It's not wrong to spend your money. This is a little bit of a caveat to this series that I'm doing, but worthy of time and energy anyway.

My experience, which consists of examining my own life and talking to my friends, says that most Americans struggle with a combination of cultural messages about spending money.

The "Typical" Debtor

When I think of someone who struggles to be frugal, I tend to think of someone who suffers from the "Debt is Just a Part of Life" mentality. They rack up debt like it's going out of style. They always own the newest technology, vehicles, homes, home furnishings, and anything else they can think of that's cool. They eat a lot of meals out, often at hip, expensive restaurants. They live life in the fast lane until they can't possibly do it any longer because of the creditors breathing down their necks. Their financial troubles come in heaps, and they have no idea how it all happened.

While this is something of a caricature, one or more of these aspects often apply to people with a lot of debt. Their struggle with frugality is clear, and there are a lot of resources to help them out of it.

Another Way to Struggle with Frugality

There is, however, another way to struggle with frugality. These people suffer from the "Avoid Debt at All Costs" mentality. I am, self-admittedly, one of these people. We do everything in our power to avoid debt, even good, healthy kinds. We are the people who put $800 into re-building the transmission in our 1990 Hondas because we don't have the cash to buy a new car up front, and we don't want to make car payments. Trouble comes when we need to go into some sort of debt, be it for a house, a vehicle, medical bills, or something else. We panic and tend to make poor financial decisions because we feel like failures and don't know what to do with debt. We also struggle to enjoy the money we make because we are so afraid of anything that touches something that touches on financial insecurity.

Again, this is also a caricature, but aspects of this description apply not only to myself, but to so many people I know. Our struggle with frugality is more confusing, and there are fewer helpful resources.

The Vicious Circle

The truth is that there are probably items in both of these caricatures that apply to each of us, if we take an honest look at ourselves. In some places, we spend too much. We want to be cool more than we want to spend our money well. But we feel guilty about spending money...we feel like we should have more to show for the work we do, or like no matter how hard we're trying, we should have less debt. But there are so many things we want, so we go out and buy some more, only to feel more guilt and perpetuate the circle.

So What Do We Do Now?

For me, he key to coming to terms with this has been to allow myself to spend some money. Every paycheck, I give myself an amount I can spend. This varies depending on how much money I have coming in, how much I know I need to pay out, and what I want to buy. But I let myself spend a certain amount, guilt-free. The money is mine; I earned it and I can spend it however I choose. While I have some responsibility to deal with it wisely, I realize that part of wisdom is knowing that I want to spend something. If I pull the reigns too tight and don't let myself spend anything, I tend to want to spend everything. If, however, I give myself an amount to spend that I know I can afford, I don't have the urge to spend everything. Both my needs and my desires are met, and I can beat the vicious circle and find some rest.

Thus, being frugal actually means spending money, because by allowing myself to spend something, I keep myself from spending everything.

What about you? Do you experience the vicious circle outlined above? How do you defeat it?

Other Articles in this Series:

Frugal is More than a Way to Spend Money, Part 1