emotional spending

Are Your Emotions Costing You Money? Take This Quiz

Tim Lemke — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 08:00:16 +0000

Building a strong financial foundation for you and your family requires discipline. It requires patience. It requires a steady mindset. But even the best of us have found ourselves spending and making financial decisions based on emotions, whether that's retail therapy, or holding off on investing due to fear of the markets. We've made decisions based on joy or comfort in the short term instead of satisfaction in the long run.

Are you letting your emotions control your finances? Answer these questions to find out.

Do you spend money when you feel sad, happy, or stressed?

You had a bad day at work, so you go on a shopping spree for new shoes. You got a promotion, so you celebrate by taking friends out to eat at a fancy restaurant. You spend money as a reaction or antidote to whatever feelings you have at a given moment, and this makes it hard to save money at a healthy rate. You don't need to treat yourself to a costly reward every time you're happy or sad. This is an easy way to fall into a dangerous emotional spending cycle. (See also: The High Cost of the "Treat Yourself" Mindset)

Have you held off on investing because you are afraid?

Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we have, and many people have never gotten started with retirement planning and investing because they are intimidated. They may find the whole process of investing to be overwhelming, or they may have a fear of asking a dumb question. Additionally, they may fear that their investments will lose money. In reality, it's best to channel fear into investing more, because not having enough money saved for retirement is a truly scary thought. (See also: 3 Steps to Getting Started in the Stock Market With Index Funds)

Have you sold investments when you realized they lost value?

We've probably all found ourselves frustrated with certain investments that have tanked, and sold them at a loss. Of course, then we've kicked ourselves when we've seen those same investments rebound in short order. It's not a good practice to be emotional when investing; the most successful investors practice discipline, patience, and steadfastness over the course of many years.

Have you ever bought something out of jealousy?

One of your closest friends just bought a big house in a nice neighborhood. Another just bought a fancy car. It can seem like other people are making out better than you, but this is no excuse to spend irresponsibly. Keeping up with the joneses is a path to financial hardship if you spend simply because you feel left out or jealous.

Do you get excited about getting a tax return?

It's an often ignored fact that if you are getting a tax refund, you've been lending money to the government interest-free all year. Remember: This was your money that you should have had all along. And yet, most people get a rush of excitement from getting a tax return. What's worse, people often treat their tax return like an unexpected windfall, and spend it frivolously. The sound, unemotional approach to taxes is to adjust your withholding so that you don't get a return at all. In fact, even owing a small amount to the IRS is OK as long as you don't pay a penalty. (See also: 10 Smart Ways I'm Spending My Tax Refund)

Have you ever sought a refund anticipation loan or payday loan?

The same psychology that governs the love of tax returns also applies to those who seek money before it's due to them. If you are seeking cash early, you may end up paying exorbitant fees or interest rates. A typical payday loan might have an annual interest rate of 400 percent, according to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. (See also: Six Horrible Financial Products You Should Avoid)

Are you a habitual gambler?

Let's face it: Gambling can be exciting. It's a rush when you place a bet on some ponies and see your horse cross the finish line first. It's a thrill to see your ball land on your number. But gambling is ultimately an emotion-driven experience, and the excitement of winning can be addicting. Betting on a few hands of blackjack or the occasional football game won't kill you, but it's important to not let your emotions guide your betting habits. There's a long list of fine people who have ruined their financial lives through gambling.

Do you give a lot of money to children and other family members?

There's nothing wrong with being generous to those people who you care about most. But it's important to not let people take advantage of that generosity. Often, the decision to support a family member or friend is done not out of basic selflessness, but a feeling of obligation or guilt. It's important to not let your feeling of obligation to others outweigh your obligation to yourself.

Have you lost a job due to your temper?

Jobs can be frustrating. But if you've ever flown off the handle at work, you may be threatening your income and job security. While it's true that hiring managers look for workers with specific skill sets, they also want to make sure employees are able to get along with their colleagues. Workers who don't interact well with their peers, or respond poorly to criticism, often don't last long.

This article is from Tim Lemke of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Smart Shopping Reminders That Will Save You Big

Brittany Lyte — Thu, 28 Jul 2016 10:00:16 +0000

When you're tempted to splurge on something you don't need, what's your decision-making process? Do you let emotion determine whether you head to the check-out counter, or do you rationally consider the financial pros and cons? Do you even have a strategy? If the answer is no, don't panic. Lucky for you we've compiled a comprehensive list of questions to ask before pulling the trigger on any splurge-y purchase. Read on and smarten up!

1. Shopping Can Be More Satisfying Than the Purchase Itself

Buyer's remorse is the slyest devil of them all. At first you're beaming about your new pair of designer jeans. But will you feel the same way a month out when the high of the buy wears off? Research shows that the flood of happiness we feel when we make a purchase peaks at the check-out counter and then slowly starts to dwindle. Indeed, it's the experience of shopping that satisfies us — not the purchase itself.

"Thinking about acquisition provides momentary happiness boosts to materialistic people, and because they tend to think about acquisition a lot, such thoughts have the potential to provide frequent mood boosts," said Marsha L. Richins, author of the research paper, When Wanting Is Better Than Having. "But the positive emotions associated with acquisition are short-lived. Although materialists still experience positive emotions after making a purchase, these emotions are less intense than before they actually acquire a product."

2. Shopping to Cure Sadness Only Makes Us Sadder

Retail therapy is a term used so flippantly that it can be difficult to take seriously. Yet studies show that when we're feeling sad or grieving, we tend to compensate with compulsive shopping. As it turns out, shopping can seem to fill an emotional void while really only serving to dig it deeper. In truth, shopping to curb that feeling of loneliness actually makes us feel lonelier. Take this sage advice: If you're going through a breakup, battling depression, grieving the death of a loved one, or otherwise feeling alone and blue, take a pause from recreational shopping until you've addressed your emotional state.

3. Just Because It's a Good Deal Doesn't Mean It's a Good Deal for You

The price tag on that gorgeous wicker chair very well may be a steal — but is it truly a good deal for you? For instance, maybe you already have a perfectly fine chair in the living room, and this one, though newer and nicer, would nonetheless qualify as an unnecessary purchase. If you weren't planning on buying a wicker chair until the good deal came along, then you're running the risk of throwing your money away on something you simply don't need. And that's not a good deal at all.

4. Don't Buy It If You Can't Afford It

It's simple advice. It's also crucial. If you can't afford to take the financial hit, put away that wallet. And if it's a stretch but you think you can swing it, take a moment to consider all the possible future unknowns. If you lose your job, or your spouse does, or some other unforeseen circumstance dramatically shifts your financial situation, will you look back on this purchase with regret?

5. Don't Buy It if It Will Derail Your Financial Goals

Maybe you're saving for college. Or a down payment on a new car. How will this purchase influence the savings goals that you've set for yourself? If buying that new sofa is going to derail your plans to save up enough money for a down payment on the house where you want to put the sofa, consider pumping the breaks. Take it one financial goal at a time. And remember: Your financial habits today determine your future financial health.

6. Consider the Hidden Costs

As with boats, in-ground pools, and motorcycles, there are purchases that require future funding not specified on the price tag. Boats, for example, need fuel, winter storage, and almost constant maintenance. And you can't operate a backyard swimming oasis without investing in at least the basic accessories, such as a pool cover and cleaning tools and treatments. Whatever the purchase you're considering, does it have any financial strings attached — and if so, can you afford them?

What do you quietly tell yourself to help you curb the urge to spend?

This article is from Brittany Lyte of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Shopping Habits to Nix Before You Turn 30

Ashley Eneriz — Tue, 22 Mar 2016 10:30:07 +0000

Once you're in your 30s, people will expect you to have smarter shopping habits. Not only is it wiser to spend your money responsibly, but once you hit the big three-oh, you will need to focus your savings efforts towards retirement and buying a home.

Ditch these five bad shopping habits before you leave your 20s, and you will find that it is much easier to save money and hit your financial goals later in life.

1. You Buy What You Want

As an adult, it is time to realize that there are going to be many things that you want to buy. However, it is important to buy things you truly need rather than everything on your wish list. For example, you need groceries — but you do not need that tray of sushi or bottle of cold-pressed juice. Cutting out frivolous spending on whims and splurges will drastically change your finances.

This is not to say there is never room for splurges. Instead, budget a set amount of money each month that can be spent however you wish.

2. You Use Credit Cards Wrong

Credit cards can be helpful in your finances. However, if you are just pulling out your credit card every time you make a purchase, you are more likely to overspend and put yourself in a situation where you're living paycheck to paycheck. Using credit cards wisely is the key.

A smart way to use your credit card is to write down all of your purchases as if you were balancing a checkbook. For example, if you want to use your credit card for groceries, utilities, gas, and dining out, then set a budget for each one. Then you add all those budgets together, and every time you swipe your card, you deduct the cost from your total budget — either in a small notebook or on your phone's notepad. It might look like this:

$850

-$75 for electric bill (2/19)

__________________

$625

-$5.50 for fast food (2/23)

__________________

$619.50

Once you reach $0, stop using your credit card and pay off your balance. This allows you to benefit from the convenience of a credit card, without going into debt.

Also if you plan on using a credit card for majority of your spending, then you need to get a card that will give you a decent amount of return. Consider using a credit card that comes with an annual fee, because those cards usually come with better rewards.

3. You Don't Pay Attention to Your Budget

Financial experts are quick to push the idea of budgeting on others as a simple way to be in control of your finances. The truth is that budgeting is harder to stick with than it sounds. To stay committed to your budget, try establishing budget ranges rather than a set number. For example, budgeting $350–$425 per month on groceries allows for natural fluctuations, such as a good sale or having guests over for dinner.

4. You Emotional Shop

Feeling sad? Go shopping. Excited about a new job offer? Go shopping. Have nothing else to do on a Saturday? That's right, go shopping. As silly as this sounds, many people allow their feelings and mood to dictate when they go shopping. Shopping when you are stressed, bored, excited, or depressed are all easy ways to overspend and buy items you do not need and will not use.

This is where it is important to stick with a budget, and to evaluate what you are buying. Perhaps you are in Target, and you see a really cute dress. Before putting it in your cart, ask yourself if it is in your budget. Do you really need it? Do you have anything else like it at home? Realize when emotions are dictating your shopping habits and overrule them with logic. The best trick to try is walking away from a purchase for a day or two. If you still want the item later and it fits in your budget and needs, then go buy it.

5. You Don't Shop With the Future in Mind

As you enter your 30s, you should consider the future for each major purchase. For example, if you are planning on having children in the next two to three years, perhaps a small car is not the wisest decision. The same principle goes for buying houses, furniture, and more.

You should even consider the future with minor purchases. It can be as simple as paper towels going on a sale. Since it is predictable that you will use paper towels in the near and distant future, you should buy several months' worth rather than just one package. Remember to exercise balance when it comes to bulk buying, though. You will need paper towels for the rest of your life, but that does not mean you should buy a whole a year's worth!

Which shopping habit do you think is the most important to leave behind once you hit your 30s?

This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Your Money Problems: Why They're All Your Fault

Tara Struyk — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 10:24:41 +0000

I love writing about money — not because I’m obsessed with wealth (or my relative lack thereof), but because I think the way we spend our money reflects who we are, good or bad. That’s probably why I bought the very first condo I saw. I’m known to be impatient, impulsive even, in just about all things.

Was it a mistake? So far so good, but I left a lot more to fate than is probably wise in a six-figure purchase. And let’s just say that I hope to exercise a little more self control next time. Of course, whether it’ll actually work out that way is another story altogether.

But that’s really what issues that surround money are all about, isn’t it? The way we behave with our money is a lot like many other things in life — we know what we should do, but that hardly means we actually do it. We know we should exercise, avoid fast food, and eat more vegetables just like we know we should spend less, avoid debt, and save more of our money. Most of us struggle with both, at least sometimes. The key to solving money problems, then, often isn’t about outside factors (like making more money). Instead, it’s about our own habits and behaviors. (See also: Party Like It's $19.99: The Psychology of Pricing)

So how can we make better choices when it comes to money? First, I think, we need to accept that our money problems are (usually) all our own fault. Then, it’s time to stop relying on self discipline and develop habits that put bad choices out of reach.

What’s the Problem?

I think the key to unraveling any money problem is to first accept that the problem is probably an emotional one. Just think about some of the money problems people tend to get into. Debt is one of the most obvious, and if you’ve ever watched Suze Orman or Dave Ramsay or Oprah address this, it’s pretty clear that debt goes much deeper than just a frivolous desire to acquire more. For some people, a desire to give their kids all the things they never had growing up makes it impossible for them to say “no.” For others, a financial setback has them feeling too ashamed to admit they can no longer afford the lifestyle they’re used to. And far too many people feel important, triumphant — even happy — when they come home from the mall with an armload of new purchases — whether they can afford them or not.

Anyone can see that those things aren’t really about money, which is why all the money in the world is likely to lead these people down the exact same path. That may be why so many lottery winners end up penniless in a few years. They throw their money everywhere, because what they’re looking for is something money can’t really buy. The problem is that while we all fall prey to emotion-driven money behavior from time to time, few of us are aware of it.

Who’s to Blame?

Let me just start by saying that not all money problems are the result of emotional issues. People lose their jobs, rack up huge medical bills, or fall victim to some other financial pitfall that’s beyond their control. I get that. But what I also know is that a whole lot more people make excuses for themselves and blame their problems on things that are outside of their control rather than face the fact that they themselves are the real problem. I know this because not only have I seen a lot of people do it, but because I also have a tendency to do it myself. And even though I wish I knew better, I often have to remind myself that the big credit card bill isn’t my car’s fault — it’s mine for not setting some money aside; that when I choose time over money, the smaller check I receive is no one’s fault but my own; that when I balk that I can’t afford something that’s really important to me, I’m really just playing the victim rather than doing the hard work required to make it happen.

You see what I’m getting at here, right? Your money — and all the issues that come with it — are your problem. Admit that, and making better choices will be easier. After all, it’ll be a lot harder to ignore what are really just consequences of your own bad choices when you have no one else to blame.

OK...Now What?

Even if you know you make bad choices when it comes to your money, making better ones is always hard. That’s why I think it’s best to leave as little to choice as possible. Several recent studies on decision-making have indicated the existence of something called “decision fatigue.” In essence, researchers believe that decision-making and willpower may come from the same mental store. When we are overburdened with decisions, our decision-making suffers — and so does our willpower. This is why so many people make poor spending choices at the end of a long and stressful day at work, or grab a few impulse buys on their way out of the grocery store. (Hence all the junk food right beside the till.)

When it comes to your money, then, it’s best not to leave everything to choice. Don’t choose to spend less — leave only enough in your checking account for planned expenses. Don’t choose to not use your credit cards — cut them up or lock them away so that you can’t pull them out in a moment of weakness. Don’t choose to save a portion of your paycheck — have it withdrawn from your account automatically. In other words, rather than making better decisions, try to make fewer decisions. That way, you’ll be able to save up your self discipline for when a tough choice really is required — and hopefully make a better one.

A Tangled Web

If you struggle with money problems, you probably already know that it’s a complicated issue. But next time you catch yourself doing something with your money that you know you shouldn’t, stop and ask yourself why you’re doing it. You might be surprised by the answer, but in many cases you’ll be most surprised to learn that it’s not your money that’s the problem — it’s you. Once you get that messy business out of the way, you’ll be far better prepared to do something about it.

And don’t just do it for money, either. Do it for you. If the way you manage your money is a reflection of you, the effects of better habits are likely to spread far beyond your bank account. You may never be rich, but that’s quite a payoff.

This article is from Tara Struyk of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Your Finances: 4 Emotional Decisions to Avoid

David Ning — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 11:36:15 +0000

Personal finance concepts are generally straightforward and simple, but some people struggle with building a solid financial foundation when emotions get involved. Here are four ways people often act emotionally instead of logically that you should watch out for. (See also: Knowing Your Triggers Can Prevent Emotional Spending)

Changing Banks Because Everyone Else Is

The "it" thing to do these days seems to be changing your bank, but make sure that you are thinking things through before you act. Are you really paying anything for your account? You may not think that the banks are treating their customers fairly, but if you look at your statement and you never incur any fees, don't blindly go to a credit union and say "sign me up".

There are lots of reasons to jump ship, but make sure you know exactly how such a move is going to affect you.

Buying Stocks When They're High and Selling When They're Low

This is true even when we invest in index funds. Most people can't wait to deposit their money into their investment accounts when the market is doing well and dread the same process when market conditions seem tough. If you want to increase your return, why not put a bit more into the market on a down day and less when it's on an up day? Small differences like this may seem meaningless but will add up overtime.

Staying in a Bigger House Than You Need

During the housing bubble when home prices went up practically every day, many families decided to move into bigger and more expensive homes even if renting would have been the better choice. Whether they can or cannot afford the mortgage doesn't change the fact that the extra mortgage payment is coming out of money they could use for other things. Is that extra bedroom that you never use worth not being able to take a nice vacation with your family a few times a year?

Keeping Up With the Joneses

When a few of your neighbors change their cars, your car always seems a bit older. When a bunch of your friends shop for new clothes, it's seems natural that you would get something too. If all your friends get a drink during dinner, it's much more likely that you will just automatically think of something to order.

There are lots more examples. I highly encourage you to list your expenses to remind yourself how you end up spending emotionally, so you won't repeat the same mistakes again.

This article is from David Ning of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Retail Therapy: The Benefits of Shopping

Chris Birk — Wed, 01 Dec 2010 23:42:09 +0000

Oddly enough, the relationship between money and happiness might best be summed up in the Hitchcock classic Psycho, when minor character Tom Cassidy explains why he's buying a house for his daughter's wedding gift: “Forty thousand dollars, cash! Now, that’s not buying happiness. That’s just buying off unhappiness.”

Retail therapy embraces a similar logic, namely that consumers can curb or ward off their unhappiness through impulse purchases. The concept often brings a sense of frivolity and sometimes even shame. But the reality is there's increasing evidence that spending money can make you feel better. The key is how and what you purchase. And, of course, for whom.

A trio of psychology professors, led by Elizabeth Dunn of the University of British Columbia, recently published a paper titled, "If Money Doesn't Make You Happy Then You Probably Aren't Spending it Right." Their research examines the relationship between money and happiness and seizes on an intuitive yet elusive notion: Money can and should make you happier, and if it doesn't, well, you're doing it wrong.

"Our money provides us with satisfaction when we think about it, but not when we use it," the scholars note in their conclusion. "That shouldn’t happen. Money can buy many, if not most, if not all of the things that make people happy, and if it doesn't, then the fault is ours."

The scholars carve out a path for consumers to feel better through buying. Here are a few major veins:

Buy Experiences

When it comes to shopping for ourselves, research suggests that humans are bad at guessing what will make them happy. So shoppers in search of a boost should aim to purchase something that provides an experience.

Experiences — trips, a day at the spa, camping — provide us with sensory pleasures and keep our minds focused on the present. Tangible items and merchandise, in contrast, send us into a whirlwind of thought: Will that new polo shirt fit well after Thanksgiving? Could a popped collar look any more stupid?

Purchase "Small Pleasures"

Another tip is to buy small pleasures instead of big-ticket items that are one-and-done transactions. It’s similar to the idea of buying an experience because small things are likely to go hand-in-hand with social interaction: a drink after work, a round of putt-putt golf, or a coffee at the bookstore. These scenarios provide change and inject excitement into our lives.

Be a Do-Gooder

The general gist is this: Folks who spend on their friends are happier than those who don't. This helps move the idea of retail therapy beyond merely self-serving concerns and into the broader community.

Other studies and surveys over the last few years have hinted at some other potential benefits associated with consumerism. For example, bargain hunting tends to produce a thrill greater than kissing a partner, earning a promotion at work, and even eating chocolate, according to a study by Chevrolet.

Shopping may shrink more than your wallet, too. Walking around, carrying bags, and dodging foot traffic is undoubtedly one way to burn calories. In Britain a study of 4,500 women found that shoppers stay out longer — thus walking more — when they go with friends. About 57 percent of the women said they felt physically healthier after a good shopping spree.

Find Balance

It probably goes without saying that splurging on a home theater system or dropping $5,000 for a week-long spa trip is not the best way to deal with a bad breakup. There are better coping mechanisms.

But there are clearly some emotional and even physical benefits associated with shopping. In fact, sometimes carefully considered self-spending can do some real good. The key is moderation and a clear understanding that transactions aren't a substitute for true emotional nourishment.

This article is from Chris Birk of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How I Averted an Emotional Spending Binge: My Six-Step Program

Frugal Duchess — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 20:50:07 +0000

It was a blue Monday and I was headed for a blue-light special driven by emotional spending. Fortunately, I detoured from the frivolous spending path with this six-point strategy.

Face check

As I was toting a pair of brown Nine West shoes -- reduced to $10 -- I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was not a happy shopper. My eyes were glazed with dollar signs and my energy was as sluggish as the economy. The sight of my tired face was a wake-up call. That reality check had me bouncing out of the shoe aisle.

Thrift-store counter-attack

As I pushed through rows and rows of marked-down items, I realized that none of the shirts or skirts impressed me. In fact, if those same items were on sale at a thrift store, I would have turned up my nose. My new anti-shopping query: Would I buy this same item at a thrift store?

Need-based questions

Of course, I evaluated each item with the classic question: Do I need this item or do I just want it? But I also started to think of what I really needed in my life, and that wish list does not include new clothes.

Billable hours

Utility, medical, food and education bills flashed through my eyes as I eyed the flashy merchandise. How many hours would I have to work to pay for a shopping spree? The numbers did not work for me.

The Children's Network

After all my talk about tough economic times and sacrifice, how would I have justified bringing a shopping bag of impulse purchases into my home? What would my children have learned from that example?

Re-directed energy

From the emotional-spending department, I pushed the cart into the emotional debt aisle. I owed baby gifts to two friends and I found cute outfits for $4.88 each. And I located a discounted copy of a Twilight book (number #3 in the series) to replace the copy that my kids had borrowed from a friend, but lost. I'll collect the replacement tab from the kids, and I'll wrap the baby gifts.

Editor's note: Sharon Harvey Rosenberg (The Frugal Duchess) will be joining Wise Bread as a full time blogger in August. In the mean time, she'll be dropping by with a few guest posts a week. You can find more great tips from Sharon in her book Frugal Duchess: How to Live Well and Save Money or in Wise Bread's new book 10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget.

Can't wait until August? Here are other great posts by Sharon on her blog The Frugal Duchess. Enjoy!

Selling the Car, Jewelry & Other Stuff to Raise Cash

Sell the Coach Bag? What I'm Willing To Give Up for Financial Security

Shocking Results from My Free Energy Audit

Tips for Preparing for Home Ownership

How to Save Money on Hair Coloring (Sorry Jamie Lee!!)

This article is from Frugal Duchess of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Knowing Your Triggers Can Prevent Emotional Spending

Andrea Karim — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 22:57:13 +0000

To save money, I quit reading women's magazines a couple of years ago. I don't save money by not paying newsstand price for a magazine, or even the subscription price (which is usually pretty cheap). I stopped reading fashion magazines because they are my worst and most fast-acting triggers for emotional spending.

I cannot flip through an issue of Vogue without immediately rushing out and purchasing a variety of face creams, body-slimming shapewear, or shoes. All it takes is a few minutes of perusing the articles and ads (definitely more ads than articles) to push my Need to Buy button.

Just doing their jobs

In a sense, this means that these magazines are incredibly successful. They exist solely to get you to buy stuff. There are few magazines aimed at women today that targets anything other than your pursestrings. The ads are obviously meant to inspire you to buy products, but so are the fashion spreads. Hell, so are the articles. The beauty advice. The health columns. Save the occasional "serious" piece about victims of landmines or female soldiers in Sri Lanka, women's magazines are essentially one giant advertisement with one simple message: you aren't good enough, but if you buy this, you'll be almost good enough.

Some magazines are very open about it. Lucky Magazine, for instance, eschews high-fashion or couture spreads for simply charted pages just chock full of season "must haves". Half the time, they don't even bother with models - they just photograph the clothing and shoes and accessories against a white background and list the price and where you can buy it. Other magazines are more insidious in their approach. From airbrushed models with flawless skin and too-tiny limbs, between product pitches in the most unlikely of places, notions of female beauty and personal worth are incredibly skewed in woman-oriented media that it's amazing we buy into it at all. Really, if you think about it, it's almost like an abusive relationship. Magazines promote an idea of loveliness that is unattainable (and also, frequently, rather freakish), all the while promising you that if you just try a little harder, and buy a little more, you just might be beautiful enough.

For me, ingesting the content of these rags is like a so-called gateway drug. Oh, sure, I derive some pleasure from reading, say, British Vogue. I won't lie - I LOVE fashion. I love the collections, I love the artistry, I love the crazy make-up and the pageantry. But the joy is short-lived and quickly followed by the need for a hit of something stronger, like say, a massive shopping spree in the Nordstrom shoe department. Or a pricey facial and haircut. Or a mani-pedi and some spendy bronzer (because tans make you appear slimmer! and hide cellulite!).

And just like a hit from the proverbial crack pipe, irresponsible and non-essential spending damages me. It takes away money that I could use to buy something that I really need, or even something that I want but haven't saved up for - such as an XBox or a nice couch. It racks up credit card debt that I don't have the money to pay down in a timely manner. The spending itself gives me only a momentary high, a fleeting sense of self-worth, before I'm faced with the fact that I haven't fixed any actual problems that plague me.

The fact that I have a similar reaction to reading home decorating magazines ("God, my living room is so blah! I guess I have to paint it and replace the furniture! Again!") obviously speaks deeply to my sense of inadequacy in all things appearance-related. The strange thing is that I don't generally feel particularly ugly, nor do I hate my abode. Sure, I could lose a few pounds and I'm not crazy about my haircut right now, but I don't feel particularly hideous until I stare for a couple of hours at, say, Cosmopolitan, and I suddenly feel very, very bad about having visible pores and thighs that are larger than my forearms.

(By the way, I do know that there are a few magazines out there that are radically different from mainstream fashion and gossip magazines, with more informational articles and a wealth of fun, positive, and honest info about women's issues. In fact, a variety of blogs have stepped up to fill the void of fashion analysis with well-written, thoughtful, and funny writing - to say nothing of some of the great discussions that occur between faithful readers in the comments section. This is how I get my fashion fix without falling into the magazine trap.)

For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction

I won't go entirely Naomi Wolf on y'all, because although I personally can't read Vogue (or watch Sex In The City) without desperately wanting to spend, spend, spend, I'm aware that not everyone reacts in the same way. I have friends who devour women's magazines with a sense of zest, and feel inspired by the images rather than downtrodden and deprived. However, for every action, there's a reaction, and nearly all destructive behavior has a trigger.

In this way, emotional spending is very much like an eating disorder. I don't say this lightly, and I'm not intending to downplay the danger of a serious disorder such as anorexia. Financial ruin is a big damn deal, but still not as serious as starving to death. However, the mechanism that triggers self-destructive behavior is similar, and it rests deep in a well of negative self-esteem.

People who are treated for eating disorders are taught to avoid the triggers that invoke their self-destructive eating habits, and the same advice can be applied to learning how to control your spending.

Sometimes, triggers are incredibly specific, unavoidable, and painful, like the death of a loved one or stress on the job. The point is that self-destructive behavior is largely brought on by feelings of inadequacy or loss. When we feel like we have less, we are spurred on to gain a sense of having "more", even if that "more" is something very minor. It's the kind of mentality that can frequently lead people who don't have much money to acquire tons of junk, just so they can feel like they have "stuff".

Do you have a trigger?

It can be hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that causes you to spend like there's no tomorrow. For me, it took a while to connect my exposure to high-fashion print media to my spending sprees. Another trigger is window shopping. Oh, I can go look at pretty things for hours, but if I'm going to be constantly exposed to pretty things that I can't afford, I will be very likely to go out and purchase something to make me feel better about it later.

In fact, I have a fashionista friend who I simply cannot go shopping with. She's funny, smart, and vivacious, but she loves spending money and loves being around people who are spending money. When we go out, I make a point to avoid retail areas. If I end up in any kind of store with her, she infects me with all kinds of shopping viruses, and before I know it, I've bought something I really don't need. She never asks me along to make me feel bad, but rather to seek my opinion on items that she has already scouted out and is considering for purchase. That she values my opinion on sartorial choices is really quite flattering, and I feel like a total jerk for finding ways to weasel around going shopping.

I'm sure that there are people who believe I should explain to her that I have trouble tagging along with her on shopping trips, but in a way, I'd rather just not approach her spending as a topic. She happens to have enough disposable income to do with as she likes, and I don't want to create any awkward feelings by telling her that watching her buy a $200 pair of high heels triggers my repressed spending bug. So, my response is simply to schedule times together where we hang out at each other's homes or in restaurants that are not right next door to a Barney's.

Some people might argue that you simply need to 'grow up' or 'get over' your emotional responses to these triggers, and I think it's an admirable goal to develop ways of dealing with the emotions. But I also believe that there is some value in deciding when these triggers are worthy of being removed from your life altogether. In my case, it's easy to avoid window shopping, and no one forces fashion magazines down my throat. I'm able to get my fashion fix online, and I feel fine with that workaround. Sometimes, you may need to choose to end a relationship with someone who brings you stress and grief, be it a friend or a family member.

A family friend who has suffered from bulimia her whole adult life finally severed ties with her mother, a woman with some severe emotional problems of her own and the main trigger for my friend's boughts with emotional eating. Linsey's post about moving away from The Joneses made me realize that many people prefer to deal with those kinds of feeling by removing themselves from a situation or activity that they know affects their ability to make sound judgments.

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This article is from Andrea Karim of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: