relationships

How to Get Your Spouse on Board With Budgeting

Emily Guy Birken — Mon, 15 Jul 2019 08:00:06 +0000

Money is the most common cause of stress in relationships, according to a study conducted by The Harris Poll, and fights about finances are often cited as the reason for divorce. Couples struggle to get on the same page about their finances because they don't have a shared budget or regular conversations about money. Unfortunately, avoiding the budgeting discussion will do nothing to improve your money stress or your bottom line. It doesn't do much to avert fights about money, either.

But even if you know all this, your spouse may not be willing to embrace the joys of budgeting. In fact, just bringing up the subject could prompt your partner to leave a person-size hole in the wall as they make a hasty exit.

Here's how to bring a spouse on board to the necessities of budgeting if they're reluctant to try it. (See also: 4 Money Fights Married Couples Have (And How to Avoid Them))

Start by dreaming big

Budgeting is really all about figuring out how you can have the things you want most in life. But most people think of budgeting as deprivation and spreadsheets, which is no one's idea of fun.

So to get your unwilling spouse on board with budgeting, start by having conversations about what you both want in life. For instance, you might ask your partner what they would do with a million dollars. Not only will this conversation be fun — it's thrilling to think about these kinds of dreams — but it also provides a great jumping off point for starting a budget.

After your big dreams conversation, you could open a new savings account specifically for the trip to Egypt your spouse has always wanted and start putting aside $5 a week. This shows your spouse that you're taking their dreams seriously, and that a cruise up the Nile is more than just a fun fantasy. Once there's a real trip or other goals that you're working toward, it can be a lot easier to get a reluctant spouse excited about budgeting. (See also: 5 Steps to Successful Budgeting)

Work solo on a budget, but ask for input

In every marriage, there are tasks that one spouse takes over because the other spouse isn't interested in handling it. Maybe she handles all the lawn care while he does the grocery shopping and cooking. So there's nothing wrong with creating a budget by yourself if your spouse has made it clear that they're not interested.

However, even if your partner says they want nothing to do with budgeting, it's still very important to make them part of the process. Put together your monthly spending plan solo, but ask your partner for their opinion after you're done. Not only will this show them that you care about their input, but they may also have a different viewpoint of various spending categories. For instance, if your partner handles the cooking, they may recognize when you have over- or under-budgeted for grocery shopping.

In addition, you can potentially ask your spouse if there are any places to trim the fat that you hadn't thought of. If you've already started setting aside money for a big dream you share, this will make this request even more motivating, since your spouse will recognize that you're trying to reach that dream faster. (See also: 11 Budgeting Skills Everyone Should Master)

Let your budget work its magic

While budgeting is much easier if everyone is on board, you can still improve your bottom line and reduce your stress while working by yourself. Even if dreaming big and asking for input don't motivate your partner, seeing a budget actually work can make a big difference.

For instance, let's say you and your spouse find yourselves stressed and scrambling every six months when it comes time to pay for car insurance. Since you've started implementing your budget, you've decided to put aside $75 per month toward that bill. When it comes due, instead of feeling overwhelmed and panicked like you normally do, the amount of money you need is already set aside and ready.

Simply sharing this win with your spouse could do a lot to bring them around to the benefits of budgeting. This is especially true if you used to have arguments or stressful scenes every time this bill came due.

Celebrate the wins together

Pointing out the ways that things are improving is a great method for encouraging your spouse to take ownership of your budget. For instance, if you spend less on dining out because you're making more of an effort to cook at home, you could ask for their input on how to celebrate. You might say:

"Check out how much we saved this month by cooking at home! I'd like to put most of it toward our credit card debt, but let's think about how we can enjoy some of this saved money. What do you think we should spend it on?"

Sharing the benefits of your budget with your spouse, even if they haven't done the same budgeting work that you've put in, can help make it clear that your budget is a joint endeavor.

From reluctance to excitement

The majority of budgeting fears stem from a sense that it will be both boring and limiting. Bringing your spouse on board means showing them that budgeting offers both fun and freedom. Consistently focusing on big goals, doing the budgeting work yourself while always asking for input, letting the budget do its job, and sharing the wins can all help your foot-dragging spouse to embrace the budget.

In time, your spouse may even say those three little words everyone wants to hear from their sweetheart: "You were right."

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

4 Ways to Come Clean When You've Been Financially Unfaithful

Denise Hill — Thu, 25 Oct 2018 08:00:11 +0000

Financial infidelity is a real thing. It can ruin relationships and financially devastate families. You've probably heard stories of people hiding accounts, buying big ticket items without their partner's knowledge, or cleaning out a joint bank account. Infidelity ruins trust and robs the relationship of financial stability and security.

But what happens if you're the one who's been unfaithful? How do you correct the issue and change course? And most importantly, how do you win back your partner's trust and repair the damage?

Addressing your financial unfaithfulness starts with honesty — which is a tough and scary thing to do. Here are a few ways to come clean after financial cheating. (See also: 8 Signs You're Committing Financial Infidelity)

Understand why you've been unfaithful

Before you drop the bombshell on your partner, it's a good idea to take a moment and understand why you did it in the first place. You really have to become introspective and do a bit of soul searching to understand your motives.

The key is to be honest with yourself.

Your reasons could be deep-seated issues that stem from your childhood. Or, they could be a simple momentary lapse in judgment and self-discipline. You could be driven by fear, lack of trust, or maybe you've just been given bad advice. It's important to unearth your fears, hidden control issues, or whatever is driving you to exhibit this behavior.

It's also important to remember and convey to your spouse that your reasons don't excuse your behavior. Understanding facilitates correcting the behavior, but it doesn't absolve the wrong or heal the hurt. (See also: 4 Money Fights Married Couples Have — And How to Avoid Them)

Repent with remorse

When you do reveal what you've done, be upfront and open. It's important that you don't try to downplay or sugarcoat your actions. And don't blame your partner for driving you to do what you've done. Your partner's actions may have contributed to your decision to be dishonest, but the onus is on you.

It's also important that your confession is accompanied by a sincere and heartfelt apology. Most people need to see or feel remorse in order to begin the process of forgiveness. Showing remorse places you in a posture of humility and displays that you understand — to some degree — the depth of your actions. Give your spouse space to be angry and don't allow their anger to make you angry.

Of course, the more egregious the infraction, the more you may need to apologize. Spending the grocery money on shoes can be wiped away with a simple sincere apology. However, stealing your partner's identity to finance a motorcycle you've kept hidden in a storage shed across town requires more than a shoulder shrug and flippant "Sorry."

Implement accountability and transparency

After you have confessed your financial infidelity and apologized to your spouse, you need to add some sort of reassurance that this won't happen again. At the very least, assure them that you are working to correct the issue. And that requires more than just a verbal statement.

Most people are inherently good, but the fear of consequences and having to account for your actions also keeps you on the straight and narrow. Every time you think about robbing a bank, you might think about The Shawshank Redemption and quickly reconsider. Accountability gently nudges you in the right direction. Accountability is your friend.

Adding an accountability component provides a safeguard for both you and your partner. It shows that you are truly working to correct the issue. It can be something as extreme as adding your spouse to your bank and/or credit card accounts, or simply allowing them to review your statements with you each month. The key here is to do something that requires you to be accountable and transparent to someone else, and that provides some sort of preventive measure to stave off future occurrences. (See also: 4 Money Challenges That Will Strengthen Every Relationship)

Write your spouse a note

Communicating difficult things to someone you love is not only gut-wrenching, but it can also be tricky. Especially if it's something that will hurt them. Writing your spouse a letter explaining yourself is a great way to get things out in the open and start the conversation.

This is especially true if verbal communication is difficult for you or if your partner is explosive or talks over you. It allows you to process your thoughts and explain exactly what you've done and how you feel in a clear and concise way. Keep in mind, it shouldn't take the place of a face-to-face conversation — it's merely a way for you to analyze, process, and explain things in a controlled environment before sitting down to talk further.

When penning your letter, make sure you follow the steps previously outlined. First, ensure you understand why you committed the infraction. Then, explain exactly what you've done in detail. Take full responsibility for your actions and explain your reasons for making the choices you've made. Make sure that you express remorse and sincerely apologize for your actions. From there, you want to propose a plan of action that allows you to be more accountable to your partner and ensure that this type of thing doesn't happen again. You also want to give your spouse room and permission to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry.

Financial infidelity is serious and can ruin a relationship, especially if the infidelity is continuous. Your reasons for coming clean shouldn't be to rid yourself of guilt or to tell on yourself before your spouse finds out. It should be done because you understand that you've wronged your partner and want a relationship that is open and honest. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

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This article is from Denise Hill of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

The Smart Way to Talk About Money on Your First Date

Tim Lemke — Fri, 08 Jun 2018 08:00:30 +0000

Many relationships have been known to crash and burn because the couple has differing attitudes toward money. You may have one partner who's very frugal, while another loves to spend. Other relationships fall apart because one partner may have financial troubles or large personal debts.

How can you find out early on if money issues will plague a relationship? There's no way to know for sure, and it's not a subject many want to delve into on a first date. But there may be ways to pick up some clues. Asking simple, relatively innocent questions can help you get insight into the financial habits of the other party and give you a sense of whether you may be on the same wavelength, money-wise. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

How can you approach the money issue on a first date?

Ask what they do

It's fairly normal to inquire what a person does for a living, and from this, you may be able to glean some information about their career goals. You then may get some sense of how much they earn or what their earning potential might be. I'm not in favor of judging a person on how much money they make, but poor spending habits combined with low income could be a recipe for disaster.

Understanding a date's career goals may also offer a clue as to whether they have student loan debt. A lawyer or doctor, for example, may have bills from law or medical school.

Inquire about their passions

People with healthy attitudes about finances are generally more inclined to spend money on experiences rather than material objects. So when inquiring about a person's interests, it helps to get a sense of what they spend their money on. Do they enjoy shopping for fancy clothes, or traveling with friends? If they are avid readers, do they collect books or borrow from the library? Do they collect high-end artwork, or are they content to just visit the local galleries?

Ask about their smartphone

This may seem a little silly, but a person's phone can be another indicator of how they spend their money. If they have the newest iPhone that just came out the day before, you can sense that they may be drawn to the newest and fanciest things. If they are still walking around with a 10-year-old flip phone, that's an indication that they are pretty frugal. A smartphone can be a key into a person's financial soul.

Inquire about their family

People's attitudes toward money are often handed down from their parents. If a person's Mom and Dad had horrible money habits, there's a good chance they will, too. If your date's parents are near retirement age, ask if they have stopped working. If so, that's a good sign that they had good saving habits that may have been passed on. But if you learn that your date's parents are calling and asking for money, that's less encouraging.

Asking about family can also give you a sense of what their parents did for a living, and the lifestyle they may be used to.

Find out where they live

You might not end up back at their apartment at the end of the night, but you may learn what neighborhood they live in. A person who is cost-conscious might live in a humble part of town with some roommates. Someone who is more spendthrift might live alone in the priciest part of the city. (But, this also may simply be an indicator of their income.) Inquiring about their housing situation might open up a conversation as to whether they are actively saving to buy a home.

Compliment their shirt

Say, "Nice shirt, where'd you get it?" Their answer could be very illuminating. An answer of, "The Versace store on 5th Avenue" versus, "Target" might offer a small glimpse into their income, spending habits, or both.

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This article is from Tim Lemke of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Moves to Make Before You Move in Together

Emily Guy Birken — Tue, 05 Jun 2018 08:30:31 +0000

Moving in with your significant other is an important moment in your relationship, and it can feel awkward to worry about anything so concrete as finances when you both have stars in your eyes. But money has a way of causing tension in even the closest relationships if you don't spell out expectations before you've signed a lease or a mortgage contract together.

In addition to the potential strain money can put on your relationship, it's also important to remember that cohabiting couples can have an even greater need to protect themselves financially than married couples do, since there is less legal protection available for unmarried couples who split up after living together.

Though it may seem unromantic, make sure you and your soon-to-be live-in boo follow these money moves before you call the moving trucks.

1. Talk about finances

You may assume that you and your partner each make about the same amount of money and have similar attitudes toward finance. But until you are living together and your joint household depends on each of your finances, you can't really know for sure.

That's why the first and most important step in making sure your new living situation is blissful rather than stressful is to talk openly about your finances together. Discuss how much money you each make; how much each of you are used to spending for housing, utilities, and other living expenses; and how much you spend each month on individual expenses, like student loans, car loans, gifts to family, work-related expenses, and the like.

This may sound like the world's most awkward conversation (just ahead of when your parents gave you "the talk"), but a little discomfort now will save you a great deal of relationship strife in the future. That's because you can discuss fundamental disagreements about how to spend money when you're not in the midst of a financial issue or problem.

For instance, if you know ahead of time that your sweetheart sends $400 per month to help her younger brother in college, it will not come as a nasty surprise when that is the reason she gives for not being able to afford half the cost of a new dryer to replace the broken old one. You will know just how strongly she values giving financial help to family, and you can talk about how that will affect your financial choices as a live-in couple before it becomes a reality. (See also: 5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have)

2. Set a budget you can both afford

Beyond the initial conversation about your income, expectations, and financial philosophy, it's important to work together to set a budget that's affordable for you both. This is especially vital if there is a big income disparity between you, since the higher-earning partner may assume they can afford a more expensive place than the lower-earner is comfortable with.

Couples with an income imbalance may be tempted to simply let the higher earner pick up the financial slack, but there are two big problems with this plan. First, it can come with a big helping of resentment to have the income imbalance reflected in housing costs, since the higher earner may resent paying more while the lower earner may feel beholden.

In addition, nothing is guaranteed, including employment. Setting a budget that is completely outside the means of the lower earning partner could turn a potential job loss into a huge financial crisis. (See also: 4 Ways an Income Gap Can Strain Your Relationship)

When you are setting your joint budget, talk about how much rent or mortgage you can each afford, as well as how you will split up the cost of utilities so that you can each easily afford your portion of the housing costs. While it's perfectly OK not to split everything 50/50, it's a good idea to draw up a budget that either partner could handle for at least a month or two in a pinch. (See also: 3 Simple Ways to Split Bills With Your Spouse)

3. Put both your names on the lease

If either partner is not represented on the formal housing document, that opens you up to some big potential problems.

For instance, let's say Brian and Jeff move in together to an apartment just in Jeff's name. If they were to break up, Jeff would have a better claim on staying in the apartment they have both called home because his name is on the lease.

Alternatively, if Brian decides to pack up and leave, Jeff is left holding the bag (and paying the rent solo), and he will have no legal recourse. With Brian's name on the lease, they are both responsible for continuing to pay rent.

4. Put your arrangement in writing

A running gag on The Big Bang Theory is the overly-complex roommate agreement that the socially inept Sheldon drew up with Leonard before they moved in together. While most of Sheldon's quirks should not be attempted at home, this is one that bears imitation, though it doesn't need to be as complicated as Sheldon made it. Writing out the specific financial expectations of each partner can protect you both.

What should you include in the agreement? It should detail how much you will each pay for rent, which partner will pay for which household expenses, when bills will be paid, and any other arrangements for sharing your space.

A written agreement is especially important if one partner owns a house that the other partner is moving into. Without both names on the title, the non-homeowning partner is vulnerable should the relationship go south, or if the homeowner were to pass away. In either case, that partner could be evicted at another's whim because there was only one name on the title. Alternatively, if the homeowner is unable to pay the mortgage because of job loss or disability, the other partner would have no obligation to pay it.

A legal, written agreement between partners can make sure that you both have financial protection in regards to your joint home.

5. Keep separate emergency funds

Having a financial cushion available to leave a bad situation is an important part of financial health. Knowing you have the money to leave an abusive job, a dangerously maintained apartment, or a toxic relationship gives you the freedom to set important emotional boundaries and keep yourself from being walked all over.

When you're talking about moving in with your significant other, you may feel like this relationship could never become a bad situation — but there's a reason why it's called an "emergency" fund. Relationships can sour and people can wait to show their true colors, so it's always prudent to make sure you each have the funds to take care of yourself if you have a relationship emergency. (See also: 5-Minute Finance: Start an Emergency Fund)

Spelling out expectations is the path to happy cohabitation

It's easy to get caught up in the fun part of planning out your move with your beloved. After all, talking about money, leases, legal agreements, and the like is not exactly romantic. But talking to each other about your financial expectations before you are unpacking boxes means you are walking into your new living situation with eyes open, and you will not get stuck in a situation that makes you uncomfortable.

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Find Your New Identity After Retirement

Sarah Winfrey — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 10:00:06 +0000

Most people work for at least 35 years before they decide to retire. This provides ample time for a person's job to become one of the most stable parts of their identity.

A lot of retirees end up feeling lost once their career is no longer part of their everyday life. Without the identity that their job provided them, they don't know who they are anymore. Some retirees end up going back to work, while others eventually find their way through to a fulfilling second act. If you are retiring or thinking about retiring, here are some ways to make the transition to your new life smoother. (See also: 6 Things You Might Do on Your First Day of Retirement)

1. Volunteer for your favorite nonprofit

Most of us have a nonprofit or two that we support and would love to do more for, if only there were time. Well, guess what? When you retire, you will finally have that time. Why not invest it in an organization that means something to you? You can volunteer at your local animal shelter, church, homeless shelter, or any other organization you've always wanted to offer a helping hand to.

If you think you will miss your job or you have professional skills that you want to continue using, you can almost always find a way to use them in the nonprofit sector. Many retirees end up having a voice on the board of their favorite nonprofit, maintaining the books, or using their interpersonal skills to provide friendship and counsel to vulnerable populations, such as at-risk teens, elderly people, or refugees. If you have the interest, the skill, and the time, you can always find a place that needs what you're offering.

2. Focus on relationships

When life is busy, it can be hard to focus on relationships. As you look toward retirement, think about the relationships you want to invest more time in. Maybe you can finally take your spouse out to dinner every month, like you've wanted to do since you got married. Maybe you want to baby-sit your grandchildren once a week to develop a closer bond with them.

Investing in relationships can be an adjustment at first, especially if the people around you aren't used to you having so much time available. If you persist, though, you may find that you get to know your loved ones better than you ever did before.

3. Find a part-time gig

Retirement is the perfect time to find a part-time job doing something you've always wanted to do. Maybe you adore animals, and now you finally have the time to put in a few hours a week at a boarding facility. If you love plants, you can probably find part-time work at your local nursery. If antiques have always been your hobby, look for work at a shop or auction house.

See this as an opportunity to explore interests that you couldn't explore before. If you're truly interested, willing to learn, and humble, you can find work where you can learn about almost anything. (See also: 6 Cool Jobs for Retirees)

4. Follow your dreams

Most of us have things we've always wanted to do but just couldn't get into because of the time involved. Retirement is the perfect chance to pursue these opportunities. Think about taking up an instrument, learning to paint, or finally getting that degree you've always put off pursuing. You may even want to start a small business or look at selling something that you make on the side.

Remember that you're never too old to start or learn something new. Whatever it is that you have always wanted to know, do, or be, you have the chance to pursue that after retirement, as long as you don't stand in your own way.

5. Look for open doors

One of the best things about being retired is that you can do what you want, when you want. You can also change course at any time if something isn't working out the way you wanted it to. This means that there's no reason not to go after something, even if it doesn't end up working out. Because you have freedom with your time, you can go through any and all of the doors that open to you, since you can always change your mind later.

If you aren't sure what to pursue after retirement, keep an open mind. Try to see everything around you as a potential opportunity. When a door opens or an offer is made, walk through it. If it doesn't work out, something else will come along eventually.

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This article is from Sarah Winfrey of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Mistakes Couples Who Live Together Might Make After a Breakup

Emily Guy Birken — Fri, 06 Oct 2017 08:00:07 +0000

Neil Sedaka made a massive understatement when he sang, "Breaking up is hard to do." Of course, Sedaka was referring to the heartbreak that comes from calling it quits with your significant other, but that is not the only tough aspect of ending a relationship. Breakups can also be financially costly for the partners as they figure out how to move on, especially if they've been living together.

While married couples can rely on the rules spelled out by divorce laws to protect themselves financially, unmarried couples don't have the same luxury. It is up to you to protect yourself when your live-in relationship goes south.

Here are the common financial mistakes you might make post-breakup — and how to avoid them.

1. Forgetting your financial responsibilities while you recover

The easiest mistake to make after a heartbreak is to ignore the important tasks while you recover. While you are busy watching Dirty Dancing on an endless loop and eating your feelings, you might not notice that your bills are piling up. Creditors don't care that your heart is shattered. They expect to be paid on time, no matter how you are feeling.

Setting up billing alerts can help you to keep your finances in order even while you are in the middle of your heartbreak. Sign up for text message or email alerts so you don't have to rely on your memory to stay on top of your finances. This will ensure that your broken heart doesn't also lead to a destroyed credit rating.

2. Not agreeing on how to sell the house you bought together

You bought the house together when you assumed the relationship was forever — and now you are broken up. If you did not draw up a joint house ownership agreement at the time of the home purchase, it could be difficult for you and your ex to determine a fair division of the home. This can be particularly difficult if one partner believes he or she owns a larger share of the home after contributing money to the down payment or labor toward home renovation or maintenance.

This kind of disagreement can result in long, drawn-out legal fights, so it's in your best interests to compromise with your ex. Assign a dollar figure to each partner's contributions, including things like the down payment, mortgage payments, labor, and other improvements. This will help you better understand each partner's stake in the house.

Once you have come to an agreement on that, one partner can buy out the other's interest in the home, or you can sell the house to a third party and split the proceeds.

It is generally cheaper for one partner to buy out the other, since you will avoid closing costs and other costs associated with a market sale. However, there are further complications to expect if you buy out your partner, such as deciding on a fair price, figuring out if the selling partner's name will need to remain on the mortgage until the buying partner qualifies for a new mortgage, and transferring the title.

3. Forgetting to pay the bills your ex took care of

Every couple has a different system for handling shared expenses. Whether you split every bill down the middle or you each took care of different bills, it's important to make sure you are aware of which accounts your ex took care of. If you find yourself unable to access a shared utility bill because your former sweetheart still has the passwords, you could risk anything from having the utility turned off to potentially losing your good credit rating if the account is in your name.

This is why you need to keep an eye on all shared expenses with your live-in lover, including passwords, contact information, and a tally of who pays for which services. If you find yourself broken up and without that information, it's better to have a chilly conversation with your ex to get the important details than to let your finances take the hit.

4. Not removing your ex's name from shared accounts

Sharing accounts is a natural extension of living together. You might have shared credit cards, utilities, or even a bank account from when you were living under the same roof.

But neglecting to remove your ex from these shared accounts can potentially put you at risk. Even if you're certain your old partner isn't the sort of person to exact financial revenge on you, it's better to take your ex's name off any shared accounts and change the passwords. It wouldn't be the first time that someone shows his or her true colors after a breakup.

5. Fighting over shared items

You bought the dining room table, the computer, and the Xbox together, and you can't decide who gets what. And then there's Roscoe the dog, who neither of you can imagine living without. How do you determine who gets custody of what in your split?

Under ideal circumstances, you and your ex will be able to decide who gets which shared items based on who bought or most uses the item. If your ex is the one who hosts all the dinner parties and you are the one who is up walking Roscoe every morning at 6 a.m., it should be obvious which item should go with which partner. Of course, it's not always so easy, and sometimes you end up fighting over your things.

If you can't stop arguing about who gets what, consider taking the issue to mediation. In this process, you and your ex go to a neutral third party who will help you hammer out the details of who gets what.

In really tough cases, court proceedings can be a last resort to help you solve the question of which items belong to which partner.

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This article is from Emily Guy Birken of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

Bad Credit? It Might Cost You Your Marriage

Annie Mueller — Thu, 27 Jul 2017 08:30:04 +0000

There's a lot to think about when choosing a partner: attraction, personality, and commonalities in interests, values, and life goals. Sense of humor is important, along with whether she's allergic to your cat or he's tolerant of your love for stinky cheeses.

If you find a good match on all of those factors, are you set? Not entirely. Studies show that there's another factor you should consider: your potential mate's credit score.

The credit score connection

What's a credit score got to do with love? Quite a bit, actually. Well, maybe not love, per se, but credit scores have something to do with the longevity of a relationship. Lower credit scores are linked with higher rates of divorce or "relationship dissolution," according to a 2015 study done by the Federal Reserve Board.

The study looked at data from 12 million consumers to track correlation between credit score and relationship longevity. The results were telling: Researchers found that credit scores play a significant role in how long committed relationships last. If both partners have higher average credit scores at the beginning of the relationship, they are less likely to separate.

A drop of 93 points in a partner's average credit score increased the chance that the relationship will end in the second year by a whopping 30 percent.

If you thought money didn't matter, think again.

What about love, and stuff?

The big question is why. Why are lower credit scores related to increased chances of a relationship ending? There are several possibilities. More than likely, it's a combination of these factors:

Assumptions of character

The researchers posit that a low credit score may be linked to the lack of key relationship skills, such as trustworthiness. Credit scores, they point out, are used in many cases not just to show that someone is financially solvent, but that they are reliable and will honor their commitments.

Of course, there are many complex factors involved in an individual's credit score. It's not fair to assume that because someone has a low credit score, that person is unreliable, lazy, or untrustworthy.

But the perception that certain negative traits are present can be enough to close a lot of society's doors for an individual. A low credit score might mean you can't get a lease, can't get a loan, or can't buy a car. Those closed doors lead to the second significant factor: stress.

Ongoing financial stress

A low credit score may be due to unsecured and unpaid debt, often with high interest rates attached. Having debt at a high interest rate is enough, by itself, to cause financial stress. When you add in those closed doors, you get a mountain of financial pain.

Imagine someone who has high-interest debt with a fairly high monthly payment. This person gets a great job, but needs reliable transportation to get to it. They can't get a loan to buy a car, and they don't have the cash to purchase one outright, so they have to rely on friends and family for rides. Maybe public transportation is available, but maybe it isn't. This person's ability to get to work depends on the willingness of other people to provide transportation.

It's not the credit score, but it is

Stress is stress, whether it's financial or caused by some other factor. When someone lives under continual financial stress, it affects the functioning of their brain and body. Chronic stress is linked to higher blood pressure, lowered immune system, weight gain and obesity, depression and anxiety, short-term memory impairment, loss of concentration, and substance abuse.

People with low credit scores are often functioning with chronic stress. They're simultaneously trying to overcome the limitations and assumptions caused by their low credit score. The relationship correlations make sense. Stress from any factor will affect a relationship; chronic stress can slowly dismantle the structure of a relationship.

Resentment in the relationship

Resentment and conflict can develop when one partner has to continually take on the brunt of the financial burden. For example, a couple decides to buy a home together; however, one partner's credit score would hurt the mortgage application. Instead of pursuing joint homeownership, the partner with better credit becomes the sole applicant for the home loan and thus, the sole responsible party. This sense of financial inequality can lead to ongoing resentment toward the person with lower credit.

Resentment can run both ways. The partner with low credit may resent having to be "helped." And the partner with better credit may use it to justify bad behavior in other areas of the relationship.

What can you do?

A credit score does not define the person you're with. And a credit score is not forever. There are ways to consolidate debt. You can get free financial counseling. Romantic partners with strong communication skills, and a plan for paying off debt and building financial security can tackle the challenges of low credit together, and win.

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This article is from Annie Mueller of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Protect Yourself Financially During a Divorce or Separation

Samantha Stauf — Mon, 10 Jul 2017 08:30:11 +0000

Marriage is not always "till death do us part." Time, unforeseen events, individual decisions, and emotional disconnect can lead couples to make the hard decision to separate or divorce.

Divorce proceedings cost an average $10,000 to $15,000, according to GOBankingRates. That's due largely to lawyers' fees. It's vital that individuals minimize additional financial fallout. The last thing you need is another financial blow due to negligence, malice, or misunderstanding.

1. Research your state's divorce and separation laws

Divorce and legal separation laws in the United States are decided on a state level. That means the first step to financial security is finding out when you stop being liable for debts incurred by your spouse.

In Pennsylvania, for example, a debt and assets cut off date is known as the "Date of Separation." That date is either considered the day the divorce complaint is filed or the day that the decision is made to separate (either moving out of the house or into a separate bedroom). In other states like New Jersey, liability for your spouse's debt doesn't stop until the divorce is actually finalized.

Couples can also, depending on the state, opt for a legal separation. Legal separation is a lot like a divorce, but the couple remains married, which allows them to file taxes together and remain on their spouse's health insurance. It could be a solid stopgap if you're unsure if a divorce is the right answer.

2. Plan ahead

Individuals who are separated or divorced might want to begin to track and document all potential assets. That means taking pictures of evidence, hunting down legal documents, and familiarizing yourself with your joint and individual financial portfolios.

Spouses often utilize temporary separations as a means to collect evidence before officially filing for divorce. It might be best to assume your spouse is already considering what needs to be done to come out ahead if a divorce is imminent. If you don't divorce, you'll at least have a better sense of your financial footing.

If you suspect the divorce might get ugly, you should also consider keeping important documents in a safety deposit box and having important mail sent to a PO Box. This will cut the risk of anyone stealing or destroying important documents during divorce proceedings.

3. Immediately protect your credit and finances

Separation and divorce leave an individual's finances and credit score in jeopardy. An estranged party, who might or might not be feeling charitable, still has control over your financial health. Now might be the time to start separating yourself.

Here are a few tips to protect yourself:

Create new car insurance policies that aren't tied to the other party (this protects you from the financial fallout of potential accidents or tickets).
Ensure rental or homeowners insurance is in your name.
Shut down joint bank accounts.
Tell all lenders and companies that expect payments that you are going through separation or divorce proceedings. Give them updated contact information in case payments are late.
Check to see if any loans or credit card payments can be frozen until the divorce proceedings are finalized.
Ensure all loan, credit card, insurance, and utility payments under your name are paid, even if you agreed your spouse would pay that particular bill.
Once the division of assets has been agreed upon legally or verbally, you can begin closing the accounts by selling off assets, refinancing loans, removing one party from the loan, or switching credit card debt to a new card.
Request a credit report and look for accounts that need to be canceled or updated. You want to identify joint accounts or accounts where the other party is an authorized user. Credit reports are the easiest way to ensure you don't miss one.
Change all passwords to your accounts.

4. Negotiate support

Separation can be a long, arduous, and expensive task. Individuals in the middle of divorce or legal separation proceedings can appeal in the courts to be granted temporary relief also known as "pendente lite." The temporary support, if granted, could lead to the primary bread winner providing temporary alimony, child support, and household payments.

If the support isn't granted, you might be able to petition the courts to have the other party financially responsible for part or all of the debt incurred while separated.

Divorcing or separating parties can also negotiate whether alimony payments are tax deductible.

Tax deductible alimony payments grant the individual who pays the ability to deduct the payment from their taxes and ensures the individual who receives the payments must file the support as income. (Taxable alimony should not be tied to any children or the IRS might not consider it an alimony payment.)

In some cases, it might be better to make the payments nontax deductible. This is more common if one spouse is in a higher tax bracket.

Separation and divorce can be a financially perilous time. Don't forget, as you implement protective safeguards, to look into protecting your business from financial ruin as well.

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This article is from Samantha Stauf of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways It Pays to Stay Single

Mikey Rox — Fri, 16 Jun 2017 09:00:11 +0000

Being one half of a couple has its financial benefits. Combined incomes can offer a stronger financial outlook and create more disposable income, allowing some couples to buy homes, upgrade to bigger places, build emergency funds, and travel, among other luxuries. Likewise, married couples filing joint tax returns might receive additional tax savings compared to single filers, helping them get ahead faster.

But couples aren't the only ones enjoying economic advantages. Singleness has its rewards, too — like eating all the cookies without judgment, and many other perks that'll make you appreciate your independence. Take a look.

1. Work without distractions

No one is suggesting you become a workaholic and sacrifice relaxation or fun for the almighty dollar, but being in a relationship consumes a good portion of your time and energy, which can limit the amount of time you're able to work.

When you're a single person with nothing holding you back, there's more time to focus on your career. And there's the opportunity to work longer hours with your employer or freelance on the side for extra money. Your extra cash can go toward achieving financial goals such as paying off debt or building a sizable savings account. Being single also gives you the opportunity to pick up and move if you're offered a better job somewhere else. You don't have to confer with a partner or worry how the move will affect their life.

2. Freedom to buy what you want

You work, so technically you can do whatever you want with your money. But when you're one half of a twosome, consulting with your partner about purchases (especially larger ones) can deter arguments and keep you on the same page financially. If you have financial goals as a couple, your partner could discourage or veto your plans for buying an item.

Being honest and having discussions about finances (and decisions regarding other matters) keeps the relationship strong, but relinquishing some of your freedom might be frustrating, too. As a single person, you don't have to consult anyone before spending or making decisions. If you want something and can afford it, buy it.

3. No stress over a partner's credit situation

If you're in a relationship and purchasing a house or car together, lenders often pull both of your credit scores and use the lowest of your two scores when determining the interest rate. So if you have great credit and your partner doesn't, you could end up paying more for financing.

Single people don't have to worry or stress over another person's credit history. As long as you're paying your bills on time and maintaining low, manageable debt, you're likely a good candidate for affordable financing. (See also: 4 Surprising Things Lenders Check Besides Your Credit Score)

4. Money arguments? What money arguments?

Another bonus of living the single life is not having money fights with another person. Some people get into relationships with people who aren't their money match, meaning they have different mindsets with regard to budgeting, spending, and saving. One person might be a saver while the other person is a big spender, or vice versa. These differences can cause problems and lead to arguments.

5. Easier meal planning

Planning meals for two or more people is not only challenging, it's costly. You have to purchase more food and cook more often. Being single makes it easier to plan meals. Since you know how much you consume each day, you have a better idea of how much food to purchase. If you prepare a meal for you and a partner, the food may last only one night. But if you prepare the exact same meal for yourself, you could potentially have leftovers for the next one or two days, thereby by reducing your food bill over the long term and helping you to avoid eating out. (See also: How to Shop for Food Once a Month and Save Big)

6. Cheaper housing costs

Two people living together need more space than a single person. This often requires a bigger home, and a higher monthly payment, despite sharing expenses.

If you're a single person committed to living cheaply, you have more options than a couple. Since it's just you, there's the flexibility of renting a room in a house with a bunch of roommates and splitting expenses two, three, or four ways (did that in my 20s; loved it!), or rooming with your folks a little longer to save money (did that in my 20s, too; didn't love it so much).

Couples don't always have these options, which means they end up spending more on housing and having less disposable income. Get away with living cheaply while you can. It may not always be this way.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Terrible Money Moves to Avoid on the First Date

Mikey Rox — Tue, 13 Jun 2017 09:00:08 +0000

Dating is tough, and first dates can be particularly awkward if you don't know anything about the other person. What you say and do can determine whether there's a second date, so it's important to present your best self. You shouldn't expect perfection, so don't stress too much about stumbling over your words or moments of silence. Chances are, these won't make or break the night. But you might shoot yourself in the foot if you make a few terrible money moves.

Want to improve the odds of seeing this person again? Here are six money moves to avoid on the first date. (See also: 8 Ways to Save on a First Date Without Looking Cheap)

1. Announcing that you're splitting the check

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: There's nothing wrong with going Dutch on a first date — just don't be a jerk about it. If you initiated the date, pick up the tab. Conversely, if the other person initiated the date, you can expect that they'll pick up the tab, but don't assume that's the case. Offer to pay half, and make your decision on whether you want to have a second date based on their willingness to accept your offer, or if they cover all of it.

If the date was a mutual decision, make a good impression by offering to pay. If your date insists on paying half, there's nothing wrong with that, and nobody should get their feelings hurt about it. But don't force the issue or make your date feel uncomfortable. In fact, don't mention splitting the bill at all until they offer. It's just bad form. (See also: Who Should Pay for the First Date?)

2. Taking advantage of your date's generosity

If your date picks up the tab for the night, go easy on his or her pocket. There might be wiggle room in the budget for dinner, drinks, and maybe dessert, but this doesn't give you the green light to order the most expensive item on the menu or suggest costly activities that leave your date broke. Not to say you should only order a cheap salad and water, but be reasonable.

3. Overspending to impress your date

In an effort to impress your date, it's easy to go a little overboard to create a memorable night. You should have fun, but not at the expense of your bank account. Check your finances and determine how much you're able to spend for the night, and then recommend a restaurant or activities within your budget.

You don't have to break the bank to impress the other person. If that’s what it takes to guarantee a second date, this isn't the person for you. (See also: How Much Should You Actually Be Spending on a Date?)

4. Asking personal financial questions

If you have a firm grip on your personal finances, you will likely seek a partner with a similar financial mindset. It's important to have financial discussions with a significant other to avoid surprises down the road. But the first date isn't the time or the place to get into all that nitty-gritty. If anything, your date might consider personal financial questions intrusive, which sets a negative tone for the night.

Likewise, if you pry or inquire about your date's income, this person might assume you have an ulterior motive. And if you ask about their debt or credit score, they might feel you're getting too close to soon, which can scare them away.

Give it some time. Wait until you have mutual feelings for each other. Only then should you sit down and have an honest discussion about your financial lives so you can make the best decisions for yourselves moving forward.

5. Bragging about your salary

Not only should you avoid asking your date personal questions about their financial life, avoid sharing too much information about your financial life too soon. Maybe you're proud of your job, your accomplishments, and your strong financial background. Or maybe you feel dropping salary information will amaze the other person and keep them around. But bragging can be a turn off.

If you spend the majority of the night patting yourself on the back and revealing how much you earn and/or spend, your date could conclude that your ego is too big and run for the hills, or only stick around because of what you bring financially to the table.

It is common and acceptable to ask about occupations on a first date, but don't get into detail about salaries.

6. Airing your dirty laundry

Bringing up negative aspects of your financial life on a first date can be just as disastrous as bragging. Remember, the idea is to make a great impression, not come off as a liability. If you mention your poor credit history, excessive credit card debt, or poor financial outlook, yet your date has a tight handle on their finances, this person could make assumptions before getting to know you and presume you're irresponsible.

You shouldn't hide these issues, but you should get to know each other before airing your dirty laundry.

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This article is from Mikey Rox of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

11 Ways Freelancers and Telecommuters Can Make Friends and Network

Andrea Cannon — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 10:30:36 +0000

Working from home can be a great thing. It allows you to work where you want, when you want, and has a number of other perks. However, it can be a bit lonely. Luckily, with the power of the Internet (and some motivation to get out and socialize), even those without an office water cooler to mill around can network and make new friends.

Networking Resources

Working off-site can take a toll on your professional network. To build your reputation, find mentors and collaborators, and connect with people in your industry, take advantage of some of the following networking resources. (See also: 15 Simple Networking Tricks)

1. LinkedIn

LinkedIn is one of those most common, popular ways to build and maintain professional relationships. It makes it so easy to network online with other professionals in your field. You can also use LinkedIn to find networking events and opportunities in your area, or connect you with organizations you are interested in.

2. Shapr

Shapr is an app that can connect you with like-minded people, allowing you to swipe left (pass) or right (interested) on your connections. You can set your favorite ways to meet, your passions and interests, and what you're looking for (collaborators, job opportunities, inspiration, potential investments, or new friends).

3. Work Your Existing Connections

Ask friends, past and current co-workers, or even your employer for recommendations on local networking events or seminars. Most cities have their own organizations that specialize in these types of events for working professionals of all kinds. If you can't find any from asking around, try a Google search, LinkedIn, or social media.

4. Take Classes

Consider taking a night class. In addition to growing your skills or teaching you something brand-new, you might befriend some fellow classmates along the way. Even online classes can connect you with new people with similar interests or background in your field.

5. Volunteer

Research some local organizations that could use a hand, and offer your time. Not only will you be contributing to a worthy cause, but you'll also be gaining experience (which looks great on a resume), expanding on your skill set, and of course, meeting new people. Volunteering allows you to become part of a community, which is a great way to expand your network.

Friendship Resources

If you don't get out much, maybe you should start! In the meantime, your smartphone or computer can also be the perfect friendly matchmaker.

6. Bumble BFF

Bumble was originally a dating app, but has expanded to include a "Bumble BFF" feature. Instead of swiping left or right on potential dates, you'll do the same for potential friends. Once you're paired with a new friend, you have only 24 hours to start a chat, so procrastinators and fair-weather friends aren't welcome.

7. Atleto

If you're looking for a workout buddy, then Atleto can help you find local sports activities and fellow fitness enthusiasts. The app can connect you with friends from your existing social media accounts, or you can find new friends in your area. This is a fun way to find an accountability buddy to help you reach your fitness goal.

8. Friender

Friender allows you to swipe left or right on potential connections. You'll create a profile based on personal interests and activities you enjoy, and Friender will recommend a few folks with mutual interests. This app is only for making friends, however, so you won't have to waste time with people who are looking for more.

9. Meetup

Meetup is an online organization with nearly 30 million members that hosts endless gatherings and social functions. You can meet people based on your occupation, personal interests (like hiking or cooking), location, and other factors that are important to you. Join a local club, take up a brand-new hobby, or explore somewhere new, all while making new like-minded friends along the way.

10. Social Media

There can be more to interacting with your Facebook friends than a simple "like" or the occasional comment. Reach out to those friends and old co-workers through Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram. Invite them out for lunch or drinks, and simply catch up. It'll feel great to get out and sit with people face to face.

11. Get Out More

Once you are no longer in school or working from an office, it can be challenging to meet new people in person. The best thing to do is visit places where connections naturally occur. Maybe find a book club through your local library, or sign up for that fitness class or 5K you've been aspiring to run. Try a local arts or cooking class, or even take your kids on a playdate where you can mingle with fellow parents. There are countless ways to meet new people if you just get out there!

This article is from Andrea Cannon of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

5 Money Conversations Every Couple Should Have

Ashley Marcin — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 11:00:09 +0000

Did you know that the secret to a healthy relationship maybe hiding in your wallet? No, money can't buy you love, but talking about the dollars you have may make a lot of, well, sense. In a recent study, researchers discovered that lack of communication about money leads younger couples to both arguments and added stress.

Here are some financial discussions worth having, especially if you share the bulk of your expenses. Heck, they may even bring you closer together!

1. Where Is Our Money Going?

Have you sat down with your partner to really dig into your bank accounts lately? It may be a good idea, especially if you hope to spend many Valentine's Days together. A national survey conducted by Money Magazine revealed that 70% of couples fight about money matters more than they do about chores, sex, snoring, and togetherness.

What's high on their hot points? Frivolous spending.

Take some time — over candlelight and wine, perhaps — to delve into your check registers and online accounts. Do you see any patterns? Were you both aware that all that money was going toward the groceries each week? Or what about those online magazine subscriptions? Unused gym memberships? You may be able to quickly spot some areas that need work before they turn into shouting matches.

2. How Do We Each Deal With Money?

Once you know what you're spending your money on, you can move on to what makes your partner tick — financially speaking. Is he a big spender? Is she a penny-pincher? Does he thrive on a cash system? Is she a credit card rewards ninja? Often, these habits are set in family history, internal motivations, or simple habit.

In my marriage, I am the one who loves drafting up budgets, doing taxes, and planning for paying off debt faster. My husband? He gets super stressed doing any of this stuff, even if it's just keeping track of the cable bill. We used to bicker about dividing everything "fairly" between us. In the end, and through many discussions, we decided that my strength with money matters made me a more natural choice for these duties.

What we share is that we are both really bad with credit cards. So, we do cash for more of our variable expenses. The message here is to find your similarities and differences. Discover what makes one person thrive or the other person freak out. Avoid condemning certain behaviors or weak points. Instead, celebrate your differences, split up duties according to your strengths, and find common ground.

3. Should We Bank Together — Or Not?

A 2014 survey uncovered that 70% of Millennial couples maintain separate bank accounts until marriage. Not only that, another study uncovered that 15% of partners who do share accounts actually maintain a secret, uh, mistress account. If you share a lot of expenses, like the usual bills and household stuff, you may want to do a pooled account so all your money is in one handy place. But that probably also means coming clean about anything you may have been hiding.

Some couples may actually benefit from or just enjoy the freedom of having separate accounts. And that's fine, too. Benefits here include not having to ask to spend money or having some privacy if you want to buy gifts for the other person. That said, don't financially cheat.

If you wish to have separate accounts, be open and honest about it. If you want to pool everything into one bank account, go for that. You can also do a combination of approaches. For example, if you make $60,000 a year and your partner makes $40,000, you may keep separate accounts. You, then, may choose to pay 60% of your shared expenses while your partner pays 40%.

The key to whatever you choose is communication, which is the cornerstone to many other aspects of your relationship.

4. How Can We Save for Something Big?

If you find money talks hard, maybe sweetening the deal a bit could help. Saving up for a mutual goal, like a vacation, can get you to join forces for good. Travel not your thing? Sit down with your partner and write out a list of five or 10 things you'd like to save for within a defined period of time, like a year, five years, etc. Bonus points if you've written down a few of the same goals.

From there, work together to see how you can turn them from dreams into realities. This activity can be quite romantic and exciting, depending on how you define your wants. For example, my husband and I have a shared dream of creating a first-floor laundry room in the next two years. Nothing gets me more in the mood than pinning design ideas. Swoon!

5. What Do We Want Our Future to Look Like?

One of the more common savings goals is retirement. A survey conducted by Fidelity discovered that many couples nearing retirement age weren't necessarily on the same page with their plans. A third of the respondents explained that they didn't know or couldn't agree on where they wanted to retire. And up to two-thirds didn't know at what age they wanted to retire.

How you spend retirement has a lot to do with how you currently spend and save your money. So, yeah. Your retirement is definitely worth chatting about. After all, it's your future together. While you most definitely need to talk about the dollars and cents, you also need to focus on the lifestyle you want to lead in those later years.

Consider writing out what you want your ideal retirement to look like. Maybe you'd like a second home near the grandchildren or to downsize and move abroad. You may even want to revisit this conversation regularly to make sure you're on the same page. Try updating your plan once a year. (Related: 7 Retirement Planning Steps Late Starters Must Make)

Tips for Talking About Money

If you still don't think money talk is sexy, you may just be worried about how to start the conversation. And, really, it can be hard. Take a deep breath and try these tips. Your relationship and financial situation will be much more stable for your efforts. (See also: 5 Painless Ways to Manage Money With Your Partner)

Set up a regular time to chat about money. You may want to do it every week or month, but find a schedule that works for the both of you.
Agree that sometimes you may disagree, and that's okay. Savings goals and spending habits are unique to each individual. Just like you may not be able to change personality traits about your partner, you may also not be able to change what motivates his or her spending style.
Employ healthy discussion techniques into your talks. Stay away from blame and shame. Instead, start your thoughts with "I feel" or "I need" to work toward mutual understanding.
If you cannot easily make a decision on something, work together to brainstorm solutions.
If meeting over the dinner table is too stressful, try taking your financial talk on a walk. The fresh air and exercise will do you both some good.

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This article is from Ashley Marcin of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

6 Ways Lust Is Keeping You Poor

Paul Michael — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 10:01:04 +0000

When you hear the word lust, your mind naturally wanders to sexual desire. But lust goes way beyond that. At the heart of lust is an intense longing for something, be it sex, money, power, possessions, knowledge, war, experience, or as the song goes, life. Sometimes that intense longing is a great motivator, and can drive you to do great things. However, it can also be the root of some serious money problems. Here are seven such examples. How many do you recognize?

1. It Drives You to Buy More Than You Need

An insatiable lust to have the latest, greatest gadgets, clothing, shoes, and other possessions, can leave you in serious financial trouble. For some people, it's not enough to have a good phone. It needs to be the newest model, even if that means replacing a model that's barely six months old.

Other people get a rush, and a release of endorphins, when buying new products. They feel a sense of great joy, a thrill, when they purchase items like jewelry, watches, cars, and purses. That thrill, much like the pleasure felt when drinking alcohol or smoking a cigarette, can become addictive. You want to replicate it, and have to keep doing so over and over again. TV shows like Hoarding: Buried Alive have featured people that have rooms filled with clothing, shoes, coats, gadgets, and jewelry that have not only never been used… they were not even taken out of the shopping bags.

2. It Can Lead to Destructive Addictions

At a base level, lust for sex and sexual imagery has become an increasingly dangerous problem in the U.S., and around the world. Easy, instant access to X-rated materials on the Internet has led to thousands of cases of addiction to this highly stimulating resource. And while it is free on some levels, it can become expensive, especially with monthly subscription fees and webcam model charges. What's worse is that this addiction can spill over into other avenues of life. People become so obsessed that they look up materials at work, leading to disciplinary action and job losses. Relationships suffer, and the abuse of alcohol, marijuana, and even food, leads the addict into a spiraling cycle of defeat and depression.

3. It Can Severely Cloud Your Judgment

When engulfed by lust, your brain is not thinking clearly. And again, this is not just about sexual desire. A prime example of this can be found at any auction, when several people want the same item, and a bidding war breaks out. People who are normally of very sound mind, and who set a price they would not go over before the auction, lose their common sense. They want it. They have to have it. They will go over their limit by hundreds, or even thousands of dollars. Some have described the experience as being in a euphoric fog, which clears and makes way for shame and regret once the furor has died down. You may have experienced something like this yourself, especially if you've done a little gambling in Las Vegas. Lust for money, sex, and power can all lead to some very muddy thinking.

4. It Consumes Your Valuable Time

Lust is one of the seven deadly sins that can utterly consume your every waking moment. When you are gripped by lust, nothing else matters. Indeed, the very definition of lust contains words like "uncontrollable desire" and "inordinate cravings," neither of which can be viewed as positive. People under the spell of lust will find themselves constantly performing actions that keep them highly focused on the object of their intense affections, be it a person, a possession, or a promotion. Nothing else matters. Your life, and your existence, bows down to this one overwhelming drive, and you can find it very easy to block out all other aspects of life. Bills don't get paid. Loved ones go ignored. Your performance at work suffers. Your time is being eaten up by one thing, and that can only lead to a loss… in more ways than one.

5. It Makes You Do Things That Are Out of Character

Someone obsessed by a deep desire for something will start to make decisions that are surprising, or even shocking to friends and family. You have no doubt witnessed it yourself. Perhaps a good friend became infatuated with someone at work, and started to do things that were way out of character; for instance, spending more money on items and pastimes that they would never have done a few months earlier. This is lust at its darkest and most dangerous. When you really want something; when nothing else matters; when the pursuit and possession of something is your only goal; that's when you can momentarily lose yourself and in the process, lose friends, money, opportunities — even your job.

6. It Can Literally Destroy Your Life

That may sound dramatic, but it's a sad fact. Every year, thousands of people around the world find their lives in ruins due to the domino effect of lust. For some people, they get embroiled in the highly addictive world of adult websites, forking over monthly fees and exposing their credit cards to some very sketchy businesses. Identity theft is common when the victim is engaging in an activity they would rather not let other people find out about. It can be embarrassing to report, and even harder to pursue a claim. Other people lust after things they just cannot have, and get into debt, gamble, take out payday loans, and find themselves in a world of financial hurt. And then there are those who lose friends and family, which can lead to substance abuse and other forms of hardship. At the end of the day, lust is dangerous because it controls you, way more than any other sin. If you don't spot the warning signs early enough, you could find yourself in serious trouble.

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How Much Personal Finance Info Should You Share?

Dr Penny Pincher — Tue, 27 Sep 2016 09:00:07 +0000

Money is one of those topics that is not often discussed freely. In fact, it is common for people to disguise how much money they really have.

But then there are a few people who are happy to say exactly how much money they make without holding anything back. Some people even post their income and net worth updates on the Internet every month! Is there a benefit to freely sharing personal finance information?

What Can Go Wrong When Sharing Too Much About Your Finances

There are some good reasons people tend to avoid disclosing details when talking about money. Much like the usual sensitive topics of religion and politics, open conversations about money can result in friction and even damaged relationships. If you reveal how much money — or debt — you really have, you can make people uncomfortable or even lose friends.

People have a strong sense of fairness about money, and sharing financial details can highlight inequity and cause hard feelings: "Why does that person make more than me when I work harder?" Sensitivity about salary fairness is accentuated among people who work for the same employer.

When you reveal your financial details, you may unintentionally hurt someone's feelings and sense of self-worth. Let's say that in a moment of truthfulness, you decide to reveal how much you make to a close friend. Imagine how disappointed your friend would feel if he/she makes a lot less than you. On the other hand, imagine your dismay if your friend surprises you by revealing that she makes a lot more than you. Discussing your income can spark feelings of dissatisfaction that can last for a long time.

Money can divide people into "us" versus "them." The Occupy Wall Street movement with dividing lines drawn at the 99% versus the 1% is a dramatic example of this. It can be hard to relate to someone if you think they are in a different economic situation and that they do not face the same problems and issues that you are dealing with. Imagine if you suddenly learned your friend who you see as a peer makes twice as much income as you. This may impact your relationship since you know your friend has options and financial resources that are not available to you. Your friendships may be stronger if you do not know how much your money your friends make.

If you reveal that you have a lot of debt and/or little savings, others may think that you are not competent with money and may assume that you are not competent at other things as well. Some people feel that borrowing money to buy things you don't really need is irresponsible, especially when they are forgoing such purchases in order to pay down debt and achieve financial independence. Discussing money freely may bring up differences in philosophy about saving and spending that can make it harder for people to relate to each other.

Once you reveal personal finance details, it is impossible to put the toothpaste back in the tube. Once your secret is out, your financial privacy has been lost and there is no way to get it back.

Why Do Some People Reveal Everything?

Even with all of the downsides to revealing financial details, some people are eager to share full details of their personal finances. Why?

Some people use "full financial disclosure" as a way to keep themselves accountable and motivated to improve their financial situation. If I had to publish my income and net worth every month, I can see how this would make me focus on getting the numbers to look as good as possible. Plus, I wouldn't want to have to explain any embarrassing purchases or debt. Publishing financial information to help stay on track is sort of like participating a weight loss program where you share a list of everything you eat with your group. You are less likely to slip up if you know you will have to share your setbacks with the world.

Some people share their financial details to get attention — and money. Personal finance bloggers know that sharing their income and financial details publicly can generate traffic to their blog. People are curious to see how much money other people make and how they spend it. I find it fascinating to look at other people's expenses so I can look for areas where I could improve my own budget. Some personal finance blogs are set up with a stated monetary goal and readers can track the blogger's progress toward the goal over time. Sharing intimate financial details on a blog helps build a following which generates income from advertising.

Another benefit of full disclosure is that you don't have to worry about keeping secrets. You can speak freely about money without worrying about something slipping out. If you reveal your financial details to others, they are more likely to share their details with you. You might learn lessons from their experience that you can use to improve your own finances.

How Much Should You Share?

How much personal finance information should you share? The right answer for you depends on your comfort level with your financial situation and what you hope to accomplish by sharing. I see little benefit to sharing my personal finance information and lots of potential drawbacks. I could always change my mind and decide to share later, but for now I am keeping my personal finances personal.

One of the biggest problems with sharing personal finance details is that once you share, your information is out and there is no way to get it back. You won't be able to get people to forget that number if you change your mind later and regret sharing it.

In the end, your finances matter much more to you and your family than to anyone else. Others may be curious, but your money situation doesn't directly impact anyone outside your family very much. Most people have more to lose than to gain by freely sharing their financial details.

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This article is from Dr Penny Pincher of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread:

How to Put Your Spouse on a Budget Without Ruining Your Marriage

Ashley Eneriz — Tue, 09 Aug 2016 09:00:09 +0000

The quickest way to sour a marriage is to nag your spouse about money and try to control every cent they spend. However, keeping mum about your finances can lead you and your spouse into a lot of debt or overall poor finances. Here are ways to get your spouse on a budget, without ruining your marriage.

Counseling Is Okay!

Many couples make the mistake in thinking that marriage counseling is only for marriages that are in trouble. However, counseling can be a helpful tool even when your marriage is healthy. Having a mediator help you navigate financial woes can even be desirable, so that both you and your spouse feel like they are heard.

To seek out counseling for your finances within marriage, you can talk with a financial adviser that has your best interest in mind, a marriage and family therapist, a pastor, or even an older couple who you consider wise and financially stable. It might seem embarrassing to reach out for help, but it could be the wisest step to keeping your marriage and finances strong.

Set Up Budget Dates

Just as you would set up regular date nights, set up monthly budget dates. Treat your spouse to their favorite coffee drink and discuss the numbers for the month, as well as goals for the next month.

Budget dates should not be a time where you point the finger. It should be a time for mutual discussion and growth. Depending on which financial area your spouse is in charge of, ask for their feedback. For example, if your spouse does the grocery shopping, did they feel like they had enough money that month or was it too tight? If your spouse is requesting more money for the grocery budget, you can decide together what to cut to accommodate.

Sometimes it is a good idea to invite your children to these meetings, especially if they are older than 10. Kids need to see the "why" behind the reasons they can't go to camp all summer long or get everything they want. Also, allowing your kids see and experience how you budget successfully only sets them up for budgeting success later on.

Find What Inspires Them

Sometimes it can be hard to scrimp and sacrifice just for the sake of saving money. We all need a purpose to have the motivation to work at something. Whether it's for the dream vacation or just finally being able to live debt-free, find the goals that both of you want to achieve and set the budget that will make it happen. Show that if you both tighten up your spending and stay the course, the reward will be waiting at the finish line.

Keep Things Fun

Find ways to lighten things up and make staying on budget fun, so it doesn't get tedious or simply boring. You don't have to wait until you've saved enough for the dream vacation to enjoy a reward for your hard work. Add milestones along the way that allow the two of you to celebrate. Turn it into a game to see who can find the best deals or other challenges that keep both of you interested. Don't forget about creative ways to make extra money, too. Perhaps you two can do something together that will earn extra cash.

Practical Tips to Get Your Spouse on a Budget

So far, the marriage budgeting tips have been about the mentality behind savings. Once you get your spouse on board with your budget, then use these practical tips to stay successful.

Budget for you and your spouse to have "mad money" each month. This can be $25 or $500, depending on your budget. However, this money can be spent however your spouse wants. This allows both of you to spend on yourselves without guilt.
Use an easy-to-use budgeting app that connects to your accounts and syncs with each of your phones. Encourage your spouse to look at it and track spending daily.
Have savings taken out automatically. If you wait until the end of the month to put money into savings, you might find you end up short each month. Make savings a priority or take advantage of debit cards that round up purchases and deposit the extra into your savings account.
Stop using credit cards if they are too hard to control. Taking them away for a few months can help you get back on track.

Separate Accounts

Separate accounts can be useful for managing expenses and ensuring there's no opportunity to overdraw for a budget. If you split the financial responsibilities of a household, it makes sense to manage your own accounts for your assigned budgets. Just make sure there's accountability and transparency.

Marriage is hard, and budgeting is just as difficult. Put them both together, and you could have a recipe for disaster. It's important to be open and honest so that you don't end up in a financial disaster.

How do you and your spouse stay on a budget?

This article is from Ashley Eneriz of Wise Bread, an award-winning personal finance and credit card comparison website. Read more great articles from Wise Bread: