overcoming fear

9 Techniques That Can Help You Conquer Any Fear

Christa Avampato — Fri, 14 Mar 2014 10:48:42 +0000

John Wayne, an American icon of fearlessness, famously said, "Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." We're all afraid of something. What defines us is not that fear, but how we rise above it. Below are effective methods I've used to conquer my many fears and live a rich, fulfilling life in the process. (See also: How to Do Things That Scare You)

1. Breathe

When we're afraid of something, we hold our breath. It's a very natural reaction that signals to the body to brace itself for some kind of danger. If we can override that reaction and keep the breath flowing, we'll find our stress response (also known as "fight or flight") drops, and we're able to think clearly and perform to the best of our abilities.

2. Remember What You've Already Been Through

Everyone I know has faced some kind of hardship and difficulty. In times when we feel afraid, it's important to remember that we've been afraid before, and we lived to tell the tale. Those old crises didn't kill us. They made us stronger and more resilient. Best of all, while the fear eventually subsides, the strength and resilience we cultivate when we overcome fears stay with us for our entire lives. (See also: Build on Your Strengths to Find Success)

3. Keep a Journal

To aid my memory of past fears and how I conquered them, I keep a regular journal in addition to my daily blog. Every day I record my roses and thorns. I write down what went right in my day and what didn't go right. Then I think about how these events will inform my day tomorrow. Many times, I find myself writing about my fears and worries. Having this record I can flip through helps me realize I've been here before, I'll be here again, and I'll always find a way to be okay.

4. Build Your Support Network

Nothing helps us conquer fear like a cheering squad. Be a good friend and rally around others when they're afraid. That positivity will help you build strong bonds to others who can support you when you need them and it can do wonders to help you bolster your own sense of fortitude. (See also: Cultivating Relationships Is Good for You)

5. Fake It 'Til You Make It

When I'm most afraid, I tell myself the exact opposite message. I say to myself, "I am strong, tough, and capable, and I can get through this." Even if I don't believe these things in the moment, actively saying them to myself begins to change my mind. Once I change my mind, I can change anything.

6. Keep an Inspirational Quotes Folder

I'm a sucker for inspirational quotes. Pinterest has made it easier than ever for me to keep track of all of my favorites. I have a board titled "Inspirational Words." When I'm afraid, lost, and uncertain, I open it up and read a few of the pins to get my mojo pumping.

7. Make Home Your Haven

It's natural to seek refuge when we're afraid. My (very small) apartment is comfortable and has things that make me happy. It's a retreat for my mind, body, and soul and a constant source of calm that serves me well when I'm frazzled and scared. Find a space, however small, in your home that helps you repair and restore during times of trouble. (See also: Happiness Habits to Feel Better Now)

8. Knowledge Is Power

Uncertainty is frightening. When I'm faced with a new situation that scares me, I do everything possible to get informed and stay that way. No one in my family is a fan of the water, and I never learned to swim as a child. At the ripe old age of 30, I registered for adult swimming classes. Though I'm still a bit nervous in deep open water, in a pool or shallow beach area I enjoy my time in the water after three decades of being afraid.

9. Break It Down

Many times just being overwhelmed by the enormity of a task can frighten us. When I was in college, one of my roommates gave me a one-inch picture frame. It still sits on my desk today and it reminds to take things one step at a time. My ability to break a large task down into many small manageable tasks has helped me accomplish more than I ever thought possible.

Fear is a natural human response. It's meant to keep us safe. We all have fears, but fears don't have to have us, nor stop us from living the lives we want to live.

How have you conquered your biggest fears? Don't be shy — share in comments!

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This article is from Christa Avampato of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone and Try Something New

Julie Rains — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 11:24:37 +0000

Do you want to try new things?

Maybe you do, maybe you don't.

New adventures involve risk and uncertainty. And you may be at a phase in your life where you are seeking stability. For example, when my children were young, my time, thoughts, and energy were devoted to maintaining safety and the status quo.

At some point, though, you may feel you are spending too much effort on keeping things "as is" and not enough on striving for what could be. For me, this realization came when I noticed that the most perilous thing I attempted on a regular basis was running the dishwasher at the same time as the microwave (unless impeccably timed, this set-up would cause a breaker to switch off).

Since then, I have tried many new things. My list includes running a 5K and half-marathon, taking graduate-level courses online, doing indoor cycle (spin) classes, growing lettuce in a garden, organizing a group to provide meals for an inner-city outreach program, and participating in the local MS Bike Ride (which involved more new things like riding with a group and showing new cyclists how to use cue sheets).

Your list may be different than mine. But the hows of trying new things are often the same, whether an excursion to a new consignment store, a hike on a new trail, cooking with a new recipe, or the launch of a new career. (See also: How to Do Things That Scare You)

Choose What Inspires You

Intrinsic motivation will get you started and help overcome challenges.

You probably have a bucket list or wanna-try inventory of items awaiting your attention. If not, get a pen and paper, record your dreams, and narrow down to one or two new things you'd like to do soon.

Remember That It's Okay To Be Scared

Trying new things is exhilarating for some, scary for others. Whether you are truly thrilled or massively intimidated, don't let (irrational) fear stop you.

And don't think that you are alone in your dread. Here are a few of the things that I have worried about:

Seeming incompetent to others in all areas, not just the new realm that I am exploring
Wasting my time and being disappointed
Coming in last place
Paying too much for stuff (expert advice, gear, etc.) because of inexperience
Getting hurt
Embarrassing myself in front of other people
Getting in trouble because I didn't understand and follow some rules
Ruining an experience for companions because of my lack of expertise

You'll likely find that others, who now appear to be comfortable or masterful at whatever you are now attempting, were once uneasy, too. But they found a way to ignore demons and confront their fears; you'll do the same.

Do Your Research

You'll naturally want to do research online. And you should.

Sure, reading how to do X is not the same as doing X. And, no matter how many articles you read or forums you visit, you can't fully grasp the nuances of the new experience.

But you can often get enough information to try something new on your own. Or, if you're still unsure, you can familiarize yourself with the topic, learn the main issues to consider, and form the questions you'll need answered to get started.

Talk to a Friend Who Has Done What You Want To Do

A trusted friend can guide you through the process of learning something new. The right person will explain what's standard practice and what's unproven. She will share tips about what has worked for her and what she has noticed has helped other people.

The best way to tap a friend's expertise is to get general advice when you are getting started. Then, as you take steps to become more proficient, get her insights on specific concerns. This way, your buddy serves as an occasional resource rather than full-time mentor.

Make New Friends Who Can Advise You

If you don't have someone in your life who can help you, make new friends.

Last year, while training for a half-marathon, I realized I needed help. Although I had researched how to handle race-day scenarios, I wasn't really sure how suitable this advice was for me.

So, I struck up a conversation with a woman on a trail where I often ran. Like me, she was a mom who had just a few hours each week to dedicate to training. I approached her as she was stretching, asked her what she was training for (always a great way to get an athlete to start talking; her response was that she was getting ready for a season of half-marathons), and then posed my questions about fueling and hydration during the race.

Not only did she kindly answer my questions, she also offered encouragement. She recalled her first race and told me about the sense of accomplishment that crossing the finish line had given her, and how she has continued to set more aggressive goals.

Talk to an Expert

An expert can be a great resource. Look for those who relate well to beginners, are willing to help you take the next step no matter where you are starting, and enjoy helping those eager to try something new. For me, those have been local merchants and service providers plus friends who happen to have expertise in a certain field.

Just as you might approach a friend, try to learn the basics on your own and then ask for insights on specific concerns.

Take a Class

Outside instruction can help you get the skills needed to try something new and provide a great foundation for further learning.

Look in these places to find classes:

Community college
Local merchants or service providers
Non-profit organizations
Online sources

Classes may be offered over several weeks or presented in shorter time frames. I have taken quarter-long classes in bread baking, CPR, personal taxation, and more at the community college. Plus I have participated in half-day sessions to quickly get the basics on things like how to start a garden or the finer points of riding in a double paceline. So, even if you don't have much time, you may still be able to squeeze in a short but valuable lesson.

Learn the Big Mistakes

Get the lowdown on big mistakes to avoid when planning a new adventure.

This insight comes from my brother-in-law based on a conversation he had soon after becoming a program manager for a North Carolina television station. New people are hired largely to bring fresh approaches to programming. A wisened manager there gave him just one tip in the "whatever you do, don't do 'X'" format. At the time, "The Andy Griffith Show" was a mainstay. The advice was (and here, I will keep this advice family friendly): "Whatever you do, don't mess with Andy."

In many new experiences, whether it's going to a new restaurant (don't order the "Y") or taking a backpacking trip to a new area (remember to bring "ABC") there's a never-do-this-one-thing or be-sure-to-do-this-other-thing caveat. Pay attention, and don't think you'll be the exception on your first try.

Start Early

If you are attempting something new, it's likely that one element will not go as anticipated or planned.

There might be instructions you misunderstood or a map that you misread or a piece of equipment that needs repair. An early start means you have time to fix problems without compromising your success.

Take Small Steps

Taking small steps works for many new things with exceptions such as skydiving or rappelling.

Be patient with yourself. Just keep moving forward. Eventually, you'll notice that small movements have pushed you to the point that a big leap would have taken you.

Trying new things is its own reward, freeing you to have the experiences that you long to enjoy. But, along the way, you may learn to navigate new situations, overcome fears, cultivate patience, show humility, become more interesting, and deepen friendships.

What new things have you tried recently? What helped you have a great new experience?

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This article is from Julie Rains of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

7 Tips to Beating Fear and Becoming a Stellar Public Speaker

James Clear — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 21:01:51 +0000

Link:

http://www.openforum.com/articles/7-tips-for-beating-fear-and-becoming-a-stellar...

Effective verbal communication is probably the one skill that can make you shine like a superstar in a few minutes. Brilliant speeches, sales pitches, and conversations only take moments to deliver, but live on long after they are over.

So it's safe to say, developing solid public speaking skills is not only important for business, but for life in general.

Now, I can't claim to be the world's greatest public speaker, but I've had my fair share of chances to spread my message. And as the audiences have grown larger and the speeches longer, I've figured out a few things about the fear and nervousness that often accompany public speaking.

Here are seven tips to keep in mind when preparing for and delivering a presentation.

1. Stay True to Yourself

Life is too short to spend time acting like someone else.

Maybe you're not the perfect package. That's fine. Who is?

Imperfection is part of being human. People respect someone who is humble enough to be themselves.

This strategy is especially true if you're asked to talk about or promote something that you are morally or ethically uncomfortable with. In the end, all you have is your integrity. It's not worth sacrificing that for one speech.

In the words of Shakespeare, "This above all: to thine own self be true."

2. Keep It Short

Ask almost anyone and they will tell you that a short and clear speech is always better than a long one.

Say your piece, make your point, and move on.

Speaking at an event and worried you won't fill your time slot? Don't be. There was never a conference attendee was disappointed that the conference ran ahead of schedule.

3. Just Tell a Story

If you have no idea what you're going to talk about, then it's always a good idea to tell a story. In fact, even if you do know what you're going to talk about, it's a good idea to tell a story.

Why?

Stories are memorable. People might not recall your main points an hour later, but they will recall – and retell – a good story for years afterward.
Stories are meant to be told, not memorized. You don't have to worry about messing up a word or not remembering every sentence. The nature of stories is to keep things natural and tell them in a conversational style.
People associate their own meaning with stories. This means you can tell one story and it might touch each person in the audience in a different way. This is powerful because everyone might not agree with a bullet list of points on a slide, most people can find something they enjoy in a decent story.

4. Pick a Topic That You are Actually Excited About

Don't speak about things you don't enjoy. It sounds simple, but why would you want to spend your time promoting ideas you don't believe in?

This means you might have to say "no" every now and then. Saying "no" to a speech that you're not a good fit for is just as important as saying "yes" to the perfect opportunity.

Put yourself in a position to succeed by focusing your efforts on events and venues that match your skills and passions.

5. The Audience Wants You to Succeed

Last year, I was getting ready to step on stage at a conference in Switzerland and deliver a keynote to almost 1,000 business leaders. Before I walked out, a friend looked at me and said, "Remember, they want you to succeed."

And he was right. Who doesn't want to hear a great speech? Who wouldn't want to hear a story they will remember for years? Who wouldn't want to discover a product, service, or idea that changes their life or business?

The people you are talking to – whether they are business partners, potential clients, or total strangers – are looking for someone to cheer on. They want you to be the best thing that happens to them all day.

All you need to do is put yourself out there. The audience is waiting to support you.

6. The Worst Thing That Can Happen... Really isn't That Bad

Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath and step back for a moment.

If you're being honest with yourself, you'll realize how insignificant your fear really is. What if I had totally bombed that speech in Switzerland? What if I was booed of stage?

Honestly, I'm not sure that much would have changed. I would have been bummed out for a day or two. Later I would have learned something from it. And later still, I might have turned it into a good story to tell in a speech about what not to say during a speech.

7. Tell the World to Stuff It

One reason we fear public speaking is because we are often seeking approval during a speech.

We want our accomplishments to be noted and appreciated. We want our efforts to be justified. There is nothing wrong with that ... but we also need to remember to keep other people's opinions in the right place.

While you don't need to take a me-versus-the-world approach, it is important to have enough courage to stand by your work and push criticism aside.

Prepare the best speech you can and deliver it. If the audience hates it, they hate it.

There's always another speech to give. Beating yourself up over imagined or hypothetical criticism won't help us give it.

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This article is from James Clear of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: