romance

How to Deal With a Partner Who Is Too Controlling With Money

Ashley Eneriz — Wed, 28 Nov 2018 09:00:16 +0000

You share a home and a bed, but when it comes to your bank account, do you feel like your spouse is holding back? Living with a spouse who is too controlling over money can make you feel trapped rather than an equal partner in the marriage.

It doesn't have to be this way. Here are some suggestions to remedy the issue and get your finances and marriage back on track. (See also: 8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married)

Get to the root cause

Have a heart-to-heart with your partner about their control issues. Many times, this controlling behavior has less to do with lack of trust and more to do with fear or anxiety. This fear could be coming from the way your partner was raised. Perhaps his or her family never had enough money or one parent squandered away savings on foolish spending.

Your partner might want to make sure they can provide for the family, and they don't realize it's hurting your relationship. It's important to know where these control issues are coming from first so you know how to proceed with the issue. (See also: How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage)

Balance the money load

Your partner's financial control issues could also stem from the stress of trying to balance the budget. Take some of the financial burden off their shoulders, such as paying bills or budgeting for everyday needs. Not only will this act increase the trust in your relationship, but it can also show your partner that you're a team, and they're are not alone in this responsibility. (See also: 3 Simple Ways to Split Bills With Your Spouse)

Talk about your feelings

You're stressed and feeling defensive about the way your partner is treating you, so it can be tempting to list off all the things they're doing wrong just to get it off your chest. But this tactic can lead to more fights. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt, even if you know they're intentionally in the wrong. Say things like, "I know you're not trying to appear controlling, but I feel like I'm being treated like a child rather than your partner when it comes to our finances."

Add a third party if needed

How does your partner respond? Are they genuinely apologetic, or do they take the stance of "My paycheck, my money." If they express the latter, then it's wise to seek out a marriage counselor, since this is an issue you'll need help addressing. You might even find a financial counselor who specializes in married or family finances who can help.

Understanding financial abuse

There's a difference between a spouse who is particular about how the budget is spent and one who controls every cent. Of course, if one spouse has a gambling or shopping addiction, then keeping the accounts safe and protected is understandable. But if you don't have access to any of your funds – i.e. your name is not on the bank account, or you have to beg for money when it comes to family spending, then this is considered financial abuse, and you should seek outside help. The National Network to End Domestic Violence and the National Domestic Abuse Hotline list additional forms of financial abuse to watch out for, as well as several resources for anyone who feels stuck in a partnership or marriage like this.

A healthy marriage should include equal access to funds and mutual respect for the family budget, and each other, despite who brings home the paycheck.

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This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Cheap Date Ideas for Nature Lovers

Emily Guy Birken — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 12:40:58 +0000

After this year's seemingly interminable winter, nothing would be finer than getting outside to enjoy nature, especially if you can do so with your special someone. But week after week, you may find yourselves falling back into the Saturday night habit of drinks together at the local bar or watching Netflix on the couch.

It's not that you want to spend all of your precious date nights indoors, but fun outdoor date activities are expensive! Maybe you and your beloved can't afford to go mountain biking, whale watching, or white water rafting. So you end up watching David Attenborough nature documentaries on Saturday nights instead.

It doesn't have to be this way. Instead of settling into your regular booth at the pub or your favorite spot on the couch, consider trying these cheap dates you can enjoy in the great outdoors. (See also: 23 Cheap Summer Date Ideas)

1. Try stargazing

There's a reason stargazing is a classic romantic activity. Not only is it a free way to take in a breathtaking view, but it's an excellent excuse to snuggle with your sweetheart.

All you really need for this activity is a blanket to spread on the ground, a clear night sky, and maybe a thermos of coffee or hot chocolate to share. But it can be more fun to study the night sky if you know what you're looking at, so consider downloading a free astronomy app to help you identify the constellations, planets, satellites, and thousands of stars that are visible to the naked eye. In addition, if you have a pair of binoculars or a telescope, bringing them along can help you to better see the glories of the night sky. (See also: 5 Natural Wonders You Can See For Free)

2. Go on a nature scavenger hunt

Working together can make for a fun and meaningful date, which is why taking part in a nature scavenger hunt together can create lasting romantic memories.

For such a scavenger hunt, all you need is a list of things to find while you are jaunting through your favorite scenic area. Since the rule for nature walks is "take only pictures and leave only footprints," all you have to do is check off that you saw each of the items on your list — or snap photos of them.

For instance, you might challenge each other to find something that begins with every letter in the alphabet, in order. You could write down what you find (apple wood tree, beehive, coneflower, etc.) as you go. Similarly, you could challenge each other to find something representing every color of the rainbow.

Even if you don't have time to come up with a scavenger hunt yourselves, there are a number of free printable scavenger hunts available online that can help you to see nature in a different way. (See also: 6 Outdoor Adventures That Don't Cost a Dime)

3. Plant a garden

Plunging your hands into garden soil is a viscerally satisfying experience that you can share with your beloved. Planting, tending, and enjoying the fruits of your garden together can give you a lovely connection to each other and the earth.

Even if you don't live in a place that allows for gardening, you can still enjoy the benefits of garden living by finding a local community garden. This can help you and your sweetheart form stronger bonds in your community while you build something beautiful and nourishing together. (See also: 13 Simple Gardening Skills Anybody Can Master)

4. Watch the sunrise together

If you are early birds (or dedicated night owls), set your alarm for 0:dark-30 and watch the sunrise together. You can do this from the comfort of your own backyard, or make it an event by driving to the closest beach, park, or eastern-facing hill. As the night sky trades its blacks and grays for dawn's bright pinks and oranges, you and your date can cuddle together and enjoy some coffee and the quiet feeling of being the only people awake in the world.

Finish your early morning date with breakfast al fresco, and you'll both spend the rest of the day with a smile on your faces.

5. Go bird-watching

Even if neither of you can tell the difference between an eagle and an egret, going on a bird-watching adventure can be a fun date. Start with a quick search on the best birding areas near you. Audubon's official website offers a great deal of information and tips for new bird-watchers, and can give you some suggestions for local places to enjoy your bird-watching date.

From there, you'll need a field guide — which you can borrow from the library — and a pair of binoculars. (If you don't have your own pair, borrow some from a friend.) Even with minimal equipment, you can start searching the skies and listening to bird calls together to see if you can identify various local species.

6. Have a picnic

Eating a delicious meal together will be much more fun if you can do it outside. And you don't have to go far or spend a lot to do it. Whip a meal in your kitchen, grab a blanket, and eat it in your backyard under the night sky with some candles lit around you. Or you could pack your meal in some Tupperware and head to your local beach or park.

But even if you're stuck indoors — because sometimes the weather makes it impossible to get outside — you can still have a memorable date night together that honors your love for the natural world. Turn off all the lights, stow away and power down all of your electronics, and enjoy an evening of uninterrupted romantic connection. Not only will you be conserving energy, but you'll also get to enjoy the benefits of unplugging together.

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Ways to Cash in on Romantic Gifts From Exes

Mikey Rox — Fri, 09 Feb 2018 09:00:06 +0000

Your ex is officially out of your life, but you still have the stuff they gave you. Will you continue to wear the jewelry, or that sweater, or use that gadget? If your answer is no, why not make a little cash instead of letting it collect dust? Ease the pain of your breakup by turning all those love tokens he or she gave you into make-it-all-better money. Check out these ways to cash in on romantic gifts you don't want.

1. Visit a jeweler for an offer

Jewelry is a great gift to receive when your eyes are filled with heart emojis for each other, but when things come crashing down, the ring, watch, or necklace is just a shiny reminder of everything that went wrong. If the jewelry is the real deal, however, you should be able to ease your pain with a boost to your bank account after a visit to a jeweler.

"Ensuring you get the most money for your item is key, so while you get your piece appraised by jewelers or pawnbrokers, it's worth considering the offers they make you," says Natasha Rachel Smith, personal finance expert at TopCashback.com. "More often than not, local jewelers will offer the best price because they'll see you as a potential customer. Another great option when negotiating with a jeweler is to exchange your used jewelry for store credit if they don't buy used jewelry, which may or may not be ideal for you."

2. Send it to the scrap heap

A quick way to make cash on your precious metal jewelry is to hawk it for its scrap value. This means selling it for the material that will eventually be disassembled and melted down. I did this with a gold ring once. I kept the diamonds and got paid for the gold the store kept. This form of selling your jewelry is easy and convenient. Just find a gold buying store in your area or mail your pieces in (certified mail with insurance is best) for fast cash. The state of the market will determine the value of the material, but you will usually get an immediate offer. (See also: How to Sell Gold Without Getting Ripped Off)

3. Tap into the online community

There's an abundance of resources online to sell unwanted gifts, from sites like eBay or Amazon, to more focused marketplaces, like Bag Borrow or Steal, which deals in the buying and selling of designer handbags. (See also: How I Make $800 on Month on eBay Selling Used Clothes)

"Using auction websites like eBay or online marketplaces such as Craigslist or Poshmark to sell your used or new items can be easy and convenient," Smith says. "Figure out what type of selling fits your lifestyle. For example, eBay and Poshmark allow you to make transactions all online and shipping is relatively easy. Craigslist opens the door for face-to-face interactions with unfamiliar faces."

