Re-Nesting: Tips for Moving Back in With Your Parents

Kelly Kehoe — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 11:24:19 +0000

In nature, when an animal’s offspring are old enough to leave the nest, the children are gone for good. With human beings, however, particularly in a rough economic climate, going back home to live with your parents in your late twenties, thirties, or even forties has become a somewhat common occurrence. In some cultures, it is completely normal to live with multiple generations in the household, but many people who are not accustomed to such living arrangements often feel a sense of failure or embarrassment when moving back home. (See also: The Benefits of Having a Roommate — Besides Saving on Rent)

My advice? Don’t feel that way. Financial stability is crucial to your mental well-being, and if your parents are willing to take you, then this can be a great opportunity to get back on your feet. Here are some tips to keep in mind before making the transition.

Draw Up a Contract

It may just be your parents, but this first step is important for everyone’s peace of mind. They aren’t obligated to allow you back in their home, so it is necessary for them to lay out the rules and determine how much you’ll be paying for rent, utilities, and food. If they’re letting you stay rent-free, then consider yourself extremely lucky.

It would also be wise to set up an exit plan, giving you a motivation to move out by the given deadline and assuring your parents that you’re not going to stay with them forever.

Expect Diminished Independence

Yes, there are bound to be rules and restrictions, and even though you’re no longer a child or teenager, you ought to respect them to the fullest extent, even if you don’t agree with them. Perhaps you won’t be able to stay out until three in the morning or have alcohol in the house (again, these matters should be outlined in some form of a contract), but even a lessened sense of independence shouldn’t get in the way of your path to financial freedom. Again, there’s no shame in living with your parents (temporarily), and if you decide to rejoin the nest, take this as a valuable opportunity to build up your own savings (perhaps for a down payment on a home of your own), even if it comes at the expense of your social life.

Help Out

Showing your appreciation — especially if you’re living rent-free — is practically a must when you’re living with your parents past the regular 18-year-old limit. This could entail preparing a meal one night (and paying for the food yourself), cleaning up around the house beyond what is already expected of you, and yard work.

During the economic recession, children have been rushing back into the comfort of their parents’ homes in record numbers. If you’re considering this move, you are just one of many that are seeking refuge from a tough job market and untenable cost of living. It will take some getting used to, but with proper planning, patience, and a sense of appreciation for what your parents are doing for you, this can be a very smart decision (so long as it’s only short-term).

This article is from Kelly Kehoe of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

My House in Shifts: From 3 Housemates to 6.5, and Back Again

Higgins Bealing — Wed, 15 Sep 2010 22:49:53 +0000

I have been called everything from "economical" to downright cheap. Sometimes I let my friends and family make me feel bad — guilty, even — about my low-cost lifestyle. And other times, I am proud to call myself a "frugalista.'

After living at home with my parents for one year, I had finally saved up enough money to put a down payment on a property. Carpooling and eating in for 12 months was bound to make a girl want to blow her money on one giant investment!

The condominium I fell in love with was too good to be true. It was in an amazing location (just a mile away from the bustling town center and Kiplinger-ranked night-life of West Hartford, CT) and boasted a first-class gym, social room, and swimming pool. But my dream home was four times my annual salary, and I'd only planned on spending two times what I brought in a year from my job as a materials science engineer. I knew it was an amazing property — and an even more amazing investment opportunity — so I bought it, knowing full well that it would mean renting out the second bedroom.

Two bedrooms, three housemates

Elsa was not only a colleague, but a dear friend — someone who could get me into clubs that I wasn't cool enough (or rich enough) to get into for free, and more importantly, she knew how to make her own sushi. She had me at "sushi."

The rent money that came in certainly helped with the mortgage payments, but I was still way in over my financial head. Matt was a good friend of ours who worked on the night shift. When he told us his sublease was about to run out, we joked, "Why don't you move in with us? You sleep when we work, and we work when you sleep!" We all laughed for few seconds and then realized that it might not be as crazy as it sounded. (I personally couldn't help giggling as the dollar signs rolled in front of my eyes, like an Atlantic City jackpot.)

The official arrangement had Matt sleeping on the couch, paying me $450 for the pleasure of not having the privacy of his own door. And being the hippy that he was, he didn't come with too many things. He was also a vegan who rarely ate, and he never used the dryer after washing his clothes, which suited me just fine as the sole utilities financier. This also helped to offset Elsa's "princess showers," which she couldn't seem to tear herself away from.

After three months, I was actually making a profit of $100 a month. For anyone who grew up in a boarding school or loves the company of others ALL THE TIME, I would highly recommend this unique, social lifestyle. I was often woken up at the crack of dawn when the third shift ended, but this was usually forgiven with the receipt of a five-minute back massage to start the first shift off on the right foot! And what can I say? Eating free, made-to-order sushi in my pajamas was a luxury not many can say they've had.

Two's company, six-and-a-half's a crowd

As the months went on, each of our situations grew more interesting. And three interesting situations — whether you multiply, add, or take something to a power — can quickly turn to chaos.

Elsa announced that she was pregnant. This not only meant that her boyfriend moved in, but it was also the end of my pajama-sushi fantasy. Matt started bringing over female suitors. This was fun at first, but I soon found myself texting through the walls to Elsa, "OMG can u believe we can hear everything?!" and "i have 2 use the bathroom! can u set the sprinklers off so they will go away?" Finally, I got engaged to my boyfriend, whose couch I used to sleep on when I was studying abroad in London before we even got together. And yes, he moved in, too. My condo had gone from a habitat of three to a habitat of six. And a half.

Back to normal (that is, if "normal" means privacy and not renting out beds by the hour)

Eventually, Elsa moved out. But that was only after 8½ months of hot flashes, baby showers, and false alarms. Matt and his flavor-of-the-month moved into Elsa's now-vacant room, and I was back to only making some money on the condo, and not a profit. His latest girlfriend was a city slicker, well-to-do, and didn't have the same desire to live in a commune as he did, so they soon got a place of their own in the city. (But only after he sold his car, got a job closer to home, and got a bike.)

This left my then-fiancé and me all to our lonely selves. It was certainly a change going from the chaos of six-and-a-half bodies to only two, but it was nice in a strange and quieting way. If you like privacy and other associated marital normalcy, I'd highly recommend living alone with your fiancé. Do I miss the rental income? Not really. Elsa and Matt only gave me a small portion of their monthly paychecks towards the mortgage. As it turns out, husbands give the whole thing!

Guest Post Blurb:

This is a guest post by Higgins Bealing, an engineer by day (trying to save the planet through green initiatives) and an MBA student by night. She divides her time between West Hartford, CT and Ithaca, NY and has found many ways to pinch pennies through carpooling, renting out her home, and writing for environmentally friendly blogs.

This article is from Higgins Bealing of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

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