Do you hide financial mistakes from your spouse?

imagine girl · 12-23-2007, 08:33 PM

Remember those I Love Lucy episodes where Lucy buys a new dress without telling Ricky, Lucky lies about it, hilarity ensues?

That's what my life is like. Except I'm the one who gets the financial "surprises" left by my boyfriend all the time. There were quite a few times where I ended up screaming at him over ridiculous charges on our credit card bill.

Now I have a confession. I was suppose to upgrade our cell phone plan last month. We expected to make a lot of calls in November and December because his family is coming down to visit my family this year. I totally spazed and forgot about this, unfortunately. I just opened our cell phone bill and it is a ridiculous $179!

I handle most of the bills so I can easily hide this from him if I want to. But I also feel a bit guilty since I usually jump on him for making similar mistakes. Do you ever hide big expenses or financial mistakes from your honey?

arcadian · 12-23-2007, 08:50 PM

after all the grief you've gone through i say give yourself a freebie.

katlady · 12-23-2007, 10:59 PM

Just tell him. He'll probably be relieved to know that you're not perfect either.

Aaron Stroud · 12-24-2007, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imagine girl

But I also feel a bit guilty since I usually jump on him for making similar mistakes. Do you ever hide big expenses or financial mistakes from your honey?

No, my wife and I do not hide our mistakes from each other. I would recommend you don't go down that path either. It is impossible to build a solid partnership on deception.

This is a great opportunity for you two to sit down and have an honest discussion about your strengths and weaknesses, and to forgive each other for any shortcomings you might have. I know these types of discussions are essential for success in marriage.

imagine girl · 12-24-2007, 09:19 PM

That sounds wonderful Aaron. Do you have any tips on how to set up this conversation? My boyfriend and I are pretty good at communicating about almost everything except finance. There's so much built up resentment that I think we just avoid it for fear of inducing an explosive big fight over all the past crimes and misdemeanors.

Julie Rains · 12-25-2007, 11:51 AM

Here's a general rule about fighting...er discussing... (from my premarital counselor) that works well on nearly any topic including finances: argue about the now and the future but don't dredge up past mistakes. Otherwise the person with the best memory always wins, and the reformed person doesn't get credit for overcoming problems and may not feel motivated to change.

imagine girl · 12-26-2007, 12:41 PM

Thank you for the sound advice Julie.

Quote:

the person with the best memory always wins

That would be me. I don't think it makes me the winner, but it does make me the more frustrated one (and if you listen to my boyfriend, it also makes me the meaner one).

shinypenny · 12-28-2007, 08:46 PM

It may seem easier to hide it, but the guilt eating away at you is harder on you in the long run. If you tell him now you can move on and leave this small mistake behind instead of carrying around the guilt for who knows how long.

We all know this kind of advice is easier said than done, so best of luck! And do tell us how it goes.

lazy23 · 12-29-2007, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aaron Stroud

This is a great opportunity for you two to sit down and have an honest discussion about your strengths and weaknesses, and to forgive each other for any shortcomings you might have. I know these types of discussions are essential for success in marriage.

Speaking as another dude, I completely agree with Aaron. Most guys are pretty forgiving about things like this. Having this conversation will be tough but it will make your relationship stronger in the long run.

Besides, this is a good chance to let him know how stressed out you are about finances. He might not realize how much of a strain all of this responsibility is placing on you. I know I've done my share of irresponsible financial acts....

J. Neal Urbanski · 08-16-2009, 08:08 AM

Same thing happened to me! I called my mother in England on mother's day and it cost $180! My husband laughed at me and then made me pay it all myself. I have my own checking account. You have to be honest with him as he is responsible for debt incurred in the marriage. If you only have a joint checking account then do a bit of extra work to make up for it. For example, some overtime at work or if you're a freelancer do an extra day just to bring home a bit of extra dough to pay for it.
There's no rule to say you have to join your finances when you get married, by the way.

12-23-2007, 08:33 PM	#1
imagine girl Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 53 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (12)	Do you hide financial mistakes from your spouse? Remember those I Love Lucy episodes where Lucy buys a new dress without telling Ricky, Lucky lies about it, hilarity ensues? That's what my life is like. Except I'm the one who gets the financial "surprises" left by my boyfriend all the time. There were quite a few times where I ended up screaming at him over ridiculous charges on our credit card bill. Now I have a confession. I was suppose to upgrade our cell phone plan last month. We expected to make a lot of calls in November and December because his family is coming down to visit my family this year. I totally spazed and forgot about this, unfortunately. I just opened our cell phone bill and it is a ridiculous $179! I handle most of the bills so I can easily hide this from him if I want to. But I also feel a bit guilty since I usually jump on him for making similar mistakes. Do you ever hide big expenses or financial mistakes from your honey?

08-16-2009, 08:08 AM	#10
J. Neal Urbanski Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: New York Posts: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (10)	Do you hide finance mistakes from your spouse Same thing happened to me! I called my mother in England on mother's day and it cost $180! My husband laughed at me and then made me pay it all myself. I have my own checking account. You have to be honest with him as he is responsible for debt incurred in the marriage. If you only have a joint checking account then do a bit of extra work to make up for it. For example, some overtime at work or if you're a freelancer do an extra day just to bring home a bit of extra dough to pay for it. There's no rule to say you have to join your finances when you get married, by the way.

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12-23-2007, 08:50 PM	#2
arcadian Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 36 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Reputation: (11)	after all the grief you've gone through i say give yourself a freebie.

12-23-2007, 10:59 PM	#3
katlady Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 30 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (11)	Just tell him. He'll probably be relieved to know that you're not perfect either.

12-24-2007, 09:19 PM	#5
imagine girl Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 53 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (12)	That sounds wonderful Aaron. Do you have any tips on how to set up this conversation? My boyfriend and I are pretty good at communicating about almost everything except finance. There's so much built up resentment that I think we just avoid it for fear of inducing an explosive big fight over all the past crimes and misdemeanors.

12-25-2007, 11:51 AM	#6
Julie Rains Wise Bread Blogger Join Date: May 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 399 Thanks: 1 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (189)	Here's a general rule about fighting...er discussing... (from my premarital counselor) that works well on nearly any topic including finances: argue about the now and the future but don't dredge up past mistakes. Otherwise the person with the best memory always wins, and the reformed person doesn't get credit for overcoming problems and may not feel motivated to change.

12-28-2007, 08:46 PM	#8
shinypenny Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 16 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (19)	It may seem easier to hide it, but the guilt eating away at you is harder on you in the long run. If you tell him now you can move on and leave this small mistake behind instead of carrying around the guilt for who knows how long. We all know this kind of advice is easier said than done, so best of luck! And do tell us how it goes.