So you bought an HD DVD player. Now what?

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It’s gone. HD DVD lost the war, Blu-Ray is the winner. Toshiba has admitted defeat and will discontinue all of its HD DVD products. No more players, no more recorders, no more discs, no more Xbox 360 players, it’s all dead in the water. And that leaves you HD DVD owners up a certain creek without a paddle. But, it’s not all doom and gloom.

For a start, if you do have an HD DVD player, you’re about to get your hands on some seriously cheap movies; expect markdowns of 75% or more. And if you don’t own an HD DVD player yet, would you be so stupid as to buy one now? Well, why not?

Sure, the future is dead. But the movies you can get right now, coupled with the silly price of the players, means that you can quickly build a library of your favorite movies in the highest quality at a fraction of the price of Blu-Ray, or even regular DVD. Maybe not something for the living room, but if you’ve got a den it beats the crappy old VHS player that chews up your tapes and spits them back at you with glee.

If all that is of no comfort, which to be honest it probably isn’t, here’s a list I’ve put together of things you could do with your player and discs.

1: One million dollars! Create a powerful “laser” weapon.
Kipkay from Metacafe shows you how to turn an old, defunct laser device into a Maglite laser weapon. World domination beckons.

2: Impress friends with really low IQs.
Show them the fantastic set-up you have in your living room, and the amazing quality it produces. If one of them utters anything like “Duh, isn’t that like that crappy HD DVD thing” then eject them from the room and never invite them back.

3: A Gangster’s paradise.
Concrete is expensive. Simply tie an HD DVD player to the feet of a lightweight stooge (informant) and send him to sleep with the fishes.

4: Cheap jewelry.
Ladies (or pirates). Two HD DVDs dangling from your ear lobes makes an impressive, cheap statement about your fashion sense.

5: Prop up your kids.
An HD DVD player gives several inches of extra height to kids having trouble reaching the table. Prop it under them at mealtimes. Also, they can stand on it to reach things they’re not supposed to reach but really want to.

6: Party hearty Marty. Make a disco ball.
This one uses old CDs , but it’s the same principle. All you need is a styrofoam ball, a bottle of glue and a some flared leopardskin pants.

7: Tom Cruise – gain extra height on the red carpet.
Tie an HD DVD player to each foot and tower over Katie Holmes and those tall people who make fun of Scientology.

8: Re-gift it.
Ok, so technically it has to be a gift before it can be re-gifted, but now we’re splitting hairs. Just box it up and give it to someone as a deliciously nasty present. Watch them fake a smile and say something like “wow…that’s…great. Really…great.”

9: Put it on eBay.
You may be able to make some of your money back. Not a lot, but it’s better than nothing.

10: Keep it for 50 years.
In 2058 it will be a collector’s item and make you rich. Most of them will have been junked long ago.