added one load of laundry to my routine. I breastfed both my boys (they both refused to take bottles), and we went straight from nursing to smushed-up table food. We didn't buy a cradle/bassinette.

The people who say "there's no such thing as ready" are speaking more to the fact that unexpected expenses happen.

Some additional things to think about:

Even if you've decided pre-baby that you're going back to work, do the math without your salary. You may decide that staying home with your baby is preferable.

Make sure you have redundant childcare: Daily care and two or three backups.

hollyvangogh · 12-31-2007, 06:44 PM

I think your mom is right...no one ever feels like they're stable or knowledgeable enough to become a parent. Also keep in mind that the further over 30 you are when you give birth the higher the risk for health problems in the baby. I'd say give yourself a year or two to settle into married life and then go for it!

davoscat · 01-01-2008, 12:21 AM

Holly that sounds like a good plan... I'm touched by everyone's support. Thank you so much for sharing your stories.

Kav did play a bit dirty with her cute pictures. No fair!

It sounds like many of you have made a lot of sacrifices (I'll see you in line for the Zoloft Tennesse.) But it seems the consensus is that I can get through it, with some planning.

Quote:

Even if you've decided pre-baby that you're going back to work, do the math without your salary. You may decide that staying home with your baby is preferable.

This is very likely. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. Although while growing up I thought I would never pick the same life for myself, now that I'm older I realize raising a child might be more important to me than anything else I can do.

Quote:

So, here we are married almost 12 years and we're about a month away from adopting the cutest little 20-month old boy from Russia. I more excited than words can describe at the prospect of finally becoming a dad.

That sounds so exciting! I'm so glad it worked out for you. Make sure you come back and post lots of pictures. Your story has given me a lot to think about. I definitely shouldn't take this wonderful gift of motherhood for granted.

Livingalmostlarge · 01-01-2008, 12:43 PM

You have to be ready emotionally and timewise. Is it the right time if you are in debt payoff mode of working 2-3 jobs? Maybe not as much as someone working 1 job. Or working and going to school full time.

lazy23 · 01-01-2008, 02:01 PM

How do you know whether you are emotionally ready for a kid? What kind of feelings should I be looking for?

I'm a guy and when I play with my friend's kids or my little cousins I sometimes think about how great it would be to have one (or a couple) of my own. That feeling has been getting a bit stronger after I turned 30. Is that the male version of the bio clock ticking?

Moondogdesigns · 01-03-2008, 04:44 AM

I have taken a 2nd job to get myself out of credit card debt to afford the childcare costs associated with having a child. But everyone who works at my 2nd job tells me I am crazy for waiting. I say, I would be crazy to have a child with $40K in credit card debt, when I can avoid that. For me, until I can afford the $1K+ a month for childcare, I am going to wait to have children.

farley2k · 01-03-2008, 06:18 AM

Overall I agree with your mom that you will find a way, but I also think you can make it a lot easier on yourself with a bit of planning. Try to get out of debt, try not to take on new long term debts (ie don't buy a new car, new house), and try to build up some savings.

Plus, having children can be a lot cheaper than our society makes it out to be. There is a ton of stuff they sell which just isn't needed. If you breast feed your food costs are nil for the first years. If one parent can be a stay at home parent costs for day care are gone, and you can use cloth diapers pretty easily at home so that saves a lot of money too.

Good Luck!

Joanne · 01-03-2008, 07:07 AM

It's the type of thing you may never be financially ready for BUT you find a way when it's happening. Kids can be as expensive as we make them out to be.

My husband & I went from ZERO kids to THREE in one day. No, I didn't have triplets....we adopted three children through foster care (they were half-siblings). Here are some photos of them that are in my myspace album. (if anyone has a myspace page, feel free to add me as a friend)

After we adopted, we decided I would be a full time mom so we became a family of five on one income. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything! Our cars may be used and we may not go out to eat every night but my kids are happy and we're all healthy.

12-31-2007, 08:01 AM	#12
rodaniel Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Odessa, Texas Posts: 39 Reputation: (10)	Don't Wait My wife & I waited for a few years after we were married so we'd be more financially stable and just to allow for plenty of "us" time before crowding things in with children. However, once we decided the time was right to start trying, nothing happened. Try again. Nothing. Rinse. Repeat. So, here we are married almost 12 years and we're about a month away from adopting the cutest little 20-month old boy from Russia. I more excited than words can describe at the prospect of finally becoming a dad. But at the same time, I'm also a bit worried that my son will be a little shortchanged with having a 44-year old dad instead of, say a 34-year old dad. So, I'd say, don't wait. Even once you start trying, there could be plenty of delays and you'll still have time to strengthen your finances. Rob __________________ Life's a beach! \| http://www.2Dolphins.com/ Liam is finally home! \| Rob & Dede's Russian Adoption Journal

01-01-2008, 12:43 PM	#16
Livingalmostlarge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 36 Reputation: (10)	You have to be ready emotionally and timewise. Is it the right time if you are in debt payoff mode of working 2-3 jobs? Maybe not as much as someone working 1 job. Or working and going to school full time. __________________ LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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12-31-2007, 07:24 AM	#11
Tennessee Riddle Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 15 Reputation: (10)	Whether you have kids or not, it's great to think about flexible work arrangements. I work one 12 hour shift a week. Because I'm working part-time I have a higher hourly wage and I pay $0 for childcare. I'm actually making more than half of what I did working myself to the bone full-time. I'm a nurse, which is a great profession for flexible (albeit grueling) schedules. Many of my friends have worked part-time as lawyers, doctors, telemarketers...Some jobs just take more negotiation. I've also traded childcare with other friends working part-time. Just think of it... -tax breaks for having dependants -pay less taxes on your smaller salary -excellent commute -if you work part-time you may just save some money on zoloft or prozac Think of all the money you'll save!!!!

12-31-2007, 08:33 AM	#13
Emily Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 29 Reputation: (10)	You should also think about the "selective squeamishness" involved in frugal childrearing: Cloth diapering added one load of laundry to my routine. I breastfed both my boys (they both refused to take bottles), and we went straight from nursing to smushed-up table food. We didn't buy a cradle/bassinette. The people who say "there's no such thing as ready" are speaking more to the fact that unexpected expenses happen. Some additional things to think about: Even if you've decided pre-baby that you're going back to work, do the math without your salary. You may decide that staying home with your baby is preferable. Make sure you have redundant childcare: Daily care and two or three backups.

12-31-2007, 06:44 PM	#14
hollyvangogh Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Utah Posts: 30 Reputation: (10)	I think your mom is right...no one ever feels like they're stable or knowledgeable enough to become a parent. Also keep in mind that the further over 30 you are when you give birth the higher the risk for health problems in the baby. I'd say give yourself a year or two to settle into married life and then go for it!

01-01-2008, 02:01 PM	#17
lazy23 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 40 Reputation: (15)	How do you know whether you are emotionally ready for a kid? What kind of feelings should I be looking for? I'm a guy and when I play with my friend's kids or my little cousins I sometimes think about how great it would be to have one (or a couple) of my own. That feeling has been getting a bit stronger after I turned 30. Is that the male version of the bio clock ticking?

01-03-2008, 04:44 AM	#18
Moondogdesigns Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 1 Reputation: (10)	I have taken a 2nd job to get myself out of credit card debt to afford the childcare costs associated with having a child. But everyone who works at my 2nd job tells me I am crazy for waiting. I say, I would be crazy to have a child with $40K in credit card debt, when I can avoid that. For me, until I can afford the $1K+ a month for childcare, I am going to wait to have children.

01-03-2008, 06:18 AM	#19
farley2k Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 43 Reputation: (14)	Overall I agree with your mom that you will find a way, but I also think you can make it a lot easier on yourself with a bit of planning. Try to get out of debt, try not to take on new long term debts (ie don't buy a new car, new house), and try to build up some savings. Plus, having children can be a lot cheaper than our society makes it out to be. There is a ton of stuff they sell which just isn't needed. If you breast feed your food costs are nil for the first years. If one parent can be a stay at home parent costs for day care are gone, and you can use cloth diapers pretty easily at home so that saves a lot of money too. Good Luck!

01-03-2008, 07:07 AM	#20
Joanne Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Originally from New York City, now in Florida since 2002. Posts: 131 Reputation: (43)	It's the type of thing you may never be financially ready for BUT you find a way when it's happening. Kids can be as expensive as we make them out to be. My husband & I went from ZERO kids to THREE in one day. No, I didn't have triplets....we adopted three children through foster care (they were half-siblings). Here are some photos of them that are in my myspace album. (if anyone has a myspace page, feel free to add me as a friend) After we adopted, we decided I would be a full time mom so we became a family of five on one income. And you know what? I wouldn't trade it for anything! Our cars may be used and we may not go out to eat every night but my kids are happy and we're all healthy.