couples

4 Money Challenges That Will Strengthen Every Relationship

Denise Hill — Tue, 26 Jun 2018 12:41:09 +0000

Mixing love and money is tricky. In fact, a recent study conducted by Dave Ramsey and Ramsey Solutions found that money is the second leading cause of divorce. Infidelity is number one. The study concluded that debt, communication, and attitudes about money and spending habits keep couples broke and disgruntled.

Money challenges are the ultimate team-building activities for couples. When done correctly, they can expose areas of pain and fear, open or improve lines of communication, and help you become a more disciplined unit.

Whether you are newly married, been together for a while, or are on the cusp of divorce, engaging in a financial challenge — as a couple — could improve or even save your marriage. The challenges themselves aren't magic. You have to commit and do the work. They can, however, assist you in revamping how you view and handle finances as a pair.

Here are a few money challenges that every couple should try. (See also: 4 Ways Couples Can Tackle Money Goals Together)

1. One Income Challenge

The One Income Challenge is a doozy. This isn't the type of challenge you wake up one morning and just begin. No, this one takes preparation and planning — which is what makes it such a great challenge for couples. The goal is to get your overhead and bills so low that you can live off just one income for at least one or two months. That doesn't mean that you only spend from one persons' paycheck — the goal is simply to save the sum of what one of you brings in monthly.

This challenge will not only save you a ton of money, but will also fling open the doors of communication. You have to talk during this challenge to ensure things are paid on time and both parties know exactly what they are allowed to spend. It really takes a concerted effort to do this. It will also allow you to see what you could accomplish if you could reduce your overhead and live off one income long term.

Becoming a one-income household is also something you could aspire to in the future. So, if you can't live on one income today, make it your goal to be there this time next year or in two years. Even if you never reach your goal, you're still way further than you were before you started. Your wallet and your marriage will benefit from your efforts. (See also: How to Go From Two Incomes to One)

2. The Cash Only or No Credit Challenge

The Cash Only Challenge is less extreme than the One Income Challenge, but it's still very difficult — especially for those who rely heavily on credit. During this challenge, you only spend cash for everything that is not drafted automatically or requires you to pay online. The goal is to pay with cash as much as possible for the duration of the challenge.

The reasoning behind this challenge is that paying with cash causes you to plan and to think about purchases before you actually buy something. With cash you can only spend what you have. Overspending is not an option. Paying with cash will also help you track expenses easier and it will develop your discipline muscle. If you allocate $250 for groceries but spend $75 on shoes, you only have $175 left for groceries. Once the cash is gone — it's gone.

A great way to modify this challenge for those who are wary of carrying cash is to only use your debit cards. Take all of your credit cards (your spouse's too) and put them in a drawer. Only spend what you actually have in your bank account. This modification lowers the degree of difficulty, but it still remains challenging. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

3. The 50/50 Challenge

I read about this challenge on CoupleMoney.com and I fell in love with the concept. The concept of the 50/50 Challenge is twofold: spend less and earn more. You and your spouse should work to reduce your monthly cost of living expenses while simultaneously figuring out ways to earn more money during the challenge.

This challenge will not only do wonders for your savings, but it is also the ultimate team-building exercise. You learn where you can cut and how you can bring in more during lean times. Together, you and your spouse can set savings and earnings goals and find creative ways to cut costs and earn a little extra. You can organize a yard sale, sell stuff online, or get side gigs. The possibilities are endless. (See also: 14 Best Side Jobs For Fast Cash)

4. No Shopping Challenge

The No Shopping Challenge is a pretty popular money challenge. The goal is for you and your spouse to eliminate any unnecessary spending. During this challenge, you buy only the basics. This means forgoing luxuries such as dining out, getting your hair done, and anything else that is not an absolute necessity. You take your budget down to its bare bones.

A twist that my husband and I like to add is to write down every single thing we are spending money on for the month. So, in lieu of writing "groceries," we would actually add the entire grocery list to our list of expenses. And if we forget to list something, we do without it for the month. This really improves communication and ensures that you are working together and planning every dollar you spend.

You can modify, rework, and mix and match any of these challenges to fit your particular situation and lifestyle. The goal is not to follow a challenge verbatim — the goal is to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone and changes your perspective about money and marriage. (See also: 8 Steps to a Blissful Matri-Money)

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This article is from Denise Hill of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Moves to Make Before You Move in Together

Emily Guy Birken — Tue, 05 Jun 2018 08:30:31 +0000

Moving in with your significant other is an important moment in your relationship, and it can feel awkward to worry about anything so concrete as finances when you both have stars in your eyes. But money has a way of causing tension in even the closest relationships if you don't spell out expectations before you've signed a lease or a mortgage contract together.

In addition to the potential strain money can put on your relationship, it's also important to remember that cohabiting couples can have an even greater need to protect themselves financially than married couples do, since there is less legal protection available for unmarried couples who split up after living together.

Though it may seem unromantic, make sure you and your soon-to-be live-in boo follow these money moves before you call the moving trucks.

1. Talk about finances

You may assume that you and your partner each make about the same amount of money and have similar attitudes toward finance. But until you are living together and your joint household depends on each of your finances, you can't really know for sure.

That's why the first and most important step in making sure your new living situation is blissful rather than stressful is to talk openly about your finances together. Discuss how much money you each make; how much each of you are used to spending for housing, utilities, and other living expenses; and how much you spend each month on individual expenses, like student loans, car loans, gifts to family, work-related expenses, and the like.

This may sound like the world's most awkward conversation (just ahead of when your parents gave you "the talk"), but a little discomfort now will save you a great deal of relationship strife in the future. That's because you can discuss fundamental disagreements about how to spend money when you're not in the midst of a financial issue or problem.

For instance, if you know ahead of time that your sweetheart sends $400 per month to help her younger brother in college, it will not come as a nasty surprise when that is the reason she gives for not being able to afford half the cost of a new dryer to replace the broken old one. You will know just how strongly she values giving financial help to family, and you can talk about how that will affect your financial choices as a live-in couple before it becomes a reality. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

2. Set a budget you can both afford

Beyond the initial conversation about your income, expectations, and financial philosophy, it's important to work together to set a budget that's affordable for you both. This is especially vital if there is a big income disparity between you, since the higher-earning partner may assume they can afford a more expensive place than the lower-earner is comfortable with.

Couples with an income imbalance may be tempted to simply let the higher earner pick up the financial slack, but there are two big problems with this plan. First, it can come with a big helping of resentment to have the income imbalance reflected in housing costs, since the higher earner may resent paying more while the lower earner may feel beholden.

In addition, nothing is guaranteed, including employment. Setting a budget that is completely outside the means of the lower earning partner could turn a potential job loss into a huge financial crisis. (See also: 4 Ways an Income Gap Can Strain Your Relationship)

When you are setting your joint budget, talk about how much rent or mortgage you can each afford, as well as how you will split up the cost of utilities so that you can each easily afford your portion of the housing costs. While it's perfectly OK not to split everything 50/50, it's a good idea to draw up a budget that either partner could handle for at least a month or two in a pinch. (See also: 3 Simple Ways to Split Bills With Your Spouse)

3. Put both your names on the lease

If either partner is not represented on the formal housing document, that opens you up to some big potential problems.

For instance, let's say Brian and Jeff move in together to an apartment just in Jeff's name. If they were to break up, Jeff would have a better claim on staying in the apartment they have both called home because his name is on the lease.

Alternatively, if Brian decides to pack up and leave, Jeff is left holding the bag (and paying the rent solo), and he will have no legal recourse. With Brian's name on the lease, they are both responsible for continuing to pay rent.

4. Put your arrangement in writing

A running gag on The Big Bang Theory is the overly-complex roommate agreement that the socially inept Sheldon drew up with Leonard before they moved in together. While most of Sheldon's quirks should not be attempted at home, this is one that bears imitation, though it doesn't need to be as complicated as Sheldon made it. Writing out the specific financial expectations of each partner can protect you both.

What should you include in the agreement? It should detail how much you will each pay for rent, which partner will pay for which household expenses, when bills will be paid, and any other arrangements for sharing your space.

A written agreement is especially important if one partner owns a house that the other partner is moving into. Without both names on the title, the non-homeowning partner is vulnerable should the relationship go south, or if the homeowner were to pass away. In either case, that partner could be evicted at another's whim because there was only one name on the title. Alternatively, if the homeowner is unable to pay the mortgage because of job loss or disability, the other partner would have no obligation to pay it.

A legal, written agreement between partners can make sure that you both have financial protection in regards to your joint home.

5. Keep separate emergency funds

Having a financial cushion available to leave a bad situation is an important part of financial health. Knowing you have the money to leave an abusive job, a dangerously maintained apartment, or a toxic relationship gives you the freedom to set important emotional boundaries and keep yourself from being walked all over.

When you're talking about moving in with your significant other, you may feel like this relationship could never become a bad situation — but there's a reason why it's called an "emergency" fund. Relationships can sour and people can wait to show their true colors, so it's always prudent to make sure you each have the funds to take care of yourself if you have a relationship emergency. (See also: 5-Minute Finance: Start an Emergency Fund)

Spelling out expectations is the path to happy cohabitation

It's easy to get caught up in the fun part of planning out your move with your beloved. After all, talking about money, leases, legal agreements, and the like is not exactly romantic. But talking to each other about your financial expectations before you are unpacking boxes means you are walking into your new living situation with eyes open, and you will not get stuck in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

3 Reasons Taking a Loan For Your Wedding Is a Bad Idea

Denise Hill — Wed, 14 Feb 2018 09:01:05 +0000

Imagine standing at the altar on your wedding day. Staring deep into your beloved's eyes, suddenly, you are struck by the thought that this one "priceless" moment is costing you over $30,000. And that doesn't include the five-day, four-night honeymoon in Cancun. What have you done?

According to The Knot, the national average for the cost of a wedding in 2016 was a whopping $35,329. And since most couples don't have that kind of cash upfront, many turn to loans to finance all or some portion of it.

Technically speaking, there's no such thing as a "wedding loan." A wedding loan is just an unsecured personal loan where the interest rate is based on the creditworthiness of one or both potential spouses. But kicking your marriage off with debt is a recipe for unnecessary stress and hardship. It can set you back financially before you even gain any momentum in what should be a new, exciting chapter of life.

If you are contemplating using a wedding loan to help you pay for your big day, here are three key things you should consider.

1. You squander your money's opportunity cost

Every dollar comes with an opportunity cost — meaning there are infinite ways that one dollar can be spent. Once you spend the dollar, you lose all of the other potential things you could have purchased with it.

Taking out a loan for a wedding is financial double jeopardy. Not only do you lose the opportunity cost for each dollar you've spent, but you also limit what you could have strategically used your credit for — such as purchasing a home or starting a business.

There are so many ways to spend money, and shelling out copious amounts of cash to pay for a one-day event is a bad investment. Starting your life together with a huge amount of unnecessary debt adds more stress to a naturally stressful endeavor. Marriage is tough. In lieu of investing in a single day that won't appreciate in value, take that money and invest in your life with your partner.

2. You drastically increase the cost of your wedding

We've already established that having an expensive wedding is a bad investment, but taking out a loan to pay for a wedding is asinine. Let's say you take out a $20,000 personal loan for your wedding at an annual percentage rate (APR) of 10 percent. And because you and your fiancé both have student loans, car payments, several thousand dollars in credit card debt, and are looking to purchase your first home, you opt for a 10-year repayment period.

Your minimum monthly payment is going to be $264.30 per month for 10 years. During that time, you will pay over $11,000 in interest. Your $20,000 wedding just skyrocketed to $32,000. Think about that for a second. Ten years of your life and $32,000 spent paying for a five-hour event. That money could have been a down payment for a home.

What's more, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, first marriages that end in divorce do so within an average of eight years. That means if happily-ever-after comes to an end before your loan is paid off, you'll be paying for your wedding and your divorce simultaneously. (See also: How to Save Big on Everything for Your Wedding)

3. Spending big leads to more big spending

Spending big on an extravagant wedding establishes spending expectations. This big spending attitude can quickly seep into all financial decisions and an attitude of entitlement can emerge — because you deserve "the best," which is usually defined by people with extravagant tastes. Now the honeymoon has to be lavish with no expense spared. Your home has to be opulent and in the fanciest neighborhood. Your kids have to wear the trendiest clothes, attend the most prestigious private schools, and belong to all of the "it" clubs. The cycle can consume your marriage.

If you and your spouse-to-be can find a way to be creative and have a wedding that is meaningful, intimate, and budget-friendly, you will establish a better foundation. You will be setting a tone of living within your means and valuing quality over size and quantity.

The essence of marriage is appreciating the little things and making the daily grind adventurous. When you pressure yourself and your spouse to continuously "go big," you add a mountain of undue stress — both emotionally and financially — on your marriage. (See also: People Are Still Spending Too Much on Their Weddings)

A $40 wedding story

I recently celebrated my 22nd wedding anniversary. As I look back and recall my wedding, a smile slowly creeps across my face. We spent $40 on the ceremony and had our reception at Applebee's. Our best friends were there and we had the time of our lives.

Over these past 22 years, I've never looked back and wished we had done things differently. In fact, we have renewed our vows twice since then (we do it every 10 years) and each time it's been a quiet ceremony in our pastor's office. The only people who attend are the pastor and my husband and me. It's intimate, private, and special.

I am not saying you should forgo a large wedding. You have found and are marrying the love of your life. That level of commitment should be honored. But before you pull out all the stops and plan the wedding of the century, pause and assess how you are spending that money. Do you really need to spend $2,000 on flowers? If something isn't important to you and your fiance, don't borrow money to pay for it.

Marriage is a marathon, not a 100-yard dash. Try shifting your focus from having the perfect wedding day to building your life together. Chose to invest in you.

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This article is from Denise Hill of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

4 Money Fights Married Couples Have (And How to Avoid Them)

Emily Guy Birken — Tue, 13 Feb 2018 09:30:08 +0000

When a couple first gets married, while the newlywed glow is still bright enough for strangers to see, it can seem as if nothing can ever get in the way of true love.

But if you fast forward a few years, many couples will find that money has a seriously unpleasant effect on that love. Whether you are shouting at each other over a credit card bill, or living in chilly silence because of one spouse's financial decision, you may wonder why your love for each other is not enough to smooth over the jagged edges of your money disagreements. (See also: 8 Steps to a Blissful Matri-Money)

According to a 2014 poll by Money Magazine, money is the most common reason married couples fight, ahead of household chores, togetherness, sex, snoring, and what's for dinner. These financial fights often seem to follow similar patterns, no matter who the spouses are, how much they make, or where they live.

That means it's possible for married couples to anticipate common money fights, and avoid them altogether. Here's what you need to know about four of the most frequent money arguments, and how you and your sweetheart can avoid them.

1. Disagreements over spending

It's a tale as old as time. One of you is a spender, and the other one is a natural born saver. When the spender comes home with brand-new gadgets and gizmos galore, the saver is likely to blow a gasket. What ensues is an argument about who is a buzzkill and who is irresponsible.

