self-help

Best Money Tips: Self-Help Clichés We Need to Change

Amy Lu — Thu, 12 Feb 2015 20:00:11 +0000

Welcome to Wise Bread's Best Money Tips Roundup! Today we found some great articles on self-help clichés we need to change, how to avoid a parking ticket, and organizational tools to get your life together.

Looking for Answers in Life? Here's your Key...

Nora Dunn — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:42:14 +0000

So many of us are feeling stuck in our lives, searching for something we seem to flirt with and skirt around through life: true happiness.

We attend motivational conferences, read self-help books, change careers, see counselors, and take up meditation and yoga – all in the hopes of finding that nugget of information; that light at the end of the tunnel; the “aha” moment; that magical idea which will lead us to a truly happy place in our lives.

Sometimes using these methodologies we find what we need, and go for it.

And sometimes, we leave that motivational conference hopped up and, well, motivated, only for the adrenaline from the event to dissipate within a week. We end up searching for that perfect career/partner/balance/life all over again.

I write about this because I’ve done it all – over and over again. My bookshelf was stacked with self-help issues. I took courses and saw career counselors. I put myself through aptitude tests and attended conferences. I did yoga with the best of them. I filled my agenda with so many activities in search of a happy life, ultimately I burnt out entirely.

And although I am still constantly searching for something (hence the life of a nomadic Professional Hobo – travelers are always searching for something), I can also honestly say I’m happier now than I ever have been, and have found a calling of sorts.

I got the golden nugget; had an “aha” moment; and ran with it. Here’s how you can do it too:

Think of five moments in your life when everything flowed.

All was good, and you found yourself the happiest you’ve ever been. Everything just clicked.

Write it down.

Describe those moments in as much detail as you possibly can. What happened? Where were you? How old were you? Who was with you? What were you doing?

Bring yourself back to those very moments as much as you can, right down to the smell in the air.

See? You’re already feeling happier. But you’re not finished yet.

Find the commonalities between all these moments.

Is there a theme at all? Were you in solitude or surrounded by people? Were you outdoors or in? Was it summer or winter? Working or on vacation? Were you a child, teenager, or adult? Were you on stage? Learning something new? Or teaching somebody?

If you can’t connect the dots with a theme, try to discern what exactly it was about each moment that made you happy and define that instead.

Now…

How can you get to that happy place again?

If you realize the biggest common denominator was one of mentorship or teaching, what can you do now to incorporate it into your life again? If you’re not up for a career change to become a teacher, can you volunteer as a big brother or big sister? Or start a small side business or club showing other people how to do that thing you love, like scrap-booking or climbing?

If the common theme was that you were on vacation, then how can you change your life accordingly? What specifically about the vacations made you happy? Exploration? Adventure? Something different and new? Doing absolutely nothing? Or just being away from your crappy job? If it’s the latter, then your first big step is obviously to get another job! And maybe that job could be abroad…

By bringing yourself back to those “happy places” mentally and emotionally, you stand a chance of getting back there again. It’s along the same lines as creating vision boards, playing the prosperity game, and brainstorming up a variety of ways to change your life with no restrictions or judgment.

Just get yourself thinking about the possibilities, and remembering the good times, and you just may find that “aha” moment you have been searching for.

This article is from Nora Dunn of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

‘Secret’ Attraction

Ed O'Reilly — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 10:23:05 +0000

I finally buckled under the pressure to remain in the loop with Oprah and I rented 'The Secret'.

Now, before you think I’m going to offer a movie review, I’ll simply say that it felt like an hour and a half infomercial: the actors were amateurish and the quick-cut editing reminded me of 'America’s Most Wanted' with 'The Da Vinci Code' as the graphic theme. The panel of “experts” includes Dr. John Gray (of the 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' fame who, it’s worth noting, was divorced after 2 years of marriage), Jack Canfied (author of the 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' series) and various other “visionaries” and “philosophers”.

But I really wanted to address the big “secret” presented in the movie (and the hugely popular book): that if you visualize what your really want and, to paraphrase Peter Pan, "think good thoughts”, you’ll have all that you desire, and in abundance since, according to one of their “experts”, there’s plenty of everything for everyone.

This concept of positive thinking is not new, obviously. I’ve read 'Think and Grow Rich' several times (as instructed in the book itself) and the message is essentially the same: set goals, write them down, imagine that you are already in possession of that which you want to acquire, etc. The book was written by Napoleon Hill and published in 1937 – long before Oprah had her book club. Still, the book was a huge success and continues to sell, largely, I would speculate, because people want to know how to get more out of their efforts and how to enrich their lives.

Both 'The Secret' and 'Think and Grow Rich' offer, I think, good guidelines for self-improvement: think positive, visualize your goals, use autosuggestion and have faith – either in yourself or in a "higher power".

However, both works (and, in particular, the film) seem to stress the goal of acquiring money and material possessions. They say, for example, to write down how much money you’d like to have and imagine that you are already in possession of that sum. The film illustrates its theme by portraying people buying cars and jewelry, of living “the good life” – all by following the steps that, as both claim, were (until now) privy to a select few of historically rich and powerful.

I was reminded of the New Age fads of the late 80s, right around the time of the stock market crash of 1987, a sobering event that punctuated a decade of big-ness: big money, big possessions and, sadly, big hair (you know who you are!). The New Age trinkets of crystals, rocks and Yuppie muzak promised “healing” and prosperity if used just the right way. Similarly, 'The Secret' supposedly reveals, with metaphysical allusion, the long-coveted way to a life of ease, of material abundance and indulgence, with little mention of the things that money can’t buy . Sure, it says that if you want to find that special someone so you can love and be loved, you have to send out the right vibe; but even this is portrayed in a way that is just one more acquisition based on your persistent longing for something (or someone) to make you feel more complete, to feel happiness. Ultimately, the bottom line is that you need something to make you feel, at all.

'The Secret' comes at a time where personal debt is at an all-time high and the concepts introduced promise that, if you just buy the book (and people are, in record numbers) or watch the movie (which is also available as an online pay-per-view), and follow the advice given, you’ll be on easy street. My criticism is that bliss will not be found with the next big purchase, or a windfall of money, because you thought about it hard enough. Satisfaction will come by believing in yourself and using your talents to find the deeper meaning of who you really are, inside.

I certainly encourage people to find a way to greater happiness, and I do believe that you are who you think you are; that the power of thought can change the course of your own life as well as the course of others, as has been demonstrated throughout history. It seems that what all these self-help books, films, etc. stress is that you are missing some essential component to your being. But I think what they’re really saying is that the missing component is their latest piece of advice, available now at your favorite bookstore or on amazon.com.

This article is from Ed O'Reilly of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: