I grew up in a low-income single parent household. I was always frustrated when it came to issues regarding money. Many of my friends growing up came from well-to-do families and were able to do things I couldn't. I was embarrassed to invite people over to my home. I was embarrassed when my friends asked for something to drink and all I could offer them was a glass of tap water. I found that growing up in this environment fostered a lot of desires...but for the wrong things. Everytime I got ahead just a little bit I would spend it trying to get a piece of what was being held from me. A lot of people criticize "poor people" when they drive past the trailer parks and see the nice cars and the satellite dishes, but these criticisms lack a true understanding. Yeah, maybe poor people act lazy, maybe they spend on the wrong things, maybe they eat the wrong things. You can point to all of these factors and say geez it's all their fault, but you gottalook at the stressors and societal circumstances holding them there - the education systems in those neighborhoods, the lack of political support, etc. Maybe my little take on my own experiences can give some light into why these characteristics are out there.

When many of my personal issues came together for me in my sophomore year of high school, I found that I was continually blaming others and the circumstances around me for my place in life - including family. I would become confrontational and immaturely bring about issues that in retrospect were already cutting deeply into the loved ones around me. I realized one day that it wasn't worth blaming others or circumstances. you could point to 100 things wrong with your life and justify every 1 of them, but it does nothing to change your circumstances. I needed a proactive attitude if I was going to break the cycle. I worked hard and now in another year I'll be earning a doctorate degree and a master's degree. I love personal finance and try to share it with my loved ones. I received a lot of resistance at first, but when they saw my ability to travel and see new places, when they saw the everyday habits that gave me those opportunities, they began asking questions. Now my mom and stepdad formed a real estate company and named it using my initials. We talk over e-mail and our relationship has drastically improved with the increased transparency between the issues we face on an everyday basis. Maybe this is just a part of getting older and sharing understanding with our parents, but I say keep on throwing hints here and there, show that you're willing to talk about it. if they don't take the bait, they don't take the bait - at least you tried. Don't ever let it limit you from achieving your desires though. Live your own dream, don't let circumstances dictate your personal reality.

Gosh, my mum is one of those family members that are HORRIBLE at handling money. The biggest problem is that she won't talk to me about ANY financial matters at all even when it pertains to something important. For example, it took much convincing for her to let me use her tax information to fill in the FAFSA and get some grants. (I used guilt, telling her that it was the least she could do since she didn't save a dime for me for college and doesn't help me with any books/supplies expenses now).

At the moment, I need info from her such as the state of her credit score so that I can effectively find a good student loan and an auto loan (2 things that I desperately need). But when I try to talk to her about it, she just yells that she hates talking about money and then ignores me. I have no idea how to deal with this situation except learn personal finance for myself so that when I am finally independent I won't end up like my mum did. And I will gladly give her advice if she asks for it. But she is too stubborn :]

What a great blog subject! I guess I am not the only one suffering considerable stress from a family member with this affliction. I am naturally quite disciplined with my financial affairs. Not that I am any great genius, but I do come out o'k. My problem is my sister. And when I try to make suggestions, she just laughs and says she has absolutely no intention of learning about finance. It is so boring. But guess who she complains to when she needs money. If I back off, she apologizes and says the relationship is more important than money. If we go out somewhere, I am always expected to pay, because I am the one with the money. So, I do avoid her.
Now, she has cancer and no health insurance, but bought a piece of clothing the cost of which would feed me for a couple of weeks. She did it to cheer herself up. She is planning to ask the physician to lower the cost of the surgery. She will probably get what she wants. It is hard to swallow.
I have lived with this situation for years and years. I am so tired of her saying she is "poor." And believe me, she can easily rationalize her situation and win your symphathy. In many ways, she has learned to be a con artist, but it has been a disappointing part of our relationship.
She is my only sister and in many ways a very remarkable person. I guess Susie Orman would say she refuses to grow up.

could you do a follow up post on how to prepare for a parents old age? My mum is in her late forties with no savings or retirement. i know she will be sickly (she is sickly now, and has already gone through a two year nervous breakdown during which time she sucked me dry of ALL my savings and income). i am her only relative, and it is going to be my responsibility to care for her in her old age. what can i do to make it easier? Help! Im only 25!

I recently had an experience with my about to be 21 year old, married daughter. I've had a budget since I was 16. I am a natural saver. My daughter knows this. I just turned 45 and am debt free except the house.

My daughter told me it's "normal" to have 2 car payments and credit card debt. She is married to an E-4 in the Air Force, aka "broke".

She told me all I care about is the money. I told her I don't, but I wish she wouldn't go an make the decisions with money that I made when I was her age. I didn't want to see her divorced because of money or go through the hardships I had to.

Bottom Line: Don't offer advice unless they ask. Don't lend money to relatives. Let them sink or swim on their own or all they will do is trash you. They are adults and let life teach them their lessons and be ready when the sky falls on them.

It's difficult to confront a parent with an accusation of bad money management. My father was always bad with money, but my family had an avoidance policy - avoid the issue, and maybe it will go away. Well, you can guess how well that worked!

My father died unexpectedly several years back, and my mother was left with a large mortgage and little savings. Fortunately, the debt he had was in his name, not hers, so she wasn't as liable as she could have been, but she still had to sell the house and downsize. Now she's 67 years old and still working.

I sometimes wish that I had had the courage to talk to my father about his finances, but I still believe that he wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to step back and let people make their own choices. All you can do is love them.

FIL was miserable at his job for about a decade. He finally got an offer from a competitor and switched over. He took early retirement at his old job. And they spent IT ALL in 9 months. Even the 10% that HR warned him he needed to set aside for tax penalty. Now they're in debt. And the competitor then let him go after six months with no warning. So then they were in debt while he decided to change occupations and went to school with some state help (MIL could only work PT, due to health issues). Then, MIL was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. FIL did finally get a job (contract, no insurance) and what do they do? Start going to the casinos for fun. Recently, they were let go as asst managers of the park. Now that they have to pay space rent again, FIL's solution was to stop paying a friend of the family to come over two hours a week and help MIL with cleaning.

It drives my husband and me crazy, as we struggle to get out of debt, after which we plan to start saving for a house. But in the end, it's not our place to say anything and FIL doesn't listen to the politely worded advice I give. (Did I mention he still hasn't set up payments with the IRS, two years after getting early retirement?)

So we have to accept that there are many things beyond our control. All we can do to help is pay them what we owe them (they gave us $3000 out of early retirement to help settle a student loan) and pray they use it well. And, once we're out of debt, make sure they know that we love them and will do what we can, but will probably never be in a financial position to take care of them (I'm on disability and hubby has his own health issues that affect work). They need to plan as best they can for themselves.

My father died when I was 4 and he had left nothing. My mother used to get some help from her brother's. Our uncles helped till certain age,after that it was my elder brother who was responsible for the money. He didn't work,sold of our home and started several businesses by our money. We had several losses and none of them have been very beneficiary. Now my brother is doing a job. I spent several years getting the finance and somehow was also able to get my own flat.My mother and brother not working all my savings is gone. Since now my mother is getting old and having diabetes she seems to be asking me to take care of her instead I am happy to give my flat but I don't understand what do you do with these kind of family.Is it worth having them around ?