How to avoid this argument

Many individuals make the mistake of avoiding this argument by simply not telling their spouses about their spending. Money Magazine's poll found that a full 22 percent of spouses have spent money that their partner doesn't know about. But while keeping your spending secret might keep the peace for the moment, such secrecy causes much bigger problems down the road.

Instead, couples should commit to having separate fun money funds. This is a great way for each of you to make purchases the other might see as unnecessary, without it becoming an issue.

As long as you and your partner can agree on a budget amount for important-to-me purchases, this strategy will allow you to buy stuff that matters to you without having to fight about it with your spouse. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

2. Power struggles over money

In many relationships, one partner will believe he or she has the last say on financial decisions. Often, this comes about because of who is the higher earner, although these types of power struggles can also be rooted in beliefs about who is better with money — either because of gender stereotypes or the couple's specific relationship history.

Unfortunately, these sorts of power struggles can really undermine the love between a married couple. When one partner wants to be the ultimate financial authority in the relationship, his or her actions can negate the equality between spouses, which can foster resentment and anger.

How to avoid this argument

It's important for spouses to recognize they are both on the same team when it comes to their money. To do that, they need to start viewing all income as "our money" and all decisions as "our decisions."

If the power struggle stems from the fact that one spouse brings in more money, one way to view things more equally is to sit down together and make a list of what you each do for the overall health of the relationship.

This is a peacekeeping tactic that many marriage counselors advise for dealing with housework squabbles, but it works just as well for dealing with money imbalances. Once the higher-earner sees that the other partner does all the grocery shopping or laundry or airport drop-offs, it can help to put the high income in perspective. The high-earner would be keeping less of their income if each of those nonfinancial contributions by the low-earner had to be contracted out.

If power struggles are rooted in a belief that one person is better with money, consider what would happen if either one of you died. If only one spouse takes care of the marital coffers, the other one will be vulnerable in the event of widowhood. Thinking through these kinds of worst-case scenarios can help spouses recognize the importance of each partner having financial responsibility and buy-in on financial decisions. (See also: The 7 Worst Money Mistakes Married People Make)

3. Reactions to risk

Opposites often attract, particularly when it comes to risk tolerance. Often, the risk-averse, better-safe-than-sorry type and the risk-loving adrenaline junkie fall for each other, because Mr. Safety grounds Ms. Risky while she helps him expand his horizons. Unfortunately, these love matches can cause friction when it comes to financial decisions.

For instance, one spouse may want to invest their savings into the business she is trying to get off the ground, while her husband would prefer to keep that money safe in the bank in case the business fails to launch. Such a couple might find themselves arguing over whether or not he believes in her, and whether or not she cares about his financial anxiety.

Even couples who are both on the same page when it comes to the relative importance of a steady paycheck can strongly disagree about how much risk they are willing to accept in their investments. If he wants to chase returns with every no-fail promise of a tin mine in Bolivia, while she is happier to leave it all in CDs, savings accounts, and maybe a bond or two, there will be some serious fights about the future of their money.

How to avoid this argument

The best way to calm the fears of a risk-averse spouse is to make sure there is an upper limit to the amount of money that will be "risked." For instance, an entrepreneurial spouse might promise to invest no more than 20 to 25 percent of their savings into the new business, which will give some room for growth while also providing the cushion that the other spouse needs to keep from breathing into a paper bag.

Similarly, having a plan of action for investments can help a couple navigate their differing risk tolerances. Such a plan could design asset allocation that will mitigate risk and encourage growth — and potentially leave a small percentage available for the more speculative investments that will please the risk-taker in the couple. (See also: 5 Painless Ways to Manage Money With Your Partner)

4. Disagreements over helping family

One of the toughest arguments between couples happens when a family member asks for money. Whether it's a one-time request because of a truly difficult situation, or it's a family member who regularly wants to borrow money from you, this can cause major stress for a couple.

Often, these types of fights go further than just disagreements about the money — they can become arguments about each other's families and each spouse's expectations of dealing with them. Many a spouse has spent a few nights on the couch because of a loan to a family member.

How to avoid this argument

The best way to avoid this kind of disagreement is to talk about it ahead of time. After you have been asked for money or have already given money to a family member is a bad time to hash out how you each feel about family loans. In particular, the issues you need to agree on are these:

Can you consider any money you give to family in need as a gift rather than a loan?
If it has to be a loan, can you agree to have a legal loan document written up to make sure you are reimbursed?
What is the maximum amount of money you are willing to give or loan to family in an emergency?
Is there a maximum number of times you are willing to help the same family member?
Are there nonfinancial ways you can offer to help if giving or loaning money is not in the cards?

Getting on the same page on these issues before a relative asks for money can help ensure that your bond with your spouse stays strong, no matter how often your shiftless cousin Lenny asks for a couple hundred dollars. (See also: The 16 Cardinal Rules of Loaning Money to Friends and Family)

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

7 Ways Being Single is Better for Your Bank Account

Paul Michael — Tue, 06 Feb 2018 09:30:08 +0000

Valentine's Day is once again fast approaching. People in relationships are saving up to treat their partner to something special. And for those seeking romance, it's a great opportunity to drop a few hints with a card and candy. But for the millions of people who are single, this time of year can really suck.

If you fall into the latter category, take heart. You may not be part of a couple, but your bank account will adore you. Here's why.

1. Valentine's Day is a money suck

Romance is big business in America, and retailers will do everything they can to get you opening your wallet. In 2017, USA Today found that Americans spent over $18 billion on the day for lovers.

Think about all the good that money could have done; schools, hospitals, care for sick people. Instead, it was spent on overpriced roses, chocolates, teddy bears, jewelry, fancy meals, and lingerie. This equates to the average consumer spending around $137 on February 14, although clearly some people are spending way more.

If you're single and like the idea of chocolates and flowers, wait until the day after. They'll be reduced by 50 to 75 percent (or more in some cases) for the exact same products. (See also: 14 Ways to Spend Less Money on Valentine's Day)

2. Your food budget goes a lot further

When you're shopping for two, you spend a lot more than when you're on your own. For a start, the chances of you both loving all the same foods is slim. Speaking from personal experience, I can meal prep the same food that I love for the whole week and eat it every night. It's cheap, it's balanced, and it suits me just fine. In a couple, that was a complete no-go. The same meal every night? No way. That means more ingredients, more recipes, and more money.

What's more, dining out as a single person is not as attractive a proposition as dining with a partner, so less is spent on restaurants and other eateries. And when you do eat out alone, you're spending at least half as much. Couples have a tendency to splurge on wine, desserts, and so on. When you're eating alone, you don't want to linger for as long, and that means less time to eat, drink, and spend. Those savings are delicious.

3. Weddings aren't cheap

If you're fretting about the couples around you that are planning to get married, this little statistic should ease the pain considerably: According to The Knot, the average cost of a wedding in the USA in 2016 was a staggering $35,329.

That is up $2,688 from 2015, which means you can expect that average to be even higher this year. After the cost of food and wine, renting a venue, a DJ or band, flowers, cake, invitations, photographs, and favors, the average price per guest rose to $245.

That's right, you're spending that much for each and every guest you invite. And let's not forget the cost of the wedding dress, the ring, and the expensive honeymoon after the big day. You can easily kick-start married life with over $40,000 in debt. Consider that next time you see a couple walk down the aisle.

4. You have time to focus on your career and your finances

Relationships eat up time. There's just no getting around that fact. Of course, people in happy relationships will point out that it's exactly the reason they're seeing someone; they want to spend time in the company of someone they love, and why wouldn't they? But this has to come with a sacrifice, and usually it's the career and the ability to make money that suffers.

The relationship will take a hit if one of you is working late night after night, or canceling plans at the weekend to pitch on new business. Guilt sets in, and instead of devoting time to a higher salary and new opportunities, it becomes the norm to spend free time eating out, going to movies, and taking weekend trips to the mountains or the beach. That means instead of using your free time to earn money, you're using it to spend money. (See also: 13 Ways to Make Money From Valentine's Day)

5. No more spending money on gifts

Aside from Valentine's Day, there are plenty of other dates on the calendar that make you spend money. Birthdays, anniversaries, and major holidays will hit you in the bank account throughout the year. Depending on what your partner is into, these gifts can set you back hundreds (or even thousands) of dollars. Forget the watches, clothes, gadgets, and gift cards, and instead save the money. Or, buy yourself something you've always wanted. (See also: 12 Fun Facts About Valentine's Day Spending)

6. Vacations are cheaper alone

Most couples like to do things the traditional (and expensive) way when they go on vacation. A hotel room, rental car, taxis, shows, restaurants, and bars are usually part of the mix. But when you're single, your options open up considerably, and the cost of your vacation can drop dramatically.

For a start, as a single traveler, a site like Couchsurfing can be a huge money-saver, and it's also a great way to meet other people and make new friends. You could also use Airbnb to find a bedroom in a local house that is way cheaper than a hotel room. You don't have to compromise on anything. Eat the food you want. Go where you want. Spend as little as you want. Single travelers have much more freedom, and way more options available. When you have more options, you have more opportunities to save money.

7. Two people means double the debt

The average person with credit card debt owes $5,331 on their cards, according to CreditDonkey. When you become part of a serious relationship, and get married, you combine the debts you owe. That means you are now responsible for twice what you were before.

Admittedly, you probably have two salaries (although not every couple has two incomes), but it can become daunting to look at the combined debts you have to pay off. As a single person, your debts are your own. And you can choose to live very frugally to pay off your debts, which can be a lot more difficult to do when your partner doesn't want to eat ramen and eggs four times a week.

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This article is from Paul Michael of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Conversations Couples Should Have Before Retirement

Dan Rafter — Tue, 05 Sep 2017 09:00:06 +0000

Retirement for you and your spouse is just a few years away. Maybe you're both eagerly awaiting the days when you no longer must commute to work, sit in long meetings, and turn in reports.

But retirement does come with its own challenges, many of them financial. It's important for spouses to have the same expectations of what their retirement years will look like. And it's equally important for each spouse to understand where their income will be coming from and how much money there will be.

Here are five key conversations that couples must have before retirement arrives.

1. What kind of retirement do you both want, and how expensive will it be?

There are many different ways to spend your retirement years. Maybe you want to travel the world. Maybe you'd prefer spending more time with your grandchildren. Your version of a dream retirement might consist of days on the golf course or fishing on the lake.

But what if you have the travel bug, and your spouse would prefer to sit home and catch up on some reading? These are two radically different versions of retirement. And, when it comes to your retirement finances, one is far more expensive than the other.

It's important for you to share your retirement expectations with your spouse before you actually leave the working world. If you both agree that plenty of travel is in your future, you'll need to work hard to make sure you'll have enough retirement dollars to fund these trips. If only one of you wants to spend time traveling or pursuing a more expensive hobby, you'll have to craft a compromise.

2. Where will the money come from, and how much will you have?

As retirement nears, couples must work together on a new household budget tailored to their new life after work. You won't be able to rely on that steady work income after retirement, and Social Security payments probably won't cover all your daily living needs. This makes writing a household budget — and agreeing to stick to it — more important.

Your new budget should list all of your sources of monthly income and all of your expected monthly expenses, including mortgage payments if you still have them, car payments, utility bills, groceries, and entertainment. Once you've listed your income and expenses, including how much of your retirement savings you'll need to dip into each month to cover these expenses, you'll have a clearer picture of how much you can spend each month after leaving the working world. (See also: 6 Ways You Can Cut Costs Right Before You Retire)

3. Where will you live?

Housing expenses can be a challenge after retirement. It's important for couples to discuss where they'll live after leaving the working life behind. Do you want to stay in your current home for as long as possible? The financial ramifications of this will vary depending on whether you've paid off your mortgage or not. It might make more sense to sell your home and move into a smaller condo or apartment. Or maybe you're ready to move into a senior housing facility.

Don't put off conversations about housing. This is one of the most important issues couples face after retirement. (See also: Retire for Half the Cost in These 5 Countries)

4. Will one of you take on a new job or career?

Retirement doesn't always mean that you or your spouse won't continue to work in some way. Some people take on part-time jobs to occupy their time and earn a bit of extra spending money. Others start the new careers that they've always desired. (See also: 6 Great Retirement Jobs)

It's important for couples to discuss their plans for working after retirement. One spouse — or both — holding down a part-time job can make a significant difference in your income and budget after retirement, even if this income isn't essential to covering your daily living needs.

5. How will you handle unplanned expenses?

Unexpected expenses aren't unusual while you're working, with everything from burst water heaters to serious medical problems eating away at your savings. The same unexpected expenses can pop up when you're retired, too. When they do, how will you pay for them?

Talk with your spouse about maintaining an emergency fund that can cover at least six months' worth of your daily living expenses after retirement. If you don't maintain this fund — which you should have had while you were working — one big unexpected expense could wreak havoc on your budget. (See also: 9 Unexpected Expenses for Retirees — And How to Manage Them)

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have

Ashley Marcin — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 11:00:09 +0000

Did you know that the secret to a healthy relationship maybe hiding in your wallet? No, money can't buy you love, but talking about the dollars you have may make a lot of, well, sense. In a recent study, researchers discovered that lack of communication about money leads younger couples to both arguments and added stress.

Here are some financial discussions worth having, especially if you share the bulk of your expenses. Heck, they may even bring you closer together!

1. Where Is Our Money Going?

Have you sat down with your partner to really dig into your bank accounts lately? It may be a good idea, especially if you hope to spend many Valentine's Days together. A national survey conducted by Money Magazine revealed that 70% of couples fight about money matters more than they do about chores, sex, snoring, and togetherness.

What's high on their hot points? Frivolous spending.

Take some time — over candlelight and wine, perhaps — to delve into your check registers and online accounts. Do you see any patterns? Were you both aware that all that money was going toward the groceries each week? Or what about those online magazine subscriptions? Unused gym memberships? You may be able to quickly spot some areas that need work before they turn into shouting matches.

2. How Do We Each Deal With Money?

Once you know what you're spending your money on, you can move on to what makes your partner tick — financially speaking. Is he a big spender? Is she a penny-pincher? Does he thrive on a cash system? Is she a credit card rewards ninja? Often, these habits are set in family history, internal motivations, or simple habit.

In my marriage, I am the one who loves drafting up budgets, doing taxes, and planning for paying off debt faster. My husband? He gets super stressed doing any of this stuff, even if it's just keeping track of the cable bill. We used to bicker about dividing everything "fairly" between us. In the end, and through many discussions, we decided that my strength with money matters made me a more natural choice for these duties.

What we share is that we are both really bad with credit cards. So, we do cash for more of our variable expenses. The message here is to find your similarities and differences. Discover what makes one person thrive or the other person freak out. Avoid condemning certain behaviors or weak points. Instead, celebrate your differences, split up duties according to your strengths, and find common ground.

3. Should We Bank Together — Or Not?

A 2014 survey uncovered that 70% of Millennial couples maintain separate bank accounts until marriage. Not only that, another study uncovered that 15% of partners who do share accounts actually maintain a secret, uh, mistress account. If you share a lot of expenses, like the usual bills and household stuff, you may want to do a pooled account so all your money is in one handy place. But that probably also means coming clean about anything you may have been hiding.

Some couples may actually benefit from or just enjoy the freedom of having separate accounts. And that's fine, too. Benefits here include not having to ask to spend money or having some privacy if you want to buy gifts for the other person. That said, don't financially cheat.

If you wish to have separate accounts, be open and honest about it. If you want to pool everything into one bank account, go for that. You can also do a combination of approaches. For example, if you make $60,000 a year and your partner makes $40,000, you may keep separate accounts. You, then, may choose to pay 60% of your shared expenses while your partner pays 40%.

The key to whatever you choose is communication, which is the cornerstone to many other aspects of your relationship.

4. How Can We Save for Something Big?

If you find money talks hard, maybe sweetening the deal a bit could help. Saving up for a mutual goal, like a vacation, can get you to join forces for good. Travel not your thing? Sit down with your partner and write out a list of five or 10 things you'd like to save for within a defined period of time, like a year, five years, etc. Bonus points if you've written down a few of the same goals.

From there, work together to see how you can turn them from dreams into realities. This activity can be quite romantic and exciting, depending on how you define your wants. For example, my husband and I have a shared dream of creating a first-floor laundry room in the next two years. Nothing gets me more in the mood than pinning design ideas. Swoon!

5. What Do We Want Our Future to Look Like?

One of the more common savings goals is retirement. A survey conducted by Fidelity discovered that many couples nearing retirement age weren't necessarily on the same page with their plans. A third of the respondents explained that they didn't know or couldn't agree on where they wanted to retire. And up to two-thirds didn't know at what age they wanted to retire.

How you spend retirement has a lot to do with how you currently spend and save your money. So, yeah. Your retirement is definitely worth chatting about. After all, it's your future together. While you most definitely need to talk about the dollars and cents, you also need to focus on the lifestyle you want to lead in those later years.

Consider writing out what you want your ideal retirement to look like. Maybe you'd like a second home near the grandchildren or to downsize and move abroad. You may even want to revisit this conversation regularly to make sure you're on the same page. Try updating your plan once a year. (Related: 7 Retirement Planning Steps Late Starters Must Make)

Tips for Talking About Money

If you still don't think money talk is sexy, you may just be worried about how to start the conversation. And, really, it can be hard. Take a deep breath and try these tips. Your relationship and financial situation will be much more stable for your efforts. (See also: 5 Painless Ways to Manage Money With Your Partner)

Set up a regular time to chat about money. You may want to do it every week or month, but find a schedule that works for the both of you.
Agree that sometimes you may disagree, and that's okay. Savings goals and spending habits are unique to each individual. Just like you may not be able to change personality traits about your partner, you may also not be able to change what motivates his or her spending style.
Employ healthy discussion techniques into your talks. Stay away from blame and shame. Instead, start your thoughts with "I feel" or "I need" to work toward mutual understanding.
If you cannot easily make a decision on something, work together to brainstorm solutions.
If meeting over the dinner table is too stressful, try taking your financial talk on a walk. The fresh air and exercise will do you both some good.

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This article is from Ashley Marcin of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

4 Ways Couples Are Shortchanging Their Retirement Savings

Ashley Eneriz — Mon, 14 Nov 2016 10:00:06 +0000

Whether retirement is decades away or if it is knocking on your door, there are some key mistakes that couples sometimes make when planning for their retirement. It's not too late to fix them, and addressing these problems now can potentially stave off issues in the future.

Are you and your spouse making these retirement mistakes?

Relying on One's Spouse's Retirement

One common mistake that couples make is that they only rely on one spouse's income and retirement savings. While you might be able to live comfortably off one spouse's income now, when you are healthy, you have to calculate just how much you and your spouse will both need in retirement. Hopefully you will both be healthy well into your last years, but plan for the "what ifs." Have both partners contribute to separate retirement accounts, if you both are working. If one spouse is self-employed or a freelancer, there are still retirement options for them.

Even if one spouse does not work, they can still contribute to an IRA account. Carol Berger, CFP®, of Berger Wealth Management, says that spousal IRA accounts are available for married couples who file taxes jointly. Berger says, "This allows a contribution to be made for the nonworking spouse and helps his or her retirement nest egg grow. For example, in 2016, a nonworking spouse can contribute up to $5,500 to an IRA in their name ($6,500 if age 50 or older)."

Putting Your Kids First

There is no doubt that you love your children and that it is easy to put their needs above retirement needs. However, don't delay on saving for retirement for your kids' sake. Saving for retirement should always trump saving for college education. Furthermore, retirement savings should not be dipped into to pay for college.

The simple reason is that your children will have access to scholarships, loans, and work to help support them through college. Even if they graduate with a heavy load of debt, they have a long time to pay it off. There are no scholarships for retirement, and I am guessing the last thing you want to do is return to work.

"Time does not favor waiting because you lose the benefits of compounding," says Good Life Wealth Management president, Scott Stratton, CFP®, CFA. "If you put $5,000 into an IRA and earn 8% for 25 years, you'd have $34,242. Invest the same $5,000 10 years before retirement, and you'd only have $10,794. Or to put it another way, if you waited until 10 years before retirement, you'd have to invest $15,860 — instead of $5,000 — to reach $34,242."

Avoiding the Issue

Money is not always the easiest thing to talk about, however, if you avoid the issue, then you will only cause the problem to grow. Sit down with your spouse and talk about your present financial situation. Talk about where you want to be financially in the next year, in five years, and in retirement.

If you both agree that you want to spend your retirement traveling and not tied to credit card debt or a mortgage payment, then you need to put in place the right money habits now.

You should develop realistic action steps that will help you reach your financial goals a year from now, five years from now, and most importantly, in retirement. That means you might have to tighten your budget and pay more toward debt. Having clear financial goals will also help you stand firm as a couple when it is tempting to refinance the house to redo the backyard. (See also: 7 Retirement Planning Steps Late Starters Must Make)

Not Planning for Medical Costs

As discussed briefly above, many couples forget to financially plan for medical costs. It is easy to think, "We won't need that much money in retirement because we won't buy anything or have to care for kids." However, medical expenses can add up quickly, especially in the last years of life. The cost of caretakers, regular doctor's visits, special medications, and even residency at a hospice can drain retirement savings in a matter of a few years.

The worst thing is that many adult children are stuck with the financial burden of their parents' medical costs. Nearly one in 10 people over 40 are considered in the "sandwich generation." This means they are caring for their own children while also caring for aging parents. The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research reports that Medicare doesn't cover the most common types of long-term care and that a nursing home can cost as much as $90,000 per year. If retirement funds don't cover the necessary care for aging parents, their children will either have to foot the bill or try to take care of their parents themselves.

Jody Dietel, Chief Compliance Officer at WageWorks says that there is a retirement tool that is often overlooked. A health savings account (HSA) can help cover medical costs. Dietel says, "It's important to understand that there's a place for both a 401K and an HSA. Establishing an HSA gives you the ability to amass savings to be used exclusively for health care expenses and preventing the need to dip into 401K funds for medical-related costs in retirement."

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This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Questions Couples Must Ask Before Retirement

Dan Rafter — Thu, 10 Nov 2016 09:00:09 +0000

What kind of retirement do you imagine? Do you picture taking a long cruise, traveling to international destinations, and racking up the frequent-flier miles? What if your partner is dreaming about a retirement of lazy days spent reading books, watching movies, and visiting the grandkids?

Those retirements are two very different kinds. And if you and your partner can't agree on a version of your after-work years that satisfies both of you, your retirement might be a stormy one.

Fortunately, you can boost the odds that you and your partner will enjoy your retirement years by asking five key questions before you leave the working world.

1. What Kind of Retirement Do You Want?

This is the most basic of questions, but it might be the most important. Couples need to hammer out exactly what kind of life they want to lead after their working years are over.

When you're working, much of your life is planned out for you. You know when you have to be on the job, for instance. If you're raising kids, your weeks are often filled with band practices, soccer games, and gymnastics meets. You and your partner might not even spend much time together during an average week.

But when you retire? That all changes. Those hours in the office are now hours spent at home. You and your partner need to determine what you want to fill those hours with. You might want to travel and take on new hobbies. Your partner might prefer quiet days with favorite books.

The type of retirement you want also impacts how much money you'll need to save. You'll need more money if you plan to travel the globe and less if you picture quiet nights in your existing home.

If you discuss this before retirement, you might be able to work out compromises. Maybe you agree to take two trips a year. Maybe you agree that you'll investigate a new hobby while your partner plows through War and Peace. But you won't be able to agree on anything if you don't first talk about what your ideal retirements look like.

2. Where Do You Want to Live?

Do you want to stay in your current home? Or perhaps you'd like to sell your home and move into an apartment in the middle of downtown? These are both good choices. But you and your partner need to discuss them before you retire. You don't want to be dreaming of a downtown apartment if your partner is making plans for a new sunroom in your current home.

And what about your grandkids? Do you want to move closer to them? Or do you want to stay put? This, again, is another conversation that you must have before retirement.

3. When Do You Want to Retire?

You might plan on working late into your 70s. Your partner might be counting down the days to 67. Make sure you and your partner discuss when you both plan on retiring.

Your partner might expect that you'll both retire at the same time. Don't make it a surprise that you want to retire earlier or later. The timing of your retirement plays an important role in how much you have to save each year to meet your retirement goals. So talk about this choice early and often.

And if you change your mind? Don't keep it a secret from your partner.

4. How Much Money Do You Need?

This might be the most perplexing question of all to couples. It's also the one that couples need to talk about early in their relationship. Couples need to agree on how much money they'll need each year to live a comfortable retirement. If they don't? The odds are high that money issues will be a constant source of tension.

How much money couples need in retirement varies depending on the lifestyles that they want. Couples who want to travel during their retirement will need more money. Those who want to spend their time visiting their grandkids will need less.

Those couples who plan on living in a pricey seniors' center or an urban apartment building will probably need more money than those who plan to live for as long as possible in a home that they have already paid off.

There are plenty of formulas for determining how much money couples should save during retirement. Your best bet, though, might be to meet with a financial adviser who can help you and your partner work through your retirement goals and determine the best way to save for them.

5. Who Will Do What Chores?

You might have been happy with being the home's main cook if your partner worked longer hours. But what about when you are both retired? Will you still want to handle the bulk of the cooking chores then? Maybe not.

It pays to talk with your partner about who will handle the bills, cook the meals, clean the house, and mow the lawn once retirement arrives. The old ways of splitting these chores might no longer make sense after you both settle into retirement.

Again, not talking about this issue could cause tension. You might not be thrilled to serve your partner dinner if that partner spent all day watching TV or reading a book. So don't be shy about the chores conversation. It might be time to work out a new household schedule.

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This article is from Dan Rafter of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Reasons to Keep Your Money Separated After Marriage

Brittany Lyte — Wed, 20 Apr 2016 09:30:21 +0000

Money may not be the root of all evil — but it's the clincher in a great many relationships gone haywire. Research shows that arguing about money is by far the top predictor of divorce. "It's not children, sex, in-laws, or anything else. It's money — for both men and women," says Sonya Britt, an assistant professor at Kansas State University who conducted a study of 4,500 couples about the interplay between financial arguments and relationship satisfaction.

We all have deeply ingrained beliefs about how money should be spent, when it's appropriate to splurge, and how much we should have stowed away in savings. And it can be difficult to the point of deal-breaking to try and mesh our own attitudes about money with another person's financial beliefs, which very well may differ drastically from our own. That's why a large number of financial advisers urge couples to remain financially independent.

Read on for our roundup of the top reasons why it pays to keep money matters separate in your relationship. (See also: 6 Ways Regular Budget Meetings Might Save Your Marriage)

1. You'll Avoid a Power Imbalance

Merging finances means there's no more "yours" and "mine" in the money department. The divisions blur and it all goes into the same piggy bank. But what if your partner earns much more than you, and now you're suddenly living a lifestyle you can afford only with your partner's assist? What if the opposite is true, and you're subsidizing your partner's income with your own earnings? When your relationship is healthy and sparkling, you might not be bothered by either of these scenarios. But what about in the wake of a blowout fight?

Or let's say you're the breadwinner in the relationship and you subsidize a good chunk of your partner's lifestyle because he or she isn't earning enough to keep up. Then, suddenly, you lose your job and your partner's income isn't enough to pick up the slack. Would you feel resentful? How would you cope with that? This is the kind of financial imbalance that has a tendency to instigate the fights that ultimately tear couples apart. Luckily, you can avoid them by keeping your financials separate from your sweetie's.

2. We're More Accustomed to Financial Independence Than Ever

Young adults are delaying marriage longer than ever before. The average age of people at their first marriage in the U.S. today is about 27, which means many people rack up six or more years of complete financial independence before saying their vows. The money habits we develop during our years as single adults become so deeply ingrained in us that it's difficult to shift them in an attempt to mesh with the financial habits of our partner.

And, unfortunately, finding common ground on financial matters is not necessarily something that gets better with practice. When asked how much they will need to save to maintain their current lifestyle in retirement, for example, nearly half of all couples are in disagreement about the amount needed. This level of disagreement is highest, however, among those who are closest to retirement.

3. It Promotes Healthy Spending Habits

Financially independent couples tend to practice better discipline when it comes to paying off their own debts. And that makes for a healthy relationship. When one partner starts to feel like their partner's pockets are deep enough to offset the burden of their own financial risks, they sometimes become irresponsible in their spending and saving habits. And that can create the kind of friction that could start a fiery argument later on down the road.

4. It Balances the Burden of Money Stress

When one partner becomes the sole organizer of a couple's fiscal matters, he or she runs the risk of becoming overwhelmed by the responsibility — and that can throw an entire relationship off balance. But when both partners take charge of their separate finances and contribute to mutual expenses fairly, any money stress that arises is shared, making it much more manageable to find relief as a team.

5. A Breakup Won't Mean Financial Chaos

When you maintain financial independence, you avoid the risk of your personal financial situation falling apart just because your relationship did. Paying your fair share in a relationship also makes for a cleaner emotional break if you one day decide to split. When one partner consistently treats the other to dinners and vacations, or pays the majority of the bills, resentment is bound to brew during a breakup. The partner who paid more might even feel entitled to reimbursement.

Separate or apart — how do you manage money with your partner?

This article is from Brittany Lyte of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Amazing Honeymoons That Only Seem Expensive

Amanda Meadows — Fri, 18 Dec 2015 12:00:02 +0000

Europe. Asia. Remote islands. When you hear these, you immediately think "$$$." But that's not necessarily the case! You can easily find ways to afford these five amazing honeymoon spots!

1. The Caribbean

This may sound crazy, but there are ways you can make a trip to the Caribbean work within your budget.

All-Inclusive Resorts Can Be Cool

All-inclusive resorts like Sandals, or cruise lines like Royal Caribbean, are really stepping up their game for young people to buy their packages. You can find competitive rates with reasonable add-on packages for specific excursions. For couples short on time, don't overthink your itinerary. (See also: 6 Questions to Ask Before You Book a Vacation Package)

Don't Forget Puerto Rico!

The U.S. territory of Puerto Rico uses U.S. dollars, has a large English-speaking population, and has really affordable flights from the states. For example, a flight from LAX to SJU in November (right before the busy season of December through May) is only around $300 per person.

Prices for everything from hotels to restaurant meals are comparable to nearly everything in the states, as opposed to many of the fancier Caribbean islands (St. Bart's, Bermuda), where there is a high markup for fine dining and shopping. (See also: 7 Fun, Frugal Vacations for People Over 30)

When to Travel for Deals

The rainy season of September through November is good for lower rates and fewer crowds. The mid-summer peak time can work if you pick cheaper destinations such as Belize, the Dominican Republic, or Puerto Rico.

2. Italy

You can live that Tuscan dream if you play it smart and plan it yourself.

When to Fly

The most affordable time to fly to Italy is November, but you will be facing a few trade-offs: Fewer attractions may be open and weather can start getting rainy and harsh. October is just before the lowest month and can be just as affordable with more options for accommodations and temperate weather. April is also a good, affordable time, as schools are still in session.

Trains Are Your Deal Machine

Consider getting a Eurail pass, as it will pay for itself very quickly. For as low as $190 per person, you can get a pass that will allow you to visit multiple cities across Italy. This means you can hop on a train, go to a new city, and have a new budget adventure with little planning.

Airbnbs Are Gorgeous

You don't want to settle for a two-star hotel or a hostel. Getting an Airbnb rental is definitely your best bet for a honeymoon-appropriate, Instagram-worthy stay. Accommodations like this chic studio in Milan or this spacious canal-view apartment in Venice are great examples of luxury on a budget.

3. Mountain Ski Resort

So you want to be snow bunnies by day, and cuddle by a fireplace in a chalet by night. It's entirely possible without paying Vail or Swiss Alps money.

Stay at an Underrated Resort

The countless great mountain ranges in America means lots of ski towns are relegated to "deep cuts." This equals savings for anyone looking to celebrate their winter nuptials in a less famous setting with equally dramatic views. With places like Red Lodge Mountain in Montana, Taos Ski Valley in New Mexico, and Mt. Bachelor Ski Resort (fun irony) in Oregon, you've got some great affordable options.

When to Travel

Shoulder seasons are your friend. Late October through mid-November, and the tail end of the season from March through April, are great times to still get some skiing in while enjoying the peace and quiet of non-peak times.

4. Hong Kong

If you've always wanted to galavant a dazzling city scape, savor Chinese cuisine, and enjoy the luxurious shopping experiences of Hong Kong, know that it can be done without the sky-high prices.

Exchange Rates Are Good Right Now

China has recently made it much easier for American tourists to plan their trips with a new tourism website and easier to follow visa guidelines.

When to Fly

Flights are getting cheaper from all kinds of cities. From LAX, for example, one can fly for as low as $600 per person. That's low enough to afford another day or two of travel! The cheapest times of year to buy tickets are October, November, and December. (Noticing a pattern? A good reason to have a fall wedding!)

Accommodations

Airbnb is, again, a great way to go. You can rent a brand new luxury condo for half of what a hotel room will cost you, before tax! This trendy flat, this cozy suite, and this roomy apartment are all great options for well under $200 per night.

5. Hawaii

This classic U.S. bucket-list vacation spot sounds like an expensive splurge, but it's totally reasonable and within reach for couples on a budget.

When to Fly

Luckily, there are lots of little pockets to fly to Hawaii throughout the year: January through late February, the first half of March, late April through early June, mid-August through early November (just watch for storm advisories), and the end of November through mid-December. Any major holidays, three-day weekends, or school breaks should be avoided.

Hotel Deals

During the above times of year, you can find boutique hotels at discounted rates. Larger resorts tend to start their rotating renovations and repairs during the off seasons, so be sure to ask for the lowest rate while asking to be placed in a room as far from the renovations as possible (you might have to get a manager on the phone, but it'll be worth it). Follow Beat of Hawaii for up-to-date Hawaii deals.

Self-Guided Tours

Don't get stuck on expensive and boring group tours. Simply rent a car and go on your own self-guided excursions. You can even make friends with fellow hotel guests and go on long drives in a friendly caravan.

Any other great frugal honeymoon ideas?

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This article is from Amanda Meadows of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

4 Ways to Stop Your Spouse From Overspending

Dan Rafter — Tue, 28 Apr 2015 13:00:28 +0000

Spouses aren't always honest with each other when it comes to money. A study released earlier this year by CreditCards.com found that nearly one in five U.S. consumers have hidden purchases of $500 or more from their live-in partners or spouses. The same study found that nearly 7.2 million people have hidden a bank or credit card account from their spouse or partner.

It's no surprise, then, that partners often butt heads over spending decisions. One partner wants to save. The other likes to spend, and will spend enough each month to break the household budget, often hiding these purchases until they show up on next month's credit card statement.

What if you are the financially responsible partner in a relationship? Is there anything you can do to stop your partner from blowing your household savings on video games, clothes, or expensive electronics?

There might be. Changing a partner's bad spending habits requires plenty of work and even more communication. To start, check out these four tips for changing your partner's free-spending ways.

Set a Regular Money Meeting

Robert Stammers, director of investor education at the CFA Institute — a trade association serving investment professionals — says that couples need to be willing to talk about money. Unfortunately, too many couples never hold these financial talks.

This isn't surprising: Money often scares couples. A survey released in early 2015 by the National Foundation for Credit Counseling found that 47% of couples say that money disagreements are the most common cause of stress in their relationships.

But not talking about money as a way to avoid these disagreements is a mistake. A partner who overspends needs to realize the consequences of this behavior. That can't happen if partners never talk about money. Stammers recommends that couples set a regular meeting date — maybe once a month — to talk about money issues.

"No two people have the same ideas and philosophy about money and investing, so it is important to determine upfront what is important to the both of you," he says.

Set Aside Some Fun Money

Creating a separate bank account for fun money might be a solution, says Kelley Long, resident financial planner for El Segundo, California's Financial Finesse, and a spokesperson for the National CPA Financial Literacy Commission.

This account will give the overspending partner a bit of financial freedom, and might prevent this spouse from breaking into a couple's main account set aside for paying the mortgage, car payment, and other bills, Long claims.

"This money can be spent without restriction or comment," Long says. "When the money in the account is gone, the spender has to wait until the next payday to spend again."

If the overspending partner raids other accounts after cleaning out the "fun money" account? Then a relationship has more serious trust issues that must be addressed, Long says.

Don't Let the Money Come Home

Michael Chadwick, chief executive officer of Unionville, Connecticut-based Chadwick Financial Advisors, has a more practical solution: Send more of the money you're earning into a retirement account and less of it into your savings account. Your overspending spouse can't spend the money you've stashed in a 401(k) account.

Let the Spender Take Control — For a Month

It may be counterintuitive, but it might help to have your free-spending partner pay the bills and manage the budget for at least a month. As Chadwick says, this might provide your partner with some insight into why wasting money on unnecessary purchases is such a problem.

If none of these tips work? Your overspending partner might have a more serious issue, one that perhaps only counseling can solve, Chadwick says. "Spending and shopping when out of control are no different than smoking, drugs, or alcohol."

How do you and your spouse or partner manage money?

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10 Relationship Rules You Should Be Breaking

Mikey Rox — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 13:00:09 +0000

I don't know what it was like to be in a serious relationship back in the day — pre-social media, I mean — but I can imagine that it was much easier than it is in 2015. So much has changed over the past 20 — heck, even 10 — years that some of the most trusted and seemingly infallible relationship rules are now all but obsolete. The new school of thought on the issue? Adapt your relationship to today, or face certain doom.

To catch you up to speed, here's a look at some of the most prominent relationship rules of yore that you should start kickin' to the curb.

1. Not Going to Bed Angry

My parents still adhere to this rule — or at least this is a piece of advice that my mother gives me when my marriage hits a rough patch — but I don't buy it. When we first started out, we tried to resolve the issue at hand before bed, but it rarely resulted in a truce, and the more time wore on, we were just like, screw it, I'm tired, let's resume our battle stations in the morning.

I know we're not alone.

"If you follow this rule, it could mean a lot of late nights, and nothing escalates an argument more than sleep deprivation and mental exhaustion," says Dr. Jared DeFife, a clinical psychologist and relationship coach. "I see couples in my practice who feel like they have to adhere to this rule or resolve an argument right away, leading them to drawn-out disputes where nothing gets accomplished and everyone's nerves are fried. When it comes to arguments, it's ok to take a break; in fact, it might even be necessary. You can use that time to calm down, understand your emotions, and return with a level head and a more nuanced perspective."

And hey, there's always the possibility of make-up sex in the morning!

2. Thinking That Love Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry

Excuse while I LOL at this one. Whatever narcissistic dude came up with this (and I'm 100% certain it was a dude) was smokin' the good stuff — and I want some. Because the truth is, sometimes we're real capital Bs to our partners, and apologies are absolutely necessary.

"Nobody's perfect," Dr. DeFife reminds us. "Sometimes we're grumpy or short-tempered or do the wrong thing. The mark of a good partnership is not in never screwing up or having conflicts, but in being able to recognize those concerns and to effectively make repairs when things go awry. A well-thought through and meaningful apology can actually strengthen a relationship in areas of discontent or disconnection."

I think I'll have that quote printed on a stack of Post-it Notes and hide them in my husband's desk.

3. Playing Hard to Get

Playing hard to get can be fun. But giving the guy or girl the runaround for an extended period of time so you can feed your own ego as they try harder and harder to get your attention also can be dangerous.

"This includes waiting an X amount of days or minutes before calling or texting, dumping men who do not initiate contact, and only scheduling activities on certain days or times of the day," explains Dr. Carolyn C. Ferreira, a licensed clinical psychologist. "Playing hard to get is unattractive to both sexes, and it also prohibits people from being their real selves and expressing their true feelings, which is an overall bad way to begin a relationship."

4. Waiting a Set Amount of Time After a Breakup

Breaking up or getting a divorce can sometimes feel like somebody died. You've spent most of your time with your partner for however many months or years you were together, then all of a sudden, they're gone. If this was a serious relationship, grieving this loss is a normal emotional reaction, but you shouldn't let other people dictate how long you take to heal. Whenever you feel like you're ready to get back out there and find your next future ex, put on your going-out pants and get back in the game.

"People grieve loss at their own pace; someone may be over a divorce in a month, whereas it might take someone else six months," Dr. Ferreira says.

5. Perpetuating Gender Stereotypes at Home

My husband and I have battled with this since the day we moved in together — and we're two dudes. Speaking as a man then, it's kind of insulting when someone expects that you'll do the cooking and cleaning because that's traditionally what the female in the relationship does. Not that I mind doing it — for the most part — but I don't want it to be an expectation because I'm the smaller, more creative partner in the relationship. I still have dude parts, dude. This type of thinking applies to any scenario, and as far as I'm concerned you can take that "Honeymooners" BS and shove it.

"Adhering to household tasks based on gender roles and stereotypes should also be reconsidered by couples," adds Dr. Ferreira. "Instead of completing tasks because you're the man or woman, couples should look at their strengths and weaknesses as a couple in order to decide who does what. For example, it does not make sense for the man to take care of the finances if he does not know what an Excel spreadsheet is, but his wife does because she's a business owner."

Might be time to start shakin' things up on the homefront, eh?

6. Believing That Fighting Is Healthy

Having lovers' quarrels every now and then is okay; it's good to get issues off your chest. Screaming in each other's face on a regular basis isn't. It's wise to note too that the term "fighting" is relative, and it behooves you to keep your definition of it in check to avoid a dangerous downward spiral.

"There are many myths and expectations about fighting in marriage," says Dr. Tina B. Tessina, psychotherapist and author of "Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage." "Couples come into my office frequently believing that fighting is a necessary part of being a couple, that all married couples fight, and it's a normal part of marriage. But the fact is that fighting accomplishes nothing, and it isn't necessary for couples to argue, to yell, or to have heated discussions to get problems solved. Hanging on to these ideas makes it difficult to let go of fighting."

P.S. Don't ever let anybody hit you. Ever. It's not your fault, and you don't deserve it.

7. Searching for Your Soulmate (When You May Not Have One)

What if your soulmate died before you had a chance to meet? Too depressing? I'll let Patricia Johnson and Mark Michaels, relationship experts and co-authors of "Partners in Passion," explain why you may not have a soulmate in a more palatable way.

"In contemporary society, there is a very common superstition that finding one's soulmate — sometimes called a 'twin flame' — is the key to having a true pair-bond, and that in the absence of this 'other half,' no intimate relationship will be fully satisfying," Johnson and Michaels say. "Two very damaging concepts are implicit in this belief: first, that there is a single, ideal partner out there in the world for every individual, and second, that people are incomplete until they find their 'other half.'"

In other words, stop holding out and start living more. You never know who you'll encounter along the way.

8. Accepting That Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Society — especially American culture — wants us to believe that men and women are so different that it's like we're each from separate planets. Yes, we have differences, but we also have many similarities that nobody ever seems to want to talk about because it's not interesting enough to sell 50 million books worldwide.

"We're not the first to observe that people of all genders are from Earth," Johnson and Michaels explain. "Beyond that, men and women have more in common with each other than with any other creature on the planet. To make blanket generalizations is not helpful except on the most superficial level. This model builds on older myths — the concepts of 'opposite sexes' and 'the battle of the sexes' — and reconfigures them in therapeutic terms. Despite this reframing, the model is still an adversarial one, and adversarial models are not optimal for nurturing harmonious relationships or fueling sexual passion, except in very small doses. Having the sense that you're on opposing teams will only foster conflict."

9. Assuming That Monogamy Is Natural and Optimal

So I don't get in trouble down the road for providing my personal opinion on long-term relationships and monogamy, I'll let Johnson and Michaels give you theirs.

"If human biology inspires us both to form intimate pair bonds and to seek contacts outside of those bonds, then what makes for a healthy relationship is considerably more complex than dogmatic advocates of monogamy (or non monogamy for that matter) would have us believe," say the pair. "At the same time, the impulse to bond deeply with another is not something that should be dismissed lightly. Our species varies a great deal, and it's a mistake to think about absolutes when it comes to monogamy and non-monogamy."

10. Dating Within Your Type

Just like I don't want all skinny, redheaded, melanin-free friends, I don't think it's very interesting to pursue a certain "type" of person in a romantic capacity. I've dated all types of guys — white, black, Asian, Indian, Middle Eastern, and Latino — and it has only served to broaden my horizons. Still, I have plenty of friends — especially the religious ones — who refuse to date outside their race or faith. To each their own of course, but I totally think they're missing out.

Relationship expert April Masini agrees.

"One of the best ways to get out of a dating rut is to date a Republican if you're a Democrat, or someone rich if you're poor, or a creative type if you're by the book," she says. "Date out of your religious or racial group. Date someone your mother wouldn't fix you up with — were you to let her. It'll shake up any rigidity you've succumbed to, and it's a great way to find love. It also expands your resources and gives you a bigger dating pool."

What are some of the relationship rules that you think we should be breaking? Let me know in the comments below.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

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