The Gettin'-Baptized-in-the-Watah Epiphany
As of this writing, it is day eight of a 40-day fast where I will only drink water. But hold up now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s not me just drinking water and not eating. That would be stupid, unhealthy and I would end up suplexing someone who doesn’t deserve to be suplexed. Yes suplex. That’s index, figure to the belt-loop, lift and flip a person because not eating is not good.
No, I have for this period – which happens to coincide with Lent but that is not the cause of the endeavor – decided that I will not eat excessively and I will forego all of the lovely liquid trappings of our modern world. Ah the bitter-sweet, absolutely nothing taste of fresh H2o! The sweet clear, cleansing and tasteless nectar that will intoxicate one who will not get intoxicated.
Here it is until April 7, the conditions of this haj:
Can’t drink: Milk, Goat Milk, Cow Milk, Kiefer, fried bong water, “OG Suga Watah”, Act-Rite JOOCE, coffee, tea, hot dog water, mineral water, soda, soft drinks, pop, smoothies, chocolate or strawberry shakes; soda-pop, protein drinks, POM Wonderful, lemonade, Snapple, Gatorade, Acai Berry Juice. Then there's whiskey (ouch), cognac (that smarts), Guinness (wow) and damn it this one hurts: no bacon-cheddar cheese-stick juice yummy, yummy (really gonna miss that one until April).
Can drink: Water, Water and uhhhh, Water (From tap, bottled or with lemon and ice).
It’s the return of the point man. After only a week, I see the real difference in my pocket book and I don’t feel much of a difference, addiction wise. And don’t miss anything -- except maybe for the BCCS juice, I know, right, delishhh – and I find that I’m winning on two fronts and may look to incorporate this into my life permanently, save a few special occasions.
A friend and one very special person pointed it out it to me because I hadn’t thought about it until now. Yeah I'm on this water fast but I'm saving money too. Guess I was spending too much time tried and tested for not having Gatorade after my morning runs or coffee to put the edge on, or a John Daniels or Jack Walker (I know them by their given names) to take the edge off.
Pondering this, I surmised that in an average day, in this fast-paced society, a person (namely myself or those of my ilk) may spend up to $20 per day on a combination of drinks. These are liquids that come with meals, morning coffee, herbal tea, Jamba Juice or my favorite over-priced store bought smoothie, Naked juice. This is to say nothing of the deceased potatoes, fermented wheat, tonics, spirits and dead grapes that some of us just must have in excess come Friday night through Sunday – especially when told about AIG’s latest quarterly loss.
But right now, when baptized with this watah, yes sirrr, I’m on pace to spend next to zero instead of nearly $1,040 for the year on beverages alone and if I realize that if I can even save half of that, it makes a difference.
Suffice it to say, I will not drink only water as my next investment plan, choosing instead of diversifying into bonds to get a Sparkletts bottle. Nothing of the sort.
Actually I will likely be in the fetal position come April.
At midnight of the 7th, I might just shun all food to imbibe everything on the “can’t drink list.” But I’ve seen the liiiiiight brothers and sisters, I’ve learned a lesson.
I feel better, my circulatory system flows more pure, stomach is leaner, pockets are fatter. How’s that for Wisebread, which I can still eat by the way. So I can jail time it. That’s getting’ swoll off bread and water. No? Okay well, this is proof positive that a sacrifice in lifestyle instead of a mere sacrifice in conspicuous consumption wins out -- without you even thinking about it.
And I can drink to that.