spouse

4 Ways to Come Clean When You've Been Financially Unfaithful

Denise Hill — Thu, 25 Oct 2018 08:00:11 +0000

Financial infidelity is a real thing. It can ruin relationships and financially devastate families. You've probably heard stories of people hiding accounts, buying big ticket items without their partner's knowledge, or cleaning out a joint bank account. Infidelity ruins trust and robs the relationship of financial stability and security.

But what happens if you're the one who's been unfaithful? How do you correct the issue and change course? And most importantly, how do you win back your partner's trust and repair the damage?

Addressing your financial unfaithfulness starts with honesty — which is a tough and scary thing to do. Here are a few ways to come clean after financial cheating. (See also: 8 Signs You're Committing Financial Infidelity)

Understand why you've been unfaithful

Before you drop the bombshell on your partner, it's a good idea to take a moment and understand why you did it in the first place. You really have to become introspective and do a bit of soul searching to understand your motives.

The key is to be honest with yourself.

Your reasons could be deep-seated issues that stem from your childhood. Or, they could be a simple momentary lapse in judgment and self-discipline. You could be driven by fear, lack of trust, or maybe you've just been given bad advice. It's important to unearth your fears, hidden control issues, or whatever is driving you to exhibit this behavior.

It's also important to remember and convey to your spouse that your reasons don't excuse your behavior. Understanding facilitates correcting the behavior, but it doesn't absolve the wrong or heal the hurt. (See also: 4 Money Fights Married Couples Have — And How to Avoid Them)

Repent with remorse

When you do reveal what you've done, be upfront and open. It's important that you don't try to downplay or sugarcoat your actions. And don't blame your partner for driving you to do what you've done. Your partner's actions may have contributed to your decision to be dishonest, but the onus is on you.

It's also important that your confession is accompanied by a sincere and heartfelt apology. Most people need to see or feel remorse in order to begin the process of forgiveness. Showing remorse places you in a posture of humility and displays that you understand — to some degree — the depth of your actions. Give your spouse space to be angry and don't allow their anger to make you angry.

Of course, the more egregious the infraction, the more you may need to apologize. Spending the grocery money on shoes can be wiped away with a simple sincere apology. However, stealing your partner's identity to finance a motorcycle you've kept hidden in a storage shed across town requires more than a shoulder shrug and flippant "Sorry."

Implement accountability and transparency

After you have confessed your financial infidelity and apologized to your spouse, you need to add some sort of reassurance that this won't happen again. At the very least, assure them that you are working to correct the issue. And that requires more than just a verbal statement.

Most people are inherently good, but the fear of consequences and having to account for your actions also keeps you on the straight and narrow. Every time you think about robbing a bank, you might think about The Shawshank Redemption and quickly reconsider. Accountability gently nudges you in the right direction. Accountability is your friend.

Adding an accountability component provides a safeguard for both you and your partner. It shows that you are truly working to correct the issue. It can be something as extreme as adding your spouse to your bank and/or credit card accounts, or simply allowing them to review your statements with you each month. The key here is to do something that requires you to be accountable and transparent to someone else, and that provides some sort of preventive measure to stave off future occurrences. (See also: 4 Money Challenges That Will Strengthen Every Relationship)

Write your spouse a note

Communicating difficult things to someone you love is not only gut-wrenching, but it can also be tricky. Especially if it's something that will hurt them. Writing your spouse a letter explaining yourself is a great way to get things out in the open and start the conversation.

This is especially true if verbal communication is difficult for you or if your partner is explosive or talks over you. It allows you to process your thoughts and explain exactly what you've done and how you feel in a clear and concise way. Keep in mind, it shouldn't take the place of a face-to-face conversation — it's merely a way for you to analyze, process, and explain things in a controlled environment before sitting down to talk further.

When penning your letter, make sure you follow the steps previously outlined. First, ensure you understand why you committed the infraction. Then, explain exactly what you've done in detail. Take full responsibility for your actions and explain your reasons for making the choices you've made. Make sure that you express remorse and sincerely apologize for your actions. From there, you want to propose a plan of action that allows you to be more accountable to your partner and ensure that this type of thing doesn't happen again. You also want to give your spouse room and permission to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry.

Financial infidelity is serious and can ruin a relationship, especially if the infidelity is continuous. Your reasons for coming clean shouldn't be to rid yourself of guilt or to tell on yourself before your spouse finds out. It should be done because you understand that you've wronged your partner and want a relationship that is open and honest. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

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This article is from Denise Hill of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Agree on the Perfect Home With Your Spouse

Ashley Eneriz — Mon, 04 Jun 2018 08:30:17 +0000

Buying the home of your dreams can be a thrilling process — until you find out that you and your spouse cannot agree on anything. House hunting with someone that has different tastes or priorities can slow down the process and make every home you look at a disappointment.

Here's how to find the perfect home for you and your spouse, even if you can't agree on every little thing.

Make separate wish lists

You and your spouse should both write out your 10 must-haves for your new home. If you have more than 10 items, narrow it down so that you focus on the highest priorities. Let's be real: You can live without a claw foot tub in the master bathroom, but you might be at your wit's end if you have to deal with a small, cramped kitchen.

Once you both have your lists made, highlight any items that are matching. If you can find four to six matching items, you are off to a great start. Those should be the items you focus on. All non-matching items on your list then need to be rated as "must-have" or "nice to have, but can live without." This will allow you to narrow down your search and save time when looking for the perfect home.

Determine the big non-negotiables

Some things are non-negotiable, such as price or neighborhood. If you know that you can only spend so much money or that you only want to buy in a certain area, it helps you both to get on the same page. I recommend sitting down and agreeing on a maximum budget before even starting the home tours.

When you are dealing with hundreds of thousands of dollars, going $20,000 over budget for your dream home may not seem like a big deal, especially when you have 30 years to pay off the debt. However, in addition to adding cost to your monthly mortgage payment, going over budget can also add tens of thousands of dollars in interest over the life of your loan. It is important to know exactly how much you will be paying each month for your mortgage, as well as an estimate of yearly property taxes. (See also: 8 Signs You're Paying Too Much for Your Mortgage)

Find the compromising points

When you and your spouse have two conflicting must-haves on your list, talk through them. Listen to why they want a certain item and share your feelings about why you do not want the item. For example, if your spouse wants to live close to the city so the commute to work is shorter, but you don't want to be close to the city for safety reasons, you should both present your side of the argument respectfully. Figure out if there are any other pros or cons to the situation. For example, perhaps living closer to the city also means more traffic and higher home sale prices.

Be willing to compromise on issues that aren't that important or can be remedied. For example, if your spouse is adamant about having an extra bedroom for an office or home gym, and you couldn't care less either way, respect that it is important to them. On the other hand, if your spouse wants a swimming pool but you are unsure because you have an infant, you may be more open to the idea if the pool comes with a secure gate. (See also: House Hunting? These Features Will Save You Big Over The Long Haul)

Look at the potential, not the actual

When you look at homes, there's a good chance that only a small percentage will be anything close to what you consider your dream home. Even if you find your dream home, there is an even bigger chance that the home will be out of your budget. The solution? Stop looking at houses as they are and start honing in on their potential.

If you or your spouse have items like "granite countertops and stainless steel appliances" or "office with built-ins" on your list, realize that these features can be added to almost any home. Gaining a Pinterest-worthy bathroom or a backyard with a deck to entertain and lush grass are also things that can easily be done for another $10,000 to $15,000. However, wish list items like a big kitchen, two-stories, nice neighborhood, or three-car garage are harder (sometimes impossible) and costlier to add after you buy a home.

It is also important to realize that many homes just need quick cosmetic changes to become desirable. You have to look past poor paint color choices, neglected yards, gross flooring options, and clutter. When my husband and I looked at the home we live in now, I was discouraged by the size of what were to be the children's bedrooms. In pictures and in person, the rooms looked tiny because the owner had queen-sized beds in them and large dressers. It wasn't until we moved our furniture in that we realized the rooms were bigger than most standard bedrooms. (See also: 9 Modern Home Improvements That Add Thousands to Your Listing)

House hunting can be exhausting, but don't let it ruin your marriage. Be willing to talk through the process and don't be afraid to bring a trusted, unbiased friend to help you narrow down the choices.

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This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways to Boost Your Partner's Bad Credit Without Risking Your Own

Mikey Rox — Tue, 08 May 2018 09:00:13 +0000

You can't help with whom you fall in love — and that's never more annoying than when the object of your affection has royally effed up their credit. Nobody's calling it quits over a few past financial mistakes, but the situation will need to improve if you two are planning a future together that includes buying a home, starting a business, or other major money-based life decisions.

Since you're now in this together, you have a responsibility to do what you can to make sure you start your joint life on the right foot credit-wise. Here's how.

1. Help your partner review their credit report to flag and report errors

If your partner has terrible credit, it's likely that they don't know how to pull their credit report, flag errors, and report them to the appropriate authority to have them removed or updated. That's where your expertise (or even elementary knowledge) of how credit reports work comes in. Flagging and reporting credit errors is the first step in getting their situation back on track and under control. Once that's squared away, you can move on to the bigger issues. (See also: How to Read a Credit Report)

2. Provide positive reinforcement instead of bailing them out

It's easy to throw money at a problem to make it go away — especially if you have extra cash to spare and the person you love will benefit immensely from your generosity (at least in the short term). But I urge you to avoid opening your wallet to deal with your partner's bad credit. Instead, provide encouragement that they can manage their debt on their own.

They created this situation, after all, and the only acceptable solution is that they work it out without your financial assistance. Help them in other areas, like navigating their credit report, but don't shill out dough to dig them out. The only thing they'll take away from that scenario is that you'll always be the sucker who pays for their poor judgment.

3. Establish a cash allowance that you'll both adhere to

You can't take your adult partner's credit cards from them (even though you might like to), so an easier-to-swallow solution is to jointly stop using credit and instead switch over to an all-cash budget. If they feel like you're both in this together, they'll be more willing to comply. You might have to make a few sacrifices along the way with your cards not available, sure. But if it helps condition your partner to spend and save smarter, forgoing the treat-yo'-self impulse buys you're used to will be worth it. (See also: How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage)

4. Brainstorm actionable ways they can start chipping away at their debt

Sit down together and come up with ideas about how your partner can start paying down their debt faster. That may involve asking for a raise at work; picking up a part-time job; working a few side gigs, like driving for a ride-sharing service and pet sitting; selling off unwanted or unused valuables; downsizing their lifestyle (maybe it's time to move in together so both of you can save?); and canceling all frivolous monthly expenses, like subscription services and memberships. (See also: 5-Day Debt Reduction Plan: Pay It Off)

5. Schedule autopays on pay days

Help your partner set up auto-payments that coincide with their paydays so the money goes straight from their checking account to their debt accounts, leaving them little time to start a spending spree before handling their financial responsibilities. (See also: 5 Ways to Automate Your Finances)

If your partner doesn't like the idea of auto-paying bills, maybe they could get on board with a regular money meeting where you both sit down each week or month to discuss your budget and bills and make payments in each other's presence. It's a way to keep each other accountable, build trust, and establish good money behaviors. Either of these options will make sure the bills are getting paid on time.

6. Discuss secured credit card options

If your partner's credit score is weak, you can help improve it by encouraging them to open a secured credit card. Secured cards are fairly easy for anyone to get because the risk to the bank is low. That's because the cardholder puts down a deposit that's typically the same size as the credit limit (which will be low to begin with). If the cardholder defaults on the payments, the bank keeps their deposit.

Secured cards are great for building credit because your payment activity is reported to the credit bureaus, just like any other credit card. "After demonstrating consistent payment history, your credit score will steadily improve," says certified financial adviser Lou Haverty. "You could consider applying for a regular credit card when your score is in the high 600 to low 700 range."

I took my boyfriend to the bank to get a secured card after he moved in with me because I wanted him to start rebuilding his weak (but not necessarily bad) credit. This was an important step for us to take early on because I want him to have decent credit if we decide to buy a house together a few years down the road. Sometimes that's how long it takes, so there's no time like the present to start working the system. (See also: The Best Secured Cards)

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Signs Your Budget Needs a Makeover (And How to Do It)

Matt Bell — Tue, 24 Apr 2018 08:30:10 +0000

You've been trying to use a budget, but it isn't going so well. Don't give up just yet: Before you throw in the towel, see if any of the following five issues (and remedies!) might pertain to your situation. If so, a budget makeover may be in the cards.

1. You keep busting your budget

The first step in creating a budget is setting targets for each spending category — how much you'll save, give, and spend on everything from groceries to gifts. If you're new to budgeting, it's pretty common to get to the end of a month only to discover how drastically different your real-world spending is from your planned spending.

Don't despair. Either you set unrealistic targets, or there may be ways to better manage your spending. Very likely, making your budget balance will require some of both.

What to do? Give yourself some slack. See the first few months of using a budget as a time of learning. If you're tracking your spending for the first time, this is a great opportunity to find out how much you really do typically spend in each category. Don't beat yourself up about it; learn from it.

In some categories, such as groceries, there's a certain reality to how much it costs to feed a family your size. If you're a family of five, $400 a month for groceries probably isn't enough. In other categories, there may be opportunities to be more intentional and creative in finding ways to spend less.

Accept the fact that it usually takes several months to figure out realistic spending targets and build new money-saving spending habits. (See also: Stop Using These 5 Excuses Not to Budget)

2. You don't realize you're busting your budget until it's too late

A common budgeting mistake is only reviewing how you're doing at the end of each month. By then, it's too late for course corrections.

An important key to successful budgeting is managing to the numbers. That requires looking at how your actual spending compares to your planned spending throughout the month. Before heading to the grocery store, it helps a lot to know how much of this month's food budget you've already spent. If it's getting tight, you can focus on buying only the essentials.

It's the same with every category. Knowing where you are with your entertainment budget can help you make budget-appropriate plans for the weekend. Got plenty of room left? Make dinner reservations at that new restaurant you've wanted to try. Getting close to your limit? Rent a movie and stay in. (See also: 5 Common Budget Mistakes You Can Fix Right Now)

3. Maintenance and repair costs are busting your budget

Two expenses that commonly catch people by surprise are home maintenance or repairs and car maintenance or repairs. Many people don't even have these categories in their budget.

While expenses vary, depending on the age and condition of your home and car, some good general guidelines are to budget $75 per vehicle per month and $200 per month for your home. Some months, you'll spend far less in these categories, but some months you'll spend a lot more. Putting these amounts in your budget will help make sure you have money available when the need arises.

In those months when you don't spend your full budgeted amounts, you could let the money build up in your checking account. Or, consider them periodic expenses, as described next. (See also: Where to Find Emergency Funds When You Don't Have an Emergency Fund)

4. Periodic expenses are busting your budget

Everyone has expenses — sometimes, big expenses — that don't occur every month, but do occur sometime throughout the year. Examples include an annual life insurance premium, a semiannual vehicle insurance premium, vacations, and end-of-year holiday gifts. If you haven't planned ahead, they can really mess with your budget.

To avoid that, estimate how much you're likely to spend in each periodic expense category on an annual basis, divide by 12, and transfer the total of all such expenses into a dedicated savings account each month. That will help ensure the money is there when needed. (See also: Stop Making These 7 Basic Budget Mistakes)

5. Your spouse is busting your budget

With many couples, one person is usually more interested in using a budget than the other. It's OK for that person to take the lead in designing and managing the household budget. But some budget-minded spouses take this too far and leave their spouse out of all budgetary matters completely. That's a recipe for a busted budget, and probably a lot of arguments.

After all, how can a spouse who had no say in deciding how much to spend on groceries or clothing or anything else be expected to manage to those numbers? That's why it's important to make sure you're on the same page as your spouse. Work together to decide what financial goals to pursue and how that translates into monthly spending priorities. (See also: How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage)

Wrapping up

Budgeting is not a perfect science. Goals and circumstances change, so build in some flexibility and grace, and give it some time. Expecting to hit some snags along the way can help you stick with your budget long enough to get it running smoothly.

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This article is from Matt Bell of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Build Financial Stability After Divorce

Toni Husbands — Tue, 20 Feb 2018 09:30:09 +0000

Financial instability is a reality for nearly three-quarters of this country's 25 million divorcees. A study by TD Ameritrade surveyed 2,000 participants to examine how they're coping financially after a divorce or death of a spouse. As it turns out, people facing the end of a marriage are struggling — 75 percent of divorced Americans feel less than secure financially, and half are worried about running out of money in retirement.

The average cost of a contested divorce — which can range from $15,000 to $30,000 — also throws many divorcees' finances out of whack. And it doesn't end there. Additional costs such as separate household expenses, counseling for children, and taxes or fees to sell marital assets can quickly add to the financial burden. (See also: How to Protect Yourself Financially During a Divorce or Separation)

Healing after a divorce is no small feat, but digging yourself out financially is possible. You just need a strategic plan.

Assess your assets

There is no doubt that your standard of living will change after a divorce. It's important to realistically acknowledge what you can handle financially. It may be necessary to sell a family home and downsize to maintain a workable budget. While challenging, especially if there is an emotional attachment to the home, life after divorce presents a new reality that must be addressed head-on. (See also: 5 Money Moves to Make the Moment You Decide to Get Divorced)

Seek professional advice

This is an essential step for anyone facing an unexpected change in their financial situation. Objective, third-party advice can help you avoid making knee-jerk or emotional decisions that have long-term negative consequences. A financial professional who specializes in assisting divorcees can help you deal with typical questions and decisions that people in your situation face.

Adjust your budget

A divorce will likely decrease the overall income you've been accustomed to enjoying. Once you've established a plan for the essential items like housing, it will be time to take a closer look at the luxuries you enjoyed as a married person.

This also relates to expenses for your children. Often, parents try to maintain the same standard of living for their kids to minimize the impact of a divorce. Moving to a less expensive house, downgrading a luxury car, or making cutbacks to family travel plans can help you recover financially.

Evaluate career options

Depending on your age and/or situation at the time of the divorce, you may have been out of work or planning on retiring soon. In this case, you may need to adjust your career aspirations. Re-entering the job market, investing in additional education or training, or postponing retirement are all reasonable considerations to ensure long-term financial stability after a divorce.

Automate your savings

There are many things to handle during a divorce, and saving money may feel like a bottom-tier priority. But that couldn't be further from the truth. You need savings now more than ever. The TD Ameritrade study found that almost half of divorced couples are not saving or investing anything. That compares to 32 percent of their married peers. If you have a lot on your plate, it's understandable; but give yourself one less thing to worry about by automating your savings. Having money automatically withdrawn from your paycheck and put into a savings account or emergency fund can give you peace of mind without having to think about it. (See also: 5 Ways to Automate Your Finances)

Divorce is tough. It's important to give yourself time to grieve your previous lifestyle and adjust to your new normal. Making these moves can be a smart step to help you springboard into the rest of your life without worrying about money.

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This article is from Toni Husbands of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Conversations Couples Should Have Before Retirement

Dan Rafter — Tue, 05 Sep 2017 09:00:06 +0000

Retirement for you and your spouse is just a few years away. Maybe you're both eagerly awaiting the days when you no longer must commute to work, sit in long meetings, and turn in reports.

But retirement does come with its own challenges, many of them financial. It's important for spouses to have the same expectations of what their retirement years will look like. And it's equally important for each spouse to understand where their income will be coming from and how much money there will be.

Here are five key conversations that couples must have before retirement arrives.

1. What kind of retirement do you both want, and how expensive will it be?

There are many different ways to spend your retirement years. Maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you'd prefer spending more time with your grandchildren. Your version of a dream retirement might consist of days on the golf course or fishing on the lake.

But what if you have the travel bug, and your spouse would prefer to sit home and catch up on some reading? These are two radically different versions of retirement. And, when it comes to your retirement finances, one is far more expensive than the other.

It's important for you to share your retirement expectations with your spouse before you actually leave the working world. If you both agree that plenty of travel is in your future, you'll need to work hard to make sure you'll have enough retirement dollars to fund these trips. If only one of you wants to spend time traveling or pursuing a more expensive hobby, you'll have to craft a compromise.

2. Where will the money come from, and how much will you have?

As retirement nears, couples must work together on a new household budget tailored to their new life after work. You won't be able to rely on that steady work income after retirement, and Social Security payments probably won't cover all your daily living needs. This makes writing a household budget — and agreeing to stick to it — more important.

Your new budget should list all of your sources of monthly income and all of your expected monthly expenses, including mortgage payments if you still have them, car payments, utility bills, groceries, and entertainment. Once you've listed your income and expenses, including how much of your retirement savings you'll need to dip into each month to cover these expenses, you'll have a clearer picture of how much you can spend each month after leaving the working world. (See also: 6 Ways You Can Cut Costs Right Before You Retire)

3. Where will you live?

Housing expenses can be a challenge after retirement. It's important for couples to discuss where they'll live after leaving the working life behind. Do you want to stay in your current home for as long as possible? The financial ramifications of this will vary depending on whether you've paid off your mortgage or not. It might make more sense to sell your home and move into a smaller condo or apartment. Or maybe you're ready to move into a senior housing facility.

Don't put off conversations about housing. This is one of the most important issues couples face after retirement. (See also: Retire for Half the Cost in These 5 Countries)

4. Will one of you take on a new job or career?

Retirement doesn't always mean that you or your spouse won't continue to work in some way. Some people take on part-time jobs to occupy their time and earn a bit of extra spending money. Others start the new careers that they've always desired. (See also: 6 Great Retirement Jobs)

It's important for couples to discuss their plans for working after retirement. One spouse — or both — holding down a part-time job can make a significant difference in your income and budget after retirement, even if this income isn't essential to covering your daily living needs.

5. How will you handle unplanned expenses?

Unexpected expenses aren't unusual while you're working, with everything from burst water heaters to serious medical problems eating away at your savings. The same unexpected expenses can pop up when you're retired, too. When they do, how will you pay for them?

Talk with your spouse about maintaining an emergency fund that can cover at least six months' worth of your daily living expenses after retirement. If you don't maintain this fund — which you should have had while you were working — one big unexpected expense could wreak havoc on your budget. (See also: 9 Unexpected Expenses for Retirees — And How to Manage Them)

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Things You Should Know About Joint Checking Accounts

Emily Guy Birken — Mon, 17 Apr 2017 08:30:13 +0000

Joint checking accounts offer convenient money management for many different types of relationships, including married and cohabiting couples and adult children and their parents.

But the convenience of joint checking accounts potentially comes with a cost that families need to consider before signing up. Here are six issues you need to think through before you open a joint checking account with a spouse, a significant other, an adult child, or a parent.

1. There is no accountability for withdrawals

Generally, couples tend to open joint accounts because they are sharing a home and expenses. That means that it's in their best interests to be responsible with the money, since it will affect them both if the rent money is spent on a weekend in Vegas. However, if one person is unreliable with money, or planning to leave the relationship suddenly, a joint account can be dangerous for the other account holder.

This issue can be more difficult when the two account holders are parent and child. Often, an adult child will request that they be added to their elderly parents' checking account to help protect dear old Mom or Dad. They can help pay bills, and make sure that there is no fraudulent activity on the account. The problem is that both account holders have every right to withdraw money from the account — which an unscrupulous adult child could take advantage of.

2. Joint accounts are vulnerable to the financial mistakes of both owners

If either account owner has unpaid debts that go into collection, the creditor has every right to use the joint account to satisfy those debts. This means you might potentially find your joint checking account completely drained in order to pay off debts you are unaware that your co-owner has run up.

In addition, if there is a legal judgment against either account owner, the money in the joint account could be considered part of the assets awarded in the judgment. For instance, if Jane is sued because she crashed into a bus, then the assets in the joint account she holds with her elderly father are considered part of Jane's assets in terms of the lawsuit — even if the account was originally solely in Dad's name.

3. A joint account could hurt your credit

Although your spouse or child's credit rating can't ding your score, the way they handle their money can hurt your credit if you share a joint account with them. Since creditors are required to report joint account information, an account holder who struggles with debt and paying bills on time will negatively affect the co-owner's credit rating — unless and until the money behavior improves.

4. A joint account can affect eligibility for financial assistance

If either account owner needs to qualify for any kind of financial assistance, from financial aid for college to Medicaid, the money in a jointly held account is included in the eligibility calculations for the financial aid. That means you might end up forfeiting your ability to qualify for the financial assistance if your account co-owner holds more cash in the account than you would as a sole account owner.

5. Your co-owner can close the account without your permission

Certain banks require consent from both parties to close a joint checking account, but most do not. Typically, state laws dictate that any person who can write checks on the account can close it, at any time, regardless if their co-owner is present or even aware. The benefit to this is if one party relocates, passes away, or otherwise becomes incapacitated, there are very few issues the remaining co-owner must go through to close the account. The danger, however, lies in the potential for one co-owner to simply deplete the funds, close the account, and disappear. Always make sure you're sharing a checking account with someone you trust.

6. Parent/child joint accounts can have estate implications

A joint account holder retains sole control of the money in the account in the event of the co-owner's death. In the case of spouses or other cohabiting couples, this kind of financial transfer in case of death is not a problem. However, if the account owners are a parent and child, the issue is much more complicated.

That's because the money in the checking account stays with the surviving account holder, bypassing whatever the deceased account holder may have put in their will. For instance, Loretta has three children and has specified in her will that her assets will be distributed evenly among them. But Loretta has a sizable joint account with her son Jason, and upon her death the money in that account will be solely under his control. Unless Jason feels like splitting up the money in the account three ways, his siblings are not going to see that portion of their inheritance.

Merge with caution

While joint checking accounts offer convenience to couples and parent/child relationships, they also come with a number of potential headaches. Make sure you know what you are signing up for before you and your potential co-account owner start picking out your personalized checks.

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage

Ashley Eneriz — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 09:00:09 +0000

The quickest way to sour a marriage is to nag your spouse about money and try to control every cent they spend. However, keeping mum about your finances can lead you and your spouse into a lot of debt or overall poor finances. Here are ways to get your spouse on a budget, without ruining your marriage.

Counseling Is Okay!

Many couples make the mistake in thinking that marriage counseling is only for marriages that are in trouble. However, counseling can be a helpful tool even when your marriage is healthy. Having a mediator help you navigate financial woes can even be desirable, so that both you and your spouse feel like they are heard.

To seek out counseling for your finances within marriage, you can talk with a financial adviser that has your best interest in mind, a marriage and family therapist, a pastor, or even an older couple who you consider wise and financially stable. It might seem embarrassing to reach out for help, but it could be the wisest step to keeping your marriage and finances strong.

Set Up Budget Dates

Just as you would set up regular date nights, set up monthly budget dates. Treat your spouse to their favorite coffee drink and discuss the numbers for the month, as well as goals for the next month.

Budget dates should not be a time where you point the finger. It should be a time for mutual discussion and growth. Depending on which financial area your spouse is in charge of, ask for their feedback. For example, if your spouse does the grocery shopping, did they feel like they had enough money that month or was it too tight? If your spouse is requesting more money for the grocery budget, you can decide together what to cut to accommodate.

Sometimes it is a good idea to invite your children to these meetings, especially if they are older than 10. Kids need to see the "why" behind the reasons they can't go to camp all summer long or get everything they want. Also, allowing your kids see and experience how you budget successfully only sets them up for budgeting success later on.

Find What Inspires Them

Sometimes it can be hard to scrimp and sacrifice just for the sake of saving money. We all need a purpose to have the motivation to work at something. Whether it's for the dream vacation or just finally being able to live debt-free, find the goals that both of you want to achieve and set the budget that will make it happen. Show that if you both tighten up your spending and stay the course, the reward will be waiting at the finish line.

Keep Things Fun

Find ways to lighten things up and make staying on budget fun, so it doesn't get tedious or simply boring. You don't have to wait until you've saved enough for the dream vacation to enjoy a reward for your hard work. Add milestones along the way that allow the two of you to celebrate. Turn it into a game to see who can find the best deals or other challenges that keep both of you interested. Don't forget about creative ways to make extra money, too. Perhaps you two can do something together that will earn extra cash.

Practical Tips to Get Your Spouse on a Budget

So far, the marriage budgeting tips have been about the mentality behind savings. Once you get your spouse on board with your budget, then use these practical tips to stay successful.

Budget for you and your spouse to have "mad money" each month. This can be $25 or $500, depending on your budget. However, this money can be spent however your spouse wants. This allows both of you to spend on yourselves without guilt.
Use an easy-to-use budgeting app that connects to your accounts and syncs with each of your phones. Encourage your spouse to look at it and track spending daily.
Have savings taken out automatically. If you wait until the end of the month to put money into savings, you might find you end up short each month. Make savings a priority or take advantage of debit cards that round up purchases and deposit the extra into your savings account.
Stop using credit cards if they are too hard to control. Taking them away for a few months can help you get back on track.

Separate Accounts

Separate accounts can be useful for managing expenses and ensuring there's no opportunity to overdraw for a budget. If you split the financial responsibilities of a household, it makes sense to manage your own accounts for your assigned budgets. Just make sure there's accountability and transparency.

Marriage is hard, and budgeting is just as difficult. Put them both together, and you could have a recipe for disaster. It's important to be open and honest so that you don't end up in a financial disaster.

How do you and your spouse stay on a budget?

This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Moves to Make the Moment You Decide to Get Married

Emily Guy Birken — Mon, 18 Jul 2016 10:30:12 +0000

There is nothing more romantic than the giddy days after you ask your sweetheart to marry you. But now is also the perfect time to start preparing for one of the most important aspects of a successful marriage: money.

Before you groan that bringing money into the marriage equation is going to be the death of romance, remember that money problems are cited as one of the top reasons for divorce, just behind infidelity and communication issues. If promising fidelity and good communication aren't romance-killers, then preparing financially shouldn't be one, either. (See also: 8 Signs You're Committing Financial Infidelity)

Here are the top five money moves you and your betrothed should make the moment you decide to get married:

1. Share Your Money Backgrounds

Just as you and your fiancé should know about each other's health, family, romantic, and work backgrounds, it's important that you share financial backgrounds with each other. This starts with the obvious, such as outstanding debts and current assets. It's not possible to move forward financially as a couple if you don't already know where you are — and keeping financial secrets from each other is an emotionally dangerous way to begin a marriage.

But understanding each other's money background also includes knowing how you each think and feel about money. The way you view money is generally unconscious and tied to how you feel about everything from relationships to success. It's a good idea to recognize the way you and your spouse-to-be differ in those unconscious beliefs. In particular, start by answering the following questions, suggested by Terri Orbuch, marriage and family therapist and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great:

How did your parents deal with money growing up?
What did money mean to you (and your parents) when you were growing up?
How have you dealt with money in previous relationships?

Your answers can both illuminate attitudes you may not realize you carried, and help you understand where to expect (and prepare for) potential financial friction in your marriage.

2. Start a Wedding Fund

A wedding is a joyous event, but the finances can create some complications. This dynamic can get even more pronounced when the extended family is paying for some portion of the wedding.

To minimize this friction, create a wedding fund, and transfer money to it regularly.

This will help you create the financial freedom necessary to say no to those who attach strings to wedding money.

In addition, it's easier to keep a saving habit than it is to start one. So once you're home from the honeymoon, you can just change the name of your wedding fund to your house fund (or start sending the money to your retirement accounts) and keep the regular saving habit in place.

3. Set Financial Ground Rules

There are few couples in the world who aren't driven a little crazy by each other's financial habits. For instance, my husband tends to splurge on himself with large purchases about once or twice a year, whereas I tend to make smaller purchases for myself two to three times a month. Even though he is spending several hundred dollars on a video game system and I am spending $15 here and $20 there on books or manicures, the amount we each spend is pretty equal. But when we first got married, each one of us thought the other was being frivolous with money.

The thing is, neither one of us was wrong (even though we each took turns trying to prove the other one was completely misguided, which worked about as well as you could expect). We just had different expectations for fun money.

What helped was for us to set up financial ground rules. We each have a certain amount of splurge money that is ours alone. As long as we are spending from that splurge money and not dipping into shared funds, then we can splurge on whatever we like.

Financial ground rules allow you to both feel comfortable within the framework of your finances. You might also set rules on spending thresholds over which you have to discuss issues before spending the money, or how you might use joint accounts.

4. Think About Worst-Case Scenarios

Marriage is a common time for people to acquire or update their life insurance and wills. These are important to have in place in order to protect yourself and your spouse in case life takes a turn you don't expect. Whether you don't yet have life insurance or a will, or you need to change your beneficiary to your spouse. Taking the time to make sure these documents are thoroughly completed, updated, and signed can give you both some peace of mind.

But there are other scenarios you might want to prepare for. Getting adequate renter's or homeowner's insurance is always a great idea. It's also worth talking with your spouse-to-be about a prenuptial agreement. Unless you're both hollering "We want prenup!" such conversations can be pretty difficult to broach. But the issues you would hammer out in a prenuptial are important to discuss before you get married, even if you are not couching them in terms of what would happen if you divorce. According to Mandi Woodruff, writing for Business Insider, there are typically five pillars to every prenuptial:

"How to handle the income each partner makes before marriage, how to handle your prior assets (businesses, homes, etc.) and liabilities (such as student loans), division of property acquired during the marriage, your retirement plans, and how you'll handle spousal support."

Discussing these issues in terms of both an estate plan and a prenuptial agreement is an important part of planning the financial side of your marriage together.

5. Adopt a Team Mentality

One of the best ways to build a strong financial foundation for your marriage is to adopt a team mentality for your money. It can be very easy to see money as "yours" and "mine," particularly if you have each been out on your own for a while. But keeping your money separate in your mind can be the first step toward bean counting and money fights. This is especially true if you have varying income levels or different money priorities.

Getting on the same team financially means seeing money as something you share — which means that you also share your decisions about money.

There are many ways to adopt a team mentality, from mingling all funds into a joint checking account to setting up a yours-mine-and-ours system. But the important thing is to recognize that you are in the same financial boat and to treat the majority of your money as shared.

Marriage and money go hand-in-hand, and taking the time before you wed to discuss finance is an investment in your long and happy married life.

What money moves did you make to prepare for marriage?

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

My 2016 Budget Challenge: How to Turn Your Spouse Into a Money Saver

Max Wong — Fri, 20 May 2016 10:00:09 +0000

[Editor's Note: This is another episode in Max Wong's journey to find an extra $31,000 this year. Read the whole series here.]

My husband, Mr. Spendypants, grew up as the youngest of six kids, so he pretty much hates hand-me-downs of any sort. Except for food. He's like a coyote with leftovers.

It's not that he's fiscally irresponsible, he is just averse to stuff he sees as weird penny pinching. Like his refusal to use cornstarch to prevent jock itch — as opposed to the much more expensive baby powder — even though (as I have pointed out to him) the bottle of baby powder he uses reads: CONTAINS 100% CORNSTARCH.

(OMFG).

Even so, I have managed to successfully inch him onto my $31,000 savings plan this year through a variety of nefarious ways.

I Own My Crazy

If you have been following this series (and you can, right here!), it should be obvious to by now: I am the bonkers one in my marriage. Finding an extra $31,000 in the household budget is just one of my goals for 2016. I am also trying to downsize my personal possessions to just 1000 personal items. (FYI: This does not include shared tools or furniture. I count personal possession as items that I use 95% of the time, that I paid for, and that I brought into my house). So yes, it does pain me to come home to discover that my husband has gone out and purchased more stuff that has to be stored and dusted.

However, I know that my position on ownership is on the extreme side of extreme. My husband's desire for material goods is not more or less stupid than my desire to travel more. My fever to save $31,000 is exactly the same. It's my fever. Mine. His main motivation for even participating in this budget challenge is not financial independence. He's doing it to make me happy. Every time he puts more money into savings, I acknowledge this act of love.

We Share a Goal

Although my husband previously had no burning desire to pay down our debt this quickly, he does want to fulfill his lifelong goal of traveling to Easter Island. He wants to take this trip for his 50th birthday. Funnily enough, I also want to take this trip for his 50th birthday. Mr. Spendypants just turned 48. Neither of us will be able to afford to go to Easter Island in two years if we don't pay down our debt this year so we can save up the money next year for that adventure.

We Compromise

Compromise seems like an obvious solution, but more marriages end over money than any other reason, so clearly this advice is easier said that done.

I can cut my expenses to the bone. I have enough free entertainment in the house to last me for years. So does my husband. However, it would be very hard for me to sell him a cut-to-the-bone budget that doesn't sound like sacrifice to him. Instead, we created a budget for luxuries. We both agreed on the amount, but what is purchased out of the account is up to him. So, I never have to ask him whether this new guitar pedal or that lunch out is really necessary. My only question is: Will this fit in the luxury budget?

We Accept That Different Saving Strategies Aren't a Separate Vision

My husband and I both have similar retirement aspirations. We'd love to live abroad and spend our days on simple hobbies like listening to music, cooking, and reading. If I had my druthers, I would have moved to Rome six years ago, even if that means working as a janitor until I keel over. (Not that there is anything wrong with being a janitor, just that I hate dusting). But, Mr. Spendypants really loves his Los Angeles-centric work that also happens to pay well. I would rather be in a happy marriage and retire abroad at 65, than make my husband miserable and retire at 55. A decade more in Los Angeles won't kill me.

We Make the Cuts That Don't Sacrifice Lifestyle First

If we waste food or any other consumable, we really aren't spending money wisely. If we are wasting food, then we won't miss it at all if we don't buy so much in the first place. We can save money and the planet without feeling the slightest financial pinch.

Last year, Mr. Spendypants decided that he needed a tablet for work so he bought a refurbished iPad Mini. So far, the quality of his work has not been impacted by the fact that he spent $300 on a used machine, instead of buying a new iPad for $450.

Waste doesn't only apply to physical objects. I switched from a 12GB data plan on my phone to sharing 3GB with my husband when I realized that we weren't using close to 12GB per month even though I live on Instagram. If I go over the limit on the 3GB data plan, it still costs $20 less per month than the 12GB plan, even if I get dinged with a $15 overage fee. If I went over the limit every month, I would still save $240 a year on our phone bill.

Because I started our saving strategy by asking to cut the waste and not the fun from our budget, Mr. Spendypants saw that our huge savings in January had no downside. This was so exciting to him that he has tried to match that same rate of savings every month, even though that has meant making cuts that he can feel.

We Delay Gratification

Delayed gratification is not deprivation. I am lucky that my husband is not that guy who wants the coolest phone always. But even if he were, I still think I could get him to switch out his phone every 18 months instead of every 12 months and save 33% on phone costs.

Although it's counter-intuitive, recent scientific studies that show that anticipation actually increases the pleasure of consumption, especially when it comes to spending money on experience-based purchases. Instant gratification is just that — it gratifies for just an instant.

Mr. Spendypants has a wish list. At the end of year, if we've paid down the $31,000, he's going to buy the stuff on that list as his reward for being patient with his stubborn wife. I have a sneaking suspicion that as the months go by, his interest in owning some of the wish list items will wane because his savings account will look so much more attractive by comparison. Also, if he really wants to go to Easter Island, then that's where he should spend his money.

We Find Role Models

Our friend Martin and his wife work just the minimum amount necessary to maintain their health insurance. They aggressively worked to pay off their house in just a few years. Their kid goes to public school. Because they have both figured out how to work from home, they don't pay for childcare.

Because they made very smart financial decisions and continue to live below their means, Martin and his family go out to eat and attend more cultural events than pretty much anyone we know.

I recently pointed out to Mr. Spendypants that Martin's family actually lead a very decadent life of near leisure. Because Martin and his wife have similar jobs and interests to us, it's easy for me to show that my push for financial independence is do-able. If Martin can do it with a kid, we can certainly do it as two employed adults.

We Do the Math

Like many Americans, my husband didn't understand how compound interest could be a financial tool, not just the punishment for using a credit card. Once I showed my husband with a simple debt calculator how much money we could save if we got aggressive with paying down our debts early, he started looking for ways to reduce debt too. In fact, he's so on board with the math that he's currently trying to refinance his home loan to one where he actually pays more principal!

We Accept That Not Everyone Loves Spreadsheets

I have friends who are superhuman when it comes to Microsoft Excel. They use it for everything from tracking garden harvests to creating custom knitting patterns. Even though looking at budgets is a major part of my job, I hate making spreadsheets. I find them personally crazy-making.

More complex financial tools like credit cards and spreadsheets are actually overwhelming or just straight up annoying to many people. It took me a year of nagging to get Mr. Spendypants to get on Mint, even though it only takes 30 minutes to set up an account. If I could accrue airline mileage by paying cash, I would ditch my credit card in one hot second and use the envelope system because it's visual and completely concrete. There's no technology to master or hidden fees associated with zero based budgeting. Simplicity is my friend when it comes to keeping track of my finances.

(So, before you give up on your partner ever sharing your financial values, make sure that it's really the values they don't agree with and not the presentation they find troublesome).

We Aren't Jerks

There's truth to the old maxim: "Happy wife, happy life." I make a concerted effort not to roll my eyes every time my husband backs another Kickstarter board game campaign. Financial independence will not bring me inner peace if it comes at the cost of my marriage.

Life partners often have different values about money stemming from how they were raised. I have friends who grew up in dire poverty who value financial stability to the point that they would rather be single than in a relationship with someone who doesn't have a high-paying job. My bookkeeper is a scion of a bookkeeping family. She grew up thinking that everyone made spreadsheets to track their babysitting money. But, many people grow up in homes where money and money problems are never discussed. Because Americans are more likely to share information about their sex lives than their budgets, many people grow up financially illiterate.

My husband grudgingly agreed to support this experiment out of love for me, not out of a burning desire to understand the difference between a Roth IRA and a Traditional IRA. So, as much as I'd like to hustle our savings plan along at a breakneck pace, I'm making every effort to be patient with his learning process, which, to his surprise, he's greatly enjoying. Taking control of your personal finances is empowering.

Mr. Spendypants has, so far, enjoyed this public challenge more than we both expected, in part because the reader reaction has been so positive. He anticipated that we would be flayed by the commentariat and that has not been the case. Thank you, dear readers.

Progress Report

Uhn. The $31,000 budget challenge took a lot of damage this last pay period and most of the carnage was self-inflicted. For starters, we hosted a friend from out of town and spent four days eating our way through Los Angeles and going to movies. We did so much walking we also "had" to get professional foot massages…of course. Total cost of our mini vacation: $800.

Then, Mr. Spendypants bought several thousands of dollars worth in synthesizers and guitar pedals — guitar pedals that were not paid for out of the luxuries account — for $220 from a friend. A huge bargain on music equipment that he will use, but an unplanned expense nonetheless. Another unplanned expense: $300 spent to replace the master circuit board on my husband's Cyntiq monitor that decided to crap out for no reason.

Additionally, even though Mr. Spendypants is the math expert in our partnership, he had some kind of arithmetic breakdown while paying bills and managed to overpay our loan bill by $741. Overpaying just means that we will pay down our loan that much faster, which is great, but we had to take that money out of our emergency fund to make sure we didn't overdraw our checking account. While Mr. Spendypants has been saving between $1000 and $1500 per month since January by dramatically curbing his shopping habits, his April savings were wiped out by the very expected $1000 car repair bill. Yes, one of our cars is still in the shop.

On top of all the expenses, I also had a dismal pay period. I made $270 from writing gigs and $27.84 in Half.com sales.

While I did not expect perfect execution of this challenge, I am disappointed that we drifted so far from our goal. We are now $2,763.16 further away from $31,000 than we were when we started the month, and May is not even over! Will we be able to recover this loss?

Goal: $31,000

Amount Raised: $16,375.84

Amount Spent: $10,653.66

Amount Left to Go: $25,277.82

This article is from Max Wong of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Spouses and Debt: Who's Really on the Hook for Those Bills?

Dan Rafter — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 11:00:12 +0000

Your spouse has run up thousands of dollars in credit card debt that you didn't know about. If your partner can't pay back this debt, are you responsible? Can the financial institutions behind this debt come after you for their missing payments?

The answer depends on where you live, whose name is on the credit card agreement, and whether you acted as a co-signer on that card. But that's only the technical side of the question. When it comes to the practical side, the answer is easy: When your spouse racks up loads of credit-card debt, the odds are it's going to affect your life, too.

The Legalities

Speaking in the strictly legal sense, though, the odds are high that your spouse's credit card debt is not technically your problem, as long as your name isn't on the credit cards that your partner used to rack up this debt. However, if your spouse ran up debt on credit cards that are in both of your names, you are just as responsible for paying off that debt. The same holds true if you are co-signer on any of the debt-ridden credit card accounts.

Common Law States

The other factor that matters is the state that you call home. The vast majority of states — all but nine of them — are considered common law states. In common law states, you are only responsible for credit card debt that is in your name. If the credit cards are only in your spouse's name, you are technically not responsible for the debt on them.

This doesn't mean that your spouse's credit card debt won't eventually hurt you. Say you and your spouse own a home together, with the title of the home in both of your names. The credit card company, if it is never paid, could force the sale of your home so that your spouse would have the funds needed to pay off the debt.

Your spouse's credit card debt could also make it more difficult for you to apply for auto or home loans, if you want to apply jointly with your spouse. When applying for a mortgage loan, for instance, lenders will consider only the lowest middle credit score between you and your spouse. You and your spouse each have three credit scores — maintained by the credit bureaus Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. If your scores are 740, 770, and 730, but your spouse's are 620, 630, and 640, lenders will base their lending decisions only on your spouse's middle score, 630.

Lenders, then, will toss out your higher score. This means that if your spouse's score is too low, lenders might not approve you for a loan. If they do, they'll charge you a higher interest rate, making your monthly payment a higher one.

Community Property States

In community property states, you are responsible for your spouse's credit card debt legally. Debts that your spouse rack up during your marriage are considered community debts. This means that you and your spouse might both liable for it. The community property states are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin.

However, the law isn't so simple in community property states. Extenuating circumstances might mean that even if you live in one of the nine community property states, you're still not responsible for your spouse's credit card debt. If the debt that your spouse racked up was for purchases that benefitted both you and your partner, the odds are high that you, too, will be responsible for it. If the credit card debts only benefitted your partner, it is more likely that only your spouse will be held responsible for them.

Community property rules also only matter for debts that your spouse has incurred during your marriage. You are not responsible for debts that your spouse has generated before or, in the case of divorce, after your marriage.

Spousal credit card debt can be a touchy subject. Make sure you understand the laws in your state, in order to stave off unnecessary headaches.

Has your partner ever run up massive debt? How did you deal with it?

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways Regular Budget Meetings Might Save Your Marriage

Dan Rafter — Fri, 21 Aug 2015 15:00:33 +0000

Your spouse just spent $700 on a new laptop, without checking in with you first. Or maybe you're the culprit, racking up $250 of new credit card purchases last month that weren't in your household budget.

Whoever is at fault, such unexpected financial missteps are a leading source of tension in any relationship. But there is a way to eliminate these unwanted financial surprises: regular budget meetings between you and your partner.

Holding a weekly or monthly budget meeting doesn't sound like the best way to spend an evening. But such meetings are important. Regular budget meetings can help couples stay on track when it comes to paying off debt, building savings, and stowing away dollars for retirement.

"I find that couples who get along the best financially speaking are those who communicate openly and freely when it comes to their finances," said Kevin Murphy, senior financial services consultant with McGraw-Hill Federal Credit Union in East Windsor, New Jersey. "Couples should discuss their goals and set a plan together."

Married couples argue about a host of subjects. But financial matters often top the list, which is why a regular budget meeting can make your marriage a happier one. These money meetings increase the odds that you and your partner will be working toward the same financial goals, and that one or both of you won't be overspending on a regular basis.

The best news? These budget meetings don't have to be unpleasant. Here are some tips on holding successful budget meetings.

1. Set a Regular Time

Agree to hold your household budget meetings at a regular time, whether it's every Thursday night, every two weeks, or once a month. If you don't schedule your budget meetings as you would any other appointment, life will get in the way. If you're like most couples, you'll sit down to a Netflix movie and blow off the money meeting. Try to aim for meeting once a week or, at the least, once a month.

2. Give Them a Time Limit

Your partner might imagine a budget meeting lasting into the wee hours of the evening as you both pore over every credit card purchase and ATM withdrawal. No one wants to talk money for hours. Instead, put a set time limit on your regular budget meetings, perhaps limiting the meeting to a maximum of one hour. If you meet frequently enough, 60 minutes should be more than enough time to go over your household finances.

3. No Blame Game

Some people are better at sticking to a budget. That's a fact. Partners who make those extra purchases every month might shy away from budget meetings because they don't want to be lectured for an entire hour on their recent financial missteps. Refrain from using budget meetings to blame each other for financial setbacks. Instead, use the time to craft a budget that works for everyone. If your partner is regularly blowing the budget, ask what you both can do to resolve the problem.

4. Make It Realistic

Maybe your partner overspends each month because your household budget is too tight, and doesn't leave any room for fun or unnecessary purchases. Use your regular meetings to tweak your budget so that it works for your household. A household budget is always a work-in-progress. It's okay, and even advisable, to make regular changes to it. If your household budget isn't working, use your meetings to adjust it so that it does.

5. Come Prepared

You'll need actual numbers to hold a successful budget meeting. So print out credit card statements, bank statements, and other important documents. Bring bills that need to be paid in the next several days, too. Armed with this information, you and your partner can make the best financial decisions for the weeks ahead.

6. Eliminate the Distractions

It's not easy holding a budget meeting when your kids are asking for snacks or your dog is whining for a walk. Finish the household chores before your budget meeting. You want a quiet block of time so you can focus. If your meeting is interrupted by too many distractions, you'll be tempted to cut it short before you address your family's most important financial matters.

Do you and your partner hold regular budget meetings?

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Work at Home Without Driving Your Spouse Nuts

Dan Rafter — Mon, 06 Jul 2015 09:00:14 +0000

Your spouse has just accepted a work-from-home job. You already have one.

And while this work arrangement comes with plenty of perks — no more commutes, no more sneaky text messages to your spouse while you're hiding from your boss — it also comes with plenty of potential pitfalls.

Fortunately, there are steps that you can take to make this unusual working arrangement succeed. If you're careful, you won't want to kill your spouse, either.

1. Respect Each Other's Work

If your spouse is working in the kitchen, it's easy to stroll in and start chatting about current events, the neighbor's barking dog, or your niece's upcoming ballet recital. But remember, your spouse has work to do. Don't keep interrupting.

And if your spouse is the one doing the interrupting? Give a polite, but firm, reminder that you need to wrap up an assignment and that you don't have time for chit-chat.

Yes, one of the benefits of working from home with your spouse is that you can take those little breaks in the day with the person you loved enough to marry. But too many of these breaks can start to feel intrusive.

2. Turn the Work Day Off

When both you and your spouse work from home, it can be easy to keep working... all night long. After all, you both probably have deadlines that are looming. And if you work on a freelance basis, you might be tempted to take on more work than you can handle during a typical working day.

But be careful: If both you and your spouse spend all of your hours working, you'll both run the risk of becoming deadly dull. Even worse, you'll be spending long hours in the same house without actually spending quality, personal time together.

Every relationship needs quality alone time between spouses. Don't let an inability to shut off the working day prevent you and your spouse from making this time.

3. Remember That Sweatpants Aren't Flattering

It's tempting when you both work from home to spend all day in your pajamas or sweatpants. Yes, this is comfortable. But resist the urge. Wear day-time clothes during day-time hours. This means, at a minimum, jeans or shorts.

If you don't have to commute to an office, you don't have to wear a suit. But wearing sweatpants or pajamas every day shows your spouse that you don't care enough about his or her opinion to make an effort. Ditch the sweatpants once the working day begins.

4. Leave the House

You might lose track of how much time you and your spouse spend in the home if you're both working from it. Entire days can go by when the only time you leave the house is to drop your kid off at soccer practice or when you need a quick hit of Starbucks.

Staying in the house all day cuts you off from the community. It makes you boring. And, worst of all, it might make you sick of your spouse. If your spouse is the person you spend 90% of your time with? You might actually run out of things to talk about, especially if you're not leaving the house and interacting with the rest of the world.

So make sure to plan regular trips to the gym, morning walks, bike rides, or dinners out. You wouldn't spend every waking moment in an office building. Why would you when your home has become your office?

5. Don't Fill Your Home With Papers, Reports, and Computers

When both you and your spouse work from home, your home is actually pulling double duty: It's both a home and an office. Make sure, then, that your home doesn't only look like an office.

It's easy when both you and your spouse work from your residence to litter it with papers, reports, briefcases, laptops, and tablets. Just look at your kitchen table: Does it look like a messy desk that you'd see in a cubicle?

If so, it's time to clean up. Make sure that when the working day ends, you and your spouse both pick up your work supplies and store them out of sight. If your home always looks like an office, you're both more likely to work long hours into the evening night after night.

How do you handle working from home with your significant other?

This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

When It Makes Sense to Apply for a Mortgage Loan Without Your Spouse

Dan Rafter — Mon, 25 May 2015 11:00:16 +0000

You and your spouse or partner are ready to apply for a mortgage loan. It makes sense to apply for the loan jointly, right? That way, your lender can use your combined incomes when determining how much mortgage money it can lend you.

Surprisingly, this isn't always the right approach.

If the three-digit credit score of your spouse or partner is too low, it might make sense to apply for a mortgage loan on your own — as long as your income alone is high enough to let you qualify.

That's because it doesn't matter how high your credit score is if your spouse's is low. Your lender will look at your spouse's score, and not yours, when deciding if you and your partner qualify for a home loan.

"If one spouse has a low credit score, and that credit score is so low that the couple will either have to pay a higher interest rate or might not qualify for every loan product out there, then it might be time to consider dropping that spouse from the loan application," says Eric Rotner, vice president of mortgage banking at the Scottsdale, Arizona office of Commerce Home Mortgage. "If a score is below a certain point, it can really limit your options."

How Credit Scores Work

Lenders rely heavily on credit scores today, using them to determine the interest rates they charge borrowers and whether they'll even approve their clients for a mortgage loan. Lenders consider a FICO score of 740 or higher to be a strong one, and will usually reserve their lowest interest rates for borrowers with such scores.

Borrowers whose scores are too low — say under 640 on the FICO scale — will struggle to qualify for mortgage loans without having to pay higher interest rates. They might not be able to qualify for any loan at all, depending on how low their score is.

Which Score Counts?

When couples apply for a mortgage loan together, lenders don't consider all scores. Instead, they focus on the borrower who has the lowest credit score.

Every borrower has three FICO credit scores — one each compiled by the three national credit bureaus, TransUnion, Experian, and Equifax. Each of these scores can be slightly different. When couples apply for a mortgage loan, lenders will only consider the lowest middle credit score between the applicants.

Say you have credit scores of 740, 780, and 760 from the three credit bureaus. Your spouse has scores of 640, 620, and 610. Your lender will use that 620 score only when determining how likely you are to make your loan payments on time. Many lenders will consider a score of 620 to be too risky, and won't approve your loan application. Others will approve you, but only at a high interest rate.

In such a case, it might make sense to drop a spouse from the loan application.

But there are other factors to consider.

"If you are the sole breadwinner, and your spouse's credit score is low, it usually makes sense to apply in your name only for the mortgage loan," said Mike Kinane, senior vice president of consumer lending at the Mt. Laurel, New Jersey office of TD Bank. "But your income will need to be enough to support the mortgage you are looking for."

That's the tricky part: If you drop a spouse from a loan application, you won't be penalized for that spouse's weak credit score. But you also can't use that spouse's income. You might need to apply for a smaller mortgage loan, which usually means buying a smaller home, too.

Other Times to Drop a Spouse

There are other times when it makes sense for one spouse to sit out the loan application process.

If one spouse has too much debt and not enough income, it can be smart to leave that spouse out of the loan process. Lenders typically want your total monthly debts — including your estimated new monthly mortgage payment — to equal no more than 43% of your gross monthly income. If your spouse's debt is high enough to throw this ratio out of whack, applying alone might be the wise choice.

Spouses or partners with past foreclosures, bankruptcies, or short sales on their credit reports might stay away from the loan application, too. Those negative judgments could make it more difficult to qualify for a loan.

Again, it comes down to simple math: Does the benefit of skipping your partner's low credit score, high debt levels, and negative judgments outweigh the negative of not being able to use that spouse's income?

"The $64,000 question is whether the spouse with the bad credit score is the breadwinner for the couple," says David Reiss, professor of law with Brooklyn Law School in Brooklyn, New York. "The best case scenario would be a couple where the breadwinner is also the one with the good credit score. Dropping the other spouse from the application is likely a no-brainer in that circumstance. And of course, there will be a gray area for a couple where both spouses bring in a significant share of the income. In that case, the couple should definitely shop around for lenders that can work with them."

You and Your Spouse Can Still Own Your Home Together

Spouses or partners might worry that not having their names on the mortgage loan application means that they don't have an equal ownership stake in the home.

Fortunately, that's not true.

Rotner says that couples just have to put both names on the home's title. If they do that, both will have equal ownership of the home, no matter whose names are on the mortgage loan.

"Title expresses ownership in a property," Rotner says. "Being on the mortgage loan expresses a financial obligation to the property. There is a difference."

Partners might have one other concern about being left off the mortgage loan: It will be more difficult for them to boost their weak credit scores.

Every time consumers make their mortgage loan payments on time, it helps their credit scores. But partners whose names aren't on the mortgage loan won't see any benefit from on-time payments, even if their income is helping to pay the mortgage bill each month.

"That is a valid concern," Rotner said. "But what is the trade-off? You either get to buy a home that you couldn't otherwise buy or you get a 700 credit score. What is more important?"

Are you and your spouse both on the mortgage? What about the title?

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Talking to Your Spouse About Money

Sierra Black — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 15:00:02 +0000

I have a guest post up on Get Rich Slowly about how to talk with your spouse about money. I had the privilege of interviewing financial counselor Lou Scatigna, aka The Financial Physician, for the article.

Lou's not at all shy with his opinion. He told me straight up that a marriage where the couple can't agree about money is doomed. He also painted a pretty scary picture of what can happen when one partner abidcates full control of the household finances to the other: elderly people lose their spouse and suddenly have no idea how to pay the bills, or one partner is able to hide tens of thousands of credit card debt from the other until it is too late to avoid bankruptcy.

How to avoid these problems? Communicate. Specifically, Lou suggests holding a family finance meeting every month where you sit down with your partner and go over each bill together. In my household, we take it a step further and go over our spending spreadsheet to look at each category together. Not just the bills but also groceries and gifts and anything else we spent money on during the month. We also use the time to check how we're doing on our long term financial goals.

This is harder than it seems. Here's an excerpt from my post:

Managing finances together sounds simple, but there are a lot of stumbling blocks. People are busy. You’ve got a career, a family, maybe kids of your own, plus friends and hobbies. Spending an evening a month on a boring chore can seem like a lot to ask.

Plus, money pushes a lot of buttons for people. It brings up fear, anxiety, guilt, anger. A lot of negative emotions most of us like to avoid. So we avoid talking about money with our spouses until it explodes in a financial disaster or a relationship meltdown.

Even when we do sit down to talk, it can be hard to make good use of the time. Should you discuss long-term goals or just go over this month’s bills? How can you avoid spiraling into a fight?

It helps us to set aside a specific time to go over these things each month. That way, we resist the risk of ambushing each other with small money dramas when one of us is busy, distracted, or cranky. Having a time and place to talk means these conversations happen, and they happen with a lot less friction than they used to when we crammed them in over breakfast or after bedtime.

A few commenters on GRS suggested that once a month wasn't often enough. Indeed, when my husband and I first started getting our financial act together, we had weekly meetings for awhile. I still sit down alone once a week to work out the budget for the coming week, because it's me who handles the day to day finances. Others felt a formal meeting was unnecessary, and they just catch up with their spouse about money on a need-to-know basis.

What's your financial communication style? Formal meetings or swift chats on the fly? Are you happy with the way you and your spouse talk about money? Do you know enough about your finances to handle things alone if you had to? What would you like to do differently?

This article is from Sierra Black of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: