Couples: Do you seperate your finances?

[SherryTX]

My husband and I don't currently, but I am wondering if it may be a good idea. I do all the book keeping as well as planning and executing of the budget. However, I am wondering if it would just be a whole lot easier to seperate our finances? Maybe have one shared checking account for combing funds to meet shared expenses (kid needs, groceries and housing for example), but each of us have a seperate account to deal with bills that may be listed individually (such as a few credit cards, cell phone, car payment, etc.).

I have talked to a couple of people over the past few years that have done this, but not many. What do you think? Are you doing this now - why or why not? Is it more difficult or easier? And if one makes substantially more money than the other, how do you figure shared expenses - 50/50 even split, or other way?

Thanks!

[trustno1]

Just my opinion based on personal experience. What you describe is what I call an option in "co-habitation", lol. Looks good on paper though, doesn't it...

If married, I would call it "planting the seeds of divorce", lol. I believe the only "separation" of finances that is realistic, is each spouse having their own account for "mad money". This is not an account to eventually purchase a boat, lol. It is a nominal amount giving each spouse the freedom to purchase small personal satisfactions without feeling they need "approval". Like a new tool or magazine subscription, etc.

FYI, it does work well after a divorce, at least for my ex anyway...I pay all of my expenses, and most of the kids expenses covered under child support payments, and then I give her a child support check. Sound a little repetitive? Funny, it does to me too, lol. But it seems to work very well, as long as I do not complain...hehehe.

[ModernTightwad]

I agree with trustno1, separating the finances after marriage sounds like the first step towards being single. It will most likely be perceived as a lack of trust and seems like a great way to begin building resentment. What's going to happen when what one person can afford to do, the other can't? Is one person going to be forced to keep account of how much they are paying for the other person?

I think that personal finance is better as a team sport. I would look at the underlying causes as to why you want to do this; maybe you just need to start working at your finances more together, period.

However, in the event that you are bound and determined to separate this out, the best way to do it is the law of percentages. If party A makes 60% of the household income, and party B makes 40%, then that is the amount they are responsible for joint expenses, and they are each responsible for their individual.

But seriously how do you determine what a joint expense is? When I was in school we read The Joy Luck Club, and what struck me most was when one of the girls had a split finances situation, something to the effect of she had to pay him back at the end of the month if his grocery receipts included her tampons. Who wants to live like that?

[trustno1]

The "separate accounts" concept is another one of those ideas that always makes me think of an all too common statement I hear married people say...particularly those with kids...

"Well, I deserve to have a life, too!"

That makes as much sense to me as trying to convince your new spouse that you can continue seeing your old boyfriends/girlfriends as "friends", after you get married. lol

Here is a concept ...

This IS your LIFE! You do not get to "keep" the old one! There is only one life going on. You trade one lifestyle for another. You do NOT hang on to the previous pre-marital life, or build a new "personal life" that you get to "use" while you are married.

It is pretty simple for me. You are either committed to your married status, or you are not.

but hey, that is just me...I am from planet Earth.

This is not meant to be taken personally by you SherryTX. I am not implying that this applies to your marriage, which it obviously does not! I am just tossing out an example of how well-intentioned ideas can suddenly transform into an unexpected nightmare.

Sometimes it is best to stick with proven methods. Play with the stock market, not with a marriage...lol just a thought....

HaveFun/BeHappy

[starshard0]

I control all of the finances in my marriage, simply because I'm the one with access to the money, as well as the the investment knowledge to put it to work for me and my wife. As she learns more about investing I'd be glad to split the responsibility with her.

[mtsen]

Yours is yours,
Mine is mine,
Ours are ours,

All THREE are different ENTITY. They do NOT cross share ....

slightly more write up here

[kaitlyn142]

I'm gonna jump in and be different. It's up to what works for you. If shared finances isn't working anymore, then yes, split them. We have ours split. He pays when we go to Costco or out to eat. I pay at grocery stores and Target. Rent is split 50/50. I pay the cable bill to offset how much we spend at Costco. If one or the other of us gets an income boost (overtime, bonus, whatever), we take over the majority of the spending so that the other can throw money at student loans. Truly shared finances would drive us insane. I'm a saver and he's a spender. He honestly thinks a CC is a good emergency fund, so I make sure we have a good e-fund in cash. If it were shared, I'd have to have iron control over it, or we'd never have a savings account!

[JohnD4980]

never split, my wife does the finances and we talk about them weekly. Never do it apart!

[kenyantykoon]

i am not married or anythig but i am of the opinion that there should be a separation of finances between them for independence and to make each a keen money manager

[SusanTiner]

Couples who share a household share finances whether or not some of their accounts are separate. The challenge for couples is to figure out what each person is expected to contribute to shared expenses, what constitutes a shared expense, and whether the couple accepts the lifestyle choices each makes with respect to individual non-shared personal expenses. I just posted a new blog article about a fictional couple struggling with these issues at http://www.financialorganizing.info/?p=573