saying no

How to Slow Down Your Fast-Paced Life

POPSUGAR Smart Living — Fri, 23 Aug 2013 10:24:31 +0000

Sometimes, stress can be a good thing, but when healthy, everyday pressure turns into can't-slow-down anxiety, it's time to reevaluate. If you're struggling to keep up with your action-packed schedule and can't seem to calm down, don't worry. With a few quick changes, you can shift your priorities and learn to relax. Try these six slowdown strategies for a simple, smoother way of life.

1. Take Some Time to Assess Your Stressors

For a few days, step back and see what overwhelms you most. Is it a time issue? Your work? Relationships? Find out what triggers your hectic lifestyle so that you can pinpoint some slow-down solutions.

2. Lower the Information Influx

Turn off the push notifications for your cell phone's email, social media, news, and game applications. Check your apps only when you have the time. Otherwise, that constant flood of data will distract from the things you really need to get done, and unfinished tasks will only leave you more stressed.

3. Tuck Away Your Tech

Out of sight, out of mind — at least, as much as it can be. Keep your phone and tablet in a drawer or in your purse so that you're not tempted to browse, especially as it gets closer to bedtime. Without your smart phone in sight, your thoughts will be more focused and you'll be more mindful in the moment.

4. Pencil in "Me Time" — and Stick to It

Truth is, you can't keep up with that go, go, go routine if you don't allow yourself to wind down every once in a while. For every few must-attend events, pencil in a date with yourself: a massage, a workout, or even just a couple hours to sit back and read.

5. Be Realistic About Your Workload

Is all that overtime necessary? Evaluate your productivity to be sure you're making the most of your 9-to-5 hours, then look for any opportunities to scale back. Also, don't be afraid to delegate tasks; asking for help shows that you're willing to collaborate.

6. Embrace the Ability to Say "No"

You don't need to be everybody's go-to helper, so let yourself say "no" sometimes. Being a "yes" person can be great, but if it's leaving you overwhelmed or resentful, it's time to be a bit more selfish with your time.

Do you have any tips for reducing stress? Share them in the comments below!

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Don't let stress overwhelm you — instead, follow these steps to slow down your life.

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5 Ways to Say "No" to Friends and Family

Camilla Cheung — Mon, 15 Jul 2013 10:30:46 +0000

I've spent most of my life saying "yes" to things because, I have to admit, I am a natural people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy, and when others are happy, that makes me feel good, too. On occasions when I'm forced to say or do something that will displease someone else, I easily get stressed out. (See also: How to Get What You Want on Customer Service Calls)

For most of my life, this wasn't much of an issue, because I could easily rearrange my schedule and do a friend a favor without too much inconvenience to myself or to others around me. That all changed, however, once I got married and had a child. Suddenly, I had to put my daughter first, even if that meant displeasing other well-meaning relatives and friends.

I had to learn to say "no."

Most of the time, I discovered that saying no wasn't as difficult as I thought. Most of my friends understood my circumstances, and thought no more of it. However, there remained a few people who just didn't understand why my daughter needs to be in bed no later than eight, or who assumed that because I work from home, I was free to run random errands for them during the day. There were still people who refused to take no for an answer, or who simply took my refusal personally. For those people, I needed (and still need) to be both firmer and more diplomatic in saying no.

Here's what I've learned about saying "no" so far.

1. Honesty Is the Best Policy

Sometimes I dread saying no to a friend who is notorious for not taking no for an answer. However, I'm often pleasantly surprised when I honestly tell them my reasons for saying no. "I just can't afford to go there," or "Honestly, it's just going to be too stressful for me to drive that far with the baby," are two responses that I've used successfully and I've found that the other person usually appreciates the frankness.

2. Delay Commitment

This idea might sound like a bad date movie, but sometimes it's a good idea to equivocate and to delay committing to something. Perhaps, like me, you tend to say yes when you're put on the spot (or as I like to put it, when I've been ambushed). I find it helpful to say, "Let me check my schedule (or with my significant other) and get back to you," or simply, "I may have a commitment that day, so let me get back to you." Later, once you've thought about it, phone or send a succinct note stating a firm but polite no.

3. You're Not the Best Person for the Job

If a friend asks you to do something that's out of your comfort zone, you can be honest that you're not comfortable doing it and that someone else might do a better job. "I'm honestly not that great with kids. Why don't you ask another friend to babysit instead?" Or, "If I were on that committee, I wouldn't be able to give the issues the time and attention they deserve."

Of course, this response invites argumentation ("Oh you hardly have to do anything! Just put a movie on!"), so it may take a bit more explaining to convince the asker (especially those who don't take no for an answer) that you're serious.

4. Show Your Appreciation

Some people take your refusal as a rejection of them personally. Show them that you like and appreciate them, but that you simply can't comply with their request.

For example, if you hate the thought of going to a poetry reading, but wouldn't mind spending time with your friend elsewhere, suggest lunch on another day instead. If you can't make it to a party, tell your friend how much you like her parties and how you appreciate the effort they put into throwing these get-togethers, but you can't make it this time. Although you may assume that your friend or relative knows how much she means to you, you'd be surprised how much she enjoys hearing you put your appreciation into words.

5. Keep It Simple

Sometimes not explaining is more effective than explaining. "No, I'm sorry, I can't make it. I have an appointment." Or, "I'm afraid it's just not going to work out." No need to explain further. Most people will respect your privacy enough not to pry. If your friend does get nosy, a simple "I'd rather not get into it," should suffice to keep further argument at bay. Remember, you're not obligated to explain yourself or to justify your decision. There needs to be some privacy and autonomy left in the world!

Do you have a problem saying no? What method has worked best for you?

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This article is from Camilla Cheung of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

12 Straightforward Ways to Say "No"

Julie Rains — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 14:50:29 +0000

Are you pressed for time right now? Do you think you'll have more time later? We commonly but mistakenly "imagine that we'll be less busy in the future," according to a study on time perceptions by business professors Gal Zauberman of UNC-Chapel Hill and John Lynch, Jr. of Duke University. There are a couple of reasons for this faulty assumption:

"...people underestimate task completion times for tasks stretching out in the future...For example, if the focal task is writing a paper, people ignore how long it has taken them to write papers in the past....[and] they are bad at imagining future competition for their time."

People (that is, you and I) are more apt to agree to future commitments fairly easily, even as we reject similar but more immediate requests. But our schedules stay just as crowded, often causing stress and deflating productivity. Learning to say "no" to certain requests with confidence can give you the time to pursue what's truly important to you.

Some of you may have no problem turning down requests. But for those who find it difficult, here are 12 straightforward ways to say no.

1. Make it clear that “no” isn’t the starting point for negotiation.

2. If you have a momentary lapse in resolve and become engaged in negotiations, take a step back and explain as quickly as possible that your response is indeed "no."

3. Screen your calls. It’s okay to let calls go to voice mail and return them in your leisure. And, you don’t have to return all calls though it’s wise to respond to those with whom you’d like to maintain a relationship. Some may think that not answering every single call is dodging responsibility, but you don’t have an obligation to be available 24/7 (unless you have a service-level agreement that says you do).

4. Develop an email strategy: either reply immediately with a firm “no” or take time to think about all inquiries and craft your response.

5. Before you get involved in any community or professional organization, find out what your responsibilities will be. Demonstrate that you do want to be active by committing to projects that interest you rather than helping with every single activity.

6. Say “yes” to what you love and schedule time in your calendar for these activities, which might be a hike in the mountains, workout at the gym, and cooking class at the community college. Let these scheduled appointments preempt other requests.

7. Don’t get upset with yourself if you agree to something that you later find you don't have time for, or couldn’t muster the courage to turn down; learn from these mistakes.

8. Just say “no” rather than giving details about why you can or can not make a certain event, help with a project, etc. Explanations aren't necessary, unless you have a previous understanding with a close friend or family member.

9. Think about your entire list of obligations before taking on more. A momentary break in your busy schedule may make you think that you have more free time than you actually do; look at all of your calendars (personal, professional, family) before making more commitments.

10. Be consistently straightforward and honest, and people will trust that your “yes” is “yes” and your “no” is “no.”

11. Say “no” to yourself when you really can’t squeeze one more thing into your schedule.

12. Accept “no” yourself. Don’t connive; misrepresent a request; push other people to commit to one of your projects, parties, etc. In this way, you surround yourself with people who have reasonably balanced lives. When your friends and associates realize that it’s okay to say “no” to you, they’ll more readily accept your “no.”

Don't feel guilty about saying no. Consider this advice from White Hot Truth via a collection of productivity tips on the OPEN Forum:

If you resent doing it — stop doing it. Outsource, delegate, phase it out, quit. Do whatever you have to do in order to get the resentment-inducing, energy-soaking tasks, projects, and clients off your plate. They are the biggest time suck there is. Those big resentment gigs slow you down, impede momentum and always seems to 'take forever.'

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This article is from Julie Rains of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: