How to ask a relative for a raise?

soupkitchen96 · 12-21-2007, 12:11 AM

Does anyone have experience working for relatives? I work with my siblings who are a few years older than me. They're paying me pretty well but I think my pay is still a bit lower than market rate.

There is an understanding that once our business takes off I wil get a share of the pie. But since we are relatives we never really "put it in writing."

I love working with my family. I also think I deserve at least a 15% raise. What is the best way to bring this up?

beren · 12-21-2007, 11:28 AM

If good fences make good neighbors, then perhaps good employment agreements also help with family relations.

On the other hand, do you think maybe you are also benefiting from the ambiguous nature of your employment? If you get a lot of leeway at work due to the trust your family members have in you, isn't that also a sort of employment benefit? Maybe you don't have to fill out a bunch of reports, not having to document your sick days, flexible hours, etc.

davoscat · 12-21-2007, 01:40 PM

I disagree with you completely. Just because you are working at a family business doesn't mean they can take advantage of you. Find out the going market rate for your position and negotiate for a higher salary. Business is business and you should get paid for what you're worth!

CFOontheGo · 12-21-2007, 07:32 PM

I agree with Davoscat. I think when you are working for relatives it is even more important to have a solid employment agreement. Try and keep work and family separate and approach your boss with your reasons for needing a raise, just like any boss you were not related to. Bring up your contributions to the company and what others in similar positions are being paid. They can always say no, but you might be surprised.

alex · 12-21-2007, 10:30 PM

"Can I have a raise?"

pomdarryl · 12-23-2007, 06:27 PM

Make sure you say it like those beggar children in Dickens novels asking for porridge. Some coughing might help too.

Julie Rains · 12-24-2007, 05:47 AM

I think that one of the problems here is in the big payoff/share of the pie that needs to be addressed. As you mentioned, you may be getting paid below market b/c of potential profit-sharing/business ownership, which is reasonable in theory. I have worked with people who have not gotten their fair share of the business when it is sold or have lost potential profits b/c of a management-direction change that went awry. It would make sense (not sure how easy) to figure out the business value, when you'll receive profits, if you'll have a decision-making role --- or alternatively, not share in the profits but get a market salary rate (that is if the company can afford to pay you), though I agree that you may have concessions such as not having to schedule a day off, which may not be standard in another setting.

soupkitchen96 · 12-24-2007, 10:46 AM

Even though I work as many hours as a regular employee, I admit I do keep pretty flexible hours.

Ms. Rains is probably on the right track. I need to at least get a clear idea of the business value and when we will be distributing profits. Maybe I'm just being a big baby, but I don't know how to bring that up. To tell the truth my older siblings intimidate me a little bit. I have great respect for them and I feel like hounding them to get the specifics of the business is a sign of distrust on my part. What's a good ice breaker for this conversation?

Should I bring some porridge?

Julie Rains · 12-24-2007, 12:23 PM

You can call me Julie

. I am the youngest in my family and am familiar with the intimidation concept. I also don't have super powers of intuition so I tend to do research before approaching people with a problem/idea.

If you have competitors or know of similar companies, you might want to see if there are differences in pricing, margins, customer base, etc. -- just to get a feel for where your company stands. It might be a good idea to assess wealth of your siblings if possible and figure out if their money is coming from the business or other sources (nothing obvious, just some observations and research in public sources or even D&B could be useful): it may be that there is money on the table but there might not be.

Just a thought but instead of asking for a raise (not that there is anything wrong with that), you could propose a bonus or incentive for certain levels of performance. That way you can position yourself as someone with vested interest in the company and also learn more about the company business/financial structure.

imagine girl · 12-24-2007, 08:32 PM

That's very sensible advice Julie. This way he isn't getting a raise for nothing.

12-21-2007, 12:11 AM	#1
soupkitchen96 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 51 Reputation: (11)	How to ask a relative for a raise? Does anyone have experience working for relatives? I work with my siblings who are a few years older than me. They're paying me pretty well but I think my pay is still a bit lower than market rate. There is an understanding that once our business takes off I wil get a share of the pie. But since we are relatives we never really "put it in writing." I love working with my family. I also think I deserve at least a 15% raise. What is the best way to bring this up?

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12-21-2007, 11:28 AM	#2
beren Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 53 Reputation: (17)	If good fences make good neighbors, then perhaps good employment agreements also help with family relations. On the other hand, do you think maybe you are also benefiting from the ambiguous nature of your employment? If you get a lot of leeway at work due to the trust your family members have in you, isn't that also a sort of employment benefit? Maybe you don't have to fill out a bunch of reports, not having to document your sick days, flexible hours, etc.

12-21-2007, 01:40 PM	#3
davoscat Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 78 Reputation: (14)	I disagree with you completely. Just because you are working at a family business doesn't mean they can take advantage of you. Find out the going market rate for your position and negotiate for a higher salary. Business is business and you should get paid for what you're worth!

12-21-2007, 07:32 PM	#4
CFOontheGo Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: CA Posts: 23 Reputation: (10)	I agree with Davoscat. I think when you are working for relatives it is even more important to have a solid employment agreement. Try and keep work and family separate and approach your boss with your reasons for needing a raise, just like any boss you were not related to. Bring up your contributions to the company and what others in similar positions are being paid. They can always say no, but you might be surprised.

12-21-2007, 10:30 PM	#5
alex Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Wilson's basement Posts: 100 Reputation: (59)	"Can I have a raise?"

12-23-2007, 06:27 PM	#6
pomdarryl Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 5 Reputation: (10)	Make sure you say it like those beggar children in Dickens novels asking for porridge. Some coughing might help too.

12-24-2007, 05:47 AM	#7
Julie Rains Wise Bread Blogger Join Date: May 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 226 Reputation: (66)	I think that one of the problems here is in the big payoff/share of the pie that needs to be addressed. As you mentioned, you may be getting paid below market b/c of potential profit-sharing/business ownership, which is reasonable in theory. I have worked with people who have not gotten their fair share of the business when it is sold or have lost potential profits b/c of a management-direction change that went awry. It would make sense (not sure how easy) to figure out the business value, when you'll receive profits, if you'll have a decision-making role --- or alternatively, not share in the profits but get a market salary rate (that is if the company can afford to pay you), though I agree that you may have concessions such as not having to schedule a day off, which may not be standard in another setting.

12-24-2007, 10:46 AM	#8
soupkitchen96 Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 51 Reputation: (11)	Even though I work as many hours as a regular employee, I admit I do keep pretty flexible hours. Ms. Rains is probably on the right track. I need to at least get a clear idea of the business value and when we will be distributing profits. Maybe I'm just being a big baby, but I don't know how to bring that up. To tell the truth my older siblings intimidate me a little bit. I have great respect for them and I feel like hounding them to get the specifics of the business is a sign of distrust on my part. What's a good ice breaker for this conversation? Should I bring some porridge?

12-24-2007, 12:23 PM	#9
Julie Rains Wise Bread Blogger Join Date: May 2007 Location: North Carolina Posts: 226 Reputation: (66)	You can call me Julie . I am the youngest in my family and am familiar with the intimidation concept. I also don't have super powers of intuition so I tend to do research before approaching people with a problem/idea. If you have competitors or know of similar companies, you might want to see if there are differences in pricing, margins, customer base, etc. -- just to get a feel for where your company stands. It might be a good idea to assess wealth of your siblings if possible and figure out if their money is coming from the business or other sources (nothing obvious, just some observations and research in public sources or even D&B could be useful): it may be that there is money on the table but there might not be. Just a thought but instead of asking for a raise (not that there is anything wrong with that), you could propose a bonus or incentive for certain levels of performance. That way you can position yourself as someone with vested interest in the company and also learn more about the company business/financial structure.

12-24-2007, 08:32 PM	#10
imagine girl Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 53 Reputation: (12)	That's very sensible advice Julie. This way he isn't getting a raise for nothing.