table manners

13 Things People With Good Table Manners Never Do

Mikey Rox — Tue, 07 Oct 2014 11:00:04 +0000

"Elbows off the table!"

Think you're already prepared to dine with royalty, or do you need to be re-schooled in how to eat like a human being? Let's find out with this list of things that people with good table manners would never do. (See also: 10 Rules of Etiquette That Everyone Should Know (and Follow!))

1. Eat With Their Hands

Zac Alfson is patron engagement manager at a volunteer choir and orchestra, and he really doesn't like it when people eat with their hands. I mean, he really doesn't like it.

"People with good table manners never eat with their hands," Zac imparts. "Seriously. It's rude to other people at the table to be putting your hands in your mouth during the entire meal, dipping into shared sauces, etc. Even (particularly) a burger and fries are ideal for a fork and knife — it also slows you down to enjoy the meal and company more than shoveling food into you face. And when you shake hands after the meal, they haven't just been in the person's mouth."

2. Chew or Speak With Their Mouth Open

My mother used to tell my brother to stop chewing like a cow when we were kids. Anybody else ever heard that one? Perhaps a little crude, but it's accurate; cows aren't exactly known for their dainty mastication skills. Thus, chew and swallow before you open your mouth unless you want to be compared to a farm animal.

3. Relieve Gas at the Table

I'm sure mother of four and home organization blogger Ginny Underwood is an expert in teaching tiny people to behave themselves at the table, which makes her suggestion that people with good manners will never "belch, burp, or pass wind while at the table" as good as a renowned etiquette expert's. "Sharing the dinner table with others is a social interaction, [whether it's] a casual family gathering or a business meeting. Good table manners show respect for the people you are dining with and person(s) providing the food, which is why good table manners should be employed at every meal," she says.

4. Check Devices

It's becoming increasingly more common to see friends and families dining at a restaurant with their faces buried in their devices instead of enjoying each other's company. And relationship expert April Masini needs you to nip that bad habit in the bud right now.

"You'll never see people with good table manners checking a cell phone or other electronic device at the table," Masini says. "They come to the table to eat and to socialize, and they know that including a cell phone at the table is like turning on the television while you eat — when someone is sitting with you, they're being ignored. Old cliches show one spouse reading a newspaper at the table as very bad manners, but today that newspaper has been replaced by a cell phone. Leave the cell phone in the other room, turned off, when you're on a date, at a dinner party or eating with family. Focus on the people at the table with you."

5. Have the Bill Come to the Table

Nationally recognized etiquette consultant Jodi R.R. Smith has doled out her expert advice on the CBS Early Show, Good Morning America, and Today. According to her, people with good table manners never have the bill come to table at the end of the meal. "The host arranges in advance for the bill to be covered so that there are no uncomfortable moments at the end of the meal to mar a wonderful occasion," she says. This primarily applies to planned events — birthdays, anniversaries, etc. that someone has coordinated — with consideration that no other methods of payment (i.e. splitting costs) have been established beforehand.

6. Drink When You Are Toasted

Dawn Bryan is the author of Elite Etiquette, and she sent in a lot of great tips like how you should never smoke at the table or use your napkin as a handkerchief, but I found her tip that you should never drink to a toast if the toast is for you very enlightening.

7. Begin Eating Before the Host Starts

Published etiquette author Constance Dunn warns that you should never begin eating until the host has started or has otherwise signaled the guests to start. "This nonverbal gesture communicates deference to your host and the fact that you are dining as a group, and not seated with a six-pack and a pizza," she says.

8. Ask for a Seat Reassignment

Lifestyle and manners expert Michelle Payer demands: Sit wherever you're assigned. She sums it up nicely when she says, "If there are place cards, never asked to be re-seated or change places; be gracious and honored to be included. Period."

9. Eat Their Bread Like an Animal

Actually, Michelle Payer had another great comment that made me laugh a little: "Never break open a dinner roll, butter each side, close it, and tear into it like a dog with a bone." The visual made me chuckle. That wasn't the first tip I saw about how to handle bread either. Etiquette Scholar suggests that you should break soft bread in half with fingers instead of a knife.

10. Start Eating Before Everyone Is Seated

Cool your jets, Top Guns. Relationship expert April Masini says, "Whether you're at a dinner party or at dinner with your family at the kitchen table, people with good manners will wait for everyone to be seated to begin eating. Waiting signals that you acknowledge the others at the table, and it's a way of showing respect for them, as well as for yourself as part of a group. Typically, it's good manners to wait for your hostess to begin eating, which is a signal for everyone else to begin as well. If he or she doesn't, wait."

11. Eat Their Meal Too Quickly

Certified etiquette consultant Priscilla Murtha says that people with good table manners won't eat their meal too quickly. She suggests pacing yourself to the slowest diner so everyone finishes at relatively the same time. Roughly translated: Slow down, troglodytes; dinner wasn't served in a trough.

12. Lean Their Chair Back

Certified personal image consultant Marian Rothschild says that balancing your dinner chair on its hind legs is a major faux pas. She sent in that tip and added that you also shouldn't slouch in your chair or eat standing up. "You should always sit properly and comfortably in your chair for the duration of the meal," she says.

13. Eat Off Other People's Plates

Relationship expert April Masini says, "If you want to share or try the food someone in your party has ordered, you should cut a piece of the food off, and place it on a clean (unused) bread dish and pass it to them, or put the portion you've cut for them, on their plate. Don't offer your plate to them to eat off of, and don't offer them a bite off your fork."

Do you have other etiquette tips or dining pet peeves that people with good table manners would never do? Let me know in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Business Lunch Etiquette 101

Tom Harnish — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 18:15:57 +0000

Link:

http://www.openforum.com/articles/business-lunch-etiquette-101

Sharing food has long been a way of building alliances in every culture. In modern society, business lunches can be very important to your success. You might invite a customer for lunch to seal a deal for a big order. Or a competitor might invite you out to discuss buying your company.

How you eat and how you act during lunch will make a huge impression on people. Table manners are not just stuffy, old fashioned rules your grandmother insisted on. They exist because they make social situations more comfortable for everyone. Even if you run a fast-growing dot com, or have built a business and reputation by rejecting social norms, you still need to understand that a business lunch is a meeting, not a meal.

Here are 11 tips to help you make a good impression at your next business lunch and keep you from embarrassment.

1. Dress Appropriately

Wearing a business suit when everyone is dressed casually can be as uncomfortable as showing up in jeans and t-shirt when everyone else is dressed up.

If you’re the host, offer your guests a subtle tip about appropriate attire. “The restaurant is real casual, and I’m coming from home, so feel free to wear something comfortable.” But that’s not permission to wear torn jeans, smelly sneakers, and a dirty t-shirt. Remember, this is a meeting, not a party with the gang.

If you’re the guest and didn’t receive a hint from your host, ask. Demonstrating that you’re comfortable enough with your host, and self-assured enough, to handle a little detail like this communicates that you’re a take-charge kind of person. “I usually work in khakis and a golf shirt, will that be appropriate?” for example, can solve the problem.

2. Arrive Early

Whether you invite someone to lunch or they invite you, plan to be standing inside the entrance about five minutes before the scheduled time. Take into account that you may not know where you’re going and parking may be a problem.

Whether host or guest, if you’re going to be late for any reason call as soon as you realize you will be delayed, so the other people won’t worry that they had the wrong day or time, or the wrong place.

3. Go Now

If you have to go to the bathroom, and to be sure you don’t have to go later, do it now.

Your own comfort isn’t the only advantage. I once overheard, standing in a stall, a discussion of how the people I was meeting with were planning to handle our upcoming negotiation.

4. Make a Good First Impression

When you first meet, firmly (but not painfully) shake hands and look people in the eye. A limp handshake and a mumbled greeting with downcast eyes gives the impression you’re either inept or uncomfortable, neither of which will help you.

Some people scoff at such details, but humans, like other animals, look for subtile signs that tell us about the people we meet.

5. Sit Down Together

Make small talk about the place, the weather, sports, or something you know the people you are with are interested in—but not the business at hand.

If you’re the host, invite people to sit down and do so yourself. If you’re the guest, wait until your host sits or invites you to do so. Keep in mind that sitting side-by-side makes talking difficult, so try to sit across from whoever you want to interact with most.

6. Put Your Phone Away

Texting or making calls is insulting to the people you’re with. You may think it makes you look like a big shot that has to deal with all kinds of important issues, but it only makes you look inept and incapable of managing your life or business for the short time you’re at lunch.

7. Order Something Easy to Eat

A big splotch of spaghetti sauce on your lapel isn’t easy to overlook, and it’s embarrassing both for you and others. If you’re wrestling with King Crab legs or trying to keep a club sandwich together you’ll have trouble paying attention to the business at hand.

If you’re a guest, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu, even if your host does. I once took all my employees to lunch, and one of them ordered lobster while everyone else had a sandwich. That one act left a lasting (and accurate, it turned out) impression about that person’s attitude and personality.

8. Don't Start Eating Until Everyone is Served

A business lunch (or dinner) isn’t a competition for food. When you sit down, feel free to sip your water, but don’t grab a roll or condiment and start wolfing it down.

Assuming everyone’s meal arrives at the same time, wait until the host starts to eat. If that’s you, take a bite or two so others know it’s okay to start eating, even if you’re ready to launch into your pitch.

If the meals don’t all come at the same time, wait until the host is served or invites you to begin.

8. Elbows Off the Table

While you’re eating, sit up straight, and don’t lean on the table. You’re trying to look like a businessperson. Don’t shovel in your food with your elbows on the table like a six year old. Again, the purpose of your lunch meeting is to meet not eat.

9. Cut Your Food

Stabbing a steak and gnawing off bites around the edges might impress someone who lives in a cave, but not modern people. I watched a smart, educated person do this recently, and saw everyone’s impression instantly change with that one simple mistake.

Cutting your food and taking small bites helps keep you from putting something in your mouth you don’t want to swallow. If you nevertheless have a piece of gristle or something else you don’t want to eat in your mouth, take it out the same way it went in (utensil or fingers) and put it on the edge of your plate (not in your napkin).

10. Don't Chew with Your Mouth Open

Kids think it’s funny, because it’s gross to show off a mouthful of chewed food. If you chew with your mouth open you’re grossing people out over and over. Grown-ups (which includes most business people) aren’t amused by it.

11. Don't Talk with Your Mouth Full

See #10, plus it makes you hard to understand.

A lunch is a business social event and your job is to handle it with grace. Mom was right about a lot of things and behaving properly at lunch is one of them.

This article is from Tom Harnish of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Reclaiming Etiquette: Dining Basics for New Professionals

Kentin Waits — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 14:00:04 +0000

We live in a society that values speed and multitasking. Dining has devolved into something that needs to be checked off of our To Do List, rather than an event with its own unique process and traditions. Eating from a Styrofoam tray may be fine on our own time, but uber-casual dining habits can sometimes leave us at a disadvantage during a client meeting, formal event, or lunch interview. As the job market tightens, here are a few quick and easy lessons on dining etiquette that can help young professionals stand out from the crowd.

Timing

It nearly goes without saying: don’t begin eating until everyone has been served. Upon serving, the host should be the first to begin dining, unless he or she indicates otherwise.

Utensils

Utensil placement indicates the order of use — work from the outside in (for example the outer-most fork is for the salad). During the meal, set your utensils down completely on your plate. Never rest a used utensil on the table or dangling off the edge of a plate (half-on, half-off). When you’ve finished your meal, placing your knife and fork together in the center of your plate in a shallow “V” position indicates to the waitstaff that you’re done.

Napkins

Place your folded napkin in your lap immediately upon being seated. Unfold the napkin while it’s on your lap, rather than on the table. The napkin should remain in your lap until the meal is finished, or until you need to excuse yourself from the table temporarily. When leaving the table, fold the napkin and place it to the left of your dinner plate (or on the left, if your plate has already been cleared).

Ordering

The host sets the tone for the meal. Don’t order alcohol unless the host has ordered it. At restaurants, don’t exceed the price of the host’s ordered item (for this purpose, when selecting from the menu, it’s good to choose two items — one that is your first choice and then a more moderately-priced alternate). Avoid ordering items which involve more courses than the host or other guests.

The Tab

When dining out, it’s business-appropriate for the person who organized the meal to cover the cost. Offering to pay or to ‘chip in’ on the gratuity, is not expected or considered necessarily polite. A ‘thank you’ at the conclusion of the meal is all that’s required.

Technology

Formal events should be considered ‘tech-free’ zones. If you must be plugged in and accessible during such times, make sure your PDA, phone, or pager is not audible (this includes a rattling vibrate). Essential calls may be made by excusing yourself from the table and other diners.

Quick Bites

Here are a few quick pointers on the finer details of dining:

In a formal dining environment, don’t blow on hot food to cool it down. Let the hot item cool naturally.
Never salt your food before the first taste — this suggests you don’t anticipate good flavor and is an insult to the cook.
When signaling to waitstaff, discreetly raise your hand while making eye contact. It’s never appropriate to tap on your glass to get a waiter’s attention.
If you need an item that’s not within easy reach, politely ask a fellow diner to pass it to you. Never stretch to reach an item or think the term “pardon my reach,” absolves you of this impolite maneuver. When asked, it's proper to always pass the salt and pepper together, even if only one was requested.

Admittedly, few of us need to channel Don Draper for lunch at The Four Seasons, but a few etiquette basics can hold us in good stead as our careers advance. Though societal rules are changing quickly and the finer point manners are sometimes considered antiquated, don’t doubt people are watching and drawing conclusions based upon how well each of us navigates different social environments. Enjoy your knowledge, let it give you that added bit of confidence and, of course, Bon Appetit!

This article is from Kentin Waits of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: