The cost of having children

davoscat · 12-28-2007, 04:18 AM

I had a long chat with my mom last night about whether I should plan on having children in the next 2-3 years (I'm barely 30 and I just recently got married). One of my arguments against having kids so soon was that we're not financially ready. She laughed. "If we thought like that none of you guys would be born!"

She insists that we should just have children and somehow everything will "find a way."

Is she right? Am I truly over thinking things? How much does it cost to raise kids? What kind of financial calculations did you make before you decided to bring a whole new human being into this world?

kav122 · 12-28-2007, 04:42 AM

I think that she is right...to an extent. And babies are only as expensive as you want them to be...to an extent. I think it is good to have the equivalent of at least 3 months of your salary saved up before you have the baby. I had short term disability, but I didn't get it right away, and because we had saved, we just moved my normal pay from savings to checking on payday. Believe me, this is a special time, and you don't want to be worried about money. We also wanted that money set aside, just in case (God forbid) something went wrong with the pregnancy/birth and we needed to hospitalize me or the baby.

Other than that, I mean, if you can afford to save up thousands of dollars to prepare for the next 18 years of having a child, then you can afford to have a kid. haha, just kidding. You do just make it work. We haven't noticed a huge difference in cost. I mean, diapers cost money, but so does going out and having dinner once a week with your husband--and since you won't be doing THAT anymore

---you find the money.

We do yard sales, and we told everyone that we know that we LOVE and APPRECIATE hand-me-downs, and you would be amazed at how many people are willing to clean that "junk" out of their house and pass it on to you.

More than the money, I would say, are YOU and YOUR HUSBAND ready? Have you travelled? Have you gotten all of the education that you will want for a while? Are you happy with your job or are you looking to switch? Are you planning to stay in the city you are living? While all of these things are possible with a baby, they are much easier without.

I guess my point is that if you are asking if you are financially capable, then you probably are--but don't forget to consider the other things, too! A baby is wonderful and fulfilling and I cannot explain how happy I am with a son, but your life changes DRAMATICALLY and you shouldn't let anyone push (or gently lead) you into that if you aren't ready.

davoscat · 12-28-2007, 07:15 PM

Quote:

and since you won't be doing THAT anymore ---you find the money

Thanks Kav, you just made me spill coffee all over my keyboard.

I suspect you are only half joking, though. That is one concern I have. I love children but I just got married. I do want to do all those wonderful things you mentioned like traveling with my husband, getting a more stable job (he is pretty set in his career, I am not).

I do get feel a twinge of jealousy when I see pictures like yours--happy mums holding their cute babies. You guys look so happy! I guess secretly I want to feel a piece of that happiness as well.

kav122 · 12-28-2007, 07:44 PM

yes, It is a very happy time, but it can also be stressful. Just like any other major change in your life, so it is much easier if you are a *little* prepared for it. And hey, after you find out, you still have nine months to plan, right?

Oh, and I was joking *maybe* haha! No, we have date nights, but it certainly isn't the same as getting home, thinking, 'hey, let's go out tonight and hang' and then hopping in the car. We can still do that if we are thinking a kid-friendly time, like going to the museum or the like

I'll leave it at this...don't let anyone pressure you into it. When you are ready, you will know it, and it won't be a here-and-there twinge that you want a kid, you will be thinking about it all the time!

As for the monetary aspect, I would say that you are probably in better financial shape than 90% of the people that have kids, so your mom knows what she is talking about. You will be fine, even if you find out you're preggers tomorrow. You'll make it work! Don't worry!!!

And in a shameless show of mommy-bragging, I am changing my profile pic so you can see my little one now (he was less than a month old in that avatar pic). So click on my profile so I can show off my little cutie! haha! jk

imagine girl · 12-29-2007, 02:48 AM

He's ADORABLE!

Great, now you've got my clock tick'n too....

kav122 · 12-29-2007, 11:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imagine girl

He's ADORABLE!

Great, now you've got my clock tick'n too....

Thanks!

Kiersten Kotaka · 12-29-2007, 01:05 PM

The biggest expense by far is childcare. Are you planning to stay at home and lose your salary, or pay for high quality child care which can be very expensive. Babies are worth every penny though. Good luck.

markster 32 · 12-29-2007, 04:15 PM

Our daughter was a bit of a surprise.

I skipped quite a few heart beats when my wife told me about the pregnancy. But other than that I have not regret one single moment of becoming a dad. Becoming a parent is quite a transformative experience. Suddenly the little things don't seem to matter as much. What car your neighbor is driving, what a jerk your boss is, or your favorite hockey team gets creamed in the finals. Things that used to matter a lot are now just background noise. Your life takes on a whole wonderful new meaning.

[I third on the cuteness kav122!]

JD McNugent · 12-31-2007, 04:58 AM

Doesn't matter how much you save, you can never be ready for it. Other than the child care, doesn't seem to be a whole lot of difference in our cost of living. What we were spending for drinks at a bar once or twice a week, dinners out, etc are now going to diapers, formula, and baby things.

lazy23 · 12-31-2007, 05:31 AM

If you have a large extended family you might get away with lower childcare costs. But just remember, if you ever take advantage of the "family childcare network," you'll be expected to return the favor one day.

Personally, I've taken care of enough baby cousins that I think if I ever have kids I should get free childcare FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!

12-28-2007, 04:18 AM	#1
davoscat Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 78 Reputation: (14)	The cost of having children I had a long chat with my mom last night about whether I should plan on having children in the next 2-3 years (I'm barely 30 and I just recently got married). One of my arguments against having kids so soon was that we're not financially ready. She laughed. "If we thought like that none of you guys would be born!" She insists that we should just have children and somehow everything will "find a way." Is she right? Am I truly over thinking things? How much does it cost to raise kids? What kind of financial calculations did you make before you decided to bring a whole new human being into this world?

12-29-2007, 01:05 PM	#7
Kiersten Kotaka Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 1 Reputation: (10)	Childcare The biggest expense by far is childcare. Are you planning to stay at home and lose your salary, or pay for high quality child care which can be very expensive. Babies are worth every penny though. Good luck.

12-31-2007, 04:58 AM	#9
JD McNugent Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Virginia Posts: 1 Reputation: (10)	Never a good time Doesn't matter how much you save, you can never be ready for it. Other than the child care, doesn't seem to be a whole lot of difference in our cost of living. What we were spending for drinks at a bar once or twice a week, dinners out, etc are now going to diapers, formula, and baby things.

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12-28-2007, 04:42 AM	#2
kav122 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 443 Reputation: (186)	I think that she is right...to an extent. And babies are only as expensive as you want them to be...to an extent. I think it is good to have the equivalent of at least 3 months of your salary saved up before you have the baby. I had short term disability, but I didn't get it right away, and because we had saved, we just moved my normal pay from savings to checking on payday. Believe me, this is a special time, and you don't want to be worried about money. We also wanted that money set aside, just in case (God forbid) something went wrong with the pregnancy/birth and we needed to hospitalize me or the baby. Other than that, I mean, if you can afford to save up thousands of dollars to prepare for the next 18 years of having a child, then you can afford to have a kid. haha, just kidding. You do just make it work. We haven't noticed a huge difference in cost. I mean, diapers cost money, but so does going out and having dinner once a week with your husband--and since you won't be doing THAT anymore ---you find the money. We do yard sales, and we told everyone that we know that we LOVE and APPRECIATE hand-me-downs, and you would be amazed at how many people are willing to clean that "junk" out of their house and pass it on to you. More than the money, I would say, are YOU and YOUR HUSBAND ready? Have you travelled? Have you gotten all of the education that you will want for a while? Are you happy with your job or are you looking to switch? Are you planning to stay in the city you are living? While all of these things are possible with a baby, they are much easier without. I guess my point is that if you are asking if you are financially capable, then you probably are--but don't forget to consider the other things, too! A baby is wonderful and fulfilling and I cannot explain how happy I am with a son, but your life changes DRAMATICALLY and you shouldn't let anyone push (or gently lead) you into that if you aren't ready.

12-28-2007, 07:44 PM	#4
kav122 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 443 Reputation: (186)	yes, It is a very happy time, but it can also be stressful. Just like any other major change in your life, so it is much easier if you are a little prepared for it. And hey, after you find out, you still have nine months to plan, right? Oh, and I was joking maybe haha! No, we have date nights, but it certainly isn't the same as getting home, thinking, 'hey, let's go out tonight and hang' and then hopping in the car. We can still do that if we are thinking a kid-friendly time, like going to the museum or the like I'll leave it at this...don't let anyone pressure you into it. When you are ready, you will know it, and it won't be a here-and-there twinge that you want a kid, you will be thinking about it all the time! As for the monetary aspect, I would say that you are probably in better financial shape than 90% of the people that have kids, so your mom knows what she is talking about. You will be fine, even if you find out you're preggers tomorrow. You'll make it work! Don't worry!!! And in a shameless show of mommy-bragging, I am changing my profile pic so you can see my little one now (he was less than a month old in that avatar pic). So click on my profile so I can show off my little cutie! haha! jk

12-29-2007, 02:48 AM	#5
imagine girl Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 53 Reputation: (12)	He's ADORABLE! Great, now you've got my clock tick'n too....

12-29-2007, 04:15 PM	#8
markster 32 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 5 Reputation: (10)	Our daughter was a bit of a surprise. I skipped quite a few heart beats when my wife told me about the pregnancy. But other than that I have not regret one single moment of becoming a dad. Becoming a parent is quite a transformative experience. Suddenly the little things don't seem to matter as much. What car your neighbor is driving, what a jerk your boss is, or your favorite hockey team gets creamed in the finals. Things that used to matter a lot are now just background noise. Your life takes on a whole wonderful new meaning. [I third on the cuteness kav122!]

12-31-2007, 05:31 AM	#10
lazy23 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 40 Reputation: (12)	If you have a large extended family you might get away with lower childcare costs. But just remember, if you ever take advantage of the "family childcare network," you'll be expected to return the favor one day. Personally, I've taken care of enough baby cousins that I think if I ever have kids I should get free childcare FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!