Help someone pay down debt instead of giving them a gift, tacky? - Page 4

kav122 · 01-14-2008, 12:44 PM

I really don't mind cash, especially for my little boy because, come on, what does he really need? I told my mom to just give us cash for his 529 (thanks, Mark, for the advice) this year---even if it is only 5 dollars!

My problem when GIVING, however, is that I can usually find something on sale for really cheap (I write down three or four things that I think the recipient will like/they have mentioned that they want) and then look for it all year. I usually get by with about $10/person. I think that I would feel stingy/cheap, however, if I gave them $10 cash. Should I be embarassed?

Caitlin · 01-14-2008, 12:48 PM

I love getting either cash or gift cards! I don't think it's tacky at all.
I would talk to the person first, to see if they think it's ok if you attach strings to the money like "you have to put this on your VISA debt". They may think it's an awesome idea, or they may think it's insulting.

With gift cards, you just have to be sure to ask for ones from places you already shop! The majority of our gift cards from Christmas this year were for the gas station or the grocery store. It's not forcing me to spend anything extra; we'll have to spend money at those two places anyway, so it's great!

If you get gift cards for places you never shop at, you can sell them for cash or trade them for gift cards for places you do shop at.

My mom prefers to give gift cards rather than cash, because when she was growing up she was taught that giving cash was tacky. She wants to feel like she's buying you a gift, not just handing over some cash. For a person like her, gift cards are a great solution. I'm just glad I don't find cash tacky!

alex · 01-15-2008, 12:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ritter_Rote

I would not recommend helping people get out of chronic debt. I've found with family members that the second they get out of debt (through help or windfall, rather than working at it) they simply go into greater credit card debt.

Agreed. Help them with education instead.

It really, really sucks when you help someone, and a couple of months later, they're back in the same situation (but usually worse).

beansac · 01-15-2008, 05:53 PM

I think the best way to do this is in private, because in view of others it looks like you're trying to "bail out" your friend who can't help themselves.

On the whole, I think it's a great gift that... wait for it... pays dividends!

arkadofbabylon.org · 11-01-2008, 03:26 PM

I really like this idea -- paying down debt for someone instead of a "present".

I did this once for an underemployed friend that had an electric bill in arrears for about $150. Her power was going to be shut off. It was causing her a great deal of stress (obviously), so I called the electric company and paid it for her.

Next time I saw her I told her "Happy I'm Glad We're Friends Day" and gave her a bag of essential groceries/items (pasta, sauce, veggies, fruits, a bottle of wine -- not an essential, but a splurge -- soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper) and told her she wouldn't have to worry about her electricity getting shut off, that she was starting from zero again.

Her whole essence shifted at that moment. The stress of her bill being gone and having some needed items lifted a huge burden off of her. The relief just spread through her and you could see it on her face. She told me it was the best gift anyone could have given her, because it took away all that worry and stress if only for a few months.

Ultimately, I don't think it's tacky to pay down someones debt as a gift. But, I do advocate caution with this type of gift. Not everyone is receptive to it, so give this gift only if you know the person will want to receive it.

SoapMaker · 11-02-2008, 12:14 PM

I love the way you think Arkadofbabylon! That was great of you to do and obviously much appreciated.

SoapMaker · 11-02-2008, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynn

you're not supposed to give out red envelopes til you're married... circle of life thing. let's make Wise Bread envelopes for people to give away as gifts instead!!!

I love that idea Lynn! I think I'll make some up on my next days off.

01-14-2008, 12:48 PM	#32
Caitlin Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 22 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (16)	I love getting either cash or gift cards! I don't think it's tacky at all. I would talk to the person first, to see if they think it's ok if you attach strings to the money like "you have to put this on your VISA debt". They may think it's an awesome idea, or they may think it's insulting. With gift cards, you just have to be sure to ask for ones from places you already shop! The majority of our gift cards from Christmas this year were for the gas station or the grocery store. It's not forcing me to spend anything extra; we'll have to spend money at those two places anyway, so it's great! If you get gift cards for places you never shop at, you can sell them for cash or trade them for gift cards for places you do shop at. My mom prefers to give gift cards rather than cash, because when she was growing up she was taught that giving cash was tacky. She wants to feel like she's buying you a gift, not just handing over some cash. For a person like her, gift cards are a great solution. I'm just glad I don't find cash tacky! __________________ Clutter Cubed: Cleaning up, one day at a time. Thank you Wise Bread! I won a $20 gift certificate! Please help me spend it!

11-01-2008, 03:26 PM	#35
arkadofbabylon.org Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Bay Area, CA Posts: 90 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Reputation: (31)	I really like this idea -- paying down debt for someone instead of a "present". I did this once for an underemployed friend that had an electric bill in arrears for about $150. Her power was going to be shut off. It was causing her a great deal of stress (obviously), so I called the electric company and paid it for her. Next time I saw her I told her "Happy I'm Glad We're Friends Day" and gave her a bag of essential groceries/items (pasta, sauce, veggies, fruits, a bottle of wine -- not an essential, but a splurge -- soap, shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper) and told her she wouldn't have to worry about her electricity getting shut off, that she was starting from zero again. Her whole essence shifted at that moment. The stress of her bill being gone and having some needed items lifted a huge burden off of her. The relief just spread through her and you could see it on her face. She told me it was the best gift anyone could have given her, because it took away all that worry and stress if only for a few months. Ultimately, I don't think it's tacky to pay down someones debt as a gift. But, I do advocate caution with this type of gift. Not everyone is receptive to it, so give this gift only if you know the person will want to receive it. __________________ arkadofbabylon.org

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01-14-2008, 12:44 PM	#31
kav122 Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 527 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (243)	I really don't mind cash, especially for my little boy because, come on, what does he really need? I told my mom to just give us cash for his 529 (thanks, Mark, for the advice) this year---even if it is only 5 dollars! My problem when GIVING, however, is that I can usually find something on sale for really cheap (I write down three or four things that I think the recipient will like/they have mentioned that they want) and then look for it all year. I usually get by with about $10/person. I think that I would feel stingy/cheap, however, if I gave them $10 cash. Should I be embarassed?

01-15-2008, 05:53 PM	#34
beansac Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 31 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (13)	I think the best way to do this is in private, because in view of others it looks like you're trying to "bail out" your friend who can't help themselves. On the whole, I think it's a great gift that... wait for it... pays dividends!

11-02-2008, 12:14 PM	#36
SoapMaker Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: In the desert. Posts: 10 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Reputation: (12)	I love the way you think Arkadofbabylon! That was great of you to do and obviously much appreciated.