envy

4 Ways to Keep Envy From Ruining Your Retirement Investments

Matt Bell — Wed, 31 Jan 2018 10:00:06 +0000

The stock market had a great year in 2017, with the S&P 500 rising more than 19 percent. Did your portfolio do as well? If not, you may feel like you missed out. You may even be tempted to make some changes, going all in on headline-making companies that did well in 2017.

But hold on. Just as scrolling through your social media feed can make you feel like you need to up your vacation game, reading about hot investments can tempt you to invest reactively instead of proactively, and that often does more harm than good.

What's a person with investment envy to do? Read on.

1. Keep hot investments in perspective

If you pay any attention to investment news, you've seen plenty of headlines about the so-called FANG stocks, an acronym that represents Facebook, Amazon, Netflix, and Google (Alphabet). Other popular consumer-oriented companies include Apple and Microsoft. Each stock had a great 2017.

Should those investments be part of your portfolio? Maybe, but the principles of wise investing would suggest buying them only as part of a diversified portfolio and only if you understand that what goes up quickly can also come down quickly.

For example, in 2008, when the S&P 500 fell 38 percent, many of these hot stocks also plummeted — some by more than 50 percent. (See also: 9 Ways to Tell If a Stock is Worth Buying)

2. Keep a hot market in perspective

At the end of each weekday, there are news reports about how "the market" performed. In reality, such reports are usually about how the S&P 500 or Dow Jones industrial average performed. Both are stock market indexes, but both are designed very differently — the S&P 500 represents the collective performance of 500 of the largest U.S.-based public companies, and the Dow represents just 30 companies.

The only investors for whom it would be fair to benchmark their portfolios against such indexes are those who invest solely in an S&P 500 or Dow index fund.

If you have other investments in your portfolio, you need to remember that "the market" is not the same thing as your particular portfolio. It's fine to view the market's performance as a general investing barometer. Just don't be envious if your portfolio doesn't perform as well, or overly confident if it performs better. (See also: Want Your Investments to Do Better? Stop Watching the News)

3. Keep your benchmark in mind

The best point of comparison to use when evaluating your portfolio's performance is a benchmark tailored to your age, goals, and risk tolerance. More specifically, it's the average annual rate of return that's part of your investment plan.

If you don't have such a plan, it isn't that difficult to create one. Begin by completing Vanguard's investor questionnaire. It'll suggest an optimal asset allocation. From there, you can review the historical performance of portfolios with various stock/bond allocations, which can help you choose a reasonable rate of return assumption for your own portfolio.

4. Get the best of both worlds

Once you know your optimal asset allocation, you can use index funds to create a diversified portfolio designed to share in some of the overall market gains, as well as the gains of individual hot investments.

In fact, just investing in an S&P 500 index fund enables you to do both. Of course, it gives you exposure to "the market" as defined by that index. But it also gives what may sound like a surprising level of exposure to the fast-growing individual stocks mentioned earlier.

You see, the S&P 500 is a "market capitalization-weighted" index, meaning each company that's included is represented based on the value of its outstanding shares. Because Apple, Alphabet, Microsoft, Facebook, and Amazon have done so well in recent years, they make up a disproportionate share of the index. For example, those five stocks account for nearly 13 percent of the Vanguard S&P 500 index fund, VOO.

However, even if your optimal asset allocation is 100 percent stocks, you'll probably want to diversify beyond an S&P 500 mutual fund, perhaps including smaller companies through an extended market fund, and foreign companies through an international fund.

Benchmarking your portfolio against headlines about this fast-growing sector or that hot investment will just cause you stress and may even hurt your returns. Instead, develop and follow a plan that includes a realistic assumed average annual return based on your circumstances and goals.

Using the right benchmark will do wonders for your portfolio and your peace of mind.

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This article is from Matt Bell of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

4 Money Lessons You Can Learn From the Joneses

Emily Guy Birken — Tue, 30 Jan 2018 10:00:06 +0000

We all know a family like the Joneses. Maybe they have a gorgeous 3,000 square foot house in a posh neighborhood, while you're stuck renting a 750 square foot two-bedroom apartment. Maybe they roll up to work in a brand-new BMW Z4, while you're still puttering along in your 2001 Honda Civic. Or perhaps they go on amazing trips to Tuscany and Machu Picchu, while you've had to make do with staycations for the past few years.

No matter who your personal Joneses are, you may feel green with envy when you see the things they have that you can't afford. It can be enough to make you spend money you don't have just to keep up with them.

But before you purchase something you can't afford, take the time to learn what's really happening behind closed doors with the Joneses or other families like them. They may have the material things that you want, but they are also paying some steep prices for them.

Read on to learn what money lessons the mythical Joneses can teach you, before you start trying to keep up with them:

1. They pay for their lifestyle with debt

You might be wondering how the Joneses are able to afford all of the great stuff they own. Chances are, they're in debt. According to a 2017 CreditCards.com survey, 74 percent of Americans are in some kind of debt. And according to NerdWallet's 2017 American Household Credit Card Debt Study, the average U.S. household that is carrying credit card debt owes a whopping $15,654 to credit card companies. For 41 percent of respondents, the reason given for getting into so much credit card debt is "spending more than I can afford on unnecessary purchases."

So before you are tempted to put a luxury vacation or cute $400 shoes on your credit card, remember that other people who are living it up in Bali in their Jimmy Choos may be coming home to a truly stressful credit card bill that will take years to pay off. (See also: The Fastest Way to Pay Off $10,000 in Credit Card Debt)

2. Keeping up with them means buying depreciating assets

If you think about it, nearly all of the material items that you wish you owned are things that lose value over time. Cars, clothes, furniture, electronics, and jewelry all depreciate, which means you are spending money on things that simply do not last.

While it is perfectly acceptable to spend your money in ways that make you happy — even if that includes spending money on depreciating assets — it's foolhardy to spend a great deal of money on things you only care about because they impress other people. You are chasing the trappings of wealth while actually reducing your own net worth with depreciating assets. (See also: 4 Purchases With Financing Options That Depreciate Fast)

3. They're not happier than you

We tend to view folks who have more wealth than us as being happier. After all, if you can buy anything your heart desires, you must be more contented in your life.

There are two problems with this assumption. First, the majority of the Joneses aren't actually wealthier than their neighbors, they're just more indebted. This means they are actually more stressed, even though they may not show it to you.

Secondly, studies have shown that money doesn't actually buy happiness above a certain level of income (about $75,000 per year) that guarantees some financial stability and comfort. Above that point, wealth can become more of a burden than a boon. For instance, wealthy individuals may worry about who they can trust and which of their friends love them for them, rather than for their stuff. This leads to a vicious cycle of always wanting to have the latest and greatest possessions to impress one's friends — but never being sure if the friends will be there unless there's a new round of latest and greatest purchases.

4. They have their own Joneses they're trying to keep up with

The world is full of Joneses. You might envy your next door neighbors with the boat, but they're jealous of the family two streets over who have a yacht. And, of course, that family wishes they could afford the 100-foot yacht that their friends own. No matter where you are financially, there will always be someone who has more than you do.

The truth of the matter is that comparing your life to anyone else's is a fool's errand, because we all have things we envy in other people. Even if you were able to magically trade places with your own personal Joneses, you would not suddenly feel content, because there would be a new set of Joneses to envy.

Gratitude is the antidote to Jones envy

The best way to deal with an attack of jealousy toward the Joneses is to take the time to think about all of the abundance in your life. When you list everything you feel grateful to have, including your family, your friends, your warm and safe home, and even your favorite hobby, the things you don't have suddenly become much less important.

The Joneses may seem to have the ideal life, but taking a minute to think through all of your own blessings can help you remember that yours is pretty great, too. (See also: 6 Ways Envy Is Keeping You Poor)

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Rise Above Financial Jealousy

Paul Michael — Fri, 23 Jun 2017 09:00:10 +0000

Financial jealousy usually comes from judging a book by its cover, and seeing only one side of the story. You see a successful person driving a fancy sports car and the envy monster comes out. Or, you have a co-worker who is always wearing new clothes, new accessories, and carrying the latest gadgets. Your mind works overtime creating a perfect life around that facade.

But really, you don't know the half of it. That person could be completely miserable, and may be caught in the downward spiral of retail therapy. They could be massively in debt. They might also work 90-hour weeks at multiple jobs, giving them very little time to enjoy the fruits of their labor. There are two sides to every story, and chances are, you barely know anything about either. So when you start feeling those pangs of envy, here's how to rise above. (See also: 6 Ways Envy Is Keeping You Poor)

Remember that the grass is not always greener

There is a scene in the movie The Firm that sums this up perfectly. After becoming embroiled with a mafia law firm, Tom Cruise's character is fighting to stay alive. He's wealthy, he has everything he ever wanted, but his life is all but over. At one point, his wife says, "Let's put the books away, pretend we're back in our old, beat-up apartment, broke, and we find some money we forgot in pockets. We'll send out for pizza. Drink beer. And watch Star Search." Times were better when they were struggling, because their happiness did not come from money and possessions; it came from each other.

Someone else may look like they have the perfect life, and never struggle, but money is not the answer to everything. They may even be envious of you, your life, and your relationship with your family and friends.

Ask yourself why you're so jealous

Sometimes our gut reaction to seeing the wealth of others is to instantly think, I wish I had that. The next time that happens, follow it up with, but why do I want that?

Let's take the guy with the super expensive sports car. Sure, it's flashy and can do 220 mph. But when can you ever go that fast on American roads? Do you know what kind of mileage it gets? Chances are, it's one horrendous gas guzzler. The maintenance on those cars is prohibitively expensive. The tires cost a fortune, as does the insurance. And then there's the fear of leaving it anywhere it could get scratched, dinged, or stolen.

Your current car may not be flashy, but it does the job, it's reliable, and you don't worry about it when it's not parked safely in your garage. And this is just one example. Houses, expensive clothes, jewelry, gadgets, and designer trinkets can consume you. Consider that the next time you see someone driving a Lamborghini.

Look at what you already have

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average household income in 2014 was $73,298. If you plug that into the website Global Rich List, you can see how you compare to the rest of the world; the result is staggering. With an income of just under $74k, you are in the top 0.11 percent of the richest people in the world. Raise that to $100k and it becomes 0.08 percent. Think about that for a second.

Many people have limited access to clean drinking water and healthy meals. For some, health care is nonexistent. Many people live in shanty towns, are homeless, or struggle to put food on the table every day. When you find yourself wishing for things another person has, consider that you are wealthy in the grand scheme of things. Let's not forget, we live in a society that eats food before and after a main meal. Appetizers and desserts are commonplace for us, but exorbitant luxuries for many. Perspective is everything.

There are more important things in life than money

When someone says, "Money cannot buy happiness" your natural reaction is to respond with something like, "Well, it sure makes things a lot easier." And that's true. Money can buy travel, shelter, and experiences. It can give you peace of mind. But, it cannot buy the most important things in our lives. Health, for instance. Imagine waking up tomorrow to find out you or a loved one is very sick. Your financial jealousy immediately flies out of the window. Who cares if Mr. Jones has a brand-new BMW? You just want good health for yourself or your loved one.

Money cannot buy real, unconditional love. Possessions can bring happiness for a little while, but most of them become next year's Goodwill donations or eBay sales. When we have the love of wonderful people, great health, enough to eat and drink, and plenty to laugh about, we are rich indeed. (See also: 5 Reasons Being a Millionaire Is Overrated)

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This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Flashback Friday: 42 Ways the 7 Deadly Sins Are Keeping You Poor

Chrissa Hardy — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 10:31:32 +0000

It turns out, most of us are a bunch of sinners. And those sins we commit regularly might be the sole reason for our financial struggles. Whether it's feelings of lust, greed, gluttony, or the others, those feelings lead to making terrible financial choices. How, exactly? Let's find out.

6 Ways Gluttony Is Keeping You Poor — Of course it's okay to overindulge on food and drink every once in awhile, but that can lead to celebrating with food and drink, and then commiserating with food and drink, and then eventually you're overindulging all the time and your wallet is empty. That's not great.

6 Ways Sloth Is Keeping You Poor — When you're feeling lazy, your motivation to do pretty much anything is nonexistent. As with any of these sins, a little is fine. But consistent instances of slothlike behavior can ruin your career, and your earning potential.

7 Ways Pride Is Keeping You Poor — Pride is a tough sin to beat. We all want to put our best face forward. Isn't that why we're all on social media? But when you're putting all your energy into maintaining a certain lifestyle, your finances can take a serious hit.

6 Ways Lust Is Keeping You Poor — When you're lusting after someone or something, it's hard to think straight. You might be sober, but your decision-making ability is drunk and needs to go home. You'll make impulse decisions that won't make any sense, and could ruin your budget, and your life.

6 Ways Envy Is Keeping You Poor — Similar to pride, envy is all about comparing yourself to others in an unhealthy way. Who cares what other people have though? Envy will never lead to happiness, so keeping up with the Joneses will only make you miserable in the end — and broke.

5 Ways Wrath Is Keeping You Poor — There's nothing wrong with being a deep-feeling, passionate person. But wrath is the extreme and destructive end of that spectrum, and it will ruin you, as much as it will the object of your wrath.

6 Ways Greed Is Keeping You Poor — For people suffering with greed, less is never more. This sin can lead you to a life of excess, extreme debt, and becoming the kind of person who lies so much that the truth becomes "fake news." And who wants to be that person?

This article is from Chrissa Hardy of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways Envy Is Keeping You Poor

Paul Michael — Tue, 03 May 2016 10:30:04 +0000

There are seven deadly sins. Envy is perhaps the most soul crushing. Unlike greed, gluttony, sloth, pride, lust, and even wrath, envy can be debilitating. It can take over your every thought, and turn a once happy person into someone obsessed with another's possessions, qualities, or day-to-day life. Not only that, but there are financial implications, too. Here are six ways that the demoralizing sin of envy can keep you poor. (See also: 6 Ways Sloth Is Keeping You Poor)

1. Envy Gives You a Bad Attitude

Think of all the successful people that you know. From friends and colleagues, to famous entrepreneurs and stars, they all have one thing in common — they have a positive attitude. Sure, they may have their off days, but generally speaking, they're proactive, energized, and ready to get things done. They see the possibilities in life, and can turn the smallest opportunities into big successes.

Envy is not a positive emotion. Far from it. Envy can bog you down with crippling negativity. It can turn someone who was once a go-getter into someone who constantly complains and looks on the down side. That person will compare their life to people who have more. "Why can't I have that, I deserve it, it's not fair!" That will never result in a better life, a better job, or a brighter future.

By dumping the envy, and ignoring what other people have, you can instead focus on what you really want. Set goals, and stay positive. It will work wonders.

2. Envy Pushes You to "Keep Up With the Joneses"

Maybe the Joneses' are your neighbors. Maybe "they" are actually just one person, perhaps a colleague at work, or a member of the family. Whoever it is, keeping up with their lifestyle can become a journey into debt and misery.

For many, trying to have what someone else has, or go one better, puts a serious financial burden on them. They often don't have the financial resources that the other person has, so they will take out loans, max out credit cards, and even take on extra work just to keep up. But, it's never enough. In this situation, happiness does not come from anything being purchased, because it is all done for spite. In many cases, the items bring the envious party absolutely no joy; they are simply trying to one-up the object of their jealousy. Remember, you also have absolutely no idea how happy that person is. It may all be a façade.

It's never a good idea to judge your own worth by that of your friend or neighbor.

3. Envy Can Hamper Your Career

"Jane just got another promotion. That's four in three years… where's mine!?" If you've worked in any kind of corporate environment, or even in a job that regularly promotes its employees, you'll know that kind of statement all too well. It's envy, coupled with rage. It may seem unfair that someone is constantly getting promoted, but there is no way of knowing what is going on behind the scenes. Maybe Jane is working herself to death, and not enjoying the regular pay raises. Or, maybe Jane has made the company a substantial amount of money in that time. Even if those promotions are due to favorability by management, the end result is the same.

Envy can grip you, and prevent you from being a good employee. The focus is on what other people have, and what they are doing. The work suffers. In turn, the chances of being promoted yourself get slimmer and slimmer, until you may well be let go. Looking with envy at your coworkers is never going to end well.

Set your own goals, and work smart. If you do a good job, and do it with a great attitude, you will be rewarded. And while you wait, you'll be a lot happier than someone who is crippled with envy.

4. Envy Can Lead to Substance Abuse

Sadly, some people deal with the horrible feelings of envy and jealousy by hitting the bottle, or taking other drugs. I've seen it. No doubt you have, too. After a day of feeling like nothing is going their way, the envious person will come home and pour a double scotch. Drinking doesn't clarify the situation, or open anyone up to a self-realization. Instead, it can actually compound those feelings, which in turn can only be dealt with by using more and more.

Some people eat to deal with these feelings. Others will find themselves smoking like a chimney, or shopping daily to bring about small, but fleeting, moments of joy. However, the envy never goes away. It may be temporarily dulled, but it comes back with a vengeance. And before you know it, friends and family are gone, there's no income, and the debt has piled up.

5. Envy Makes You Doubt Yourself

"Why don't I have that car? Why aren't I living in a bigger house? Why can't I be in the kind of shape they're in?" When you find yourself living with envy on a daily basis, it can begin to erode your self worth, and make you doubt everything you're doing. Your decisions are now questionable, and you can't trust your own judgment. Now, you don't know how to make the right moves at work. You aren't sure how to negotiate. You stop yourself from making bold choices, because you are unsure of the choices you have made up to this point. After all, if you had made great decisions, you'd have that car, that house, and that amazing figure, right?

Well, of course not.

Every situation is different. Some people were born with advantages that others will never have. Some people get lucky. Some people are in the right place at the right time. That does not mean the decisions you made were all wrong. Self-doubt is just as destructive as envy. Sure, it's fine to think things through, but don't give in to that negativity.

6. Envy Brings Less Into Your Life

The laws of attraction say that when we think positive, positive things will happen. When we think of success, we attract success. When we think of wealth, we get wealth. Of course, it doesn't happen overnight, but that attitude buried in our subconscious attracts like for like. Similarly, negative emotions like envy send out signals to the world that you don't have what you want, you will never get what he or she has, and life is unfair. And guess what: The subconscious attracts that.

By constantly envying what others have, and thinking we don't have enough, we will have less. It sounds like junk science, but many psychologists and doctors swear by the power of positive thinking, and conversely, deride negative thinking. It's like Henry Ford said, "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right."

Has envy harmed your finances? How?

This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

The Five Stages of Not Shopping

Max Wong — Tue, 02 Apr 2013 10:00:30 +0000

On January 6, 2007 I joined The Compact, an environmental group whose members agree to “buy nothing new for one calendar year.” (See also: The Compact: Mindfulness and Frugality Through Buying Used)

The goal of The Compact is to take as few virgin resources out of the planet as possible. I joined The Compact out of green guilt — in 2006 I had traveled to Italy three times and Spain once. Although I had enjoyed a spectacular year of travel, my jet-setting lifestyle came at a huge environmental cost. Back home, I decided I had to go beyond recycling and step away from consumer culture to shrink my carbon footprint. (Also, I like to test myself, but that’s another story).

Although The Compact has a lot of exemptions — the purchase of food, safety items, services, downloadable content — it is still a challenge to buy mainly used goods. (Where do you find used shoe polish)? It demands patience and creativity, which is why I am still a member of the compact six years later. The Compact makes every day into an adventure. It’s super fun, and I have learned so much about myself because of it.

When I started The Compact in 2007, I anticipated that I would be frustrated, annoyed, and occasionally inconvenienced by limiting myself to only buying used goods. So I was surprised to note that the biggest obstacle to compacting was not my own impatience, but other people’s emotions.

Because of The Compact, I now have real sympathy for vegetarians. Even people who stop eating meat for health or budget reasons get hostile pushback from certain meat eaters who are sure that all vegetarians are smug, leather-shoe-wearing hypocrites. I don’t know why certain people internalize how I personally choose to conserve resources, but they do.

The second I decided to stop buying new, my shopping habits suddenly became a Kübler-Ross model experiment (think "Five Stages of Grief") with my friends as research subjects.

And so, without further introduction, here are the Five Stages of Not Shopping, and how I dealt with each one.

Denial

Initially, some of my friends refused to acknowledge my commitment to not buying new and gave me Target gift cards for my birthday and holiday gifts. They preferred to believe that I was just poor, because who would voluntarily decide to buy less stuff?

How to deal: I thanked them sincerely and listed all the groceries (a Compact exemption) I’d bought at Target with their gifts. While buying food with the gift cards just solidified their notion that I was simplifying out of poverty, I saw no upshot in complaining about getting presents. Sometimes it’s the thought that counts, even if it’s the wrong thought.

Anger

If I had a nickel for the number of times someone has snorted in annoyance at my reusable grocery bags, even though it takes no longer to bag my groceries in cloth than it does in plastic, I would have tens of dollars.

How to deal: Sometimes, when I am feeling mean, I offer the snorter a tissue for their “allergies,” but generally I just ignore hostility from strangers. What’s the point in getting into an argument with someone too dumb to realize that most big grocery store chains in Southern California offer a five cent credit for every reusable bag? In the twenty years I’ve lived in Los Angeles, I have saved over $2,000 by bringing my own bags.

Bargaining

This conversation usually begins with other people telling me that I am depriving myself because I won’t buy a Starbucks coffee or I am somehow living a less full life because I won’t spend money on overpriced snacks from the vending machine at the office.

How to deal: I explain to people that every dollar I save in Los Angeles is a dollar I get to spend in Italy. I don’t remember every $1 Coca-Cola I drank in 2010, but I remember every cappuccino I drank in Italy during the three months I lived there. Most people will stop hounding you into buying stuff you don’t need if they know you have a goal you are trying to meet.

Depression

That pouty expression my friends make when I ask the waiter to box up my leftovers at the end of a meal gets so tired.

How to deal: Up the ante. Why put my leftovers into a takeout container that will be garbage the second I bring it into my house? Instead of adding more trash to the planet, I bring my own collapsible Tupperware take-out containers with me when I eat out. I can’t control my friends’ irrational dislike of eating delicious restaurant food as a midnight snack, but I can control how much waste my eating habits generate.

Acceptance

My friend Andy recently busted his girlfriend at a dinner party at their home. Apparently she only uses cloth napkins when I come over to eat because she fears that I will spend the entire meal silently judging her use of disposable goods.

Sometimes peer pressure is a good thing. The longer the post-recession almost-recession drags on, the more friends ask me for thrifty, environmental advice that would have gone ignored in better financial times.

How to deal: (Laugh hysterically). Be gracious and enjoy every teachable moment. Being a member of The Compact has been liberating. Because I now question every purchase, I have more money in the bank and fewer things to dust. Why wouldn’t I want to share the magic of Not Shopping with everyone I care about?

Have you faced criticism for saving resources? How did you deal?

This article is from Max Wong of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Will That Thing Really Change Your Life?

Paul Michael — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:00:18 +0000

Will it make you happy? Will it bring you the endless hours of joy that you imagine when you look at it? What thing am I talking about? Well, it's different for every person, but it's usually a material possession that you dream about often. And more often than not, it won't make any real difference to your life at all.

I was pondering this one recently when my family and I took the dog for a walk around a more expensive neighborhood. It was a beautiful evening, the perfect temperature, a slight breeze, and the sun was just starting to set. Ideal weather to be on that big deck in the back yard, sipping wine or ice cold beer and chatting about the day.

But we didn't see anyone doing that. Not a soul.

We saw plenty of beautiful decks, and even more beautiful yards. We looked at these decks with envious eyes, as we've always wanted one of our own in our tiny back yard. And yet, after passing more than 100 homes and seeing not one family out there enjoying the evening, I began to wonder if the deck really would change our life. Or maybe we would be just like these people, all of them stuck inside watching a 52-inch LCD TV.

And that's the crux of the matter I think. For many people, those "things" are an attempt to reach out and live the life they think they should be living. In the case of the deck in the back yard, it's not about a wooden structure that looks nice; it's about spending quality time with family away from the small screen, taking in fresh air and wearing those genuinely happy smiles that you see in catalogs and on TV.

But when it comes down to it, those "things" can't change who you really are or what you really want. Which is why those decks we saw were all empty, and the owners were all inside watching something they really did want: a huge TV.

It reminds me of a story the personal trainer at my gym was telling me. One of the people he used to train had no equipment at home, and complained that if he could only afford a home gym he'd do much better. The other guy was without a home gym, too, but found ways to train. He'd use the stairs, do push ups and sit ups, and do pull ups when he took his kids to the park. He basically used his own body as resistance.

The moral here is that when you want something badly enough, and are motivated, you'll find a way. And if you think that buying something will give you that, you're sadly mistaken. People who want to spend time outside with family will do it, regardless of what's in the yard. A $20 picnic blanket does the job and has served us well for years. Conversely, the addition of a deck isn't going to turn a bunch of TV addicts into the socialites of the neighborhood.

I know people who pined for home gyms and watched them gather dust. And we all have "miracle" gadgets that are sitting in some dark corner of the basement or garage, in pristine condition. Those infomercials make money because they tell you how much better life would be if you only had that "thing." Sadly, nothing you can buy will really fill the kind of hole they promise to fill. I remember wanting a Filofax back in the day, because I wanted to be super-organized and never forget a meeting or a birthday. I paid $80 for it and hardly ever used it. My friend paid $5 for a notebook and organized his life with it. He didn't need anything fancy, he was already motivated to get it done.

I think we all have something we wish for. Maybe it's a better car, a bigger house, or a piece of jewelry. Perhaps it's a boat, or a 200 square foot deck. Whatever it is, think hard about that purchase. As Shakespeare has said often, "to thine own self be true." Do you really want that "thing" or do you just want the idea of what it could bring you?

This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

The seven deadly sins of consumerism (and the frugal redemption).

Paul Michael — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:43:46 +0000

Sit ye down, hold your loved ones tight, and get ready for the seven deadliest sins of the modern day consumer.

(By the way, I know I’m a movie buff when I can reference two of the greatest films ever made in one blog headline. If you don’t know what they are, shame on you. But even more shame on you if you’re committing these sins right now.)

Who says they’re the seven deadly sins? Well, I do. I’m no authority on the subject, I certainly didn’t write the consumer bible. But life experience has taught me that indulging in any of these sins leads to a path of debt, disillusionment and despair. If you find yourself in the position of indulging one or more of these sins on a daily basis, seek the frugal redemption.

“I’ll take that, and that, and that, and that…and who cares how I’ll pay for it. In fact, I’ll put it on the good old credit card and think about it later. Hey, it comes with six months no interest anyway. Sweet!”

Sound familiar? Greed is fairly ugly and I see it everywhere. Our obsession as a society with material things has gone beyond the norm. As Madonna once said, we’re living in a material world. But I don’t think anyone realized how bad it’s become. The ‘buy now, pay later’ mentality is rife. But when our own government is in debt to the tune of $8,892,888,862,434.37 (that was at the time of writing this article, and climbing $1.93 billion per day) they’re hardly setting the standard for fiscal responsibility. An argument for another time perhaps. Still, the message is clear. Give in to greed, make way for debt.

The Frugal Redemption
If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. By that I don’t mean save up $300,000 and drop it on a new house. But examine your budget (better still, MAKE a budget…the first step on the road to debt is not having a budget). Have three bank accounts – one for saving, one for bills, one for fun. If you spend your fun money for the month, hey guess what, you’re done.

Get out of the cycle of wanting things you really don’t need or can afford. Stop and think. Often my wife will go shopping for baby clothes for our newborn. She’ll get to the counter with an armful of clothes, then think again about what she really actually wants or needs. The pile gets much, much shorter.

It can wait. "401k? It can wait. Savings account? Next month. Paying off the credit card? I’ve got time. Coupons? Waste of time. Deal-hunting? Why bother?”

Sloth is a great enemy of frugality. And I know, I was a former indulger of sloth. I put off the 401k contributions because I wanted to use the extra money. I hated clipping coupons, and they were only worth 50 cents or a $1 so who cares? But boy, those little amounts soon add up.

Basically, you snooze, you lose. Put off saving in your 401k (especially if your company matches it) and you’re literally throwing away money. Plus, you have to put a whole lot more away later on to catch up. Make the minimum payments on your credit card and you’ll be paying it off for decades.

The Frugal Redemption
Why put off till tomorrow what you can do today? Make it the day to finally start getting your life in order if you haven’t yet made plans for the future. Ask your HR officer about the 401k plan. Look through the coupons in the Sunday paper. You will find some that apply to you, I guarantee it. Start adding more to your savings account, even if it’s just $50 a month to begin with. Add more to your credit card payments if you can. This is all about forming good habits.

If you can get a better deal by walking 10 minutes further down the high street, do it. Shop around whenever and wherever you can. The exercise won’t hurt either, we’ve become a nation of drivers. Use Internet shopping comparison tools to find great bargains. Check out sites like The Bargainist , The Consumerist , and of course, Wisebread. It’s very easy to be lazy, but in the long run you’re only fooling yourself and hurting your future. Seize the day.

My dad used to say to me “your eyes are bigger than your belly” and he was right. I was always happy to take more, be it candy or extra roast potatoes on my Sunday lunch. But all too often I didn’t eat them and they went in the trash, or went bad. Or I made myself sick.

Sadly, I am still the same today, although I’m really trying to get out of it. “Hey look hon, 8lbs of cheese for $10, bargain!” It’s only when my wife tells me that, as usual, the cheese will go bad before we finish it that I’ll think twice. I’m a sucker for BOGO deals, regardless of whether I need two, or even one of the item on sale. Buying in bulk is deceptive. Great for things like rice, toilet paper and diapers. Not so great when it’s got an expiration date that’s fast approaching. No-one wants cheese sandwiches three times a day.

The Frugal Redemption
Again, this is all about asking yourself a few questions before you pop something in the shopping cart. Do I really need 5 cartons of orange juice because I can save 20 cents per quart? Will my family benefit from this buy 10, get 10 free offer? Is it a deal, or false economy? As those great infomercials often say, when you throw away food it’s “cash in the trash.” Remember, just because it’s on clearance or a bargain, it doesn’t mean it’s the bargain for you. Being a glutton for special offers could make you a glutton for punishment.

I know people who tell themselves, “heck, I deserved it” when they’re sporting a new jewel-encrusted watch or hand-made pair of the finest leather shoes. Maybe that’s true, but it doesn’t mean it’s a wise move. It’s fine to splurge once in a while, but making a habit of it can lead to all sorts of problems, including shopping addictions.

Worse still, pride has this nasty habit of making you do things you don’t want to do. People will borrow cash to go out on the town rather than admit to being short of money that week. And that means buying a new dress, or buying a few rounds of drinks, plus the expensive meal. All because pride won’t let them admit, to their friends no less, that they’re trying to save money or that they just don’t have the cash.

The Frugal Redemption
Give pride a vacation. It’s good to be proud of an achievement, or something your son or daughter has done at school, but embracing pride to allow yourself too many luxuries is never going to have a happy ending. Avoid places that will tempt you. If you have a habit of going nuts in Target or Macy’s, stay away. If you’re a sucker for a particular section of the store (watches, shoes) steer clear.

As for feeling too proud to admit you don’t quite have the cash to go out, your friends will understand. Your co-workers will understand. In fact, anyone who doesn’t is probably someone you really don’t want to know. There’s no shame in staying home on a Friday night if it means you avoid the cycle of borrowing, debt and depression. Pride has its place…but it can be a frugal shopper’s worst nightmare.

“Don’t get mad, get even.” Wise words, although the ‘getting even’ part is not always appropriate either. I think it would be more apt to say “don’t get mad, get what you want.”

Anyway, the point is this. I’ve watched people blow up at customer service folks. I’ve seen angry letters, I’ve heard angry phone calls. I’ve witnessed huge lists of demands spouted by human versions of the Tazmanian Devil cartoon. Most of the time, all it gets them is higher blood pressure and a security guard showing them the door. Anger is the first way to show you’ve lost control of the situation.

The Frugal Redemption
A frugal shopper knows that you get way more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. My former article on complaining highlighted this process, but it’s not just about making a complaint. It’s about life in general.

Guess what happens if you treat you waiter with appreciation and a smile instead of disdain. Quicker service, more fries, bigger drinks, you name it, I’ve had them all. A polite conversation with most people will get you much further than raging and expecting something for nothing. Be nice.

This can best be summed up with that old “Keeping Up With The Jones’” adage. And I have several friends who are both house-poor and car-poor because of it.

Why are so many people in this country living in houses they cannot afford, driving cars they could never afford and wearing clothes that are way too expensive? The simple answer is still way too long to print here, but a big part of it is envy.

I remember being told that people measure their own misery and success by their surroundings, and it’s completely true. If you live in a nice little home and are surrounded by other nice little homes, you feel good. You’ve done well. Transplant that nice little home into a rich area filled with mansions, swimming pools and landscaping. Now, it doesn’t look so good. Actually it sucks. It’s not fair, it’s not fair, I want a big house! I want a Cadillac Escalade! I want a Rolex!

The same applies to your job, your clothes, in fact, everything around you. But it’s all relative. And most important, you have no idea what the people around you do, or how they pay for what they have. Maybe they’re in debt up to their eyeballs and spend every night crying themselves to sleep. Maybe they work 24/7 to pay for the things they can never really enjoy. Maybe they had rich folks. But you should never compare, it will only lead to jealousy and misery.

The Frugal Redemption
This one is not easy. After all, as a species we’re always going to compare ourselves to our friends and neighbors. But before you stop reading this and look out of your window to stare at the new Ferrari parked in your neighbor’s driveway, here are a few facts (as of Nov 2006, provided by www.globalissues.org ).

• Half the world — nearly three billion people — live on less than two dollars a day.
• Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
• Approximately 790 million people in the developing world are still chronically undernourished, almost two-thirds of whom reside in Asia and the Pacific.
• According to UNICEF, 30,000 children die each day due to poverty.
• Some 1.1 billion people in developing countries have inadequate access to water, and 2.6 billion lack basic sanitation

Now, I didn’t mean to bring you down. But it certainly brings life crashing into perspective if you think you’re not fortunate. Trust me, if you’re reading this then you’ve got access to more than most people will ever have. You’re lucky.

First and foremost, you can relax. I’m not about to tell you that sex is not a good way to be frugal (actually, a romantic night in bed with your partner is a lot cheaper than going to the movies…and much more fun).

No, the kind of lust I’m talking about is that longing, aching desire that takes over you and cuts off the common sense to your brain. In my case, I’ve been lusting after a 42” LCD TV for about, hmm, a year now. And every week, it grabs me a little bit more. It doesn’t help that every time I go into Best Buy they have more of them, and they cost less. But the frugal shopper in me is winning, so far. It’s saying “wait, the price will drop more, the quality will go up, you don’t need it.” But it won’t be long before the lust wins, telling me that I could be watching my Blade Runner DVD in HD on a huge screen and be drooling at the mouth in movie nirvana.

The Frugal Redemption
It’s all a question of willpower. The 32” goldfish bowl TV I have right now is not great. But it’s not bad either. It’s just a TV after all, which I watch less and less these days as my babies get older. Put things into perspective. You’re a smart cookie…you’re a frugal shopper after all.

My advice is this. Concentrate on what you really need, not what you want. There’s a big difference. And think for a second about how much better life would actually be with that object you’re lusting after right now. If it’s a new car, how much time do you actually spend in it? Is the one you have all that bad? Could the money be spent on something way more important or impactful, like perhaps a family vacation (life experiences stay with you forever…a car, on average, 5 years).

At the end of the day, wants are fleeting. They are all too often replaced by bigger and more expensive wants. The objects of your desire will one day be put out with the garbage, or sold, or given away. You can’t take them with you. So, calm your lusts.

There you go. Seven deadly sins. Not a short tale, but a worthy one I think. We all succumb to them from time to time, but we can be strong. We can.

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This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: