business relationships

The Art of Sucking Up

Jacob Harper — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:32:30 +0000

Link:

http://www.openforum.com/articles/the-art-of-sucking-up

Nobody likes a suck-up.

Well, that’s not true at all, is it?

Nobody likes a suck-up who sucks at it. People absolutely adore a good suck-up. And a good suck-up is a good friend, and people look out for their friends. “What a grand-slam of a guy,” people say about the master class suck-up. “Always knows what to say. We should help him and his business out in any way we can!”

At its base, sucking up is misunderstood as flattery. Good sucking up isn’t flattery. It’s making people feel good and comfortable in their own skin while being honest and still getting done what needs to get done. And it’s an essential art in networking and business.

Sucking Up, Defined

As the boss, you might think you have no one to suck up to. Oh, how wrong you are.

You have much to gain from mastering the art of “Making People Feel Good About Themselves and In Turn, You.” Sucking up isn’t just straight calculated manipulation—we’ll leave the Machiavellian politicking to Machiavelli, thank you kindly. The art of sucking up, rather, is merely recognizing how to tell the truth in the best possible way while giving a tune-up to other people’s egos by letting them know, hey, I understand (and maybe you should understand anyways.) Good sucking up is both accomplishing objectives while making people feel good about the outcome—all without lying or misrepresenting anything.

Egos are other people’s engines. And here are some tips on servicing that engine.

Empathize

There’s not much difference between the truth and how you tell the truth. Interpretation is wildly subjective, and the good suck-up recognizes that a person’s actions, foibles, and follies can almost always be viewed in a positive manner. You just have to recognize that people’s weaknesses are also, in the right light, their strengths. And you’re more like other people than you might have realized.

Sucking up well is being vulnerable and empathetic. When sucking up, don’t shy away from talking about people’s weaknesses. But don’t be afraid to share your own. A good suck up explores areas previously thought of as a weakness, and shares in those wonderful deficiencies. And then shares a good cry (not really, unless that comes about organically. Then congratulations on the wonderful breakthrough.)

Be Sparing in Your Sucking Up

Nothing clogs things up quite like flooding people with a torrent of suck-up. If you get known for sucking up indiscriminately your words will have less impact. This doesn’t mean you should adopt the attitude of the stern father who keeps everyone driven by withholding love and kind words (though that tactic has been exceptionally popular for the last few thousand years.) But don’t get branded as someone insincere who just vomits up compliments left and right.

A good suck up’s words carry weight because they both are thoughtful and spare. And unusual. Yes, unusual.

Don’t Tell People What They Already Know

A bad suck up is an echo chamber. They merely regurgitate the party line of positive comments that have been said a thousand times. A bad suck up tells other people what they already know they’re good at doing, and likewise gets drowned out.

A good suck up, on the other hand, looks to enforce previously undiscovered attributes of those around him or her. As stated above, weaknesses in the right light are strengths. What are the possibly positive attributes of the people around you that nobody notices? Would it help them out to know that other people recognize it? A good suck up thinks about these things. And stays consistent.

Don’t Lie! Really, Don’t!

As noted above, there’s a few different ways to say things. But at the kernel of every subjective viewpoint is what you truly believe. While there is a positive way of viewing things, this doesn’t mean that you can just starting making stuff up. Because unless you are keeping scrupulous notes, you’re not going to be able to keep track of all the BS you’ve been making up. Not to mention, you’ll be a “liar, liar pants on fire,” and nobody likes one of those.

Mark Twain said, “If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.” As you get older, you’re going to get worse at remembering things. And at press time you are currently aging. Thus, your memory is currently getting worse. So make it easy on yourself. Suck up well, but never lie. Just don’t forget how you told the truth.

This article is from Jacob Harper of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

7 Ways to Inspire Others

Julie Rains — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 18:47:58 +0000

Link:

http://www.openforum.com/articles/7-ways-to-inspire-others

Conventional wisdom tells us that we cannot change people.

Certainly, we cannot make someone change who is unwilling to change. The results of our attempts to direct different actions, behaviors, and thoughts will not be immediate, guaranteed, or precisely as we envisioned. But you and I really can be agents of transformation for our colleagues, employees, business partners, mentees, and customers.

1. Support

If your colleague, employee, business partner is contemplating a risky or difficult change, let her know that you will provide support to get her through it.

Prepare her for what’s ahead without dissuading her from starting. Understand what decisions she will face and offer insights in navigating certain issues without being controlling. Anticipate potential problems and have a game plan for dealing with crises.

Before promising support, however, make sure that 1) she is committed to the change; and 2) you have already accomplished what she seeks to do. Sharing domain knowledge is just as crucial to her success as genuine encouragement, and she’ll need both to succeed.

2. Teach

Giving hands-on instruction and sharing new ideas in a thoughtful, non-threatening manner are frequently overlooked, easy ways of influencing change. Lack of skills and knowledge in a certain area is often interpreted as resistance to adopting new methods or creating a different environment. But this interpretation may be wrong.

Instead, your colleague or employee may be intimidated by implementing changes, having tried and failed in earlier attempts. Or, until now, he may have not had the time to devote to acquiring requisite skills. Help him overcome the learning curve. Start with the basics. Build on his knowledge until is able to institute changes on his own.

3. Confront

If you observe over-the-top inappropriate or destructive behaviors, say something. Clearly state what is questionable or unacceptable. Let her know that you are not judging but bringing problems to her attention, cautioning about consequences, making an effort to reverse potentially unhealthy thought patterns.

Illustrate outcomes that are likely based on her current direction. If you have been a trusted advisor and loyal mentor, she will realize that such wrong actions will lead to the very outcomes she has been trying to avoid. Your guidance will inspire her to chart a different course to achieving her goals.

4. Divide and Conquer

Coach your colleague to dissect and deal with barriers to success, one by one.

If problems are bundled (which they often are), extracting the most prominent obstacle seems nearly impossible. But recognizing that there are many issues wrapped in one big situation is a significant first step in instigating change.

Probe for problems and deal with whatever surfaces first. As things unravel, offer insights to help address each topic, one issue at a time. This process can bring about a breakthrough, which smoothes the path for overcoming other issues.

Often, what seemed to be a challenge requiring a dramatic change is a collection of problems that can be handled by applying straightforward analytical thinking.

5. Confess

Admitting your imperfections and failures creates the atmosphere for honest dialogue, which can lead to epiphanies and change. This approach may be counterintuitive but is highly effective for the confident person who operates in a safe organizational culture that values transparency and growth.

If your colleague has routinely worked with those who tout successes while hiding mistakes and frustrations, she can easily develop the impression that an initiative either succeeds or fails. She may come to believe that a project is either randomly blessed or arbitrarily cursed by the universe.

But if she listens to those who are candid about struggles and triumphs, she will gain a more complete understanding of how to achieve business success. Grasping the need for revisiting and adjusting business plans or professional methods inspires the desire for meaningful change.

6. Challenge

Challenge your colleague to move out of his comfort zone. Your purpose is not to push him into doing something he despises, but to prod him to be courageous enough to accomplish his goals.

Encourage him to take the steps needed to improve his product lines, sales leadership style, professional relationships, conversion rates. Let him know that he is fully capable of transforming his business but will need to make specific changes to reach his potential.

7. Step Back

Be clear about your position on the changes you believe that your colleague needs to make. But don’t force her to change.

Instead, give her the freedom to stay the same. Given the time to test her choices, she can conclude independently that she needs to make changes in order to bring about desired results.

This article is from Julie Rains of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: