conflict http://www.wisebread.com/taxonomy/term/13495/all en-US 5 Times You Should Avoid Confronting a Coworker http://www.wisebread.com/5-times-you-should-avoid-confronting-a-coworker <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/5-times-you-should-avoid-confronting-a-coworker" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/coworkers_disagreeing_000031094146_0.jpg" alt="Coworkers trying to avoid confrontation at work" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Even though many of us work in a so-called &quot;professional environment,&quot; conflicts in the workplace are inevitable. You're with these people 40 hours a week (sometimes longer), and it's only a matter of time before a <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/12-ways-youre-driving-your-coworkers-insane">coworker rubs you the wrong way</a>.</p> <p>Back-stabbing, a bad attitude, or a rude glance (fierce side-eye is all it takes to ruin a day) might encourage you to give a colleague a piece of your mind. But while there's no shame in sticking up for yourself and putting an office bully in his place, there are times when it's better to let things go. Here are five situations when you should avoid confronting a coworker (so you can also avoid confronting the unemployment line).</p> <h2>1. You're an Emotional Wreck</h2> <p>Confronting your coworker about an ongoing problem and discussing the issue like mature adults might squash some of the tension, but you shouldn't confront this person while you're still emotional or upset about the situation. You might lose your cool while explaining yourself, which can put your coworker on the defense. And when emotions run high, it becomes difficult to understand another person's point-of-view or recognize how your actions played a role in an argument.</p> <p>Give yourself time to calm down &mdash; whether it's a few hours or a few days &mdash; and confront your coworker when you're in a better state of mind. Besides, once you're able to look at the situation with a clear head, you might realize the entire issue was silly or a simple misunderstanding.</p> <h2>2. You Know It's Just a Bad Day</h2> <p>Everyone is entitled to a bad day. If your coworker is normally easygoing and great to work with but on this particular day he's on edge and getting on everybody's last nerve, chalk it up to a bad day and don't take it personally.</p> <p>Unless we ask, we really don't know what our coworkers go through. We all respond to problems differently and some people don't know the right ways to deal with their emotions when under stress. Maybe your coworker had a bad performance review and fears his job might be in jeopardy. Or maybe he's going through personal problems, such as a divorce or separation, money or health problems.</p> <p>Dealing with life and stress doesn't give anyone license to take their anxiety out on others. But if your coworker is usually in a better mood and this behavior is out of character, give him a break and let minor incidents roll off your shoulder. You might be in their shoes one day and need someone to give you the benefit of the doubt.</p> <h2>3. You Know the Person's Trying to Get a Rise Out of You</h2> <p>As I think back to different jobs I had before pursuing self-employment, there was always one person in every office who liked to get a rise out of people. Whether they were making snide comments underneath their breath or making a big deal out of small issues, they got a kick out of being irritating and getting others fired up.</p> <p>It's hard to walk away and ignore these attacks, but it might be the best method for dealing with this type of coworker. You might be able to confront other types of people and get them off your back. But if you're dealing with someone who's looking for a reaction or fight, exchanging words or a confrontation only adds fuel to their fire. You have to be the bigger person and not respond. Don't play their games, and eventually they'll get bored and move on.</p> <h2>4. You're Having a Good Day</h2> <p>Don't give others power over your emotions. If you're having a good day, one annoying comment by a coworker can jack up your entire mood &mdash; if you let it. You can't control what comes out of another person's mouth, but you can control your response. Confronting a coworker <em>might</em> resolve the issue, but it can also turn molehills into mountains. Learn how to pick your battles.</p> <h2>5. It's Not Your Place</h2> <p>If you observe rudeness or unfair treatment around the office, you might feel it's necessary to speak up for those who won't. But think twice before confronting a coworker about a situation that has nothing to do with you. Although you're trying to help, getting involved might do more harm than good. Bring serious issues to your supervisor's attention and let them broach the matter.</p> <p><em>Have you ever confronted a coworker? Have another reason why confronting a coworker is the best idea you</em><em>'</em><em>ve ever had? Let me know in the comments below.</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-times-you-should-avoid-confronting-a-coworker">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-5"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-reasons-your-coworkers-think-youre-a-slacker">6 Reasons Your Coworkers Think You&#039;re a Slacker</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-awkward-money-moments-everyone-has-at-work">8 Awkward Money Moments Everyone Has at Work</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/9-office-politics-goofs-that-can-set-your-career-back-years">9 Office Politics Goofs That Can Set Your Career Back Years</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/the-psychology-of-salaries-do-you-want-to-know-how-much-your-coworkers-make">The Psychology of Salaries: Do You Want to Know How Much Your Coworkers Make?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/the-best-free-gifts-for-business-colleagues">The Best Free Gifts for Business Colleagues</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Career and Income colleagues conflict confrontation coworkers fighting Fri, 22 May 2015 09:00:08 +0000 Mikey Rox 1429814 at http://www.wisebread.com 6 Tips to Win Any Argument http://www.wisebread.com/6-tips-to-win-any-argument <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/6-tips-to-win-any-argument" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/couple_reading_000022116177.jpg" alt="Couple learning how to win any argument" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Whether you thrive on conflict or avoid it at all costs, it is a big part of life. <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-navigate-3-common-money-arguments-with-your-significant-other">Arguments can arise</a> over little things, like whose job it is to clean the coffee pot, or over big things, like how to approach a massive project.</p> <p>No matter the conflict, though, there are some techniques that will help you prevail in almost any argument &mdash; be it with friends, co-workers, or family. While it isn't wise to choose to fight every single battle, follow these tactics to give yourself the best chance at winning the ones you do pick.</p> <h2>1. Stay Calm</h2> <p>The minute you lose your temper, you've lost the argument. Letting your emotions run free means that the other person has gotten to you, that they have bugged you beyond your ability to control yourself. Even if you have the best facts and you handle the rest of the argument well, losing it emotionally never changes anyone else's mind.</p> <p>It's perfectly acceptable to feel passionate about your opinion and even to use passionate language to express yourself. But it will not help you if you cry, yell, scream, curse, or pound on the table to make your points. This makes you seem a little unstable and maybe even unhinged, but does not help anyone accept your point of view.</p> <h2>2. Take Opposing Theories to Their Logical Conclusion</h2> <p>One of the best ways to win an argument is to take your opponent's theories to their logical conclusion. Often, these conclusions are absurd, and will lead your opponent to rethink his or her point. One study did just this with Israelis on the topic of the conflict with the Palestinians, and found that the tactic made people 30% more likely to <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/111/30/10996.abstract">reconsider their views</a>.</p> <h2>3. See Another Perspective</h2> <p>Try to look at the world through your opponent's eyes. This will help you in two ways. First of all, it allows you to demonstrate genuine empathy for this person. When you can understand where he or she is coming from or why they might see things the way they do, you can make statements during the argument that expresses this understanding. This will help the other person to feel more like you are both on the same side.</p> <p>Understanding your opponent's perspective also allows you to tailor your arguments in ways that will be more likely to influence them. If they hold the position they do because of fear, you can show how your stance could be reassuring. In the end, this will help your points hit home for them.</p> <h2>4. Don't Attack</h2> <p>When someone feels attacked, they move into fight-or-flight mode. This makes them extremely inflexible in their thinking, which means that they will not be able to listen to the points you are making, even if they might normally be interested in hearing them</p> <h2>5. Ask Your Opponent How to Implement Their Ideas</h2> <p>It's one thing to ask someone why they believe something. Most people can spit out those answers with ease. But when you ask someone how they would implement their ideas, nearly everyone will soften their views (and some will even rate their understanding of the debate lower).</p> <p>Implementing ideas is usually harder than simply believing them, and to make an idea work in the real world, you have to have a deep understanding of the issue as a whole and how people tend to act around it. So ask people &quot;how&quot; questions, and you may find that they back off of some staunchly held points, which gives you a chance to make your arguments and show how you would implement your own ideas.</p> <h2>6. Argue With Facts and Science</h2> <p>People trust scientists. Appeal to them, and your opponents will be more likely to listen to you and adopt whatever it is you're asking of them.</p> <p>If you have something to say and you have good reasons for believing it, there's no reason not to arm yourself with the best argumentative tactics before you head into a debate.</p> <p><em>Do you enjoy arguments? How do you give yourself the best chance of winning them?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/sarah-winfrey">Sarah Winfrey</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-tips-to-win-any-argument">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-times-you-should-avoid-confronting-a-coworker">5 Times You Should Avoid Confronting a Coworker</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/17-things-car-salesmen-dont-want-you-to-know">17 Things Car Salesmen Don&#039;t Want You to Know</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-keep-your-pets-cool-during-a-heat-wave">How to Keep Your Pets Cool During a Heat Wave</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-cheap-ways-to-lower-your-blood-sugar">13 Natural and Easy Ways to Lower Your Blood Sugar</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-launder-money">How to Launder Money</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Life Hacks arguing conflict disagreements fighting Thu, 21 May 2015 15:00:10 +0000 Sarah Winfrey 1424769 at http://www.wisebread.com 3 Steps To Managing Workplace Conflict With Emotional Intelligence http://www.wisebread.com/small-business/3-steps-to-managing-workplace-conflict-with-emotional-intelligence <div class="field field-type-link field-field-url"> <div class="field-label">Link:&nbsp;</div> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="http://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/managing/article/3-steps-to-managing-workplace-conflict-with-emotional-intelligence" target="_blank">http://www.openforum.com/idea-hub/topics/managing/article/3-steps-to-managing-wo...</a> </div> </div> </div> <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/small-business/3-steps-to-managing-workplace-conflict-with-emotional-intelligence" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/iStock_000014071275Small.jpg" alt="" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="167" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>No matter how great a corporate culture you create, no matter how good a role model you are, it&rsquo;s inevitable that situations will arise that require you to mitigate emotional stress within the ranks. Personal conflicts, outside pressures, and job-related stress will eventually become a factor to be dealt with in any workplace setting. How well leaders handle those situations depends on their emotional intelligence.</p> <p>Managers often make one of two common mistakes when dealing with an emotional situation.</p> <ul> <li>The manager attempts to invalidate or downplay an emotional conflict and becomes a player in the emotional drama himself.</li> <li>The manager simply ignores the job-affecting emotions, hoping they will resolve themselves.</li> </ul> <p>When the manager or group leader tries to downplay or dismiss a worker&rsquo;s emotions, he inevitably creates a bigger problem. Not only does this raise the emotional stakes, but it now creates a situation wherein negative emotions are directed at the manager. Though this is very common and, arguably, a natural form of response from busy managers with plenty on their plates, it&rsquo;s incumbent upon leaders to avoid leaving an employee feeling slighted in this way.</p> <p>Likewise, ignoring the problem often creates a snowball effect, where resentment and negative emotions continue to grow, making the situation worse as well as causing additional problems as time progresses. It's always better to address emotionally wrought problems earlier rather than later.</p> <p>There is a three-step formula, however, which comes naturally to some emotionally intelligent leaders. It is one that can easily be employed by any manager to take the edge off an emotional situation. Carefully note, this formula does not attempt to &ldquo;solve&rdquo; the problem itself, but is geared toward addressing and neutralizing the emotions so that the problem can then be approached in a more objective and effective manner.</p> <p><strong>Step One: Acknowledge</strong></p> <p>More than anything, people want how they are feeling to be acknowledged. It may seem overly simple at first, but a statement such as, &ldquo;I want you to know, I understand you are feeling very stressed right now,&rdquo; can go miles toward lowering the emotional stakes of a situation. Everyone wants to feel understood, and acknowledgment is not difficult or compromising to do. Further, it doesn&rsquo;t concede agreement with the emotional state, only empathy.</p> <p><strong>Step Two: Positively Substitute</strong></p> <p>There is great power in a positive outlook and almost any negative situation can be framed in a positive light. A manager with emotional wisdom may say something like, &ldquo;I know you are under a lot of stress, and I know a great deal of it is because you are a great employee and want to do the very best job you can.&rdquo; What the manager has done in this example is to mitigate a negative emotion with the positive emotion of personal pride in a job well done. This doesn&rsquo;t alleviate the first emotion, but it breathes a positive perspective into the conversation.</p> <p><strong>Step Three: Suggest, Re-acknowledge and Appreciate</strong></p> <p>Not all situations are within the control of the manager. An increased workload that has come down from above may not be able to be removed, for example. What the manager can do is suggest ways he or she might be able to help, re-acknowledge the emotions involved and offer appreciation for the employee. &ldquo;I cannot promise anything, but I will try to see if there is any way to lighten your load. I understand you are feeling stressed and I want you to know I really appreciate your efforts.&rdquo; By saying this, we have reassured the employee without making binding promises and reinforced a sense of empathy and appreciation.</p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/scott-allen">Scott Allen</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/small-business/3-steps-to-managing-workplace-conflict-with-emotional-intelligence">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-2"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/250-tips-for-small-business-owners">250+ Tips for Small Business Owners</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/the-5-best-credit-cards-for-small-businesses">Best Credit Cards for Small Businesses</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-hire-your-first-employee">How to Hire Your First Employee</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/4-inspiring-stories-of-normal-people-building-a-thriving-online-store">4 Inspiring Stories of Normal People Building a Thriving Online Store</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-times-you-should-never-feel-guilty-at-work">8 Times You Should Never Feel Guilty at Work</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Small Business Resource Center conflict emotions problem solving small business workplace crisis Thu, 28 Apr 2011 21:01:57 +0000 Scott Allen 510556 at http://www.wisebread.com