If dimonds are evil, what's a good alternative?

[glick]

Originally Posted by Philip Brewer

The original purpose of an engagement gift was to serve as a consolation prize for the bride if the husband-to-be called off the engagement.

Never thought about it that way. Puts things in a new perspective for me.

[Miranda]

Originally Posted by Philip Brewer

The original purpose of an engagement gift was to serve as a consolation prize for the bride if the husband-to-be called off the engagement.

Less a "consolation prize" than it was "insurance."

The pricey diamond engagement ring was originally used to replace the fading "Breach of Promise to Marry" action, both of which were intended to prevent a man from getting engaged to a woman, taking her virginity, and then leaving her (with a now-ruined reputation) before marriage.

Then, in the 1930’s, De Beers launched an ad campaign establishing diamond engagement rings as status symbols/expressions of love and commitment, solidifying their place in consumer society.

[Miranda]

I think you’re absolutely right to avoid buying into diamond-market propaganda and brainwashing and instead looking for a smarter alternative. Some suggestions:

Why not buy something personal and meaningful for the woman you’re going to propose to? Think about something that’s really special to her, something that's important to her specifically. This shows that you pay attention to her and care about her wants and needs.

Or, if you’re really set on getting an engagement ring, why does it have to be a diamond one? Use another kind of gem, maybe her birthstone or one that’s her favorite color. You might also consider a high-quality cubic zirconia (it looks exactly like a diamond to non-experts, anyway. Just be aware that people might call you cheap if you go this route, and an imitation stone like that could offend the bride-to-be if she doesn’t know about it up front).

The last option is to beat the diamond industry at its own game by getting a man-made diamond. Man-made diamonds are real diamonds, only cheaper. This is probably your safest bet, as it’s the one closest to convention. If you don’t tell anyone it’s man-made, it’ll look like you spent a bundle on it.

[MrsMicah]

My husband compromised by getting an old diamond ring reset (metal was also reused). He knew that I really really like sparkly things but that I was also not wanting a diamond because of the expense and the social cost.

As it turned out, getting an old ring and even having it redone was cheaper than most of the new rings he saw. If the old diamond was obtained through conflict/slavery (probably) then we saw it as "At least it's being used and not lying in a pawn shop somewhere." Nobody new was hurt and we wouldn't have gotten one if the used hadn't been available.

My grandfather gave my grandmother a pretty brooch as an engagement present. It was the mid-30s and diamonds hadn't quite taken off yet as the only way to go.

I'd say that it's important for the couple to talk about their ideas, concerns, maybe come up with something together.

[Xin Lu]

I wish my hubby didn't buy me a diamond engagement ring, but he feels that it's "traditional". In China they generally give gold bracelets or necklaces or a high quality jade bracelet. I think I like gold better because at least the metal maintains its value on the open market. Gemstones are sort of subjective in value.

[rstlne]

How about gold? It'd be hard to wear a 1oz Krugerrand on your finger but there are gold rings too.

[jkuo13]

Well, I guess I'll chime in on this thread since it's a subject of recent concern in my life. My fiancee and I had a discussion and determined that she didn't want a diamond ring because she perceived it as a waste of money. She would rather that we have the cash and save up for a house downpayment. I was ethically opposed to diamonds because of their potential blood taint and the artificial societal pressure around the diamond engagement ring. I eventually got her a really nice looking cubic zirconium (hey, we're both frugal after all) ring. Our one compromise was that we would get the stone set on a nicer band. We're both happy and I'm not as poor as I would have been if I had to buy a diamond ring.

I say find an alternative (heirloom ring, other precious stone, etc.) that you're both happy with and go for it. Screw the norm of getting a diamond ring.

[beansac]

I think diamonds are the best hustle that has ever been put on anyone. I'll take a rock and sell it for 30K. What? But anyways, how about a down payment on a house? It doesn't sparkle but is able to raise kids in. That should count for something. Your wife would be taken back for a minute, but the longer she thought about, the more she would like the idea.

[girlfromsouth]

Originally Posted by rodaniel

I suspect that most women are (just like us guys) prone to fall prey to peer pressure. That is, her friends are expecting for you to give her "the rock." Y'know, it can be very hard to not subscribe to the norm. It doesn't take much imagination to see that she could easily feel left out if you opt to go a more fiscally-sensible route - even if it is a mutual decision.

This is kind of true for me - I'm ashamed of myself sometimes for the fact that I reaaaaaaallly want a diamond. I know all the socially conscious things and how they are paid for in blood and that, social justice wise, they really suck, but I can't help myself. I want one. (It's even worse when my latest coworker is going around showing hers off.) I am so very very petty sometimes

[Xin Lu]

Oh, I think electronics is a good alternative,too. At least people can snuggle up in front of a big TV instead of a diamond ring.