relationships http://www.wisebread.com/taxonomy/term/7620/all en-US How Much Personal Finance Info Should You Share? http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/woman_shocked_face_71844019.jpg" alt="Woman learning how much personal finance info she should share" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Money is one of those topics that is not often discussed freely. In fact, it is common for people to disguise how much money they really have.</p> <p>But then there are a few people who are happy to say exactly how much money they make without holding anything back. Some people even post their income and net worth updates on the Internet every month! Is there a benefit to freely sharing personal finance information?</p> <h2>What Can Go Wrong When Sharing Too Much About Your Finances</h2> <p>There are some good reasons people tend to avoid disclosing details when talking about money. Much like the usual sensitive topics of religion and politics, open conversations about money can result in friction and even damaged relationships. If you reveal how much money &mdash; or debt &mdash; you really have, you can make people uncomfortable or even lose friends.</p> <p>People have a strong sense of fairness about money, and sharing financial details can highlight inequity and cause hard feelings: &quot;Why does that person make more than me when I work harder?&quot; Sensitivity about salary fairness is accentuated among people who work for the same employer.</p> <p>When you reveal your financial details, you may unintentionally hurt someone's feelings and sense of self-worth. Let's say that in a moment of truthfulness, you decide to reveal how much you make to a close friend. Imagine how disappointed your friend would feel if he/she makes a lot less than you. On the other hand, imagine your dismay if your friend surprises you by revealing that she makes a lot more than you. Discussing your income can spark feelings of dissatisfaction that can last for a long time.</p> <p>Money can divide people into &quot;us&quot; versus &quot;them.&quot; The Occupy Wall Street movement with dividing lines drawn at the 99% versus the 1% is a dramatic example of this. It can be hard to relate to someone if you think they are in a different economic situation and that they do not face the same problems and issues that you are dealing with. Imagine if you suddenly learned your friend who you see as a peer makes twice as much income as you. This may impact your relationship since you know your friend has options and financial resources that are not available to you. Your friendships may be stronger if you do not know how much your money your friends make.</p> <p>If you reveal that you have a lot of debt and/or little savings, others may think that you are not competent with money and may assume that you are not competent at other things as well. Some people feel that borrowing money to buy things you don't really need is irresponsible, especially when they are forgoing such purchases in order to pay down debt and achieve financial independence. Discussing money freely may bring up differences in philosophy about saving and spending that can make it harder for people to relate to each other.</p> <p>Once you reveal personal finance details, it is impossible to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Once your secret is out, your financial privacy has been lost and there is no way to get it back.</p> <h2>Why Do Some People Reveal Everything?</h2> <p>Even with all of the downsides to revealing financial details, some people are eager to share full details of their personal finances. Why?</p> <p>Some people use &quot;full financial disclosure&quot; as a way to keep themselves accountable and motivated to improve their financial situation. If I had to publish my income and net worth every month, I can see how this would make me focus on getting the numbers to look as good as possible. Plus, I wouldn't want to have to explain any embarrassing purchases or debt. Publishing financial information to help stay on track is sort of like participating a weight loss program where you share a list of everything you eat with your group. You are less likely to slip up if you know you will have to share your setbacks with the world.</p> <p>Some people share their financial details to get attention &mdash; and money. Personal finance bloggers know that sharing their income and financial details publicly can generate traffic to their blog. People are curious to see how much money other people make and how they spend it. I find it fascinating to look at other people's expenses so I can look for areas where I could improve my own budget. Some personal finance blogs are set up with a stated monetary goal and readers can track the blogger's progress toward the goal over time. Sharing intimate financial details on a blog helps build a following which generates income from advertising.</p> <p>Another benefit of full disclosure is that you don't have to worry about keeping secrets. You can speak freely about money without worrying about something slipping out. If you reveal your financial details to others, they are more likely to share their details with you. You might learn lessons from their experience that you can use to improve your own finances.</p> <h2>How Much Should You Share?</h2> <p>How much personal finance information should you share? The right answer for you depends on your comfort level with your financial situation and what you hope to accomplish by sharing. I see little benefit to sharing my personal finance information and lots of potential drawbacks. I could always change my mind and decide to share later, but for now I am keeping my personal finances personal.</p> <p>One of the biggest problems with sharing personal finance details is that once you share, your information is out and there is no way to get it back. You won't be able to get people to forget that number if you change your mind later and regret sharing it.</p> <p>In the end, your finances matter much more to you and your family than to anyone else. Others may be curious, but your money situation doesn't directly impact anyone outside your family very much. Most people have more to lose than to gain by freely sharing their financial details.</p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/dr-penny-pincher">Dr Penny Pincher</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married">8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/why-couples-fight-over-money-and-what-to-do-about-it">Why Couples Fight Over Money and What to Do About It</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/frugality-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder-5-ways-to-spend-less-and-love-more">Frugality Makes the Heart Grow Fonder: 5 Ways to Spend Less and Love More</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score">7 Reasons You Are More Than Your Credit Score</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/is-six-figures-really-that-much">Is Six Figures Really That Much?</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance Lifestyle debts friendships income information oversharing privacy relationships Tue, 27 Sep 2016 09:00:07 +0000 Dr Penny Pincher 1800653 at http://www.wisebread.com How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/husband_wife_high_five_91622835.jpg" alt="Woman putting her spouse on a budget without ruining marriage" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>The quickest way to sour a marriage is to nag your spouse about money and try to control every cent they spend. However, keeping mum about your finances can lead you and your spouse into a lot of debt or overall poor finances. Here are ways to get your spouse on a budget, without ruining your marriage.</p> <h2>Counseling Is Okay!</h2> <p>Many couples make the mistake in thinking that marriage counseling is only for marriages that are in trouble. However, counseling can be a helpful tool even when your marriage is healthy. Having a mediator help you navigate financial woes can even be desirable, so that both you and your spouse feel like they are heard.</p> <p>To seek out counseling for your finances within marriage, you can talk with a financial adviser that has your best interest in mind, a marriage and family therapist, a pastor, or even an older couple who you consider wise and financially stable. It might seem embarrassing to reach out for help, but it could be the wisest step to keeping your marriage and finances strong.</p> <h2>Set Up Budget Dates</h2> <p>Just as you would set up regular date nights, set up monthly budget dates. Treat your spouse to their favorite coffee drink and discuss the numbers for the month, as well as goals for the next month.</p> <p>Budget dates should not be a time where you point the finger. It should be a time for mutual discussion and growth. Depending on which financial area your spouse is in charge of, ask for their feedback. For example, if your spouse does the grocery shopping, did they feel like they had enough money that month or was it too tight? If your spouse is requesting more money for the grocery budget, you can decide together what to cut to accommodate.</p> <p>Sometimes it is a good idea to invite your children to these meetings, especially if they are older than 10. Kids need to see the &quot;why&quot; behind the reasons they can't go to camp all summer long or get everything they want. Also, allowing your kids see and experience how you budget successfully only sets them up for budgeting success later on.</p> <p>See also: <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married?ref=seealso">8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married</a></p> <h2>Find What Inspires Them</h2> <p>Sometimes it can be hard to scrimp and sacrifice just for the sake of saving money. We all need a purpose to have the motivation to work at something. Whether it's for the dream vacation or just finally being able to live debt-free, find the goals that both of you want to achieve and set the budget that will make it happen. Show that if you both tighten up your spending and stay the course, the reward will be waiting at the finish line.</p> <h2>Keep Things Fun</h2> <p>Find ways to lighten things up and make staying on budget fun, so it doesn't get tedious or simply boring. You don't have to wait until you've saved enough for the dream vacation to enjoy a reward for your hard work. Add milestones along the way that allow the two of you to celebrate. Turn it into a game to see who can find the best deals or other challenges that keep both of you interested. Don't forget about creative ways to make extra money, too. Perhaps you two can do something together that will earn extra cash.</p> <h2>Practical Tips to Get Your Spouse on a Budget</h2> <p>So far, the marriage budgeting tips have been about the mentality behind savings. Once you get your spouse on board with your budget, then use these practical tips to stay successful.</p> <ul> <li>Budget for you and your spouse to have &quot;mad money&quot; each month. This can be $25 or $500, depending on your budget. However, this money can be spent however your spouse wants. This allows both of you to spend on yourselves without guilt.<br /> &nbsp;</li> <li>Use an easy-to-use budgeting app that connects to your accounts and syncs with each of your phones. Encourage your spouse to look at it and track spending daily.<br /> &nbsp;</li> <li>Have savings taken out automatically. If you wait until the end of the month to put money into savings, you might find you end up short each month. Make savings a priority or take advantage of debit cards that round up purchases and deposit the extra into your savings account.<br /> &nbsp;</li> <li>Stop using credit cards if they are too hard to control. Taking them away for a few months can help you get back on track.</li> </ul> <h2>Separate Accounts</h2> <p>Separate accounts can be useful for managing expenses and ensuring there's no opportunity to overdraw for a budget. If you split the financial responsibilities of a household, it makes sense to manage your own accounts for your assigned budgets. Just make sure there's accountability and transparency.</p> <p>Marriage is hard, and budgeting is just as difficult. Put them both together, and you could have a recipe for disaster. It's important to be open and honest so that you don't end up in a financial disaster.</p> <p><em>How do you and your spouse stay on a budget?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/ashley-eneriz">Ashley Eneriz</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-2"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-money-moves-to-make-the-moment-you-decide-to-get-married">5 Money Moves to Make the Moment You Decide to Get Married</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married">8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-ways-regular-budget-meetings-might-save-your-marriage">6 Ways Regular Budget Meetings Might Save Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-navigate-3-common-money-arguments-with-your-significant-other">How to Navigate 3 Common Money Arguments With Your Significant Other</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/change-jars-and-8-other-clever-ways-to-build-an-emergency-fund">Change Jars and 8 Other Clever Ways to Build an Emergency Fund</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance Budgeting Family agreements bank accounts compromise counseling marriage paying bills relationships spending spouse teamwork Tue, 09 Aug 2016 09:00:09 +0000 Ashley Eneriz 1767118 at http://www.wisebread.com 7 Reasons You Are More Than Your Credit Score http://www.wisebread.com/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/post_it_smiley_88426573.jpg" alt="Learning reasons you&#039;re more than your credit score" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>If you read Wise Bread frequently, you'll know that we place a lot of emphasis on obtaining a <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/what-is-a-good-credit-score-range" target="_blank">good credit score</a> and building net worth. There's no question that we want people to follow a path that takes them to financial security. But it's important to understand that while money and good credit can help you lead the life you want, it doesn't define you as a person or even guarantee happiness.</p> <p>It's often the case that we get so wrapped up in making and saving money that we lose sight of how little we need to actually be content. And we beat ourselves up for being poor, having bad credit, or being in debt.</p> <p>Here's a look at all of the ways your net worth and credit score don't define you.</p> <h2>1. You're Investing in Your Future</h2> <p>You may have some debt and a low net worth right now. But that's because you're taking steps to improve your situation. Maybe you're in college and have taken out some loans to pay for it. Perhaps you took out a loan to start your own company. Maybe you took on some debt to move to a new community so you could accept a good job. You are making steps to build a good life for yourself, and they will pay off in the long run. Don't worry about what the numbers say about you now.</p> <h2>2. You're Frugal, and Proud of It</h2> <p>You've decided against using credit cards because you want to avoid the possibility of high-interest debt. You've chosen to live with your parents for a while to save money on rent. You've never even asked for a loan. All of these things may mean you have a low credit score because you haven't established much of a credit history. But don't fret. You're still being financially sensible and taking steps to save money and avoid the debt spiral. A credit bureau may give you a low score, but you're getting top marks for being smart with your money.</p> <h2>3. You're Rich in Other Ways</h2> <p>You have many great friends. You have your family. Your faith. Good health. You're pretty good at playing the guitar and you make very tasty French toast. These are the things that define you and make your life what it is. Your credit score doesn't know you, and neither does your bank account.</p> <h2>4. You Are Happy</h2> <p>We're all aware of the adage that money can't buy happiness. And have you ever met anyone who said, &quot;I'm so content with my life because my credit score is 820?&quot; Your happiness is based on how you live your life, the quality of your relationships, and what you do to find fulfillment. We've all met wealthy people who are downright miserable, and poor people who live life with a smile on their face.</p> <h2>5. Numbers Are Relative</h2> <p>So maybe your credit score is considered poor. And maybe your net worth places you close to the poverty line. But are you better off than you were six months ago? Or a year ago? If so, then be happy that you're making progress. Credit scores and net worth are only numbers, and numbers should not be analyzed in a vacuum. A person who emerged from extreme poverty is going to be happy to have any credit score at all. Someone who spent years working to pay off massive debts will be thrilled to have positive net worth after being in negative territory for years.</p> <h2>6. You're Fine With Living Small</h2> <p>You can be content living in a modest home with few possessions. In fact, the Tiny House Movement underscores that there is a segment of the population that is eager to reduce its overall living footprint due to lower costs, lower impact on the environment, and a basic lifestyle. If you're happy downsizing and living simply, then don't worry about what your credit score and net worth say.</p> <h2>7. No One Else Cares</h2> <p>Think of your closest friends. How often do you ask about their credit score or their net worth? Do you judge them based on the balances in their bank accounts or their stock holdings? One would hope not. Likewise, your closest friends and relatives couldn't care less what your numbers say about you. Your relationships are based not on credit scores, but real bonds that have nothing to do with money.</p> <p><em>How do you value yourself?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/tim-lemke">Tim Lemke</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married">8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/can-saying-thanks-more-make-you-rich">Can Saying Thanks More Make You Rich?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-money-lessons-we-could-all-learn-from-dwayne-the-rock-johnson">6 Money Lessons We Could All Learn From Dwayne &quot;The Rock&quot; Johnson</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share">How Much Personal Finance Info Should You Share?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/why-couples-fight-over-money-and-what-to-do-about-it">Why Couples Fight Over Money and What to Do About It</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance Lifestyle credit score debt happiness Living net worth relationships reminder struggling Thu, 04 Aug 2016 10:30:09 +0000 Tim Lemke 1765529 at http://www.wisebread.com Can Saying Thanks More Make You Rich? http://www.wisebread.com/can-saying-thanks-more-make-you-rich <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/can-saying-thanks-more-make-you-rich" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/thank_you_note_000058962422.jpg" alt="Learning how saying thanks can make you rich" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>If you're even a little bit cynical, you might be expecting a resounding, one-word answer to this question. I mean, since when did being nice ever get you rich?</p> <p>But there is good news out there for those of us who still like to see the nice guy win once in-awhile. In fact, gratitude has a number of direct impacts on financial well being.</p> <h2>Gratitude Makes You Happy</h2> <p>Gratitude has been shown to <a href="https://www.uthealthleader.org/story/grateful-ology">make people happier</a> &mdash; and happiness is known to have a positive impact on earnings.</p> <p>In research, groups were asked to keep journals over an extended period, either simply writing down neutrally what had happened to them, or trying to find the positives to be grateful for. At the end of the study, the gratitude group were 25% happier than the neutral group, and reported fewer physical illnesses over the period.</p> <p>A different study links <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/9-ways-money-does-buy-happiness" target="_blank">happiness and earnings</a>, with research which shows that adolescents who report higher levels of happiness go on to <a href="http://www.pnas.org/content/109/49/19953.abstract">earn more as adults</a>. There are probably a wide range of reasons for this &mdash; happier people take fewer sick days, build more positive relationships, and are able to focus more on the things that matter to them.</p> <h2>Gratitude Stops Spending</h2> <p>If excessive consumption is your downfall, then try practicing a little gratitude to get back on track.</p> <p>Instead of lusting after another gadget or handbag, make a conscious effort to appreciate what you have &mdash; not only will you rediscover old pleasures, it will most likely slow your urge to spend.</p> <p>Often the desire to shop comes about because of something known as <em>hedonic adaptation</em>, or the hedonic treadmill. This is the tendency humans have to slip back to an average level of satisfaction very shortly after large improvements or positive life events. So even though you get a massive pay raise, the enjoyment is short-lived, and you soon come to expect the extra salary. Similarly, the new phone you were yearning for is only truly impressive for a few weeks before you forget the novelty and start to think about your next purchase.</p> <p>Gratitude can help overcome this tendency because it slows down the pace at which we get complacent about what we have &mdash; and by cutting out the excesses of spending, our financial wellness gets an immediate boost.</p> <h2>Gratitude Promotes Great Relationships</h2> <p>Relationships flourish with gratitude, and relationships are how business happens. So exercising a bit of gratitude can be a boon to your personal and professional relationships alike, making you happier and wealthier at the same time.</p> <p>This dynamic in professional environments has already received much scientific and psychological attention. Studies dating back decades have shown that customers come back and tip more if they are thanked for their generosity. In one wonderful example (which I really wish I had come up with myself), restaurant servers handed over the check to diners &mdash; either blank, or with a handwritten note saying thank you, including a smiley face. This research showed that those who had written &quot;thank you&quot; on their checks <a href="http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1559-1816.1996.tb01847.x/abstract">received higher tips</a>.</p> <p>Because gratitude forges an immediate personal connection, it's a great way of opening the door to a developing relationship. In a work environment, that might be as simple as getting an extra few dollars tip, or it could be the start of something beautiful. You never know.</p> <h2>Gratitude Keeps You Healthy</h2> <p>Science shows you can cut down your medical bills by saying thanks. Seriously.</p> <p>Don't take my word for it. Professor Robert A. Emmons is the author of a report on the <a href="http://www.ucdmc.ucdavis.edu/welcome/features/2015-2016/11/20151125_gratitude.html">impact of gratitude on health</a>. He says gratitude &quot;can lower blood pressure, improve immune function, and facilitate more efficient sleep. Gratitude reduces lifetime risk for depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders, and is a key resiliency factor in the prevention of suicide.&quot;</p> <p>Not only all that, but those who are grateful also report having a stronger social network that can support them when they need help, as well as improving blood pressure, cholesterol and heart health.</p> <p>Gratitude's impact on financial wellness is based on elements of scientific and psychological fact. It may sound far fetched at first, but saying thank you to others, and remembering to be grateful for what you have &mdash; rather than yearning for more &mdash; could really be the secret to unlocking greater emotional and financial well being.</p> <p><em>What do you think? Crazy theories or common sense? How do you practice gratitude in everyday life?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/claire-millard">Claire Millard</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/can-saying-thanks-more-make-you-rich">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score">7 Reasons You Are More Than Your Credit Score</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/15-surprising-ways-bad-credit-can-hurt-you">15 Surprising Ways Bad Credit Can Hurt You</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share">How Much Personal Finance Info Should You Share?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/could-a-divorce-improve-your-finances">Could a Divorce Improve Your Finances?</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance appreciation gratitude happiness healthy higher salary mindset relationships spending habits Thu, 26 May 2016 09:30:18 +0000 Claire Millard 1717156 at http://www.wisebread.com 8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/married_couple_game_000017059049.jpg" alt="Learning things about money after getting married" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Marriage comes with its fair share of life lessons, and money is among the most prominent of these. Here's what I've <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/9-ways-getting-married-is-good-for-your-finances" target="_blank">learned about money while being married</a> &mdash; for better and worse.</p> <h2>1. Credit Scores and Debt Should Be Laid Bare While You're Still Dating</h2> <p>Money is a taboo subject, in general, and couples &mdash; especially new ones who are still navigating the muddy waters of a blossoming relationship &mdash; don't like to talk about the financial predicaments they may be in. But these conversations are necessary.</p> <p>My husband and I were sort of forced into the conversation as we bought our first home before we got married, but even if that's not on the horizon for you and your partner, it's still good to assess the <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-ways-to-increase-your-credit-score-quickly" target="_blank">credit score and debt</a> situation so you both know what you're dealing with. That's not to say that you should dump somebody because their financial standing isn't as great as you might have hoped it would be, but it's certainly a factor to consider as you plan your life together.</p> <h2>2. Discuss Future Financial and Investment Goals Before Saying &quot;I Do&quot;</h2> <p>Before I got married I had plans for my future, but those plans changed (at least a little) when I decided to get hitched. I adapted my strategy to accommodate my husband &mdash; but I didn't derail it altogether, and I don't recommend that you do either. It's about compromise &mdash; it's beneficial to discuss your specific plans and goals ahead of your nuptials. Your partner may not want to open that new business, or carry the potential financial burden that comes along with it. On the other hand, your spouse may be totally on board with how you've mapped out your financial future and/or investments, and vice-versa. But you won't know until you discuss it.</p> <p>Lay it all out on the table before getting anywhere near the altar so you each have a clear idea of where your relationship is headed financially (in theory, at least) once you're joined in holy &mdash; and legally binding &mdash; matrimony.</p> <h2>3. Schedule Uninterrupted Time to Discuss Your Finances in Depth</h2> <p>The only way my husband and I stay on the same page about our finances &mdash; and, specifically, the money that's coming in and going out on a constant basis &mdash; is to schedule time to discuss where we're at financially. We usually have a dinner date once a month where at least part of the conversation is about our budget, expenses, debt, and increases or decreases in expected income.</p> <p>We also have an annual meeting at the end of the year to discuss what we anticipate the next year's expenses to be, and how we plan to meet them. While it's not easy integrating another person into the mix financially &mdash; and it can sometimes be stressful for you if you've overspent or missed a bill and you don't want it to result in an argument &mdash; it's needed so that you can both stay on track and repair snags together.</p> <h2>4. Keep Your Family Out of Your Finances &mdash; Period</h2> <p>In a perfect world, we'd all be rich and nobody would want for anything. That's not the case, however, and sometimes family and friends come knocking for a loan. My general rule is to not provide this type of financial support to anyone, as it rarely turns out well &mdash; and most people will tell you that. My husband, on the other hand, views this subject differently, and there's been at least one time where there was zero discussion about providing the loan to a family member, and I didn't find out about it until after the fact.</p> <p>I wasn't particularly bothered by the amount of the loan or to whom it went &mdash; it was his money and he could do what he wanted with it &mdash; but rather that I wasn't included in the conversation. Even though I wasn't contributing to this particular loan, it could have affected our ability to purchase or finance something we needed down the road, and I felt as if I had the right to be informed.</p> <h2>5. You're Morally and Legally Obligated to Help One Another Financially</h2> <p>Whether you like it or not, whatever happens to your spouse financially also, in a sense, happens to you. This could mean a moral obligation to get out of whatever money pickle you may have gotten into, or, worst-case scenario, it could be a legal obligation, like if you file joint taxes and owe the government money. The IRS debt may be the result of one or the other's financial status &mdash; like if you have taxes taken out automatically each pay period from employment, but your spouse is an entrepreneur (like I am) who pays estimated taxes &mdash; but legally you're both on the hook for the debt. Not being prepared for this situation, or how to handle it responsibly and fairly, can lead to resentment and loads of other issues that you're better off without.</p> <h2>6. Keeping Separate Accounts Can Help Maintain Some Independence</h2> <p>My husband and I keep a joint account for shared purchases, like vacations, but we've also always maintained our own separate checking and savings accounts. For some couples this may seem odd, but for us it's helped us keep a part of our individual independence intact. While we consult each other on major purchases, we don't have to ask one another if we can buy some of the smaller things or little luxuries that we want, which in turn helps us to avoid nitpicking each other about things we don't think the other one should be buying.</p> <p>I can only imagine how couples who co-mingle all their money argue about how many coffees or beers each is buying per week, the 19th pair of new shoes she's bought this year, or the new video game he brought home. The bottom line for us is that the bills get paid and we're still able to save; we're allowed to treat ourselves every now and then without having to ask permission or fear retribution.</p> <h2>7. Debt Can Destroy Your Relationship &mdash; If You Let It</h2> <p>A few years ago I discovered a substantial amount of debt that my husband racked up, and I was completely gutted over the situation. How, why, when, where? So many questions went through my mind, not the least of which was, how are we going to pay this off? I was lucky in that regard as my husband took full responsibility for it and promised to pay it off himself &mdash; and he has. But it may not work out like that for everyone.</p> <p>If your partner isn't capable of paying off the debt, you, in fact, may be responsible for it too if it's attached to a joint credit card or another joint account. When that happens, it will likely put a major strain on your relationship. Old debt is one thing, but new debt &mdash; that is, debt acquired singularly by one partner while you're in the relationship &mdash; has a much more damaging and lasting effect. We were able to get past this and get back on track, but it's not easy. It definitely puts stress on the marriage, which can further worsen an already rocky relationship.</p> <h2>8. Money Doesn't Buy Happiness</h2> <p>All the houses, nice cars, designer clothes, and luxury goods in the world will not make you happy in a relationship you don't want to be in. When you're sitting among all your beautiful things and you wonder why you seemingly have everything but still aren't satisfied, you need to look beyond the bling. There's a deeper issue for which you're trying to compensate. Talk about it; make decisions. Your mental health is worth more than what's in your bank account &mdash; always. Remember that.</p> <p><em>What has marriage taught you about money?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-4"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/3-simple-ways-to-split-bills-with-your-spouse">3 Simple Ways to Split Bills With Your Spouse</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-manage-your-money-during-a-spousal-separation">How to Manage Your Money During a Spousal Separation</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-reasons-you-are-more-than-your-credit-score">7 Reasons You Are More Than Your Credit Score</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-love-not-money-sort-of">Make Love, Not Money (Sort Of)</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance Family Lifestyle budget meetings compromises credit scores debt marriage money lessons relationships spouses Tue, 24 May 2016 09:30:21 +0000 Mikey Rox 1716048 at http://www.wisebread.com 8 Relationship Mistakes Everyone Makes http://www.wisebread.com/8-relationship-mistakes-everyone-makes <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/8-relationship-mistakes-everyone-makes" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/couple_relationship_trouble_000013834490.jpg" alt="Couple making relationship mistakes everyone makes" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>One of the biggest issues I've found with relationships &mdash; in practically all of them &mdash; is that there are cracks in every façade; we just don't like to talk about them.</p> <p>Even though it's not the easiest topic of conversation to engage in, I'm a staunch advocate for laying our problems out on the table with people we trust. Among close friends, we can talk about what's going on in our lives, receive feedback and advice, and most importantly, recognize that we're not alone in the problems we face with our significant others. After all, the truth will set you free, right?</p> <p>In lieu of such grand admissions, let's back it up and start smaller, by identifying the universal relationship issues we all face but rarely talk about.</p> <p>See also: <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/20-money-mistakes-everyone-makes-but-no-one-talks-about">20 Money Mistakes Everyone Makes But No One Talks About</a></p> <h2>1. You Do Things Just to Please Your Partner</h2> <p>There's nothing wrong with doing something nice for your partner, even going out of your way at times to make them happy &mdash; consider it a byproduct of being in love. But when you start doing things just to please your partner &ndash; and you're doing them excessively &ndash; you run the risk of being disappointed, even more so when your proactiveness isn't warranted or requested. Eventually, you'll start to notice an imbalance in your relationship &ndash; you're pleasing your partner in various ways and he or she isn't following suit. It may be a situation that you created though, so how can you really be mad at that?</p> <p>As a result, according to Michele Fabrega, love, intimacy, and sexuality coach for men, we can feel resentful when we start to expect our partner to make sacrifices for us.</p> <p>&quot;It can end up being a sort of ledger that we keep inside our heads, a competition of sorts,&quot; she says. &quot;Instead, I like to invite my clients to really ask themselves, before they say yes to their partner's request, 'Is this something I can feel good about?' And if not, I invite partners to collaborate, not compromise.&quot;</p> <h2>2. You Become Codependent on One Another</h2> <p>We've all seen it happen to our friends: They start dating and spending more time together until eventually they can't spend time apart. That's not healthy, and if you're in this type of relationship, it's time to reevaluate your priorities.</p> <p>&quot;Some people don't allow themselves to sail through the infatuation stage, and because of this, some couples tend to lose their own lives and become intertwined in each other's,&quot; explains dating and life coach <a href="http://annahrose.com/">Annah Rose</a>. &quot;Their lives then become solely about each other.&quot;</p> <p>Becoming codependent on one another is bad habit for any relationship, but especially one in the early stages. Even when you're trying to build the relationship in the beginning, each partner needs his or her space. Without breathing room, tensions eventually will mount, likely ending in a blow-up when someone feels smothered.</p> <h2>3. You Snoop on Each Other</h2> <p>&quot;Once someone snoops they are labeled as 'crazy,' but here's the thing &mdash; in this day and age of social media and smartphones, more people than not are snooping. This becomes one of the unhealthiest traits to bring into a relationship,&quot; says Rose.</p> <p>Let's dissect that. On one hand, most people in a relationship are guilty of snooping in some form of another; most likely as a result of something that raised their suspicion, but it's important to note here that it's not just women; men are doing it &mdash; in their own way, and whether they'd like to admit it or not. Secondly, snooping is never good for the relationship. People rarely get away with it, but it also signals a bigger problem &mdash; a complete lack of trust. Maybe that's justified, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that once this habit is established, it won't stop, and neither will the activity that facilitated it. In that case, you're both going to have a hard road trying to keep that relationship together&hellip; because it probably should've ended a long time ago.</p> <h2>4. You Blame Each Other When Things Go Wrong</h2> <p>Nobody likes to admit they're wrong or at fault for whatever goes awry in a relationship, and that's never clearer than when romantic partners are in an argument. Accusations fly and fingers are pointed in an attempt to absolve oneself from responsibility for whatever you're fighting about. As we all know, however, that gets us nowhere, and Fabrega offers an alternative solution.</p> <p>&quot;Relationships are complex and the way each of us responds or reacts to life situations are infinitely unique,&quot; she says. &quot;Rather than go into blame or criticism, I like to encourage people to bring compassionate curiosity to the situation. What am I feeling? What happened here? What led to this outcome? What can I learn from this situation? What do I wish I had done differently? If partners can come together and be on the same team to address a problem, they can be part of the solution. This is key relationship skill that partners can strengthen over time.&quot;</p> <h2>5. You Try to Change the Other Person</h2> <p>I think we've all watched enough <em>Oprah</em> and <em>Dr. Phil</em> to know that we can't change our partners, no matter how hard we try. It's a fool's errand that will end up in heartbreak, so it's best to accept your partner's flaws, or move on.</p> <p>You also should do some soul searching of your own. If you want your partner to change so badly, they're probably not right for you. Find someone else who more closely embodies what you want in a man or woman, if only so you're not making your partner feel like they're not good enough all the time. That's not fair to them, and you're doing what's best for you either.</p> <h2>6. You Aren't Empathetic Enough With One Another</h2> <p>When two people love each other, they want the best for each other. Which is why it's interesting and confusing and sad that when couples argue with one another, they can be downright evil. Passion has a way of taking over sometimes, but it's important to remember that there's no taking back what you say to one another.</p> <p>&quot;Humans are pretty self-centered and we rarely look at another person's circumstances,&quot; says couples' therapist and relationship podcaster Eboni Harris. &quot;If your partner says something hurtful, think about times that you have used the wrong words and it led to an argument. Wouldn't you want the chance to explain what you meant in a safe conversation before your partner jumped down your throat? If you know that your partner loves you and is not in the habit of purposefully hurting you, give them an opportunity to explain.&quot;</p> <h2>7. You Withhold &quot;Uncomfortable&quot; Information</h2> <p>Here's something to chew on: We communicate more than ever with text messages, social media, dating apps, etc., but we rarely <em>talk</em> about anything worthwhile anymore. That goes double for those touchy subjects that we've always had a hard time discussing, and not being forthcoming with our partners can create a wedge in the relationship that sometimes drive us apart.</p> <h2>8. You Create Impossible Expectations</h2> <p>We've all pretty much been brainwashed to believe that we deserve the perfect partner. You know the one: amazing credentials online, they live incredible lives according to their various profiles, have the best families, are well-traveled, neatly dressed, blah blah blah. And physically, they're the ideal specimens &mdash; fit, attractive, curves in all the right places, and so on. So, of course, good luck (and God help you) with that!</p> <p>But as Mitch Kahan, co-founder of the dating app<a href="http://www.inviteup.com/"> InviteUp</a>, warns, spending too much time cultivating relationships online instead of offline can set up you up for failure, over and over again.</p> <p>&quot;All the pre-date chatting builds up expectations, possibly to an unreachable level,&quot; he says. &quot;The same goes for spending too much time texting your significant other; most people can't compete in person with the version of them you create in your head. Spending weeks chatting online are better served spending time in person where you can get a real feel for your chemistry without the buffer of text communications.&quot;</p> <p><em>What other relationship mistakes are we making but not talking about? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-relationship-mistakes-everyone-makes">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-3"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/weird-things-you-didnt-know-about-valentines-day">Weird Things You Didn&#039;t Know About Valentine&#039;s Day</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/spice-up-the-conversation-by-skipping-what-do-you-do">Spice Up the Conversation by Skipping &quot;What Do You Do?&quot;</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-personal-finance-info-should-you-share">How Much Personal Finance Info Should You Share?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years">Make These 6 Relationship Moves Now or You&#039;ll Regret It in 20 Years</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-should-you-actually-be-spending-on-a-date">How Much Should You Actually Be Spending on a Date?</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Lifestyle breakups dating mistakes dating tips love relationships romance Mon, 21 Dec 2015 12:00:03 +0000 Mikey Rox 1621620 at http://www.wisebread.com Best Money Tips: Easy Habits for Better Relationships http://www.wisebread.com/best-money-tips-easy-habits-for-better-relationships <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/best-money-tips-easy-habits-for-better-relationships" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_winter_000073397965.jpg" alt="Couple learning easy habits for a better relationship" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Welcome to Wise Bread's <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/topic/best-money-tips">Best Money Tips</a> Roundup! Today we found easy habits that improve your relationships, what you should know about year-end charitable donations, and things that charismatic people do in conversations.</p> <h2>Top 5 Articles</h2> <p><a href="http://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2015/12/5-habits-relationships/">5 Quick, Easy Habits That Have Actually Improved My Relationships.</a> &mdash; Giving a real hello and good-bye when someone comes and goes allows you and your loved ones several moments of connection each day. [Gretchen Rubin]</p> <p><a href="http://www.cleverdude.com/content/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-year-end-charitable-donations/">5 Things You Need To Know About Year End Charitable Donations</a> &mdash; Only donations to qualified charities are eligible to be claimed as tax deductions. [Clever Dude]</p> <p><a href="http://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Things-Charismatic-People-Do-Conversation-39335012">5 Things Charismatic People Do in Conversations</a> &mdash; It's OK to show your vulnerability once in a while; it makes you more relatable. [PopSugar Smart Living]</p> <p><a href="http://moneyning.com/housing/looking-to-sell-your-home-winter-might-be-the-right-time/">Looking to Sell Your Home? Winter Might be the Right Time</a> &mdash; If you use a real estate agent, it's more likely that you'll get better service and more attention if you sell your home during the winter. MoneyNIng]</p> <p><a href="http://www.frugalvillage.com/2015/12/08/top-ten-most-expensive-habits-of-americans/">Top Ten Most Expensive Habits of Americans</a> &mdash; Many people are paying for things they don't use. Get rid of the gym membership, streaming subscription, and banana saver if you don't use them regularly. [Frugal Village]</p> <h2>Other Essential Reading</h2> <p><a href="http://www.shebudgets.com/lifestyle/shopping/10-stores-with-great-return-policies-for-holiday-shopping/65007">10 Stores With Great Return Policies for Holiday Shoppin</a>g &mdash; At Zappos, you have 365 days to return any purchase and shipping is always free. [SheBudgets]</p> <p><a href="http://www.northerncheapskate.com/how-to-pick-the-perfect-recipes-for-your-holiday-baking/">How to Pick the Perfect Recipes for Your Holiday Baking</a> &mdash; Choose holiday treats that use similar ingredients so you'll have a shorter shopping list and you can buy in bulk. [Northern Cheapskate]</p> <p><a href="http://www.lazymanandmoney.com/4-ways-to-save-money-on-car-expenses/">4 Ways to Save Money on Car Expenses</a> &mdash; Timing is crucial! The best time to buy a car is at the end of December. [Lazy Man and Money]</p> <p><a href="http://www.lifeoptimizer.org/2015/12/08/becoming-influential-in-career/">6 Tips to Becoming Influential in Your Career</a> &mdash; Share original studies and content to engage your online audience. [Life Optimizer]</p> <p><a href="http://parentingsquad.com/7-things-you-must-know-if-youre-traveling-internationally-with-kids">7 Things You Must Know if You're Traveling Internationally With Kids</a> &mdash; Meals can be challenging unless your kids are adventurous eaters. Prepare their palates by visiting local restaurants with foods from the countries you will travel to. [Parenting Squad]</p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/amy-lu">Amy Lu</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/best-money-tips-easy-habits-for-better-relationships">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/spice-up-the-conversation-by-skipping-what-do-you-do">Spice Up the Conversation by Skipping &quot;What Do You Do?&quot;</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-is-suffering-from-burnout">How to Deal When Your Spouse is Suffering From Burnout</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-be-happy-and-married-24-tips-from-a-24-year-old-marriage">How to Be Happy and Married: 24 Tips from a 24-Year-Old Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/15-things-most-people-screw-up-when-meeting-the-parents">15 Things Most People Screw Up When Meeting the Parents</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/stop-losing-your-stuff-with-these-6-simple-tricks">Stop Losing Your Stuff With These 6 Simple Tricks</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Life Hacks best money tips relationships Thu, 10 Dec 2015 20:00:04 +0000 Amy Lu 1619179 at http://www.wisebread.com Make These 6 Relationship Moves Now or You'll Regret It in 20 Years http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_000032796334.jpg" alt="Couple making relationship moves now before they regret it " title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>There's no science to relationships. That said, communication is key to keeping you and your significant other together and happy in the face of everyday setbacks. If the goal is to grow old together in matching rocking chairs, then make these six relationship moves or you'll regret it in 20 years. (See also: <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together?ref=seealso">Avoid These 5 Pitfalls When Moving in Together</a>)</p> <h2>1. Speak Up and Say No</h2> <p>Being assertive with your wants and needs is just as important as being compassionate and considerate of your partner's needs. This goes for both big and small topics: You don't like carnations, but you keep getting them on your birthday. You grin and bear it through <em>The Big Bang Theory, </em>because it's their favorite show. Your partner wants kids and you don't. Your partner wants a house in their home state someday and you don't want to move. This is also true with intimacy preferences. If you've tried something in bed enough times to know you don't like it, speak up &mdash; sexual incompatibility is a chief cause for many breakups and divorces. It's better to address it now.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: A sense of obligation to do something you don't like. If it goes long enough, resentment and hostility will bubble up to the surface. Your partner will also be upset, because you didn't articulate your wants and needs in the first place.</p> <h2>2. Delete Your Dating Apps</h2> <p>We all know someone in a relationship who still flips through OKCupid and Match, or swipes through Tinder or Grindr after a beer or two. Why are you still there? If you don't think the relationship is working out, then it might be time to end it. Most people in a committed relationship would expect their partners to at least ignore those websites and unsubscribe to their emails. At the end of the day, you put yourself in a position that calls your trustworthiness into question.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: Possibly unwarranted accusations of cheating. If you're not in an open or poly relationship, you could lose your partner's trust.</p> <h2>3. Schedule Date Nights</h2> <p>Ugh, date nights, right? They sound as if they would suck the romance out of your currently stable and happy relationship. However, after a few years, there's always a slump. Every couple faces it and wonders, <em>are we still in love</em>? You get so comfortable that you forget to celebrate each other and the love that you share. Ideally, couples would automatically set aside one night per week (or at least per month) as a special date night. It could be any date ritual that is important to you. It's fun to dress up a little and go somewhere to show each other off.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: Boredom, loneliness, and the dreaded &quot;We never go anywhere!&quot; fights.</p> <h2>4. Sort Out Your Finances Together</h2> <p>No one likes doing this. Instead, we make assumptions and hope for the best until a surprise comes our way. This is a recipe for disaster if you're planning to be in a relationship for the long haul with someone. Even if you aren't married, you should be upfront about debt, savings goals, budgets, and spending habits. Be willing to share and take advice from each other. If anyone has a decent chance at helping you improve your finances, it's a loving partner who shares your goals.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: The unwelcome surprise that your partner has $100,000 in student loan debt, which will exacerbate the already stressful fights over spending, bills, and savings down the road.</p> <h2>5. Share a Hobby</h2> <p>It's always a good idea to share activities that remind you why you liked each other in the first place. Do you both collect art? Do you both enjoy hunting? Do you both want to learn a skill? Find an affordable and fun thing that you can enjoy together on a basic level, as <em>friends.</em> Because friendship is the solid base of any romantic relationship. Share opinions and help each other grow at your chosen skill. This might sound like a recreational &quot;elective,&quot; but consider how much closer sharing a passion or collaborating toward a goal could bring you together.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: Lack of shared purpose beyond the household, which can lead to resentment and estrangement. Or, having fights about one partner being &quot;too into&quot; a hobby that excludes the other.</p> <h2>6. Know When It's Over</h2> <p>There are a myriad of reasons why you could want to end a relationship. Perhaps your life goals don't mesh, or one of you won't go to couple's therapy, or you're no longer having sex. If something is a dealbreaker for you, you have to declare it as such. If you've already talked through your needs in an open and compassionate way many times before, with no results, you need the courage to end the relationship, because it's what's best for both of you. Don't hang on waiting for a force majeure to occur. That's how people remain in relationships with abusive or emotionally absent partners. No one deserves that.</p> <p><strong>What this prevents</strong>: Feeling trapped in a stagnant, unloving, or toxic relationship for years.</p> <p><em>What are you doing to keep your relationship fresh and strong for the long haul?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/amanda-meadows">Amanda Meadows</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-4"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/10-relationship-rules-you-should-be-breaking">10 Relationship Rules You Should Be Breaking</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together">Avoid These 5 Pitfalls When Moving in Together</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/happily-ever-after-how-to-stay-married-for-29-years-and-counting">Happily Ever After: How to Stay Married for 29 Years (and Counting)</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/flashback-friday-104-sweet-ways-to-celebrate-valentines-day">Flashback Friday: 104 Sweet Ways to Celebrate Valentine&#039;s Day</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/9-reasons-alone-time-is-good-for-your-soul">9 Reasons Alone Time Is Good For Your Soul</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Development advice Dating love relationships tips Wed, 28 Oct 2015 15:15:19 +0000 Amanda Meadows 1601081 at http://www.wisebread.com Avoid These 5 Pitfalls When Moving in Together http://www.wisebread.com/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/couple_fighting_000051175734.jpg" alt="Couple trying to avoid relationship pitfalls when moving in together" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Moving in with the person you love is a huge step! In fact, it's so huge that we get too swept up in the excitement to really look at the gritty details. These are five things you should never do when moving in together.</p> <h2>1. Don't Avoid Organizing Your Stuff Before the Move</h2> <p>This is one of the most useful things you can do to avoid fights about belongings down the line. You must be willing to self-edit (and to help your partner self-edit) before schlepping all your stuff into a new place where it may not all fit. Clean house and decide which items of yours are most important to keep, so you can make room for the new items you'll acquire as a cohabiting couple.</p> <p>Remember these key categories: Keep, Sell, Donate, and Toss. Keep items such as any clothing you have actually worn in the past year, or big ticket furniture items you can't spare. Sell items of some value that are either redundant or no longer needed. Donate items like new clothing you haven't worn in the last year, shoes, books, and anything not worth taking time to <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/the-5-best-things-to-buy-or-sell-on-craigslist">sell on Craigslist</a> or a yard sale. Toss pretty much everything else! Let your partner have a veto option.</p> <h2>2. Don't Reject Your Significant Other's Red Flags</h2> <p>This can range from extremely small to extremely big issues. To some, a loud snore could potentially be a deal breaker; but harboring an addiction to pills could go undetected for years before finally moving in with someone. It comes down to how well you know each other. What are your partner's triggers and soft spots, and will you be able to work around them? </p> <p>For some, a series of talks is all you need to answer questions like, &quot;How will our work schedules mesh?&quot; Or, &quot;Can we share a bedroom or do we need separate spaces as well?&quot; Or, &quot;Who will be in charge of the bills?&quot;</p> <p>There are also elephants in the room that you must address. For example: If your significant other has a child, you will need to be a part of the child's life. Is that something you're ready to do?</p> <p>Another example: If your partner has a disability, how will it affect your responsibilities to them and the home?</p> <p>Maybe you're the one with a lot red flags. Don't react defensively &ndash; deeply consider your partner's needs and decide if they are workable for you. You can't just hope it will all fall into place.</p> <h2>3. Don't Assume Finances Will Work Themselves Out</h2> <p>Finances are the largest source of stress and arguments in every household. Yours will not be an exception. While you're not legally obligated to each other's money, you do need to share some pertinent information with your significant other before you set up your household system. <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-life-mistakes-you-need-to-stop-making-by-30">Are you in massive debt</a>? Are you terrible at managing bills?</p> <p>If you're the organized one who has their bills set up on auto-pay, you're probably going to be the one to shepherd the other into a better system. Try setting up an automatic monthly transfer from your partner's bank account to yours to ensure you get their share of the rent and bills on time. Don't think of this as babysitting; think of this as an investment of your time and expertise into avoiding future fights when the lights suddenly get shut-off!</p> <h2>4. Don't Let One Person Do All the Housework</h2> <p>This is a tough one that inevitably happens to most new couples. Whoever gets sick of staring at the unending tower of dirty dishes first is ultimately the one who cleans them. That's not fair, but it's really easy to get stuck into imbalanced patterns like this when living together.</p> <p>Have a discussion, before moving in, about housekeeping equality. Who takes out the trash? Who does the dishes? (Hint: if you don't own a dishwasher, I suggest it's whoever didn't cook the meal.) Who fixes the bookcase when it starts to teeter? These are tasks that have nothing to do with gender or who earns more money. It's usually whoever can do it with the least amount of goading. If neither of you wants to clean, agree to split the cost of a monthly cleaning service and never fight about dusting again.</p> <h2>5. Don't Pretend You're Married</h2> <p>This is a hard one. Many people see shacking up as a stepping stone to marriage, and for many, it is. This is a great time to test each other's willingness to compromise, generosity with belongings, and emotional, sexual, and financial compatibility on an everyday level. This is all invaluable.</p> <p>But it doesn't mean that you're married. Avoid forming unhealthy, codependent habits with him or her. Your stuff doesn't belong to your partner, nor theirs to you. You have a choice in every decision that doesn't necessarily have to include your partner. You can hang in there and try to make a relationship work, but you can always leave if it isn't going well. That's the whole point, isn't it?</p> <p><em>Did you fall into any of these traps when you moved in with a significant other?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/amanda-meadows">Amanda Meadows</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-7"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/heres-how-much-life-in-the-big-city-will-cost-you">Here&#039;s How Much Life in the Big City Will Cost You</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years">Make These 6 Relationship Moves Now or You&#039;ll Regret It in 20 Years</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/10-tips-for-balancing-love-and-money">10 Tips for Balancing Love and Money</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/10-relationship-rules-you-should-be-breaking">10 Relationship Rules You Should Be Breaking</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/flashback-friday-104-sweet-ways-to-celebrate-valentines-day">Flashback Friday: 104 Sweet Ways to Celebrate Valentine&#039;s Day</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Frugal Living Personal Development Dating finance housing living arrangements moving moving in relationships Mon, 12 Oct 2015 17:00:44 +0000 Amanda Meadows 1586180 at http://www.wisebread.com 6 Things to Never Do When Sharing Finances http://www.wisebread.com/6-things-to-never-do-when-sharing-finances <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/6-things-to-never-do-when-sharing-finances" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_piggybank_000055685026.jpg" alt="Couple learning what no to do when sharing finances" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Getting married or moving in together implies that you're ready to share your life and living space with another person. It also usually means sharing finances.</p> <p>Merging your income with your partner's is by far one of the fastest ways to upgrade your lifestyle. If you were struggling to make ends meet on your own, you might finally have a chance to get ahead &mdash; or at least catch up. But while combining your incomes and sharing finances has its benefits, success is all in how you approach the plan.</p> <p>Every couple has to come up with a strategy that works for them. There are no hard-and-fast rules, and a system that works well for one couple might not work for another. To give yourself a fighting chance of striking the right balance, here are six things you should never do when sharing finances.</p> <h2>1. Don't Think an Even Split Is Always the Answer</h2> <p>Some people think a 50/50 split is the most reasonable and simplest way to share finances, like when couples open a joint account and then contribute equal amounts toward their shared expenses. Sounds pretty fair, right? Except 50/50 isn't also an equitable solution, and it really depends on how much you earn in comparison to your partner.</p> <p>An even-split might work if you and your partner earn roughly the same salary. But if one person earns considerably more than the other, an even-split can create an unfair balance, where one has a lot of disposable income, and the other can't keep his or her head above water. Before you can share finances, you have to discuss what's coming in and what's going out (including what each person spends on personal expenses). With everything on the table and all your expenses written down, you might conclude as a couple that a 50/50 split isn't realistic and choose a different approach, perhaps a 60/40 split or another breakdown that works for you.</p> <h2>2. Don't Lie About How Much You Owe</h2> <p>You need to be perfectly honest about how much you owe before sharing finances; this isn't the time to be embarrassed about your <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-personal-finance-lessons-women-learn-in-their-30s">credit card debt</a>. Coming up with a system that works requires that both of you are upfront about personal expenses. Sugarcoating your debt and saying you owe less than you actually do can throw off the entire household. And if you're hiding monthly payments, your partner might eventually question where your extra money goes.</p> <p>Furthermore, lying about debt can destroy the financial trust in the relationship. In my opinion this is something that should be discussed when the relationship gets serious &mdash; not just when you've decided to open a joint account. If you're talking engagement, you should also be talking about your financial past &mdash; bottom line. Not the most romantic of subjects, granted, but still necessary.</p> <h2>3. Don't Lie About How Much You Earn</h2> <p>Understating how much you earn can also break the financial trust between you and your partner just like lying about how much you owe. If you're splitting expenses based on your incomes, don't lie and say you earn less than you do to avoid paying your fair share of the expenses. You might be able to get away with this lie for a bit, but your partner will most likely uncover the deceit. The truth will eventually come out if you apply for a mortgage together and have to disclose your accurate income, or if you decide to file a joint tax return down the road.</p> <h2>4. Don't Give One Person Control of the Money</h2> <p>It doesn't matter who's better with money, it's important for both of you to have an active role in managing shared finances. Putting one person in complete control of the money is dangerous and can trigger a financial imbalance. If it's easier for one person to write all the checks, fine. Just make sure you both have an accurate picture of the finances, and no one should be left in the dark. Don't wait until your credit score tanks to question whether your partner is making on-time payments. Both of you need access to the checkbooks and online accounts so you always know what's going on with your money.</p> <h2>5. Don't Forget to Leave a Buffer</h2> <p>Dollar signs probably will pop into your head after moving in together and combining your incomes. But just because you now have a combined household income of $70,000 doesn't mean you should spend $70,000 a year. Whether you're paying your own way or sharing expenses, never live at your max. Instead, think about how you can live off half or 3/4 of your combined income and plan to save the rest. This can help you build a sizable cash cushion for yourselves, and you wouldn't have to worry about living paycheck-to-paycheck.</p> <p>Since money is one of the biggest causes of arguments in a relationship, this strategy can help keep those at bay if both of you are on the same page and committed to your partnership's financial success.</p> <h2>6. Don't Immediately Share Credit Cards</h2> <p>Sharing finances doesn't mean you have to share everything &mdash; at least not immediately. You also need to protect yourself financially. So before applying for a credit card together or adding your partner's name to your credit card, seriously consider his or her shopping habits. When you share a credit card with your partner, you're just as responsible for debt he or she incurs. And if you let your partner borrow your credit card, you're ultimately responsible for any and all charges on this account. Sharing a credit card isn't the worst thing in the world, just make sure you're both willing to take responsibility for the balance, regardless of who charges what.</p> <p><em>Do you have more suggestions on what not to do when sharing finances? Let me know in the comments below.</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-things-to-never-do-when-sharing-finances">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-2"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/3-simple-ways-to-split-bills-with-your-spouse">3 Simple Ways to Split Bills With Your Spouse</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/could-a-divorce-improve-your-finances">Could a Divorce Improve Your Finances?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-i-learned-about-money-after-getting-married">8 Things I Learned About Money After Getting Married</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-navigate-3-common-money-arguments-with-your-significant-other">How to Navigate 3 Common Money Arguments With Your Significant Other</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Finance marriage moving in together relationships sharing finances sharing money splitting bills Fri, 02 Oct 2015 11:00:29 +0000 Mikey Rox 1573086 at http://www.wisebread.com How Much Should You Actually Be Spending on a Date? http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-should-you-actually-be-spending-on-a-date <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/how-much-should-you-actually-be-spending-on-a-date" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_balloons_000043029394.jpg" alt="Couple learning how much to spend on a date" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Going on a date at the end of a long week can be the perfect stress reliever. However, when you're spending half of what you're making trying to impress your date, you'll just go broke and regret every penny you spent. Fortunately, we've found some ways for you to figure out how much you should splurge this weekend &mdash; and how to get the most out of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/find-love-with-these-fun-and-cheap-first-date-ideas">every date night opportunity</a>.</p> <h2>1. Know What the Average Person Spends</h2> <p>Your paycheck should govern how much you can afford. Cosmopolitan found that men spend about $80 on a first date, on average. Other sources suggest that the typical person spends between $50&ndash;$100 on date night, occurring on average once a month. However, according to Match.com, 58% of women don't even want an expensive date.</p> <h2>2. Shell Out a Bit More on Your First Date</h2> <p>A first date is different than every date that follows. Spending freely on your first date is a great way to show your date that you are serious, but it doesn't mean that you need to continue spending the same amount on future dates. After all, you don't want to be too frugal on the first date, which can make you seem cheap. On the other hand, if you tend to have a lot of first dates, you may want to rein in your spending.</p> <h2>3. Budget for Special Occasions</h2> <p>Special occasions like Valentine's Day and Christmas will have higher associated price tags. If you decide to go on a date during one of these expensive holidays, you can expect to spend more. In fact, some restaurants will even offer a special holiday menu, with more expensive entrees. Plan your budget proactively if you intend on spending more lavishly on special occasions.</p> <h2>4. Consider Your Location</h2> <p>Dating in Los Angeles, New York, Boston, Washington DC, and other large cities will cost you more. This is especially the case when you factor in the cost of public transportation, tipping, and the higher cost of food and entertainment in these large cities. You will have to take into account where you live when you are coming up with a budget for the weekend.</p> <h2>5. Set Personal Rules</h2> <p>The best way to limit your spending is to set rules for yourself. For instance, you can decide that you won't spend more than $20 on a weeknight date, but can spend up to $50 on a weekend date. The only way to determine how much to spend is to take into account your personal finances, income, and what you feel comfortable spending. The last thing you want to do is run up high credit card bills just trying to impress your date.</p> <h2>6. Have Fun Without the Expense</h2> <p>A simple way to reduce your spending would simply be to limit how often you go out. However, if you budget well and take advantage of affordable (or free) dates, then you can go out much more often. Casual dates (such as lunch dates) are more affordable, allowing you to go out more often. They are also more laid back, so you can get to know your date better.</p> <p>We have also found some of the best ways to impress your date for less than $20, so you can take them out whenever you have time (instead of whenever you have money):</p> <ul> <li>Book a free tour;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Rent a pair of bikes;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Find a great rooftop hangout;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Go to a food, film, music, or art festival;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Research your local area on Yelp or online to find cheap, highly rated places near you;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Use Groupon, Living Social, Amazon Deals, and Yelp Deals to find deals for food, shopping, and events near you;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Take advantage of free dates, like hiking or a day at the beach;</li> </ul> <ul> <li>Show off your cooking skills instead of dining out.</li> </ul> <h2>7. Make It About the Experience</h2> <p>Try not to let your feelings for your date cloud your judgment on how much you should spend. Just because they're worth a million bucks doesn't mean you should spend that. You should find a partner that is worth your time, not just your money. Then, the price tag won't seem so important.</p> <p>Going for coffee and dessert won't cost you more than $20 and can set the stage for a romantic experience and healthy conversation. Remember, your date is not about a price tag; it's about the experience shared. Spending lots of money on the date isn't important. What is important is that you work to create a memorable experience for you both that will help strengthen your future relationship.</p> <p><em>How do you determine how much you should spend on your date? Please share your thoughts in the comments!</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/andrea-cannon">Andrea Cannon</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-much-should-you-actually-be-spending-on-a-date">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-1"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/spice-up-the-conversation-by-skipping-what-do-you-do">Spice Up the Conversation by Skipping &quot;What Do You Do?&quot;</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/7-surprising-ways-summer-will-cost-you">7 Surprising Ways Summer Will Cost You</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/flashback-friday-143-fun-and-frugal-ways-to-spend-your-weekend">Flashback Friday: 143 Fun and Frugal Ways to Spend Your Weekend</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/4-ways-millennials-are-changing-marriage">4 Ways Millennials Are Changing Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/8-things-you-can-do-in-denver-that-you-cant-do-anywhere-else">8 Things You Can Do in Denver That You Can&#039;t Do Anywhere Else</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Entertainment Lifestyle date night Dating frugal fun going out relationships Wed, 23 Sep 2015 17:00:25 +0000 Andrea Cannon 1567470 at http://www.wisebread.com 6 Ways Regular Budget Meetings Might Save Your Marriage http://www.wisebread.com/6-ways-regular-budget-meetings-might-save-your-marriage <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/6-ways-regular-budget-meetings-might-save-your-marriage" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/couple_budgeting_000047207918.jpg" alt="Couple having regular budget meetings to save their marriage" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Your spouse just spent $700 on a new laptop, without checking in with you first. Or maybe you're the culprit, racking up $250 of new credit card purchases last month that weren't in your household budget.</p> <p>Whoever is at fault, such unexpected financial missteps are a leading source of tension in any relationship. But there is a way to eliminate these unwanted financial surprises: regular budget meetings between you and your partner.</p> <p>Holding a weekly or monthly budget meeting doesn't sound like the best way to spend an evening. But such meetings are important. Regular budget meetings can help couples stay on track when it comes to paying off debt, building savings, and stowing away dollars for retirement.</p> <p>&quot;I find that couples who get along the best financially speaking are those who communicate openly and freely when it comes to their finances,&quot; said Kevin Murphy, senior financial services consultant with McGraw-Hill Federal Credit Union in East Windsor, New Jersey. &quot;Couples should discuss their goals and set a plan together.&quot;</p> <p>Married couples argue about a host of subjects. But <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/heres-how-delaying-marriage-or-kids-saves-you-money">financial matters</a> often top the list, which is why a regular budget meeting can make your marriage a happier one. These money meetings increase the odds that you and your partner will be working toward the same financial goals, and that one or both of you won't be overspending on a regular basis.</p> <p>The best news? These budget meetings don't have to be unpleasant. Here are some tips on holding successful budget meetings.</p> <h2>1. Set a Regular Time</h2> <p>Agree to hold your household budget meetings at a regular time, whether it's every Thursday night, every two weeks, or once a month. If you don't schedule your budget meetings as you would any other appointment, life will get in the way. If you're like most couples, you'll sit down to a Netflix movie and blow off the money meeting. Try to aim for meeting once a week or, at the least, once a month.</p> <h2>2. Give Them a Time Limit</h2> <p>Your partner might imagine a budget meeting lasting into the wee hours of the evening as you both pore over every credit card purchase and ATM withdrawal. No one wants to talk money for hours. Instead, put a set time limit on your regular budget meetings, perhaps limiting the meeting to a maximum of one hour. If you meet frequently enough, 60 minutes should be more than enough time to go over your household finances.</p> <h2>3. No Blame Game</h2> <p>Some people are better at sticking to a budget. That's a fact. Partners who make those extra purchases every month might shy away from budget meetings because they don't want to be lectured for an entire hour on their recent financial missteps. Refrain from using budget meetings to blame each other for financial setbacks. Instead, use the time to craft a budget that works for everyone. If your partner is regularly blowing the budget, ask what you both can do to resolve the problem.</p> <h2>4. Make It Realistic</h2> <p>Maybe your partner overspends each month because your household budget is too tight, and doesn't leave any room for fun or unnecessary purchases. Use your regular meetings to tweak your budget so that it works for your household. A household budget is always a work-in-progress. It's okay, and even advisable, to make regular changes to it. If your household budget isn't working, use your meetings to adjust it so that it does.</p> <h2>5. Come Prepared</h2> <p>You'll need actual numbers to hold a successful budget meeting. So print out credit card statements, bank statements, and other important documents. Bring bills that need to be paid in the next several days, too. Armed with this information, you and your partner can make the best financial decisions for the weeks ahead.</p> <h2>6. Eliminate the Distractions</h2> <p>It's not easy holding a budget meeting when your kids are asking for snacks or your dog is whining for a walk. Finish the household chores before your budget meeting. You want a quiet block of time so you can focus. If your meeting is interrupted by too many distractions, you'll be tempted to cut it short before you address your family's most important financial matters.</p> <p><em>Do you and your partner hold regular budget meetings?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/dan-rafter">Dan Rafter</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-ways-regular-budget-meetings-might-save-your-marriage">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-2"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/could-a-divorce-improve-your-finances">Could a Divorce Improve Your Finances?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-questions-couples-should-ask-in-the-money-talk">5 Questions Couples Should Ask in the Money Talk</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-love-not-money-sort-of">Make Love, Not Money (Sort Of)</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-worst-mistakes-good-spouses-make">5 Worst Mistakes Good Spouses Make</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Budgeting Personal Development marriage meetings money relationships spouse Fri, 21 Aug 2015 15:00:33 +0000 Dan Rafter 1526967 at http://www.wisebread.com 11 Signs You Need to Dump Your Friend http://www.wisebread.com/11-signs-you-need-to-dump-your-friend <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/11-signs-you-need-to-dump-your-friend" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/woman_arguing_friend_000056429574.jpg" alt="Woman realizing it&#039;s time to dump her friend" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Having good friends is an important piece of the lifestyle puzzle. For some of us, <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/10-types-of-friends-who-are-costing-you-money">our friends</a> are closer to us than our family members, and we share much of our life's up and downs with them.</p> <p>Not all &quot;friends&quot; are the same, however. Every once in a while you come across an individual who seems benign in the beginning, but eventually reveals himself to be a devil in disguise. (Or just, you know, isn't a great fit for you.) Here are some of the signs that you're keeping bunk company.</p> <h2>1. They're Talking Smack Behind Your Back</h2> <p>Gutter-dwelling gossip was par for the course in high school, but now that you're a real-life adult it shouldn't have any place in your life. &quot;Frenemies&quot; might sound fun in theory &mdash; the people on TV are having a great time stabbing each other in the back between air kisses, after all &mdash; but it's an immature status to put on your relationships. If you suspect that a friend is tarnishing your good name, confront them. Maybe it's a misunderstanding you both can get past. If it's not a case of miscommunication but rather one of Mean Girl/Boy-itis, accept the situation for what it is and kick Regina George to the curb.</p> <h2>2. They Don't Invite You to Do Anything</h2> <p>I'm speaking from experience on this one, and it became such a chronic situation with several people when I'd invite them to parties, events, and on dates with no reciprocation that I had to do major friend housekeeping (and a bit of soul-searching) a few years ago to remedy it.</p> <p>My &quot;Aha!&quot; moment stemmed from an annual holiday party I used to host at my home in Manhattan. I'd invite everyone &mdash; friends, colleagues, acquaintances &mdash; and we'd have a blast drinking, eating, and laughing all night long. While I didn't mind not hearing much from colleagues and acquaintances frequently (we weren't &quot;friends,&quot; so I couldn't expect much), I did expect some level of return friendship from those who I thought were, well, my friends.</p> <p>Outside of the holiday party, I'd invite them over for game and movie nights, we'd go out to brunch or a movie, and I'd lend a hand when needed. Yet, I was rarely-to-never invited to the things they were doing that they proudly posted all over social media. Of course my feelings were hurt, and the pain evolved into anger. They didn't mind drinking my booze and eating my food and using my free movie coupons, but I wasn't good enough to think about otherwise. Thus, I had to make a conscious decision to cut those people out of my life if only to stop feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, it sucked, but I'm much more content with the quality of people I have in my life now opposed to the quantity I had back then.</p> <h2>3. They're Not There for You When You Need Them</h2> <p>Friends not inviting you to do things is a red flag for sure, but friends not being there for you when you need them most is a three-alarm fire that needs to be extinguished immediately.</p> <p>&quot;Having close friends is not just about having fun together but also supporting each other when times are tough,&quot; says John Boese, founder of friend-making social media site&nbsp;<a href="http://www.gofindfriends.com">GoFindFriends</a>. &quot;Great relationships involve both friends supporting each other in times of need. If the relationship feels one-sided, look for someone who wants to build a real relationship that will last through good times and bad.&quot;</p> <p>The rough times are the ones where you'll find out who your true friends are, as they say. If you wanted a particular presence and that person purposefully wasn't around, bury that broken friendship with whatever tragedy you just went through. Time to move on.</p> <h2>4. They Don't Respect Agreements or Boundaries</h2> <p>It may seem like an innocent oversight when a friend borrows something of yours and &quot;forgets&quot; to return it, but if it's a consistent problem, the issue should be addressed. Same goes for crossed boundaries. Did your friend push too far without so much as an apology? Nip that problem in the bud, too.</p> <p>&quot;During any kind of relationship, boundaries become established by both parties communicating what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior,&quot; says Ilianna Luna, licensed marriage and family therapist. &quot;A friend will know your likes and dislikes, and if he or she hurts you by doing something you don't like &mdash; and does nothing to make amends &mdash; it's time to speak up and let him or her know you don't want that kind of friendship.&quot;</p> <h2>5. They're Emotionally Draining</h2> <p>Ever had a friend that you started to avoid because every time you're with that person the conversation is so emotionally draining that you wish God would invent a whiskey swimming pool?</p> <p>Rest assured, we all have one of those. Dr. Ben Michaelis, clinical psychologist and author of the book&nbsp;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1440540764/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1440540764&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=T7ELL6G5QBWHFWMT">Your Next Big Thing: 10 Small Steps to Get Moving and Get Happy</a>, offers advice.</p> <p>&quot;None of us wants to see friends and family as having a negative influence on our lives, but if they are holding us back from being truly happy and fulfilled, we need to take a hard look at the role they play,&quot; he says. &quot;Be honest with yourself and take a look at the relationships that may not be right for you, or which you may have outgrown. You can't force or expect your friends and family to change, but you can make choices about who you choose to let into your life.&quot;</p> <h2>6. They're Overly Critical of You</h2> <p>There's an old saying that implies that we're our own worst critics (I know I am) &mdash; so why the heck would we want somebody else judging us? Nerp. Turn that harsh bus around, anti-friend.</p> <p>&quot;An occasional constructive comment is fine, but friends who constantly make you feel bad about yourself are not worth your time,&quot; Boese says. &quot;If they often criticize you for how you act, look, or how you choose to live your life, then it's probably best to find someone who is more supportive.&quot;</p> <h2>7. They're Jealous of Your Life</h2> <p>You think you've made a great new friend, but before you know it she's living in your house, breastfeeding your newborn baby, putting the moves on your husband, framing your handyman, and plotting the murder of your bestie in the greenhouse. Okay, so that's the plot of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/6305213305/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=6305213305&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=JR7P37AY7GBBZMSF">The Hand That Rocks the Cradle</a>, but if you're not careful the same scenario could totally happen to you.</p> <p>If you suspect that there's an unhealthy jealousy between you and a friend, it's time to back away from that friendship. There's very little you can do to make that person not jealous (notwithstanding the fact that it's totally creeper to be jealous of a friend in the first place, of course), and it could get ugly down the line. You don't want to have to push the weirdo off the roof, do you? Back away from the friendship slowly and say so long.</p> <h2>8. They Have a &quot;Me-Me-Me&quot; Attitude</h2> <p>&quot;Some people seem to make everything about themselves,&quot; Boese says. &quot;Your conversations always end up focusing on them and you may even struggle to get a word in while they're speaking. This can lead to an unequal relationship where you're getting out of it much less than you're putting in. It's best to find someone who understands the give-and-take of building a strong, lasting relationship.&quot;</p> <p>Alas, Luna offers a more congenial way of handling people with SPD or Selfish Personality Disorder (not a realdisorder, but it is).</p> <p>&quot;When one friend constantly takes from the relationship but gives nothing back, it becomes a breeding ground for resentment and back-stabbing,&quot; she says. &quot;In all fairness, you should let the person know they have hijacked the friendship and give them a chance to change. They may not know they are doing it. If you bring it up in a non-threatening way and the friend continues disregarding your thoughts and feelings, it's time to end it.&quot;</p> <h2>9. They Court the Kind of Drama Fit for Primetime TV</h2> <p>I'm gonna be honest and tell you that I sort of wish I lived in a world where <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00T6KIK4S/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=B00T6KIK4S&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=75YTM3LBVBEBY7JO">Empire</a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=as_li_ss_tl?_encoding=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;fst=as%3Aoff&amp;keywords=Dallas&amp;linkCode=ur2&amp;qid=1433516884&amp;rh=n%3A2625373011%2Cp_n_format_browse-bin%3A2650304011%2Ck%3ADallas&amp;rnid=2941120011&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=BKQE3I3BYOQ4M75E">Dallas</a> were real and all the boys wanted to date me. But unless you're bringing the kind of hotness to the table that makes platinum records spin and/or oil derricks explode all over Texas, save the drama for your mama. Personally, I've never had any patience for premature Emmy Award winners with no TV credits whose hashtags are always &quot;epic&quot; because they're having the WORST. DAY. EVER. Do yourself a favor and exit stage left if you've got a Monday morning thespian bringing you down.</p> <h2>10. They're a Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire</h2> <p>One the best things about being a self-sufficient adult in my 30s is that I don't have to lie to any of my friends (or anyone else, for that matter). I'm not responsible for anyone, I'm not accountable to anyone, and I generally live my life as a grown-up dude who doesn't care what anybody thinks about what I say or do &mdash; because I alone pay my bills. In summary, I won't blow smoke up your bum, because it's absolutely unnecessary.</p> <p>It's also unnecessary for you to accept lies from your friends. It's a juvenile practice common among kids (hopefully that will put things into perspective), or those who have something to hide. While I don't expect that you're hanging out with nine-year-olds, if you happen to have somebody in your life who's lying to you, I suggest getting to the root of the problem right away. Perhaps there's a good reason (embarrassment is an acceptable reason for someone to lie in my book; I can at least understand that point of view) for which you can forgive them. Just don't let your guard down completely and forgive willy-nilly.</p> <h2>11. They Use You for What You Can Give Them</h2> <p>There are two reasons I've identified that compel people to hang out with me other than just being friends. The first is that I work in media, so I'm often invited to cool events and receive neat products to try; people like that. I also have a house on the Jersey Shore, very close to the beach, and people like that, too. I don't mind sharing these perks of my life with them &mdash; I like seeing my friends smile &mdash; but I also don't let either of those reasons define our friendship.</p> <p>If I get even an inkling that I'm being used, that person is shown the door, sometimes quite literally.</p> <p><em>Are there other signs that we need to a dump a friend that you'd like to add? Let me know in the comments below.</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/11-signs-you-need-to-dump-your-friend">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-5"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/friends-and-goals-dont-let-a-blue-falcon-bring-you-down">Friends and Goals: Don&#039;t Let a Blue Falcon Bring You Down</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-ways-to-be-a-better-friend-without-any-effort">6 Ways to Be a Better Friend Without Any Effort</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/12-things-you-need-to-stop-doing-today-to-be-a-better-friend">12 Things You Need to Stop Doing Today to Be a Better Friend</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years">Make These 6 Relationship Moves Now or You&#039;ll Regret It in 20 Years</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/fixing-mistakes-7-steps-for-any-situation">Fixing Mistakes: 7 Steps for Any Situation</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Development friends lifestyle maturity moving on relationships Thu, 25 Jun 2015 11:00:16 +0000 Mikey Rox 1462285 at http://www.wisebread.com How to Deal When Your Spouse is Suffering From Burnout http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-is-suffering-from-burnout <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-is-suffering-from-burnout" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_sunset_000041204266.jpg" alt="Woman and man who is suffering from burnout" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>Burnout can be brutal. It kills your productivity, it makes you feel stressed all the time, it leaves you exhausted and detached, and it can make you question whether you have ever or will ever do anything of value.</p> <p>It's bad enough to find yourself in such a state, but it can be as bad or worse to find someone you love there. When that person is your spouse, someone you love deeply and with whom you are walking through life, it can cause all sorts of difficult feelings.</p> <p>You don't have to get stuck there, though. There are good ways to support yourself and your spouse when he or she is walking through a season of burnout.</p> <h2>1. Recognize It</h2> <p>Burnout can be misdiagnosed as depression (which often goes alongside it), anxiety, and other disorders. At its most basic, burnout is <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201311/the-tell-tale-signs-burnout-do-you-have-them">a state of chronic stress</a> that, over time, leads to a whole host of other symptoms. Depression and anxiety can be part of those, but stress is at the core in burnout.</p> <p>Learn to recognize when your spouse is stressed. Different people respond differently to stressors, but you are in a position to know how your spouse responds. When you see this sort of stress over a period of time, tell your spouse what you have observed. If you can't do that, recognize that burnout may be on the horizon.</p> <h2>2. Don't Panic</h2> <p>Having someone close to you experience burnout can be terrifying. When they lose productivity, when it takes them forever to do something they once did easily, like write an e-mail or empty the dishwasher, it's easy to wonder if that person you love will ever come back, or if this is your new normal.</p> <p>When these feelings come, remind yourself that they are normal but that you don't need to panic. Burnout is serious, but it is a condition that rest and wise counsel can do much to alleviate. It may take a while, but your spouse will return. Hopefully, they will be happier and healthier on the other side of burnout, because they will have learned to care for themselves better.</p> <h2>3. Get Support</h2> <p>Walking through a spouse's burnout isn't easy, and you will need people to walk alongside you as you offer support, if you want your marriage to survive and grow. These can be friends, relatives, or even mental health professionals. In fact, you might be best served by getting support from all three.</p> <p>You will have a lot to talk about when it comes to your spouse's burnout, and it's important that you don't put too much of that on any one person, or that you ask friends for solutions or suggestions that only counselors can give. A counselor can help you figure out what you can and cannot offer your spouse during this time, what you need to do to take care of yourself, and whether there's anything you can change in your marriage that might help your spouse. Friends and family can help you implement these ideas, and can listen to your feelings.</p> <p>Occasionally, it may be appropriate for you to seek help for your spouse, too. If he or she is so burnt out that they can't even search for a counselor or figure out what the next step is, you may need to do that for them. In the end, though, it will help your spouse to seek out their own solutions, so do as little as possible in their name. Instead, encourage them to act on their own.</p> <h2>4. Encourage Them in Positive Directions</h2> <p>What your spouse needs will depend a lot on the details of their burnout. As their spouse, you can encourage them to move toward what they need. Maybe an extended vacation would help them get the rest they need, or spending more time with friends would help them leave their stress at work. Maybe they need to join a gym or a bowling league or a reading group.</p> <p>Whatever they need, you can encourage them in that direction. That doesn't mean you sign them up for things you think might be helpful, but that you listen to them (and to their therapist, if that is appropriate) and help them remember to take steps toward rest and relaxation rather than deeper into stress.</p> <h2>5. Don't Take Responsibility</h2> <p>Even though you want to do as much as you can to help your spouse, you need to remember that neither their descent into burnout nor their recovery depends on you. You are there to be a companion, to help them walk this hard road and to walk alongside them as appropriate, but it's not your fault. They aren't burnt out because of you and their recovery isn't in your hands, either.</p> <p>If you are doing well, it will be easy to try to drag your burnt out spouse up by their bootstraps to join you. This is taking too much on yourself, though. In the end, they need to walk through this dark place and come out of it on their own. If you do it for them, they may get better but they won't really recover. The truth is, they got themselves into this place and they need to get themselves out. Being their companion will help, but being their savior will not.</p> <h2>6. Take Care of Yourself</h2> <p>Having a spouse with burnout is hard. It's stressful for you and that takes its toll. If you are not careful to alleviate that stress, you risk falling into burnout or depression yourself. So figure out what you need to do to take care of you and then do those things, which may include exercising more, sleeping a little more, or spending intentional time with your friends.</p> <p>Going through a time where your spouse is burnt out can actually strengthen your marriage. In the end, you will both be stronger people and you will know that your relationship can survive hard things. Work toward this and that time of burnout doesn't have to be wasted time.</p> <p><em>Has your spouse suffered burnout? What helped you deal?</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/sarah-winfrey">Sarah Winfrey</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-is-suffering-from-burnout">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-4"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-be-happy-and-married-24-tips-from-a-24-year-old-marriage">How to Be Happy and Married: 24 Tips from a 24-Year-Old Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/your-stressful-job-may-be-making-you-healthier">Your Stressful Job May Be… Making You Healthier?</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-ways-to-keep-anxiety-from-ruining-your-budget">5 Ways to Keep Anxiety From Ruining Your Budget</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/spice-up-the-conversation-by-skipping-what-do-you-do">Spice Up the Conversation by Skipping &quot;What Do You Do?&quot;</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-put-your-spouse-on-a-budget-without-ruining-your-marriage">How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Life Hacks anxiety burnout marriage relationships stress Mon, 04 May 2015 17:00:23 +0000 Sarah Winfrey 1410063 at http://www.wisebread.com 10 Relationship Rules You Should Be Breaking http://www.wisebread.com/10-relationship-rules-you-should-be-breaking <div class="field field-type-filefield field-field-blog-image"> <div class="field-items"> <div class="field-item odd"> <a href="/10-relationship-rules-you-should-be-breaking" class="imagecache imagecache-250w imagecache-linked imagecache-250w_linked"><img src="http://wisebread.killeracesmedia.netdna-cdn.com/files/fruganomics/imagecache/250w/blog-images/happy_couple_heart_000043736474.jpg" alt="Happy couple breaking common love and relationship rules" title="" class="imagecache imagecache-250w" width="250" height="140" /></a> </div> </div> </div> <p>I don't know what it was like to be in a serious relationship back in the day &mdash; pre-social media, I mean &mdash; but I can imagine that it was much easier than it is in 2015. So much has changed over the past 20 &mdash; heck, even 10 &mdash; years that some of the most trusted and seemingly infallible relationship rules are now all but obsolete. The new school of thought on the issue? Adapt your relationship to today, or face certain doom.</p> <p>To catch you up to speed, here's a look at some of the most prominent relationship rules of yore that you should start kickin' to the curb.</p> <h2>1. Not Going to Bed Angry</h2> <p>My parents still adhere to this rule &mdash; or at least this is a piece of advice that my mother gives me when my marriage hits a rough patch &mdash; but I don't buy it. When we first started out, we tried to resolve the issue at hand before bed, but it rarely resulted in a truce, and the more time wore on, we were just like, screw it, I'm tired, let's resume our battle stations in the morning.</p> <p>I know we're not alone.</p> <p>&quot;If you follow this rule, it could mean a lot of late nights, and nothing escalates an argument more than sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion,&quot; says Dr. Jared DeFife, a clinical psychologist and relationship coach. &quot;I see couples in my practice who feel like they have to adhere to this rule or resolve an argument right away, leading them to drawn-out disputes where nothing gets accomplished and everyone's nerves are fried. When it comes to arguments, it's ok to take a break; in fact, it might even be necessary. You can use that time to calm down, understand your emotions, and return with a level head and a more nuanced perspective.&quot;</p> <p>And hey, there's always the possibility of make-up sex in the morning!</p> <h2>2. Thinking That Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry</h2> <p>Excuse while I LOL at this one. Whatever narcissistic dude came up with this (and I'm 100% certain it was a dude) was smokin' the good stuff &mdash; and I want some. Because the truth is, sometimes we're real capital Bs to our partners, and apologies are absolutely necessary.</p> <p>&quot;Nobody's perfect,&quot; Dr. DeFife reminds us. &quot;Sometimes we're grumpy or short-tempered or do the wrong thing. The mark of a good partnership is not in never screwing up or having conflicts, but in being able to recognize those concerns and to effectively make repairs when things go awry. A well-thought through and meaningful apology can actually strengthen a relationship in areas of discontent or disconnection.&quot;</p> <p>I think I'll have that quote printed on a stack of Post-it Notes and hide them in my husband's desk.</p> <h2>3. Playing Hard to Get</h2> <p>Playing hard to get can be fun. But giving the guy or girl the runaround for an extended period of time so you can feed your own ego as they try harder and harder to get your attention also can be dangerous.</p> <p>&quot;This includes waiting an X amount of days or minutes before calling or texting, dumping men who do not initiate contact, and only scheduling activities on certain days or times of the day,&quot; explains Dr. Carolyn C. Ferreira, a licensed clinical psychologist. &quot;Playing hard to get is unattractive to both sexes, and it also prohibits people from being their real selves and expressing their true feelings, which is an overall bad way to begin a relationship.&quot;</p> <h2>4. Waiting a Set Amount of Time After a Breakup</h2> <p>Breaking up or getting a divorce can sometimes feel like somebody died. You've spent most of your time with your partner for however many months or years you were together, then all of a sudden, they're gone. If this was a serious relationship, grieving this loss is a normal emotional reaction, but you shouldn't let other people dictate how long you take to heal. Whenever you feel like you're ready to get back out there and find your next future ex, put on your going-out pants and get back in the game.</p> <p>&quot;People grieve loss at their own pace; someone may be over a divorce in a month, whereas it might take someone else six months,&quot; Dr. Ferreira says.</p> <h2>5. Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes at Home</h2> <p>My husband and I have battled with this since the day we moved in together &mdash; and we're two dudes. Speaking as a man then, it's kind of insulting when someone expects that you'll do the cooking and cleaning because that's traditionally what the female in the relationship does. Not that I mind doing it &mdash; for the most part &mdash; but I don't want it to be an expectation because I'm the smaller, more creative partner in the relationship. I still have dude parts, dude. This type of thinking applies to any scenario, and as far as I'm concerned you can take that &quot;Honeymooners&quot;<em> </em>BS and shove it.</p> <p>&quot;Adhering to household tasks based on gender roles and stereotypes should also be reconsidered by couples,&quot; adds Dr. Ferreira. &quot;Instead of completing tasks because you're the man or woman, couples should look at their strengths and weaknesses as a couple in order to decide who does what. For example, it does not make sense for the man to take care of the finances if he does not know what an Excel spreadsheet is, but his wife does because she's a business owner.&quot;</p> <p>Might be time to start shakin' things up on the homefront, eh?</p> <h2>6. Believing That Fighting Is Healthy</h2> <p>Having lovers' quarrels every now and then is okay; it's good to get issues off your chest. Screaming in each other's face on a regular basis isn't. It's wise to note too that the term &quot;fighting&quot; is relative, and it behooves you to keep your definition of it in check to avoid a dangerous downward spiral.</p> <p>&quot;There are many myths and expectations about fighting in marriage,&quot; says Dr. Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of &quot;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1598693255/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1598693255&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=UA6JX7TPBBEN43YK">Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage</a>.&quot; &quot;Couples come into my office frequently believing that fighting is a necessary part of being a couple, that all married couples fight, and it's a normal part of marriage. But the fact is that fighting accomplishes nothing, and it isn't necessary for couples to argue, to yell, or to have heated discussions to get problems solved. Hanging on to these ideas makes it difficult to let go of fighting.&quot;</p> <p>P.S. Don't ever let anybody hit you. Ever. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve it.</p> <h2>7. Searching for Your Soulmate (When You May Not Have One)</h2> <p>What if your soulmate died before you had a chance to meet? Too depressing? I'll let Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, relationship experts and co-authors of &quot;<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1627780289/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;camp=1789&amp;creative=390957&amp;creativeASIN=1627780289&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;tag=wisbre03-20&amp;linkId=WLVCALKVABMAJAMI">Partners in Passion</a>,&quot;&nbsp;explain why you may not have a soulmate in a more palatable way.</p> <p>&quot;In contemporary society, there is a very common superstition that finding one's soulmate &mdash; sometimes called a 'twin flame' &mdash; is the key to having a true pair-bond, and that in the absence of this 'other half,' no intimate relationship will be fully satisfying,&quot; Johnson and Michaels say. &quot;Two very damaging concepts are implicit in this belief: first, that there is a single, ideal partner out there in the world for every individual, and second, that people are incomplete until they find their 'other half.'&quot;</p> <p>In other words, stop holding out and start living more. You never know who you'll encounter along the way.</p> <h2>8. Accepting That Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus</h2> <p>Society &mdash; especially American culture &mdash; wants us to believe that men and women are so different that it's like we're each from separate planets. Yes, we have differences, but we also have many similarities that nobody ever seems to want to talk about because it's not interesting enough to sell 50 million books worldwide.</p> <p>&quot;We're not the first to observe that people of all genders are from Earth,&quot; Johnson and Michaels explain. &quot;Beyond that, men and women have more in common with each other than with any other creature on the planet. To make blanket generalizations is not helpful except on the most superficial level. This model builds on older myths &mdash; the concepts of 'opposite sexes' and 'the battle of the sexes' &mdash; and reconfigures them in therapeutic terms. Despite this reframing, the model is still an adversarial one, and adversarial models are not optimal for nurturing harmonious relationships or fueling sexual passion, except in very small doses. Having the sense that you're on opposing teams will only foster conflict.&quot;</p> <h2>9. Assuming That Monogamy Is Natural and Optimal</h2> <p>So I don't get in trouble down the road for providing my personal opinion on long-term relationships and monogamy, I'll let Johnson and Michaels give you theirs.</p> <p>&quot;If human biology inspires us both to form intimate pair bonds and to seek contacts outside of those bonds, then what makes for a healthy relationship is considerably more complex than dogmatic advocates of monogamy (or non monogamy for that matter) would have us believe,&quot; say the pair. &quot;At the same time, the impulse to bond deeply with another is not something that should be dismissed lightly. Our species varies a great deal, and it's a mistake to think about absolutes when it comes to monogamy and non-monogamy.&quot;</p> <h2>10. Dating Within Your Type</h2> <p>Just like I don't want all skinny, redheaded, melanin-free friends, I don't think it's very interesting to pursue a certain &quot;type&quot; of person in a romantic capacity. I've dated all types of guys &mdash; white, black, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, and Latino &mdash; and it has only served to broaden my horizons. Still, I have plenty of friends &mdash; especially the religious ones &mdash; who refuse to date outside their race or faith. To each their own of course, but I totally think they're missing out.</p> <p>Relationship expert April Masini agrees.</p> <p>&quot;One of the best ways to get out of a dating rut is to date a Republican if you're a Democrat, or someone rich if you're poor, or a creative type if you're by the book,&quot; she says. &quot;Date out of your religious or racial group. Date someone your mother wouldn't fix you up with &mdash; were you to let her. It'll shake up any rigidity you've succumbed to, and it's a great way to find love. It also expands your resources and gives you a bigger dating pool.&quot;</p> <p><em>What are some of the relationship rules that you think we should be breaking? Let me know in the comments below.</em></p> <br /><div id="custom_wisebread_footer"><div id="rss_tagline">This article is from <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/mikey-rox">Mikey Rox</a> of <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/10-relationship-rules-you-should-be-breaking">Wise Bread</a>, an award-winning personal finance and <a href="http://www.wisebread.com/credit-cards">credit card comparison</a> website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:</div><div class="view view-similarterms view-id-similarterms view-display-id-block_2 view-dom-id-5"> <div class="view-content"> <div class="item-list"> <ul> <li class="views-row views-row-1 views-row-odd views-row-first"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/make-these-6-relationship-moves-now-or-youll-regret-it-in-20-years">Make These 6 Relationship Moves Now or You&#039;ll Regret It in 20 Years</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-2 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/how-to-be-happy-and-married-24-tips-from-a-24-year-old-marriage">How to Be Happy and Married: 24 Tips from a 24-Year-Old Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-3 views-row-odd"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/avoid-these-5-pitfalls-when-moving-in-together">Avoid These 5 Pitfalls When Moving in Together</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-4 views-row-even"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/5-questions-couples-should-ask-in-the-money-talk">5 Questions Couples Should Ask in the Money Talk</a></span> </div> </li> <li class="views-row views-row-5 views-row-odd views-row-last"> <div class="views-field-title"> <span class="field-content"><a href="http://www.wisebread.com/6-ways-regular-budget-meetings-might-save-your-marriage">6 Ways Regular Budget Meetings Might Save Your Marriage</a></span> </div> </li> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </div><br/></br> Personal Development couples Dating love marriage partnership relationships rules Wed, 15 Apr 2015 13:00:09 +0000 Mikey Rox 1382352 at http://www.wisebread.com