New I feel stuck, any advice needed

[TXmomof2]

I just found this website today and don't know if this the right forum to post this in. I am a married mother and currently not working or in school due to financial reasons. My husband is a teacher and works 45 minutes from his job so he needs the only working car we have. I had an 11 year old year old vehicle that was in alright condition until someone broke into it some months ago and vandalized the car and stole lots of other stuff out of it. It no longer runs anymore and I only had liability insurance on it. I had always heard it made better financial sense to only have liability insurance on older model cars. But it just makes things worse now that I don't have that extra vehicle, the town we live in has no public transportation. I have been paying the university back money we owe, since my husband didn't have a job at the time. So we ended up owing the university so much money that I can't even go back until I pay the school back. I have been paying it back slowly but surely. Not to mention my credit has taken a major hit with all of this going on. Even if I wanted to go back to school I have no transportation to get there. My husband's school had a low state rating so they have to work long hours sometimes until after 7pm at night with tutoring and making sure the children get back to an acceptable rating. This whole situation has just got me down in the dumps.

I have no school, no job and feel like I am just stuck. I have a good marriage with my husband, but I am so unhappy with my current situation. If I was at least generating some kind of income or doing something productive like going to school I wouldn't be so down in the dumps. I was thinking about selling the car that doesn't work just to bring in extra income. We talked about possibly moving to a location area that offers public transportation or either buying me another car. The only somewhat silver lining in the whole situation is we rent our townhouse, so we aren't really tied to this area (except for my husbands job). The only problem with moving is worrying about finding a job and having enough money for the move. I want to go to school for nursing, which requires you to take classes on campus and do clinicals. I am scared to purchase a vehicle, because I don't want a car note and we couldn't afford a decent vehicle with cash that we currently have. I understand we all have choices and I am in this situation because of the choices I have made. But I am really trying to figure out if it is better for me to try and make the move or to try and save a vehicle (while not working) so I could go back to school and make an income.

[Philip Brewer]

The good news is that Wise Bread is full almost to bursting with articles that you may find useful. I could link to a hundred, but rather than overwhelm you, I'll just link to one of mine--part 1 of a 4-part series on getting by without a job (which is just what you're doing): Getting by without a job, part 1--losing a job. Parts 2, 3, and 4 are about boosting your income, cutting your expenses, and getting stuff for free.

But that's really just scratching the surface.

Beyond that sort of tactical advice, you need to work toward a strategic vision of where you want your life to go. This is hard to do when you're down in the trenches, trying to run a household, pay the bills, give your spouse the support he needs, and so on, but it can still be done--it's just a matter of fitting it into the time and energy you've got and persisting.

I'm a big fan of car-free living, so my default advice would be to find a place to live where at least one of you or your husband could walk or bicycle to work or school. It'll save you thousands of dollars a year. (It'd save thousands of dollars a year even if your old car were working or could get a working car for free--it costs that much to keep a car working, fueled, and legal.)

Oh, let me link to one more article of mine that might be appropriate: Designing your life is about exactly that--starting where you are now, figuring out what sort of life you want, and then taking the steps to get you where you want to go.

My only other suggestion is to think big. When you feel like you're in a hole it's tempting to put all your effort into getting over the edge. Much more promising is to set your sights on making it to the top of a mountain. Even if you only make it half way to the top, you've still been out of the hole for a long time. It'll take time and effort, but that just means that you should pick an important mountain--one that's worth the work it'll take.

Good luck!

[khorrell]

Welcome to WiseBread. There is a world of wisdom and encouragement here.

It sounds like you are feeling pretty defeated, and it seem understandable. I think Philip has hit the nail on the head when he suggests that you sit back and think about your vision, then slowly figure out how to make that vision work.

Philip's idea to move where one or both of you could walk/bike/bus to work is excellent. Before you move, you might be able to ebay or craigslist any extra stuff that you don't want to move. That will keep you busy, make the move easier, and possibly bring in a little income.

I would also look at what you DO have and figure out how to capitalize on it. You didn't say how old your child(ren) is/are - are they in school? Could you volunteer or work at their school, even for a few hours a day? (Our school system is always looking for substitute teachers and cafeteria help.)

I don't mean to imply that you haven't thought of all these things already, but sometimes it can be hard to see the forest through the trees.

Again, good luck, and we're always here for you.

[KevinW]

I would echo the advice to relocate in order to make a single-car (or zero-car) lifestyle work more conveniently, rather than investing in another second car. Since you had trouble affording to keep the last car running, I'd expect that buying another car would have the same ultimate outcome. The ideal location would allow you and your husband to commute via public transportation or walking. Since your husband's workplace is fixed and yours is still somewhat TBD, it could also make sense to move within walking distance of his job and make you the commuter.

As for specific tactics, a few ideas come to mind:

- How far along are you in your schooling? My wife saved a lot of money on her bachelor's degree by doing her first two years at a community college, then transferred and finished at a big-name university.

- Nursing is one of those vocations where you can sometimes get your employer to pay for the training. One path is to start out as an EMT and work your way up to paramedic and then nurse. Another one is to join the military in some capacity.

- There are incentive programs such as the NELRP which will pay off 60% of your student loans if you agree to work at a "critical shortage facility" after you graduate. Or the Public Service Loan Forgiveness program, which will forgive your student loans after you work at the right kind of service-oriented employer for 10 years. There are surely other such programs, possibly specific to your state.

- Have you looked into how much it would cost to get your car running again? The root problem might be something you can fix yourself inexpensively. Even if you end up selling the car, it will be worth a lot more if it runs.

- Some families do fine with one wage-earner and one full time homemaker. It's worth at least considering this approach. It would make problems like your tuition and broken down car irrelevant.

I also agree with other posters about developing a master plan. You're clearly motivated to leap into action to make some changes. Taking the time to develop a clear goal will help you to "keep your eyes on the prize" and channel your energy toward overcoming obstacles.

[starshard0]

Originally Posted by KevinW

- Some families do fine with one wage-earner and one full time homemaker. It's worth at least considering this approach. It would make problems like your tuition and broken down car irrelevant.

Absolutely good advice. A lot of people feel like there "needs" to be two wage earners in the household. With a smart budget, this is generally not the case.

[dreamweaver]

I also am new here. But not new to the feeling you describe. Let me recommend one thing in regards to your education....it doesn't need to cost millions. You seem to have one thing perhaps that you are underestimating. Time. There are about 34 CLEP tests. These are college credit courses that can be tested out for credit. There is a LOT of misconception about doing this....one myth is that these credits are not accepted by major colleges. Not true. They are. What happens with college credit is that it seems to have an expiration date.....so be careful how long you take to complete your eduction. Get a list of prerequisites for nursing, and see how many you can just complete at home by testing out. As a rule, these "classes" will cost you 70$ each. I know you can do this.....I did. And now I am an RN and "making the big bucks". All relative, of course. Got all my study material at the library for free....

[jayell]

Just a thought - would it do for you and your husband to share the car?
e.g. Can you drop him off at work then take the car to school, then pick him up after he finishes work? Will take some coordinating, but better than the other, more drastic options (buying a car you can't afford, feeling trapped at home, moving house with all the attendant stresses), and may promote togetherness

[Julie Rains]

I agree with the advice about moving closer to work; not only might it solve some of the car/cost problems but you might be surprised at how much stress the time away from the family is causing. My husband commuted for a while (he worked in a one-company town) and though you don't realize it at the time, having someone nearby (whether you see them or not) is a psychological advantage over having a spouse who is miles away.

Also, I agree with looking into possibilities about the nursing degree -- that is having your employer fund the bill or some other arrangement. There are many paths to nursing (in addition to EMT) such first becoming a Certified Nurses Assistant (this is tough work with low pay but requires shorter time in class), getting an LPN at the community college, getting an Associate Degree in Nursing/RN at the community college, or getting a Bachelor of Science in Nursing/RN at a 4-year university. I know many people who have gotten their ADN/RNs at the community college (2 years, not so expensive), worked a bit, then pursued the BSN (just 2 more years at a state university), and one who then got her Nurse Practitioner's license. At least that is how things work in my area. Committing to work at one of the major hospitals can qualify for a scholarship that funds the community college program. Clinicals are required but they are typically in the second year of a program so sometimes you can get started with regular classes at reasonably convenient times. You may have already looked into all of this but I thought I would mention different paths just in case that was useful.

[firefinance]

This post from Leo about achieving our dreams despite difficulties might make you feel better. All the best, things will improve towards the better .