Still, there are many resources you may not have heard of, like Gemr, for instance.

Gemr is a social-commerce platform for collectors to discover, display, discuss, and buy and sell collectibles. So instead of selling in a marketplace like eBay or Amazon where an item is one of thousands, Gemr offers super-niche, curated selling pages. As a result, even the most custom and unique gifted items can now be turned into cash, like baseball autographs.

Another great resource is Worthy.com to sell your diamond ring. Its two-day auction puts a vetted community of professional buyers at your virtual door.

4. Post on social media

The ability to connect with people you know can help you sell your items fast. Use Facebook's Craigslist-style Marketplace to sell items to users in your immediate area. I also sometimes just post an item to my personal page. On several occasions, I've had people within my own network interested in what I'm selling, which removes a lot of hesitation and anxiety I get when dealing with strangers, many of whom often flake on the deal, forcing me to start from scratch. Annoying!

I've also had a really great experiences with Letgo, which, similar to Facebook Marketplace, helps connect you with local buyers who will pick the item up from you so you don't have to worry about shipping.

5. Sell it to a consignment shop

Chances are you have a consignment shop in your area that would be willing to take your items for resale. You'll take only a fraction of the profit, but at least your items will be in a place with built-in foot traffic.

If you want to try online consignment, TheRealReal.com is a great place to consign romantic gifts, especially fine jewelry and designer clothes or handbags. It can be even better than your local jewelry or consignment shops, since people from all over the world will be able to see your items and possibly purchase them. Other popular online consignments shops include thredUP, dedicated to women's and children's fashion, and Tradesy, which specializes in high-end designer fashion and accessories, plus wedding apparel for men and women. (See also: What to Do With Your Wedding Dress After the Big Day)

If you were gifted furniture or artwork you don't want, consider Chairish, which is the perfect place to unload home décor given from an ex. (Just don't be too hasty; you need a couch.)

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways Good Credit Is Better Than a Boyfriend

Sarah Winfrey — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 09:00:07 +0000

Having good credit may not sound like much when compared to romance. After all, there aren’t many candlelit dinners, vases overflowing with roses, or long walks on the beach with good credit.

However, while having a significant other is a wonderful thing, a strong credit history can enhance your life in ways romance can't quite match. Here are some things that your love life can’t always promise you — but good credit can.

1. Good credit is always there for you

No matter when you need it — whether it’s the middle of the night, or the middle of the workday — good credit is always there for you. Even if you just want to check it again, one more time to feel more secure, good credit doesn’t think you're being clingy.

Good credit doesn’t require anything special to keep it happy: Simply keep up with smart money habits, and it will show up wherever and whenever you need it, whether it’s for a car loan, a home loan, or that new apartment you’ve been wanting. (See also: 6 Ways Life Is Better With Good Credit)

2. Good credit comes through in an emergency

Do you need to move across town quickly? Good credit will help you land an awesome new apartment. It will also help get your utilities set up without any deposits or letters of guarantee, making the whole process quick and painless.

Maybe your car got totaled and you need a loan for a new one, fast. Good credit will come through for you there, too, giving you a better chance of getting the best terms on the loan for your new ride. (See also: 5 Ways to Improve Your Credit Score Fast)

3. Good credit rewards you every day

When you have a solid credit score, you stand a much better chance of qualifying for the best rewards credit cards that fit your needs and lifestyle, and at a much lower rate. This means that every time you swipe, you’ll earn bonuses, miles, or cash back that will make your life a little sweeter. And it’s all thanks to good credit, who helped you land the cards in the first place.

A romantic partner might reward you on occasion, but there will undoubtedly be some rocky times. That high credit score, however, is committed to making your life a little better every single day. (See also: The Best Credit Cards for People With Excellent Credit)

4. Good credit saves you money

Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries: Significant others can be expensive! Good credit, on the other hand, helps keep your money in your pockets. You’ll pay less in deposits for things like utilities and mobile phone contracts. You’ll pay less in interest on loans and credit cards. Your auto insurance rates will be lower, too. Every day, you’ll have more money to spend on the things that make you happy, all courtesy of good credit.

5. Good credit helps you get a home

Buying a home with your significant other can be pretty scary. Buying a home with good credit, though, is easy. You'll get preapproved in a snap, and your mortgage payment will be lower thanks to a better rate. This will leave you with more room in the budget for things like decorating, dining out, and — most importantly — savings. (See also: What Is a Good Credit Score and Why Is It Important?)

6. Good credit helps you get your way

There’s no partner on earth who will let you have your way all the time — but good credit will. Maybe you need a small loan to cover an unexpected home repair. If you harness the negotiation power of a sky-high credit score, you can ask for a lower interest rate or a more attractive repayment plan. You can also shop around for the best quotes from different lenders, and leverage them to get an even better deal.

Romantic relationships make life worthwhile and so does having strong credit. Sometimes, romance is better — but other times, a good credit score is more comforting, reliable, supportive, and helpful than a boyfriend.

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This article is from Sarah Winfrey of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways It Pays to Stay Single

Mikey Rox — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 09:00:11 +0000

Being one half of a couple has its financial benefits. Combined incomes can offer a stronger financial outlook and create more disposable income, allowing some couples to buy homes, upgrade to bigger places, build emergency funds, and travel, among other luxuries. Likewise, married couples filing joint tax returns might receive additional tax savings compared to single filers, helping them get ahead faster.

But couples aren't the only ones enjoying economic advantages. Singleness has its rewards, too — like eating all the cookies without judgment, and many other perks that'll make you appreciate your independence. Take a look.

1. Work without distractions

No one is suggesting you become a workaholic and sacrifice relaxation or fun for the almighty dollar, but being in a relationship consumes a good portion of your time and energy, which can limit the amount of time you're able to work.

When you're a single person with nothing holding you back, there's more time to focus on your career. And there's the opportunity to work longer hours with your employer or freelance on the side for extra money. Your extra cash can go toward achieving financial goals such as paying off debt or building a sizable savings account. Being single also gives you the opportunity to pick up and move if you're offered a better job somewhere else. You don't have to confer with a partner or worry how the move will affect their life.

2. Freedom to buy what you want

You work, so technically you can do whatever you want with your money. But when you're one half of a twosome, consulting with your partner about purchases (especially larger ones) can deter arguments and keep you on the same page financially. If you have financial goals as a couple, your partner could discourage or veto your plans for buying an item.

Being honest and having discussions about finances (and decisions regarding other matters) keeps the relationship strong, but relinquishing some of your freedom might be frustrating, too. As a single person, you don't have to consult anyone before spending or making decisions. If you want something and can afford it, buy it.

3. No stress over a partner's credit situation

If you're in a relationship and purchasing a house or car together, lenders often pull both of your credit scores and use the lowest of your two scores when determining the interest rate. So if you have great credit and your partner doesn't, you could end up paying more for financing.

Single people don't have to worry or stress over another person's credit history. As long as you're paying your bills on time and maintaining low, manageable debt, you're likely a good candidate for affordable financing. (See also: 4 Surprising Things Lenders Check Besides Your Credit Score)

4. Money arguments? What money arguments?

Another bonus of living the single life is not having money fights with another person. Some people get into relationships with people who aren't their money match, meaning they have different mindsets with regard to budgeting, spending, and saving. One person might be a saver while the other person is a big spender, or vice versa. These differences can cause problems and lead to arguments.

5. Easier meal planning

Planning meals for two or more people is not only challenging, it's costly. You have to purchase more food and cook more often. Being single makes it easier to plan meals. Since you know how much you consume each day, you have a better idea of how much food to purchase. If you prepare a meal for you and a partner, the food may last only one night. But if you prepare the exact same meal for yourself, you could potentially have leftovers for the next one or two days, thereby by reducing your food bill over the long term and helping you to avoid eating out. (See also: How to Shop for Food Once a Month and Save Big)

6. Cheaper housing costs

Two people living together need more space than a single person. This often requires a bigger home, and a higher monthly payment, despite sharing expenses.

If you're a single person committed to living cheaply, you have more options than a couple. Since it's just you, there's the flexibility of renting a room in a house with a bunch of roommates and splitting expenses two, three, or four ways (did that in my 20s; loved it!), or rooming with your folks a little longer to save money (did that in my 20s, too; didn't love it so much).

Couples don't always have these options, which means they end up spending more on housing and having less disposable income. Get away with living cheaply while you can. It may not always be this way.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Better Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day This Year

Ashley Eneriz — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 11:00:12 +0000

It's almost Valentine's Day, which means love is in the air and over 180 million cards will be exchanged. According to Statistic Brain, over $13 billion will be spent to celebrate the holiday. That's a lot of moola for gifts that are usually pretty generic.

What if you moved beyond the common Valentine's Day gifts, not only to save money, but to boost your relationship? Try these creative ideas instead.

1. Instead of Flowers, Plant an Herb Garden

Flowers are a nice gesture any other time of the year. On Valentine's Day, they are overpriced and scream, "forced gift." Instead, why not give a potted plant, such as an herb garden or succulent. You can even plant several succulents in a heart-shaped box. Succulents are so easy that even people without green thumbs can succeed at keeping them alive.

Another idea is gifting exotic flower seeds or heirloom rose buds. This is a gift more appropriate for avid gardeners, and for lasting relationships.

2. Instead of Going Out to Eat, Hire a Private Chef

Dining out on Valentine's Day is nothing short of a nightmare. Everywhere is packed and many nicer restaurants will have a prix fixe menu for the day that is costlier than their daily menu. Skip the annoyance of having to spend your special day with the rest of town, and hire a private chef.

A private chef might sound too glamorous, but it is possible to find an affordable one that will deliver a delicious dinner and keep the kitchen clean. If the price is still too high, consider inviting a few other couples over to split the bill.

If a private chef is still out of the question, either dine in or choose to eat out on an another night. It's hard to share sweet moments together in a crowded and bustling restaurant.

3. Instead of a Bottle of Wine, Go Wine Tasting

Coupon sites like Groupon and LivingSocial almost always have discounted wine tasting tours. Let that be your romantic gesture rather than a bottle of wine. For some, it's hard to get excited about a bottle of wine as a gift. (See also: 7 Ways to Get the Best Deals on Groupon)

4. Instead of a Card, Write a Letter

Valentine's Day cards offer that second of "aww" or even a funny laugh, but for how much they cost, they aren't a good value. A better value would be to express your love in a letter. You don't need fancy paper, nice penmanship, perfect grammar and spelling, or even to make it a poem. If you are truly an anti-writer, make your valentine a top 10 list of things you love about your true love.

Sometimes we deeply appreciate and love a person, and while we know that to be true, our busy lives keep us from expressing it. If you were to die today, what words would you want to leave your loved one to remember you by? If you have any children or other close relatives, why not write them a note, too? I don't have many handwritten notes from my mother, but I do have one special one written in a Valentine's Day card. It's a true treasure now that she's gone.

5. Instead of Lingerie, Help Them Pursue Their Passions

Valentine's Day is all about passion, but you can show your loved one you truly care about them by gifting them something that aligns with their passions or dreams. When my husband and I were dating, he often said that one day he would like to build a computer. That year, I didn't have a lot of money, and online writing was still a new thing. However, I was able to earn a $100 gift card to TigerDirect through writing articles. This simple gift ended up motivating him to build one computer, then later he built more computers, and now he has a successful career in the field.

The point is to focus on someone's passion and give them something that says, "I believe in your passion and know you can succeed." Here are some ideas:

Set up a small painting corner in the house for that person who never can find time to get creative.
Purchase guitar lessons for the partner who wants to be more musical.
Send a loved one to a writing conference they have always dreamed about attending.

Valentine's Day is a beautiful day to celebrate the ones you love, but do so in a meaningful way that comes from the heart. If you are on a budget, you can still do romantic or grand gestures without spending alot, or anything. All it takes is a little creativity and thought.

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This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

8 Relationship Mistakes Everyone Makes

Mikey Rox — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 12:00:03 +0000

One of the biggest issues I've found with relationships — in practically all of them — is that there are cracks in every façade; we just don't like to talk about them.

Even though it's not the easiest topic of conversation to engage in, I'm a staunch advocate for laying our problems out on the table with people we trust. Among close friends, we can talk about what's going on in our lives, receive feedback and advice, and most importantly, recognize that we're not alone in the problems we face with our significant others. After all, the truth will set you free, right?

In lieu of such grand admissions, let's back it up and start smaller, by identifying the universal relationship issues we all face but rarely talk about.

1. You Do Things Just to Please Your Partner

There's nothing wrong with doing something nice for your partner, even going out of your way at times to make them happy — consider it a byproduct of being in love. But when you start doing things just to please your partner – and you're doing them excessively – you run the risk of being disappointed, even more so when your proactiveness isn't warranted or requested. Eventually, you'll start to notice an imbalance in your relationship – you're pleasing your partner in various ways and he or she isn't following suit. It may be a situation that you created though, so how can you really be mad at that?

As a result, according to Michele Fabrega, love, intimacy, and sexuality coach for men, we can feel resentful when we start to expect our partner to make sacrifices for us.

"It can end up being a sort of ledger that we keep inside our heads, a competition of sorts," she says. "Instead, I like to invite my clients to really ask themselves, before they say yes to their partner's request, 'Is this something I can feel good about?' And if not, I invite partners to collaborate, not compromise."

2. You Become Codependent on One Another

We've all seen it happen to our friends: They start dating and spending more time together until eventually they can't spend time apart. That's not healthy, and if you're in this type of relationship, it's time to reevaluate your priorities.

"Some people don't allow themselves to sail through the infatuation stage, and because of this, some couples tend to lose their own lives and become intertwined in each other's," explains dating and life coach Annah Rose. "Their lives then become solely about each other."

Becoming codependent on one another is bad habit for any relationship, but especially one in the early stages. Even when you're trying to build the relationship in the beginning, each partner needs his or her space. Without breathing room, tensions eventually will mount, likely ending in a blow-up when someone feels smothered.

3. You Snoop on Each Other

"Once someone snoops they are labeled as 'crazy,' but here's the thing — in this day and age of social media and smartphones, more people than not are snooping. This becomes one of the unhealthiest traits to bring into a relationship," says Rose.

Let's dissect that. On one hand, most people in a relationship are guilty of snooping in some form of another; most likely as a result of something that raised their suspicion, but it's important to note here that it's not just women; men are doing it — in their own way, and whether they'd like to admit it or not. Secondly, snooping is never good for the relationship. People rarely get away with it, but it also signals a bigger problem — a complete lack of trust. Maybe that's justified, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that once this habit is established, it won't stop, and neither will the activity that facilitated it. In that case, you're both going to have a hard road trying to keep that relationship together… because it probably should've ended a long time ago.

4. You Blame Each Other When Things Go Wrong

Nobody likes to admit they're wrong or at fault for whatever goes awry in a relationship, and that's never clearer than when romantic partners are in an argument. Accusations fly and fingers are pointed in an attempt to absolve oneself from responsibility for whatever you're fighting about. As we all know, however, that gets us nowhere, and Fabrega offers an alternative solution.

"Relationships are complex and the way each of us responds or reacts to life situations are infinitely unique," she says. "Rather than go into blame or criticism, I like to encourage people to bring compassionate curiosity to the situation. What am I feeling? What happened here? What led to this outcome? What can I learn from this situation? What do I wish I had done differently? If partners can come together and be on the same team to address a problem, they can be part of the solution. This is key relationship skill that partners can strengthen over time."

5. You Try to Change the Other Person

I think we've all watched enough Oprah and Dr. Phil to know that we can't change our partners, no matter how hard we try. It's a fool's errand that will end up in heartbreak, so it's best to accept your partner's flaws, or move on.

You also should do some soul searching of your own. If you want your partner to change so badly, they're probably not right for you. Find someone else who more closely embodies what you want in a man or woman, if only so you're not making your partner feel like they're not good enough all the time. That's not fair to them, and you're doing what's best for you either.

6. You Aren't Empathetic Enough With One Another

When two people love each other, they want the best for each other. Which is why it's interesting and confusing and sad that when couples argue with one another, they can be downright evil. Passion has a way of taking over sometimes, but it's important to remember that there's no taking back what you say to one another.

"Humans are pretty self-centered and we rarely look at another person's circumstances," says couples' therapist and relationship podcaster Eboni Harris. "If your partner says something hurtful, think about times that you have used the wrong words and it led to an argument. Wouldn't you want the chance to explain what you meant in a safe conversation before your partner jumped down your throat? If you know that your partner loves you and is not in the habit of purposefully hurting you, give them an opportunity to explain."

7. You Withhold "Uncomfortable" Information

Here's something to chew on: We communicate more than ever with text messages, social media, dating apps, etc., but we rarely talk about anything worthwhile anymore. That goes double for those touchy subjects that we've always had a hard time discussing, and not being forthcoming with our partners can create a wedge in the relationship that sometimes drive us apart.

8. You Create Impossible Expectations

We've all pretty much been brainwashed to believe that we deserve the perfect partner. You know the one: amazing credentials online, they live incredible lives according to their various profiles, have the best families, are well-traveled, neatly dressed, blah blah blah. And physically, they're the ideal specimens — fit, attractive, curves in all the right places, and so on. So, of course, good luck (and God help you) with that!

But as Mitch Kahan, co-founder of the dating app InviteUp, warns, spending too much time cultivating relationships online instead of offline can set up you up for failure, over and over again.

"All the pre-date chatting builds up expectations, possibly to an unreachable level," he says. "The same goes for spending too much time texting your significant other; most people can't compete in person with the version of them you create in your head. Spending weeks chatting online are better served spending time in person where you can get a real feel for your chemistry without the buffer of text communications."

What other relationship mistakes are we making but not talking about? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

9 Ways to Spend Less on Your Significant Other (And Not Get Killed!)

Mikey Rox — Mon, 23 Mar 2015 17:00:07 +0000

Being in a relationship is expensive — whether you've been together a day or a decade. That means that at some point you'll need to reign in the spending (unless your last name is Gates or Rockefeller). Here are nine ways to do it without ending up on your partner's hit list.

1. Buy Dollar Store Greeting Cards

Tangible cards are quickly losing their appeal in this digital world (I stopped sending out holiday cards five years ago to preserve time, money, and paper), though they're not bygone relics just yet. It's still nice to receive one every now and again. But at an average price of $3 to $7 a pop — yes, some cards cost as much as a small meal now — they can put a considerable dent in your gift-buying budget over the course of a year. To scale back, ditch the premium greetings and hit up the dollar store.

"I've been purchasing greeting cards from the dollar store ever since I discovered them a few years back," says Kedal Perez, Coupon Sherpa's resident money-saving expert. "I often find the perfect card — sometimes two — for just 50 cents, compared to Hallmark cards costing $4 and up. In addition to holidays, I like to buy 'just because' cards for my husband when I remember to be a good wife. This habit saves me a ton and conveys the sentiment I'm looking for."

While you're there, don't forget to pick up other gift-giving essentials like gift bags, balloons, tissue paper, ribbons, and more.

2. Decorate a Gift Instead of Wrapping It

On one occasion, I didn't have birthday-specific gift wrap for a present for one of my nephews, and in a bind I decided to decorate the plain cardboard box with crayons. My lack of resources resulted in a gift with a thoughtful presentation that didn't cost any additional money. I've kept up this habit with other gifts throughout the year, keeping a considerable amount of cash in my pocket. You also can adopt this practice. Get creative, too. You can use all kinds of items — markers, glue and glitter, and other crafty-type items like bows and ribbons that you may have lying around.

3. Celebrate a Holiday Post-Holiday

Ready to be a prime-time savings boss? Celebrate big holidays like Valentine's Day and Christmas after February 14 and December 25. It'll probably take a bit of convincing on your part — having nothing to open on Christmas morning will seem strange — but if it works out for the both of you, you're looking at substantial markdowns on all the coveted gifts.

"My husband and I recently agreed to celebrate certain holidays [like Valentine's Day] after the fact to avoid mark-ups," Perez says. "He bought me a beautiful bouquet of orange roses and white lilies on February 15, and I loved them just as much as I would have a day earlier."

4. Buy Flowers From the Grocery Store

Speaking of flowers, you're spending too much if you're going to a local florist. It's an unfortunate fact, because I like to support small business — but they just don't have the discount buying power that large chain supermarkets do. You will have to contend with a more limited selection, perhaps, but that's an easy compromise to make when a beautiful bouquet doesn't make you weep for all the wrong reasons.

5. Shop the Clearance Section for Gifts

I'm always keeping my eye out for the perfect gift for my husband, and I hit the jackpot when it's from the clearance section. Whenever I'm shopping — for anything — that's the first place I go. I bypass the new arrivals, to the eye rolls of the associates, and get my discount on. This is a great tactic to cut costs on birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts (or just ordinary wardrobe updates), and you can walk away with some amazing deals if you're shopping well out of season.

6. Make a Gift If You Have the Skills

I like receiving shiny gadgets as gifts from my husband, but I would equally appreciate anything he gave me that was completely handmade. The kind of dedication it takes to make a handcrafted gift sends the message that he'd rather spend time on something thoughtful than buy an item that will never have an ounce of sentiment. Those handmade Christmas ornaments would be treasured forever, but I would replace the iPhone he bought me as soon as a new one was released.

Brett Hamilton, whose business SIMPLE.BE was built on the idea of handmade gifts, agrees.

"My favorite way to give great gifts to my wife without spending too much is to custom-make practical gifts for her," he says. "One year I made her a new waterproof duffle bag from vinyl trucker tarps for soccer games. Last year it was a black and white tote bag made from old recycled sails. She loved it so much."

There is one slight complication with this tactic, however: Your SO might get used to the idea of receiving handmade gifts, so you may have to keep it up once you start it. But is that kind of appreciation really so bad?

7. Get Accustomed to Discount Dating

My husband and I have one rule for our dates (or at least I do): Never pay full price.

Seriously, if you're planning dates at full retail value, you're doing it all wrong — and you're paying dearly for it.

There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't be saving money on every date you have together, given the abundance and availability of daily-deal sites, coupon codes, free activities, BOGO deals, and other discount dating opportunities. Even when you can't find a discount, there's probably a way to shave off a few bucks if you're willing to adjust your plans. Take the movies, for instance. In my neck of the woods, a regular screening is no less than $12 (up to $22 when you start throwing in 3D and IMAX). But if you plan the date before noon, you can score $7 tickets at certain theaters like AMC. All you need is a little creative thinking to reduce of the cost of virtually any activity or meal date.

Also, don't forget to use your military or students discounts where available. My husband forgets to ask about military discounts all the time, which is why it's a good thing he has me. I never forget, and with the money I saved him on this-and-that admission, he has enough left over to buy me lunch.

I love when it works out like that.

8. Buy Refurbished Electronics When Appropriate

Some people are picky about the newness of their electronics, so you need to know your partner well enough to be certain they won't act like an ungrateful brat when they find out their gift is previously own or refurbished. Personally, I prefer that my phone is new — I don't like the idea of someone else using something that touches my face (I know it's clean, but still) — though I have no qualms with receiving, say, a refurbished iPad. Buying refurbished can save you hundreds of dollars — and these deals are available for a wealth of electronics, including video games — so whether or not to implement this tactic is a relevant conversation to have with your guy or girl.

9. Spend More Time and Effort Than Money

Now that we're past the materialistic and superficial things, let's get real: No amount of money you spend will ever equal the value of your time and effort. I touched on this a bit when I talked about handmade gifts, but it really applies to all aspects of your relationship. Gifts are nice, of course, but a reasonable person (read: a keeper) will choose a free date, gift, meal, or experience with you over something with a price tag any day. Learn how to pay attention to one another's needs before it jeopardizes the relationship, and you're on the right track to a happy life together. Good luck!

Do you have any ideas on how to spend less on your significant other without getting killed? Let me know in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

20 Valentine's Day Gifts for $10 or Less

Mikey Rox — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 18:00:08 +0000

It's easy to forget that Valentine's Day is about celebrating love over material things — what, with all the swag being shilled in the name of Cupid — but you can put more of an emphasis on your actual relationship while still gifting a small, thoughtful present with a smidge of effort.

Alas, I can't help you with what you'll do to recognize your partner or loved ones on February 14, but I can make a few suggestions on several special items you can give to bring a smile to that someone's face. Best of all, everything is $10 or less. Let's go shopping.

1. Aqua Love Notes

Specially designed for Valentine's Day, Aqua Love Notes — a waterproof pad for the shower for you and your honey to exchange sweet greetings — comes with a pencil, suction cup holder, and 40 sheets of waterproof paper. You'll bring a grin to your significant other's face on a regular basis by leaving sexy messages every time you hop in for a scrub.

Cost: $7

2. Love Photo Album

If your beau is a bit old school, this mini, love-inspired photo album holds 24 memorable moments in the form of 4x6 photographs that he or she can cherish in hard copy for years to come. To fill the album quickly and easily, download the photos via the CVS app or website to your local CVS. Prints are 19 cents each at most locations and can be done within an hour. You can make a more elaborate gift by also including memories such as movie stub tickets, notes to one another, a hotel key card, and other mementos.

Cost: $6.65

3. Excelsior Cabernet Sauvignon 2012

Nothing says "I want to get drunk with you" better than a bottle of red wine, and the Excelsior Cabernet Sauvignon 2012 is an affordable way to get that sultry sentiment across. Featuring notes of blackcurrant, black cherry, and plum with subtle hints of dark chocolate and spice, it's a perfect complement to a homemade Valentine's dinner.

Cost: $9.99

4. Design a Tea

You'll earn big points with a gift from Design a Tea, which allows you to create and personalize your own loose or easy-fill teabags. With a wide selection of ingredients from which to choose, you can put together a package of drinkable delight, especially if you know the recipient's favorite foods and flavors.

Cost: $4.95

5. It's All Buttah Bath Salts

The handmade bath salts from Etsy store It's All Buttah are just what the doctor ordered for those who like to kick back in a relaxing bath. Scented with organic lavender essential oil, the salts are soaked for a week to ensure that they're highly fragrant and moisturizing.

Cost: $8.25

6. "Good For One Mediocre Shoulder Rub" Coupon Book

If you've been married for a while, you're sure to find the humor in this quirky coupon book that allows the recipient to redeem for special domestic treatments like the eponymous mediocre shoulder rub, a night off from doing the dishes, and more. Pair it with some special edition Hot Tamales candies — emblazoned with the word "Hottie" on the box in celebration of Valentine's Day — for an even more gratifying gift.

Cost: $9.34

7. BBQ Sauces and Rubs

If you've got a serious meat lover in your midst, touch his heart by way of his stomach with Pirate Jonny's Caribbean BBQ rubs and sauces. I recommend picking up one bottle of Syrena's Seduction Hot Sauce and pairing it with a new silicone basting brush, or spring for two bottles in Pirate Jonny's Hot Saucey Combo Pack for double the deliciousness.

Cost: $9.25 to $9.74

8. Sharetapes

Mixed tapes are a thing of the past, but the concept of compiling musical content to express your feelings to someone you love is alive and well in the present.

Next-generation Sharetapes enable you to give a classic mixtape-style gift in the form of a digital production by connecting to services like Spotify, YouTube, SoundCloud, and 8tracks. Once complete, all the recipient has to do is activate his or her Sharetape with NFC or QR enabled smartphone or tablet. Packs of five are available at $9.99 — which will eat up your entire budget — so I suggest picking up one Sharetape for $2.49 and pairing it with another music-inspired gift, like framed ticket stubs from a memorable concert or this music note bottle opener.

Cost: $7.79

9. Panasonic Earbuds

Instead of a Sharetape for your musically inclined paramour, go another route by creating a playlist in iTunes and secretly uploading it to his or her device. Leave a note instructing your partner how to find the playlist along with a pair of new Panasonic headphones with which to listen.

Cost: $9.99

10. Dappertime Cufflinks

If your man prides himself on his put-together appearance, the gift of a glittering brass accessory will definitely make his day. These gold-colored, crown-shaped Rex cufflinks from Dappertime's Cuffmachines collection let him know that he's king of the castle — even when you know better.

Cost: $9.99

11. Melt-Your-Heart Brownies

For this DIY gift you'll need a heart-shaped silicone baking mold, Hershey's cocoa, Reese's Peanut Butter Chips, 18 Reese's Peanut Butter-Filled Hearts, and a few pantry staples. The result is decadent candy-topped brownies made from scratch that you and your boo can share anywhere — even in bed.

Cost: $5.59 + a few ingredients

12. Coracao Confections

Get a little fruity — then nutty — as you put together a special selection of chocolates for your S.O. Eclectic choices from Coracoa Confections include the Ghost Pepper Baby Bar, Kale Granola Bark, Rose Truffles, Berry Caramel Hearts, and more.

Cost: $3.25 to $5.99

13. Inkling Scents

Breathe in the aroma of love with a five-fragrance sample package from Inkling Scents. Select from a dozen women's scents, seven men's scents, and one unisex scent to create a personalized package. Each milliliter vial is packaged in a clear pillow box tied with a bow.

Cost: $10

14. "I Love You Mom" Trinket Dish

You can't forget mom on Valentine's Day — she's the reason you're here after all. Show her a small measure of your appreciation with the "I Love You Mom"trinket dish from Kennebug Boutique. This cream-colored ceramic dish with a flower border and terra cotta backside will be Mom's new favorite place to keep all her cherished charms and baubles.

Cost: $6.99

15. Pop Vinyl Figures

Let him know he's your Superman (or that she's your Superwoman!) with Funko's officially licensed Pop Heroes collection, available at Fun.com. These vinyl figures, which stand 3.75 inches tall, are molded and painted to look like your favorite comic book heroes (and villains), like Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, among other favorites. The full collection features a wider array of characters from other pop-culture mainstays, including The Wizard of Oz, Elf, Game of Thrones, Big Bang Theory, Goonies, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Star Wars, Adventure Time, Masters of the Universe, and Disney.

Cost: $9.99

16. Credit Card Survival Tool

Maybe I've watched too much Walking Dead or perhaps I'm just keenly aware of what's really happening in the world, but either way I'm taking precautions to prepare for a catastrophe that will render me self-sufficient. Given the world in which we live nowadays, you probably have a similar person in your life — and they'll totally appreciate the thoughtful and functional Credit Card Survival Tool from Gifts for Men. This compact, stainless-steel lifesaver (it's no bigger than a credit card) features 11 useful applications, including a saw, box opener, bottle opener, can opener, wrench, ruler, and more. Perfect for camping, backpacking, or bugging out when the ish hits the fan.

Cost: $5

17. Homemade Treats

Effortless Girl's Julie Loven provides a few ideas on how to bring the heat — and the sweet — in the comfort of your own kitchen.

Valentine's Cookie Sandwiches

Bake chocolate cookies in the shape of hearts and use strawberry ice cream, frozen yogurt, or gelato in the center so you have Valentine colors of chocolate and pink.

Valentine's Marshmallow Pops

Purchase pink marshmallows from the supermarket. Place them on lollipop stick and dip half of the marshmallow in melted chocolate. Allow to harden and serve pops for stirring in hot chocolate. Very delicious.

Chocolate-Dipped Strawberries

An old standby. Easy to make. Dip each berry into melted chocolate and allow to harden.

Optional Add-On: Breyer's Gelato Indulgences

If you happen to have money left in your budget, spring for a container of Breyer's Gelato Indulgences — which just introduced its mint chocolate chip flavor — to pair with any of your homemade treats for a little extra indulgence.

Cost: $4.49-$5.99

18. Love With Food Box

For the health-conscious humanitarian in your life, send a Love With Food box, an organic or all-natural snack box that helps fight hunger in America. The Tasting Box includes eight or more surprise snacks that are either organic or all-natural, GMO-free, gluten-free, or free of artificial junk. Each box donates one meal to hungry children in America. Long-term subscriptions are available, but you also can purchase a one-time box.

Cost: $10

19. Konectidy Bracelets

Empower your children to be the best they can be with a surprise from Konectidy, color-coded bracelets that you design, name, and own with a specific positive meaning for the recipient. Konectidy was built on "the spirit of 'paying it forward' for both individuals and charities… in whatever colorful way you choose." Pre-made bracelets also are available to support various causes like Legacy of Hope, Domestic Violence Ended, and R.I.S.E. & Stand.

Cost: $9.95

20. Yiftee eGifts

You know I love a good discount, and Yiftee is a great way to deliver almost effortless but thoughtful savings to someone special with just a few clicks. Just choose a merchant (like a cool neighborhood bar, cafe, shop, or spa), select a gift value, write a personal message — "Hey Sallie, meet me at Mike's Bar at 8 p.m. tonight; here's something for your first glass of wine in case you get there early" — and send instantly via e-mail or text. Sallie then receives the eGift on her smartphone with the ability to instantly thank the sender, and she can redeem the eGift by presenting the mobile voucher to the service provider. Sounds like the beginning of an awesome date, if I do say so myself.

Do you have any other Valentine's gift ideas for under $10? Let me know in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

14 Ways to Spend Less Money on Valentine's Day

Mikey Rox — Fri, 06 Feb 2015 18:00:09 +0000

If you're rolling your eyes at the fact that you have to loosen your wallet once again so soon after Christmas, you're not alone. Because while Valentine's Day is an excellent excuse to concentrate on reconnecting with our significant others, it's also a day that we've come to dread because of the anticipated cost of expressing such love.

This year, however, you don't have to be a slave to the dollar sign if you're willing to put in a bit of thoughtfulness, creativity and time. Check out these 14 ways to celebrate your better half without going broke — then add your own low-cost ideas in the comments below.

1. Skip the Restaurant — Prepare a Home-Cooked Meal

My husband once tried to take me to dinner on Valentine's Day without a reservation. That's all I'll say about the situation since I'm pretty sure you can figure out how it went down after that. To avoid being frustrated and annoyed on Two-Fourteen, we now skip dining out altogether and opt to make a homemade meal instead — but one decidedly more fancy than an ordinary night's dinner.

If you're not exactly a whiz in the kitchen, don't fret just yet. There are plenty of apps available to walk you through the cooking process. SideChef, in particular, is an ideal resource for step-by-step instructions on how to prepare wow-inducing meals like Bourbon-marinated flank steak, herb-roasted Cornish game hen, and lemon-baked cod fish.

2. Use Daily Deals for Discounts If You'd Like to Dine Out

If you're a gambler and want to roll the dice by dining out on Valentine's Day, at least hedge your bets by picking up a daily-deal discount, says Bakke.

"If you want to visit a restaurant, use the websites Groupon or LivingSocial to find 50% off vouchers to local eateries," he suggests.

But buyer beware: Some of the vouchers make have blackout dates that include holidays like Valentine's Day, so be sure to read the fine print before purchasing the discount.

3. Make a Handcrafted Valentine From a Favorite Memory

I'd much rather receive a handmade gift — even if it looks like it was made by the three-year-old trapped inside my husband's body — than an arbitrary gift that equates cost to affection. And there are innumerable ways you can make something from the heart.

"Print out a photo of your favorite memory together and glue some embellishments to an inexpensive frame, suggests a rep at Krazy Glue. "This cost-effective gift is made with love and shows how thoughtful you can be."

Alecsy Christensen, Miss Utah USA finalist and author of the blog Glitter Gatsby, offers another dynamic idea.

"Show your valentine how much you care by gifting something special anyone can make," she says. "My Valentine's Day gift idea would be '52 Things I Love About You' on a deck of cards. Write something you love about your loved one on a piece of paper, glue it to a card, do this for all 52 cards, and hole punch all the cards together and secure the cards with binder rings."

These are gifts that keep on giving for years to come, and they let your partner know that they're worth your time and effort.

4. Complete Unfinished Projects Around the House in the Name of Love

In lieu of a gift this year, get to work and earn your partner's affect instead of buying it. Revisit your "Honey Do" list to see what projects still need to be completed around the house — surely there's a thing or two that needs a little TLC. You can kill two birds with one stone by going this route, if your partner appreciates the man (or woman) hours you put in.

5. Plan a Romantic Movie Night in With Valentine's-Inspired Snacks

Movie nights are a staycation staple, but they're perfectly acceptable (even better, I think) on Valentine's Day. Let your partner pick the flicks — or share the title-choosing responsibility — and prepare a few easy-to-make snacks to enjoy during the screenings. Try this peanut butter and chocolate-drizzled popcorn recipe with only 190 calories per one cup serving, these cherry-marshmallow Rice Krispies treats (which also include M&Ms!), or candy shop-quality chocolate-covered Valentine's pretzel sticks.

6. Plan a Low-Cost "Experience" Date to Facilitate Interaction

Doing is much better than saying — which is why you two need to get out and about to show your affection instead of exchanging it verbally.

Zina Kumok, author of the blog Debt Free After Three, agrees.

"Experiences are always more valuable than things so instead of buying gifts for Valentine's Day, we try to do things together," she says. "Last year we went to an arcade together. We played lots of games together and it was so fun doing something silly for a couple hours. On the way back we stopped by a flea market and walked around. It should be more about celebrating your relationship than getting a gift."

Josh Aaron, author of the blog To Build My Own, feels similarly.

"Don't spend anything at all," he says. "Instead, give your girl an experience. Take her to watch the sunset, cook her a light but tasty dinner, use candles and romantic music, and dance with her a little bit. The key is to make her feel special. Expensive gifts help, but they aren't better than meaningful experiences that show her you care."

7. Get Creative and Shake Things Up in the Bedroom

One of the best parts of Valentine's Day is the facilitation of intimacy that's often put on the back burner the rest of the year. This year, kick your bedroom antics up a notch and get creative. I can't go into too much detail in this regard (family blog and all), but I'm sure if you put your mind to it you can put together a night to remember.

8. Hold Off on Buying Jewelry Until After Valentine's Day

Offers.com savings expert Amber Sager says "if you're planning to buy jewelry for your Valentine, hold off until after February 14. Right after Valentine's Day, the demand for jewelry goes way down, and retailers supply huge discounts to attract customers."

This is a tricky tactic, because what's the point of giving a gift after Valentine's Day, right? But if your partner is flexible and understanding and loves to save a few dollars just like you do, waiting to buy jewelry until the holiday has passed may result in significant savings.

I think this is something you two should discuss in advance, however — sure, it won't be a surprise, but it's much better than saying nothing and giving nothing on February 14; disappointment will abound — so you're both on the same page in terms of expectations and perhaps can plan an alternative activity in the meantime.

9. Compare Prices Before You Buy Your Valentine's Gifts

You compare prices on almost everything else you buy — or at least you should — so why wouldn't you do it when trying to find an ideal Valentine's gift?

"Just because you found one bouquet for $100 doesn't mean it costs that much everywhere," Sager points out. "Offers.com has a Valentine's Day Savings Center that allows you to compare the best deals and coupons for Valentine's Day, and we update it with the best offers daily."

10. Create a Coupon Book That Your Significant Other Can Redeem From You

This is another tried-and-true low-cost gift that puts more of an emphasis on doing rather than saying.

About an action-inspired coupon book, Sarah Edison of The Love Your Job Project says some of "the best Valentines Day gifts are the least expensive. The best I had was a homemade book of 'coupons' (things that my significant other would do for me), such as one free hour-long massage, no laundry duty for a week, a homemade dinner, car wash and vacuum, breakfast in bed, and other romantic gestures that don't really cost anything. This can be a great gift because it is creative and unique to your relationship."

11. Satisfy His or Her Valentine's Sweet Tooth With From-Scratch Baked Goods

Take note, gentlemen: If you ever have the pleasure of dating me in the future, you'll always win my heart with freshly baked cookies, cakes, pies, and pastries. Hope you like 'em pudgy.

Seriously though, if you're an aspiring baker, start with these decadent, easy-to-make Ultimate Deep Dish Brownies from Katie Moseman, writer at Recipe for Perfection, to make the holiday all the more delicious.

12. Try the $1 Anti-Commercialism Valentine's Challenge

Valentine's Day for $1? Seems unlikely, but if you take your cue from Angela Reed-Fox and her husband, both directors of a cycling center in the UK, you can do it — and have some fun while you're at it.

"For several years, my husband and I have taken the $1 challenge. This is mainly because he thinks V-Day is a day for businesses to make guilt money out of men, and partly because being original says 'I love you' more than picking up flowers from the garage on your way home," she says. "A couple of ideas we've done in the past is an 'I love you' box — an inexpensive wooden box filled with tiny little scrolls printed with 'I love you' reasons — some of them mainstream, some more bizarre. Or using sticky notes to plant 'I love you' messages everywhere. Seriously, everywhere! That sucker in the bottom of the hole punch took months to find — but having 'I love yous' popping up well after the day itself leaves you with a lovely, warm glow."

13. Spring for the Practical Household Gift That Was Already on Your List

Instead of buying a present that doesn't have a true function, decide together that this year's Valentine's gift will be something that you both want to make your lives more convenient or something that you need to replace an old, perhaps non-working household item.

"Don't waste your money on flowers that are perishable or a fancy box of chocolate that will probably be misinterpreted because of added pregnancy weight," advises Zaida Khaze, mother of two and inventor of the Wiggletot Diaper Changer. "Be economical, buy the gift you already intended to buy for the home that will help save you money."

14. Just Go With the Flow and Find the Extra in the Ordinary

This is by far the best solution to saving money on Valentine's Day that I've heard in a long time. It's cute, clever, and these two seem to embrace the irony of such a simple outing on a day that otherwise can be taken over the top.

"A few years back my girlfriend (now fiance) and I were shopping at Costco on Valentine's Day," recalls Brent C., founder of personal-finance site Vosa.com and all around awesome boyfriend. "After shopping we were talking about where to go for dinner. We mutually decided on getting hot dogs at Costco, which I think are $1.50. We sat there, talked and laughed while enjoying our $3 Valentine's dinner. This has now become a tradition that we do every year, although sometimes we do spring for the chicken fingers, which totally blows the $3 budget. We make it fun, and I often joke throughout the year and especially as Valentine's Day gets closer that I better call to reserve the 'best table by the tire section' before someone else does. This year we'll be in San Diego over Valentine's Day and we are already planning our Costco hot dog dinner date — and we're planning to get a $1 churro for desert!

"I think it's possible for anyone to find fun ways to share the sentiment without breaking the bank," he continues. "It's all about making it about the experience rather than the price of the dinner and wine."

Touché. Let's all take a page from Brent's playbook this year.

Do you have low- or no-cost Valentine's ideas to add? Let us know in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Want to Be More Attractive? Work These 5 Magic Words (and Phrases) Into Your Vocabulary

Damian Davila — Mon, 03 Nov 2014 11:00:05 +0000

Many people say the beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

As the years go by, it's very liberating to realize that you're the most important beholder. Feeling confident and comfortable in your own skin is one key to becoming more attractive.

Want to speed up that process? Here are five magic words and phrases to find that balance of body, mind, and spirit, and become more attractive.

1. "Damn"

It may appear as an indecent proposal, after all certain types of cursing may completely turn off a potential partner.

However, the smart use of this curse word has positive effects on your speech. Using the word "damn" at the beginning or end of your speech significantly increases your persuasiveness and your perceived intensity.

When you use this word, people tend to have a more positive attitude about the main topic of your speech. The logic is that you present yourself as giving your candid opinion and showing passion about a topic. These two qualities are refreshing and make you more attractive in the eyes of others.

Now, there is an important difference when saying "damn":

If you're a woman, say it with a smile. Men find happiness as the most attractive female expression.
If you're a man, say it with pride instead. Women consider men with a raised head or a puffed-up chest more attractive.

2. "I Like You a Lot"

There's no escaping the law of reciprocation. In a nutshell, this law states that you become obliged to give back what a person gave to you in the first place.

If Peter invites you to a party, you feel obligated to invite him back.
When Mary buys you a cup of coffee, you promise to buy her one the next time.
Steve bought you a present for your birthday, so you make a note to buy him one on his birthday.

In a study in which women were shown Facebook profiles of men, the women were more attracted to the men who had said that they liked the women a lot. The study showed that women were more attracted to men that "like them a lot" over those that just "liked them."

So if you like somebody, say it with passion! That way the feeling has a higher probability of being reciprocated.

3. "Thank You"

Good manners are sexy.

Joint research from the Harvard Business School and the Wharton School found two important effects from receiving a "thank you" after completing a task for somebody.

First, individuals that receive thanks after completing a task feel higher levels of self-worth than those that don't receive a note of gratitude. It's no secret that we like to be around people that make us feel better about ourselves. Saying "thank you" when somebody does something nice for you makes you stand out from the crowd.

Second, individuals that receive gratitude are more likely to help the person giving that gratitude. Remember the law of reciprocation? It applies here as well. By saying "thank you," you create an opportunity to bond with members of the opposite sex and create your window to talk often in the future.

Don't miss a chance to thank others — they will definitely remember it.

4. "You…"

If you're already close to being intimate with your crush, seal the deal by being specific and using "you."

According to a renowned psychotherapist and author, "you" is the hottest word you can say to a woman in bed. This subtle modification intensifies feelings and acts as a strong stimulant.

Say "you're great" instead of "this is great."
Whisper "I want you" instead of "I want this."
Shout "you feel good" and not "this feels good."

By working "you" into your talk with your partner you convey that you care and focus on your partner. This makes you more attractive and desirable.

5. "What Do You Think…?"

Whether it is a simple "What do you think we should get for dinner?" or a more profound "What do you think about the new mass transportation proposal for the city?" asking for the opinion of somebody else is a surefire way of making yourself more attractive in their eyes.

This way you're asserting that his or her opinion is important to you and that you take it into consideration.

No matter how big or small the decision, if you involve somebody in the decision-making process, it makes them feel special and appreciated. This phrase is particularly effective with good looking people because it shows that you care not only for their looks, but also for their brains.

What words or phrases do you find attractive? Whisper them in comments!

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This article is from Damian Davila of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

8 Ways to Save on a First Date Without Looking Cheap

Mikey Rox — Thu, 30 Oct 2014 15:00:06 +0000

A first date is your chance to get to know someone better — and if you're lucky, make a love connection. However, if you come off as a cheapskate, you may never get the chance. (See also: If You're Doing This on a First Date, You're Not Getting a Second)

Like so many others dealing with the aftermath of a recession, you may not have the resources to wine and dine your date. But this doesn't mean you can't show her (or him) a good time. Luckily, you don't have to break the bank to guarantee a second or third date. Here are eight ways to save on the first date without looking cheap.

1. Know Your Date's Interests

There's no law that says you have to spend a lot on a first date to make a good impression. If you're trying to keep the date within a specific budget — but you don't want to appear cheap — you need to find low-cost activities that match your date's interest. Maybe your date enjoys outdoor activities like hiking, or maybe she's an animal lover. After you know what makes her tick, research inexpensive options in your area. With this trick, even if you choose a super cheap activity, your date won't think you're being cheap. Instead, you'll score big points for being intuitive or observant, which practically guarantees a second date.

2. Pick Seasonal Activities

Choose seasonal activities that don't cost a lot and you'll save money without looking like a miser. Since these activities are once-a-year events, your date may enjoy the experience regardless of how little or how much it costs. Seasonal activities might include a hayride, a parade of holiday lights, strawberry picking, or fireworks in the park.

3. Wine and Dine at Your Place

Going to a nice restaurant and catching a movie isn't exactly cheap. You can easily spend $40 or $50 on dinner and another $30 at the movies. If you cannot afford a $100 night, offer to wine and dine your date at your house — or hers. Choose a budget-conscious meal and create a romantic ambience. Perhaps a bottle of inexpensive wine, candlelights, fresh flowers, and an after-dinner movie on Netflix. Your date will be so impressed by your effort, that he or she won't give thought to how much you actually spent to make the evening possible.

4. Plan an Early Date

If you want to take someone on a date but you can't afford the experience, get creative with the times. Instead of an evening or night date, how about a lunch date? Go to brunch or lunch and you'll save money by ordering smaller lunch portions. After you finish the meal, catch a matinee and pay $3 or $4 less for a movie.

5. Miniature Golf

Going to dinner is a cliche first date night. If you're looking for something a bit more casual and fun, take your date miniature golfing. Get outdoors and enjoy some activity as you laugh at each other's struggle to make a hole-in-one. Laughing can ease nervousness, and when you're finished playing enjoy a cup of coffee or ice cream.

6. Pay in Advance

If you want to checkout a concert, a play, or another cultural event but can't afford two full-priced tickets, use websites like Groupon to score discounts. Using a coupon on a date is a controversial subject (I think it's perfectly fine, frankly), but your preference may be to avoid showing up with one. You can get around that by picking up the tickets from the box office in advance. Your date won't be any the wiser.

7. Spend the Day at a Lake

If your date is the outdoorsy type, he or she might enjoy spending an afternoon in the park. But you don't just walk around holding hands and chatting — create a memorable, romantic experience. There are plenty of low-cost park activities suitable for a first date. You can rent paddle boats or go kayaking, or locate a shady spot underneath a tree for a picnic lunch or dinner prepared by your hands.

8. Skip the Expensive Flowers

Some people bring flowers on a first date, but this practice isn't really necessary. A bouquet of roses can set you back as much as $50, which is too much to spend when you don't know what the outcome of your date will be. Besides, if you're meeting your date at a public place, she probably doesn't want to carry a bouquet of flowers in her hands the entire evening. And even if she's able to leave the flowers in her car or at home, a big bouquet might be too much too soon. However, if you can't let go of tradition and you insist on bringing something, a single rose or flower will do — and it's much easier on your wallet.

Do you have other ways to save on a date without looking cheap? Please share in comments!

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

9 Cheapest Dates That Don't Seem So Cheap

Nicholas Pell — Mon, 25 Aug 2014 11:00:03 +0000

Going out on dates doesn't have to break the bank.

There are tons of fun ideas that work great for first dates or tenth dates, and may even help set you apart from the other Drinks/Dinner Daters. (See also: 15 Frugal and Romantic Dates at Home)

Here are nine cheap date ideas that won't make you look like a cheapskate.

1. Stargazing

If you live in a big city, chances are good that you don't get a very good view of the celestial heavens. The solution? Hop in your car and get outside of the big city. Show your date something they haven't seen since they moved to town — the natural beauty of the stars. Pack a dinner and maybe even some candles.

2. Flea Market

Whether you buy anything or not, flea markets can be great places to wander around. Not only are you going to see some cheap items you didn't know you couldn't live without, you're also going to see some downright weird stuff you and your date will talk about for weeks to come.

3. Go Fly a Kite

When the weather is windy go get a kite and fly it. Not only will it end up setting you back less than ten bucks, it will also bring out a childlike whimsy neither of you have likely experienced for decades. (See also: 10 Fun Toys and Games You Can Make at Home)

4. Brewery and Winery Tours

For the couple that likes to imbibe there's always a tour of the local brewery or winery. Don't drink? Try checking out the local creamery or an ice cream factory. Experience joy you haven't felt since your age was in the single digits.

5. Book Readings

Are you a cultured kind of person? Looking for someone else who shares your interest in the arts? Book readings are generally free and wrap in about an hour. From there, the two of you can grab a cup of coffee, and you'll have a lot to talk about after a reading — good, bad, or ugly. In the same neighborhood? Hit up an art gallery. Either go on a day when it's not expensive or find a cheap (or free!) one that's a little off the beaten path.

6. Volunteer Together

Volunteer dates show off your compassionate side while also allowing you to have a lot of fun. For example, you can head down to the local dog shelter and play with dogs that are in need of love. Watch out, though: You might end up taking one home with you.

7. Foreign Language Movie Night

One of the problems with a movie date is that it doesn't give you much opportunity to get to know one another. Solution: Get some foreign movies and turn off the subtitles. Make up the plot as you go along. Crack up laughing and get to know each other.

8. Take a Class Together

It doesn't matter what you don't know: There's a great chance you can learn it on the cheap through Groupon or HowAboutWe. The bonding experience can be great and you'll certainly remember it longer than even the best meal.

9. Bar Trivia

Here's one where you can actually leave with more money than you went out with: Go out to bar trivia and play to win. Even if you don't win you won't spend much money on beer and drinks.

Got any great ideas for cheap dates? Please share in comments!

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This article is from Nicholas Pell of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

If You're Doing This on Your First Date, You're Not Getting a Second

Paul Michael — Wed, 09 Jul 2014 17:00:07 +0000

Dating has certainly changed since the world became tech-savvy. With the advent of smart phones, dating apps, and social media, making that awkward first move is not nearly as tough as it used to be. But, once you've both agreed to go on a first date, how do you make sure you get a second? (See also: Find Love With These Fun and Frugal First Date Ideas)

The following behaviors will guarantee that your first date will almost certainly be your last. Oh, and these apply to both men and women, so don't kid yourself that some of these don't concern you.

Turning Up Late

Leave your date chewing on breadsticks for 45 minutes without so much as a call or text message, and two things will happen. First, if your date has been polite enough to stick around, you'll be sitting through the most painful hour of your year. And second, you will not be making plans to do this again. Ideally, you should show up five minutes early. If you are going to be considerably late through no fault of your own, let your date know. If it is your own fault (and really, it always is), apologize but perhaps cushion the blow with something flattering ("I wanted to look really nice for you and completely lost track of time.") (See also: How to Always Be On Time)

Paying Too Much Attention to Your Cell Phone

Really, paying any attention to your cell phone. This is supposed to be a time when you only have eyes for each other. Constantly pulling out your phone to check messages, read Facebook updates and scroll through Reddit and Twitter will not make you very popular. Why would anyone want to give you a second date if you can't put them first for a few hours?

Getting Completely Drunk

Hey, first dates can be nerve-wracking, and a glass of wine or beer can definitely ease the tension. However, you cannot let a few drinks turn into a bender. If you start knocking back the booze like it's ice water in a heat wave, you will come across as an irresponsible jerk that cannot be trusted. You also do not look attractive when you're face down in the dessert and drooling like you've just had major dental surgery. Do yourself a favor. Have one or two drinks, and stop.

Turning the Date Into 20 Questions

First thing's first; people love talking about themselves. So, if you ask questions that get people to open up and talk about their favorite subject, you'll be doing well. Being a good listener is a very attractive quality, and asking about someone's life is just as becoming. But, you can go too far.

If it goes from "tell me more about the kind of work you do" to "how much do you earn?" "how many dates have you been on this year?" and "do you vote Republican or Democrat?" your date is going to feel like they're being interviewed for the role of your next partner. That's a big turn off. To curb this, try to make sure the questions you're asking are open-ended, and follow on what was asked before, as opposed to running down a pre-planned checklist.

Talking About Sex

Flirting is good. Being lecherous is bad. This is a first date, and you should be on your best behavior. By all means respond to the signals you're getting in an appropriate manner, but have some decorum. By diving into the subject of sex, you're giving the impression that you're only after one thing. Even if you both decide that the first date will also be your first intimate encounter, there's no need to become aggressive with it. Show some class.

Being Cheap

Both men and women should come to the date expecting to pay for half of it. This is not the dark ages, both sexes deserve equal treatment, and no one should just sit there expecting the other person to dive into their pocket and pay for everything. If the other person wants to pay, by all means acquiesce politely to their wishes. But being cheap is as off-putting as being drunk. You should show your date consideration. Dating can be expensive, and if you are both willing to meet up, you should both be willing to share the costs.

Bringing Your Buddy

There's not really much to say about this. You may have your doubts about the person you're meeting, and you may also want your best friend to give them the once-over. However, there is a time and a place for that kind of consultation, and it is not on the first date. Bring yourself to the date, and no one else.

Focusing On Your Ex

We all have horror stories about our past. We have also had dream dates. Neither should really be discussed unless the conversation naturally turns to it. Even then, it's good to treat an ex the same way you would a former employer in a job interview. Acknowledge them, but move on quickly. If you stay focused on a bad ex, your date may just wonder if you were the problem. If you go on and on about a great ex, they may feel they can never live up to that ideal.

Playing It Too Cool

There's cool. There's aloof. And there's just plain rude. By all means, dull your enthusiasm a little. You don't want to come across as a desperate eager puppy just dying to go home with someone and be their partner forever. But then the whole "I'm so cool I could freeze hell" routine won't cut it either. "Where would you like to go for dinner?" should not be answered with "hey, whatever, I don't really care." Be happy to be there, just not so happy your kittens are having kittens.

Being Keener Than Mustard

Perhaps even worse than being too cool for school is being an eager beaver. You turn up for the date with armfuls of gifts, and have pre-arranged for a string quartet to play your date's favorite song (which you found out by cyber-stalking them). It's just too creepy, and honestly, no one wants to be around someone that desperate (even if that is not your intention). Ease off on the gas. By all means show that you're happy to be around, but if you could be a contestant on The Price Is Right, you might want to think about toning down your hyperactivity.

So, what first date mistakes have you made? What about mistakes your date made? Please share in comments!

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This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

The First Thing You Need to Work on If You Want a Better Relationship

Sarah Winfrey — Wed, 14 May 2014 08:00:28 +0000

It's easy to want to be a good partner. After all, doesn't everyone want to be seen, heard, understood, and loved for who they really are? Those things seem fundamental to any good relationship, but particularly to a romantic partnership.

However, in order to find these things, it turns out that we need to be able to offer those things to others. No one is going to want to expend the effort to understand a person who doesn't try to understand them and, at least over the long term, no one is going to try to love a person who doesn't make an effort to love them. In order to have a good relationship with a partner, then, we need to learn to be better partners ourselves.

Happy Relationship, Happy You

Marriage and happiness go together. While scientists aren't exactly sure how they work together, the science shows us over and over again that people in strong and long-term romantic relationships are happier than those who are not.

Add that to the fact that close and supportive relationships in general, whether romantic or not, improve our overall wellbeing, and that's strong motivation for making our partnerships as good as they can possibly be. Being a good partner can involve a lot of hard work, especially when it means changing behaviors that are deeply ingrained, or choosing to change in the context of a relationship that is already difficult.

If making those changes can lead to long-term happiness, though, it seems like they should be worth the effort. And you may not have to change as much as you think. Instead of starting with external actions, start by thinking differently.

Know Yourself

Knowing yourself is the basis for all of life, let alone for any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Most of us think we know ourselves pretty well, but the truth is that there is always more to know.

Knowing yourself is also the basis for good conflict resolution, which is essential for every relationship. After all, any time there is more than one person involved in a situation, it's only a matter of time until there is disagreement.

Taking the time to work through the questions listed at the link at the beginning of this section can help you think about aspects of yourself that you may never have pondered otherwise. Most people find that questions like these are just a jumping-off point for deeper and more intense self-knowledge.

Accept Yourself

I don't know a single person who, in the course of getting to know themselves, has not encountered something that they didn't really like. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and we all have negative characteristics and habits that we aren't proud of.

We can beat ourselves up over these things, or we can accept them. While accepting them is the harder road, it is also the one that makes us better partners, because it leads us to being secure in who we are.

When we are secure, we aren't looking for a partner to give us that, and we are free to simply be ourselves with someone else who is secure in themselves. This takes a lot of pressure off the relationship and allows it to simply be what it is.

Know Your Partner

Many of us don't know our partners as well as we think we do. People change, or we simply don't bother to really get to know them in the first place.

John Gottman, one of the leading researchers into what makes relationships work, calls knowing your partner "building a love map." When you know someone well, you know how to love them. You know what things mean to them, what is happening when you say one thing but they seem to be hearing another, and which things seem like they would indicate love but, for whatever reason, don't do that for your partner.

Have fun and learn more about your partner by playing Gottman's 20 Questions Game. Even if you don't do very well, you will learn about your partner and can do so in a fun, low intensity way.

Accept Your Partner

Once you know your partner, you have to accept them. It's much easier to get to know someone, choose several things you'd like to change about them, and set about that task. However, you can't change someone who doesn't want to change. Trying to do this will exhaust and frustrate not only you, but your partner as well.

Accepting someone starts when you realize that your partner, too, is human. They aren't perfect, because no one is. And this will be true no matter who you are with. There will always be something about your partner that you wish was different.

If you have already worked to accept yourself, this will be an easier task. When you know where your own humanity is frail, it is easier to accept the frailties of others.

Listen and Share

Listening to your partner, accepting them, and then sharing yourself with the trust that they will also accept you, is the path to intimacy. You have work on both the giving and receiving sides, though. If you just work one side, the relationship will be lopsided, and neither you nor your partner will be happy.

Learning how to listen and how to share can be an awkward path. Every relationship is different, and so there will be times when it is appropriate for you to listen and other times when you will need to share. It can help to be open with your partner about this awkwardness. You can begin by simply asking them if it is a good time when you want to talk, or inviting them to share when you realize you haven't listened in a while.

Being a good partner isn't something that you can achieve overnight. It takes work, intention, and opportunity to learn how to love another person well. When you put your relationship first and give yourself time, many of these things will fall into place as the days, weeks, months, and years pass.

How do you strengthen your relationships? Please share in comments!

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This article is from Sarah Winfrey of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: