I grew up trusting two men who lied to me. They arranged snipe hunts and told outlandish stories from long ago (their childhoods and young adult years in the 1920s, '30s, and '40s). Of all the adults I remember from my growing up years, they were the most honest and authentic.

As a young child, I loved visiting my cousins with my two older sisters, partly because of the excitement that my dad and uncle created when we were all together. Though we lived in the city, we were close to expanses of woods and stretches of backyards that were big enough to hold a snipe hunt for imaginative children. Oddly, though, we never captured a snipe despite our preparedness with proper equipment (flashlights and sacks large enough to hold a chipmunk) along with comprehensive education on the nocturnal habits of snipes. (Re: a snipe hunt, a type of practical joke, I especially like Frasier's comment to Diane from a "Cheers" episode: "A man does not crouch in the woods for two hours and not have a revelation or two.")   At some point, we realized that there were no snipes to be captured. We were left, then, to wonder about the truthfulness of the stories they told. Were they completely false? Or, were there grains of truth in stories that may have been embellished for entertainment’s sake? Or did our parents have unusual friends, who, for example, pretended to have a hook as a replacement hand (not unheard of among their WWII veteran peers), which was often accidentally dropped from a shirtsleeve and then forcefully reinserted with anguish while walking down crowded sidewalks? And, did my dad really tell a surgeon that he heard someone sawing his chest bone while recovering from open-heart surgery as the hospital nurses reveled in the surprised look on the doctor’s face?   As we grew older and hopefully wiser, we dissected the stories, recalling details, and making comparisons among tales told separately to each child and set of siblings. This detective work was a form of amusement, as we tried to discern the probable and possible from the improbable and impossible. Besides the fun of hopefully exposing untruth, here’s what I learned:   Challenge those you deeply respect. I have found that those who truly deserve respect and trust are the men and women who welcome questions and encourage dialogue. They really want others to understand, not just buy whatever the expert is selling.    I won’t say that my challenges to those in authority (of a business, school, or whatever) have been embraced. They haven’t. I am often made to feel as if I am labeled as a complainer and the only one to ever have had an issue with certain policies or behaviors. (Being the only one to notice a problem doesn’t mean that there isn’t a problem, though, I should be clear.)   So, I was pleased to hear that polite protests are encouraged from the principal of my son’s high school when I went to a meeting to learn about a new system-mandated hybrid schedule. The principal, a 30-year veteran, started the session by telling parents how they were the ones who truly cared about their children; then he corrected himself and said that he felt that all parents cared about their children but that others not there were the ones who likely trusted the system but that we, those in the auditorium, represented parents who questioned the system and, by implication, questioning the system was what responsible parents did.      Though there are plenty of times that I have gone along with what is expected, I learned at a pretty young age that the system and those in charge don't always consider individual rights or fully grasp the implication of their policies. And, though, I could certainly argue for personal accountability and suffering consequences rather than benefiting from poor decisions, I now realize that, collectively, we should question, rather than accept, financial systems that offer negative amortization mortgages and teaser credit card rates that tend to fleece rather than serve their clients.     Don’t believe everything you read or hear, or at least, defer decisions. I’ll admit that if I read a news account in the paper or hear a story on the news, I tend to believe that the facts are accurate, though not necessarily the interpretation. And I’ll admit that, initially, I believe what people tell me or at least want to believe that most people won’t intentionally mislead me. I suppose that makes make me gullible or too trusting.   Though I haven’t yet dispensed of my hope that what others are telling me is true, I have learned to defer decisions. I can listen, then ponder and research. Taking action is the step that I carefully consider. If someone presses me to make a quick decision, then I will quickly abandon trust. And, there is a difference between listening to an investment pitch and placing your life savings in a single investment.   Look for inconsistencies. Has someone told you a great story embedded with seemingly inconsequential facts that change? Do the claims that someone makes seem inconsistent with what you already know or have experienced?   My son was watching a clip of a marathon finish where the female winner was questioned by a reporter about interval training; I was listening from another room and thought it was odd, though not totally implausible, that an elite runner had never heard of interval training. She may have developed her own training program that allowed her to run 26.2 miles without breaking a sweat. Or she may have been perpetuating a fraud. It turns out that my son was watching a story on Rosie Ruiz’s attempt to win the 1980 Boston Marathon without actually running the race.   Closer to home, my husband thought it notable but not impossible that a guy we were hoping to hire for a bathroom remodel (based on a recommendation of another tradesperson) had a sudden change in the destination of an international mission trip. I can’t remember all the details but he had been extremely busy and had to delay a visit to our house for an estimate because of an impending trip to a country in the Pacific Rim. When he returned and was in the process of scheduling his visit to our house, he mentioned that he had visited another country. My husband noted that it was odd that he could have changed destinations so quickly, given the visa requirements at the time. So, was the guy lying or just lousy at geography? Or was he a passport- and visa-ready world traveler? I don’t know, but we have yet to see the project estimate promised within the week, about 5 years ago.     Understand that nobody’s perfect. I expect the professionals I engage, whether a financial advisor, CPA, tile installer, or veterinarian, to be knowledgeable, diligent, thorough, and honest; I don’t expect them to predict the future with 100% accuracy. Who should I trust: someone who is confident and makes money using complex, proprietary methods or someone who is confident, has a consistent record, but has a bad year or two and admits to not understanding how technology companies make money?  Would you choose Bernie or Buffett?    Talk with other people about their experiences. I like to talk with people who are honest about their experiences, not people who will tell me what I hope to hear or what they think is the right thing to say. I like to hear from those who have made sound decisions and made mistakes, getting insights into what they might have done differently, what their regrets are, how they have succeeded, and what factors influenced their actions. Often I will find that they have struggled with some of the same hopes and doubts that I have, and can offer perspective based on years of reflection.   Just because everyone you know believes something doesn’t make it true. Several years ago when my husband was considering the investment of a lump sum amount, he told me about a plan that several of his co-workers were likely going to use. They would receive a 12% annual return on their principal. I decided to do some research and consulted with my friend, Nita, who ran a government-funded money management center and had Doctorate in Financial Education. She told me that no one could guarantee that high of a return.   I looked further into the program and realized that this is how it would work: the financial advisor would take the lump sum, invest the money, and give a payout (not an investment return) of 12% of the original principal for a period of time (say 3 years); then, depending on the value of the principal, the payout amount would be adjusted. The payout would come from earnings plus principal: if the annual return was 15% then investors would receive 12% and the remaining 3% would be added to the principal amount; but if the return was 5%, then 5% would come from earnings and 7% would come from the principal. If 12% returns weren’t earned each year, the principal would eventually be depleted. The FINRA (Financial Industry Regulatory Authority) has an alert on this type of early retirement sales pitch.     One of my more recent memories of my uncle was a time when some of my cousins and I were downstairs in their family’s den. We were jabbering in multiple, separate conversations and my uncle introduced some sort of device (kind of a perpetual calendar), which he claimed could help him in telling the day of the week of any date in history. He responded confidently to a few requests and heads were nodded in slight astonishment and approval, before they returned to other discussions. I waited my turn and then tested him with a few dates, specifically my sisters' and my birthdates, which I knew all fell on Tuesday. He guessed incorrectly and I called on him on his trickery. We had a great laugh about that one.   My dad and his brother: their legacy to me is not cynicism from being fooled but healthy skepticism of those who should be trusted.