Hm, the way it's worded, they almost make the women sound like concubines. I have to admit, I'd be weirded out to not have SOME kind of day job, be it in the general workforce, self-employment, or motherhood. Then again, maybe these women are extraordinary volunteers. None of our business how they want to live their lives, though.

My husband pulls in a very respectable salary. My skills and area of study are not well compensated in the marketplace. So I stay at home and to things like garden, bake our bread, can our garden produce, keep laying hens, cook all meals from scratch, home maintenance, etc. The vast majority of the housework, yardwork, and cleaning fall on me. I also earn a little income here and there with casual paid labor, selling my breads, writing, etc. I give back to the community too through regular volunteer work at a food bank. I don't think I'm lazy. And I don't think my lifestyle is a status symbol. I'm far from glamorous.

Maybe there are well pampered stay at home wives, but some of us are using it to save money. By staying at home, I can prevent a lot of unnecessary expenditures. I have time to do a lot of traditional tasks that our grandmothers took for granted. We don't need another vehicle for me to get to my job. I also have the resource of time to invest in our social network, which gives us many ways of saving money, ranging from carpooling to borrowing many tools we otherwise might buy, gleaning, etc.

There are so many things that need doing to keep a household running smoothly. For years and years wives did just that. This is not a new concept. We have promised women they could have it all, but that is a lie. Everyone is happier if the home is a safe haven and usually women are the ones who make it so. I am thrilled to be a stay at home wife with all the kids grown and moved on. My husband loves to have me here as well. We are not rich but we are happy!

My mother was a stay-at-home mom, and she doesn't get compensated for her volunteer work now that we are out of the house - but I never thought of it as status, either. I think it's a little different when you spend your day getting massages than when you, you know, cook and clean and bake and garden and volunteer for the cancer society. Apples and oranges.

I married my husband during my first semester of college and he's paid the bills ever since while I've gone to and finally graduated from college. I'm now working from home for a startup (i.e. I'm greatly underpaid unless it really takes off).

It is a luxury in that I consider having the choice to be a luxury -- and I am very grateful to have that choice. I could have gone out and get a traditional job. I'm sure we wouldn't be in such debt if I had, though my husband is now making enough that we're chipping away at the debt slowly but surely -- especially now that we've been going frugal (thanks a lot help from blogs I read like Wise Bread).

However, this has worked well for us in many other ways. I got to focus on college and graduate sooner than I would have if I had to work. And now I'm working on a project that we hope will eventually bring in a lot more money than if I had gone out and gotten a 'regular' job around here. And while I don't consider myself a "housewife" so much as a "working from home wife", I have definitely helped my husband around the house and with our joint business ventures. I might not be the best cook or like vacuuming, but I garden, take care of the chickens, find more ways to save us money, and occasionally write some pretty nice CSS.

Still, I do get a lot of odd reactions from people -- especially when they realize that we don't have kids (and not planning on any in the near future). Some people can be really rude and I definitely detect some jealousy. I've had people tell me "It must be so nice not to have to do anything" even after I've told them about many of the projects I work on online and off. So, yes, I'm used to people thinking I'm lazy. But I know I'm not and you can ask my husband. He probably wishes I wasn't such a workaholic.

I am a full-time freelancer and my fiance doesn't work. She takes care of our two girls (and me). It makes me much more productive to have her around during the day, as well it makes us much more price conscience with our spending. I couldn't imagine how we could afford daycare for two girls.

Oops, left out a few words in my original comment....that last line should read "financial advantages of a woman staying AT HOME are often touted."

My husband and I plan on living on as close to one income as possible (once we pay down some more debt), even though we both work, simply because of the insurance factor you mentioned- if one of us loses our job and we live on one income, we won't even have to dip into savings to cover it. I think I'd quite like being able to stay at home (I don't have any kids) or work very part time, but as we both have significant earning power and need to save money for future big purchases like a house, I can't justify losing out on the extra savings right now. Perhaps when we have kids, I'll stay home for a few years.

When I took some time off to recover from a major illness I got to see what this all was like. Where I live one parent staying home is certainly seen as a luxury and a status symbol. In general there seems to be two situations where the wife stays home. Either they have considerable income and the wife staying home is a status symbol or they are religious conservatives that forbid their wives from working. The wage vs. cost of living here almost requires both to work unless your well over the median income.

Not working was a very surreal experience. I frequently got insinuations that I was lazy, because I wasn't actively working at that time. This was really frustrating since I had come from a high pressure long hours professional career and now was talked down to and treated with contempt. It was also very isolating because I really had nothing in common with the people I encountered that weren't working during the day, they all had vastly different priorities and interests that I did.

It is seen as a luxury and at the same time seen with some contempt by many people.

In part replying to #4 and in part to this:

"My husband and I live on less than one of our incomes, and that gives me a sense of security because in case one of us lose our jobs or becomes unable to work at least we know we can survive on one income. Additionally, saving the extra income for the future lets us reach early retirement more quickly."

"Living on one income" (i.e., living within your means) is different from the conspicuous luxury of one partner choosing to stay at home. I believe that many people reacting to the CNN article are focusing on "Anne Marie" and probably responding viscerally to where she discusses feeling "overwhelmed" as a high school teacher and how much more fulfilled she is now that she has time for "reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing." To many people feeling financially trapped, it's easy to take this as a slap in the face -- especially since these are childless couples.

Our household is budgeted to run on less than one person's income. We set up our budget so that we could more easily absorb a financial blow. I'm glad that we did because this year we had the double-whammy: (1) new baby, (2) my partner lost her job. We're getting by on just my income with only minimal changes to our spending habits and I'm grateful for that.

The people they talked to in the CNN article all seem happy with their decisions. That's great for them. If they're not living outside of their means and they're able to save enough for retirement and have an emergency fund stashed away, etc. Good on them. But that doesn't make it any less of a conspicuous luxury to the rest of the folks out there that wonder how (even on a budget) they're going to make those single-income dollars stretch.

I enjoy seeing the comments and the different points of view. I'd like to add one more, that of a single woman.

I have to admit that the CNN article initially was a bit of a slap in the face. Essentially, I'm all I've got. It's exhausting to work the long hours I do and still do all of the cleaning, laundry, shopping, budgeting, meal planning, etc. that a stay-at-home-wife without kids does. I have to save for my own retirement and be extra careful to have an emergency back-up fund because there's no one else's income to fall back on. I don't have a choice to live on one income or two.

But I don't really envy these women, actually. It's tough living on your own, and if these stay-at-home wives suddenly find themselves single again, they'll have an even harder time getting into the work force and supporting themselves than single professional women like me who kept up in their fields and have years of experience. I want to be married (and if I have my way, we'll live on one income and save the second), but I know if I end up alone again I'll be able to cope.

My husband and I both work full-time and I do freelance on the side. With both of our incomes, we are barely scraping by, and I mean barely. We have no kids, two cars that are 5 & 11 years old, and just purchased a house a few years ago. I have student loans and we have credit card debt. Every month we have to juggle things just to get our bills paid. I feel lucky if we can manage to make a dent in any of the debt, let alone save. I've actually had to pull money out of the savings for 3 months in a row now.
I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, making still working some freelance. But there is just no way we could make it work financially. We are very frugal. We hardly eat out, I clip coupons and shop the sales. We don't go see movies or buy new books, we rent and go to the library. Our big luxury is the AC b/c hubby works outside all day and can't stand the heat when he gets home.
I envy those that can do it. I hope to be able to some day, but I just don't know how we could. I would definitely consider it a luxury b/c you do have the safety net and a more supportive home life.

I have almost always lived on one income, married or not, and don't think it strange. My ex-hubby was a stay at home boy-toy, and an excellent cook. It was nice to come home to a hot home cooked meal and a nicely weeded garden :) I'd do it again in a minute :) I didn't consider it a luxury tho - he was unemployed and looking for work, which eventually he found.

And I wouldn't mind being the stay at home person either :)

I had a stay at home mom for my childhood.

Unfortunately, when she became sick a few years after her divorce, she did not have enough work credits to be eligible for Social Security disability.

It usually takes 20 credits over the last 10 years to remain eligible - and each credit (up to 4 a year) is earned by making $1,050 in earned income (in 2008).

Surely even a stay at home spouse can find enough part-time work to generate $2,100 in earned income over the course of a year?

http://www.socialsecurity.gov/pubs/10072.html

One BIG benefit of qualifying for SS disability is that the disabled individual becomes eligible for Medicare within 24 months (sooner for some diseases)

It would have helped enormously had my mom been able to get SS disability (over 10 years from diagnosis until her death)

"The idea that an average family has more money with a dual-income then a single-income is a myth. Of course there are always exceptions, but if you run the numbers with all the expenses - a single-income families actually has the edge."

I also disagree. Do you think the millions of dual income struggling families haven't run the numbers? It MAY become true once kids are involved, but I can't see how it is possibly true, almost EVER, before kids are involved.

That being said there are other reasons to stay at home. Just don't tell me it is the optimal financial choice (esp when no kids are involved).

My wife is currently in school getting her MBA and I work full time so we're currently living without the benefits of either a working mom or a stay at home mom.

My salary is good enough to support us, but childcare for two takes a large (~$400/month) chunk of that and our house doesn't stay as clean as we'd like it to without her home.

The two things I miss most about having her be a stay at home mom are 1) It's hard to find a baby sitter who is good and who is affordable. They all seem to want to just stick the kids in front of movies all day. 2) Coming home to fresh home cooked dinners. Since we're both done at about 5 or 6:00 each night we eat a lot of frozen pizza, and make and freeze a lot of meals.

"The idea that an average family has more money with a dual-income then a single-income is a myth. Of course there are always exceptions, but if you run the numbers with all the expenses - a single-income families actually has the edge."

I think this is only true in some situations. If the 2nd spouse can earn more than 50% of the primary breadwinner, this just doesn't play out. Trust me, I have run the numbers and the fact that my wife could easily make 50% of my high 5 figure salary which means we would be much better off financially even after all of the extras are included (daycare, dining out, outsourced home tasks, work attire, etc). We CHOOSE to have my wife stay home to raise our children. It is indeed a luxury and we are thankful for it (probably not often enough, though) :) Now, if we didn't have kids, she would take no pride in staying at home when she could be helping secure our future. After all, she is just as smart, educated and motivated as me. Should she take a free pass because she is a woman? She has too much self respect for that.

The flip side to staying at home is when the spouse gets to mid age at 55 and cannot draw social security or worse, the working spouse decides to leave and now the stay at home spouse HAS to work and have no job skills

It not always a happy ending

I love Myscha's point about getting a salary in retrospect. We have lived in a series of fixer-uppers which I've been able to improve dramatically during my time at home.

Each home has netted us around $50,000 for 2 years. Not only was that tax-free gain, but the "salary in retrospect" did not increase our taxable income in the way that even a $25,000 office job would have bumped us into the next bracket.

We also have a 3-month emergency fund that we are adding to, and are also shopping around for a good Money Market account with a decent interest rate to keep it growing. We will also maintain a good life insurance policy in case something were to happen to my husband - enough to give me time to gather my skills together and provide for our kids.

And I do have skills - though not a degree.

I just wanted to say THANKS for mentioning this. My husband is a stay at home Father also and we live on less than $40k a year. Interesting subject!

My husband and I try to live on one income and save the entire other one incase of a rainy day, for retirement, or in case we want to change our lifestyle and one of us stay home when the kids come... I think that simply not working because you don't need to is definatley a lifestyle choice that shows off your income level.

-Suz

I'm so glad this is still continuing to be debated, because as you can probably tell, I have lots to say on the subject. (This being, I believe, my third extended comment.)

Clearly, it was an emotional decision to take the leap and while I'm very OK with the decision we made as a couple, it really surprised me how hurt I was by some of the other comments in the very beginning of the debate. I think it's sad (just commenting here, not bashing anyone's opinion) that this decision can't just be about how much the couple loves each other and what they want to set for priorities within their relationship. If one needs to find themselves and the other wants to provide it and is able to, have we really reached the point where our relationships are less about love in this society and more about the bottom line?

Believe me, we worry about the bottom line and in fact I write about it quite frequently here on Wise Bread. But if you have trust in your partner that they are doing their best and providing everything they can to the situation, is it necessary to make the first jump to pointing out how much less money they are contributing? As somone who had a difficult emotional time giving up a great international career to support the one my husband had in the military, I have to say it was better in the end to take my time and not go back to traditional employment. You never know when they are going to restation / redeploy your spouse, so taking your time developing a set of freelance clients or an online business is in my opinion a much safer bet.

Also, as some have pointed out, the person who provides the income while the other stays at home is not the only one taking a risk / providing a gift. Yes, it's great to have the financial support while you decide how you can best balance your family responsibilities and relationship. But you are also taking a risk by cutting back on your government medical contributions, social security quarterly contributions and giving up time in the job market that is always more difficult to justify for women.

I'm not making excuses. It's just the way it is (or at least from my experience) that potential employers roll their eyes if women have taken time off, and seem to assume that men who have taken time off have apparently done so for more valuable reasons. (I realize that's an entirely separate conversation and post, just had to get it off my chest since it related to this conversation in part.)

I also think it's really sad that the stay at home's spouse contributions still have to be justified in the eyes of so many people. For those of us that provide those contributions, I'll just add one word . . . ouch. I just had a lengthy conversation with our campsite neighbor about how much harder the work is to stay at home and run the house with or without kids. And if you are working outside the home, you are for some reason given a societal pass if you don't feel like cooking or cleaning. If you are at home putting out whatever family fire gets dropped into your lap that day, and run out of time for a full course meal, many people (not everyone) feel it's then OK to let loose with a judgemental comment.

But if you were at a form of traditional work all day, even if that job allowed a three martini lunch and several hours of unproductive meetings, it is understood that of course you don't feel like cooking or cleaning. I'm not trying to generalize here, just stating what I have noticed as someone who has made this leap.

Not everyone makes me feel bad about this decision, but by the same token not everyone is supportive either. Stay at home contributions sometimes feel like the weight issue to me in that it still seems in our society to be something people still feel they can pass judgement on.

Again, I want to point out to those who would like to but feel unable to at this point, I understand what it is like to be on that side of the coin. I did it for YEARS, and it is exhausting and stressful. Perhaps a future post on strategies for laying the groundwork for transition is necessary. In fact, I'll start making notes on the subject.

In the meantime, I hope the debate continues as I'm enjoying the chance to further process this subject. Thanks in advance for the continued balanced debate!

As long as you are not breaking the law you should be able to work, stay at home, go to work, kids etc. etc. without other women beating up on you.
Who the heck cares anyway - people who are conflicted about their own choices that who.

My husband has stayed home since we got married. (And occasionally before that while between jobs while I was in grad school. Even then, the jobs didn't bring in that much money.) For 4 years, he was a stay at home husband; now we have a 3.5 year old daughter.

I'd never thought of it as a luxury--it was just our choice. It made a lot of sense in our case since he never had a job that paid over $18,000 a year--and that only after years of seniority (and included overtime). He always worked manual labor, coming home exhausted and dirty. On the other hand, I have a PhD and work at a university (not faculty). I make plenty of money to support us. I think I'd have to make half my current salary for us to even consider him going back to work. Then again, we also thought I made plenty back in grad school when we lived on less than $1500/month.

It's a matter of what you spend your money on. We could make it on a lot less because we have no debt except our very low mortgage. We didn't buy an enormous expensive house (1500 sq ft and under $90,000). We pay off credit cards every month. We visit family for vacations. We save for retirement (so no need to worry about him not getting social security when he's older. Don't even expect it to exist anyway). We spent more money on diapers than everything else combined for our daughter--clothes, toys, gifts, etc all bought at garage sales or not bought at all. I walk to work. To us, the luxuries are HD tv, the pets, the gym membership for DH, a few hours of preschool for DD.

I grew up with a dad who stayed at home while mom finished her Associate's degree, worked, AND traveled for work. Not to mention, she was an incredible mother. Dad ran his own business, out of the house, so technically, yes. He DID work 50+ hours a week - often staying up until 1-2 in the morning, to get the latest job done so we'd have food on the table, presents under the Christmas tree, money in the church plate. It was a lovely childhood - sure, we didn't have the latest and greatest RIGHT AWAY, but my parents really tried to instill (and succeeded with me, at least....my younger brother is another story. Hehe..) the value of saving up for something special.

We had great meals, there were always fruits and veggies in the house, as well as 'fun foods', thanks to my mother's tireless efforts to shop the sales and with coupons. We weren't always on the edge of fashion, but our clothing was neat, clean, warm when it needed to be, and durable, thanks to stores like JCPenney's outlet and Kohl's department store. Family was (and still is) an important part of life. We went on vacation only a few times - otherwise, my parents scrimped and saved to buy a pull-behind trailer, cleaned it and renovated it, and we camped every.single.weekend at a campsite in Portage, WI with friends. Life was full of campfires, exploring the woods, learning how to cook, clean, sew, reading books by the pool, summer school, taking College for Kids courses at UW Milwaukee....life was good.

Now, as an adult, I am so thankful for the experience I had growing up. I'm a Stay at home mom to one little guy, a full time graduate student, caregiver to 5 doggies, and a wife. I have time to take my little guy to story time, to go on long walks, to do the research and planning that was necessary to buy our first home (a condo) for 66% of its appraised value (okay...the crappy real estate market helped. A little.), time to coupon and shop sales, time to do our taxes on my own (which I won't be doing this upcoming year - buying a home and the new baby are extra deductions I want to make sure I get)...the list goes on and on. My husband wasn't happy when I was laid off last year, but now, a year later, tells me he can't imagine me having gone back to work, putting the baby in day care, and me also being in school.

Sure, it is a sacrifice. But it is one that is worth it. And for those who say "Well...what about divorce!?" I say to them....why are you getting married to that person in the first place, if divorce is a possibility on the horizon? I know in my marriage vows, I said for better or for worse.....

I too am currently child-less, 27, and a stay-at-home wife. I graduated from college in 2004, married in 2005, and worked full-time until 2006 when I was struck by a major illness that prevented me from working. I have since been diagnosed and treated and have recovered to 80%, but I choose not to work full-time. Yes, I am qualified, and yes, I have more education that 99% of the world's population, but I feel our relationship is much stronger when I am able to take care of the house, chores, pets, bills, errands, shopping, cooking, etc. My husband is hard-working and well-paid, but by no means are we financially well off. We have to plan and sacrifice conveniences to make this arrangement work, and I do substitute teach on a very part-time basis. Our relationship is much stronger when we aren't both dead tired and stressed. I feel thankful that I can do this and don't have to be at a 40 hour a week job. I don't look down on women that do work outside the home, in fact I highly respect their energy and dedication to do so. I just don't have it in me to do it.

I agree with you, #54, wholeheartedly - everything that you said. I have a college degree, do not currently work, we don't have kids, I worked for 4 years in the past, and my husband and I saved up to buy a house, which we sold and made money on. I find traditional 9 to 5 'job' work unfulfilling and very draining and it makes me depressed. A lot of work environments are toxic. I feel like supporting my husband will enhance his career (which he honestly likes - a lot) and earning prospects and I am not interested in climbing the corporate ladder myself - a lot of jobs are degrading to women and we don't necessarily make as much as men do, in the workforce. I feel the stress from working full time is not worth it (I had health issues which prevented me from working, for a time) and am glad my husband provides for me. I would rather take care of all of the household duties. We do not spend more than we earn and are debt-free. It all has to do with choices you make - we chose to buy a house with a very small mortgage and sold it when the time was right, we were very frugal early on in our marriage, we did not have kids right away - so we have some amount of financial freedom now. There are things in life that are more important than money: quality of life, health, happiness, ability to have a good marriage relationship, and maintain a good home environment. I cringe at all the people who live beyond their means and don't understand why more people do not live the way me and my husband do. Yes, they may be judging me -- but I am judging them right back and think they are a bit stupid for falling for whatever society tells them to do -- have kids right away, buy a huge house, have 2 cars, get into consumer spending debt and work crazy jobs that drain you completely so you can't enjoy any of it. I have friends who have a huge house and they both work terrible jobs to pay for that and two cars. We currently rent and we do not have any cars - we walk and use public transportation. Not trying to be judgmental of others who live in huge houses and have two high paying, high stress jobs -- but that is not for me - I would rather live a simple lifestyle in a 700 sq foot apartment and live below what my husband's salary is, and support him in non-financial ways.

It depends.

I know some people who really live out the description of being a stay-at-home status symbol sort of wives.

Their husbands really make so much that they're pretty much well pampered and provided for. The seriously need not work, but they end up spending more than anything.

On those cases, yes, it's an "extreme luxury."

However, people in general should consider that NOT ALL wives who don't work are just prima donnas.

My mother for one, was a stay-at-home mom. My father did the income generating and my mother did the financial managing. She was very simple, practical frugal and disciplined about the budget and her purchases. She raised me with the practical ideology to live according to my means, and as much as possible do only with what I need and not what I want.

So I guess it really depends. If given the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom one day, and if ever my husband will be so financially stable, I think I will not flaunt or think of my situation as some kind of luxury. I will still live simply and accordingly to what my family needs.

I have worked, and I have stayed home. The staying at home was not prompted by myself, I was laid off. I had a high stress executive position that paid very well, much more than my husbands salary. While I have been home for the last 6 months I have learned some things. Originally I felt that staying home was a weak choice, unwise and why would you waste your life like that after all that women's liberation has done. Now, I feel much differently. While I was working full-time "having it all", I was extremely stressed, could not take care of my home consistently well, had very little to no energy left to support my husband physically or emotionally, and suffered physical chest pains and anxiety attacks. After the layoff, it took me months to get my house organized from all the papers and stuff that just never got done, important papers that were lost, projects that were never completed. Now that I am home, I can take care of my three year old son, I make meals every day, I shop the sales and use coupons and have been able to support my husband so much that he has showed a significant change in his career and is now poised to start a job that doubles his salary. I don't believe that is a coincidence, he never got the support with his career before from me because I was too busy and stressed with keeping my career going. Our marriage has improved immeasurably. He now has a greater pride in his work. I now have more respect for him because of how he stepped into the role of breadwinner and how hard he is working. Yes, it is a risk to stay home and put your career on hold and be subject to being supported financially by your husband, but I believe it is possibly also VERY risky to your marriage to NOT be there for your husband and perhaps this subtle nuance might need to be emphasized to young women that the LACK OF emotional, and physical presence, and support of your husband can also lead to financial disaster if your marriage fails-and that is also very risky. No one in my family has been a stay at home mom permanently, I never even thought of being one-ever. While I was growing up I constantly heard, develop your career, get an education, work hard, never depend on a man......well, sometimes I think you can take it to far where women begin to let on that they no longer feel a man is necessary or needed. I learned that I do enjoy staying home, I am looking for work because we need to catch up on bills, and save for retirement. But, we this has been a defining moment for my life, we will live on one income-HIS, and save and invest and pay off bills with my income and hopefully I can go back to part-time work only eventually because I have learned that I really enjoy staying home and taking care of my family. It makes me happy to make a home for my husband and son, and make special moments for them.