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There's no way to soften the blow.

The universe conspires to plunge you into constant discomfort. Or maybe it's something more sinister.

Oh, you think it's an accident? You think it's just happenstance that your days are packed with uncomfortable little nuisances? That the DMV did not carefully select the pinchiest of plastic chairs, or that your toilet seat just happened to shift at that single inopportune moment?

You are a gaping fool.

Big Mattress has been in the pockets of every major organization for years. They're the ones responsible for dwindling airline seats. They're the ones who make sure there's always at least one elevator in the lobby that's out of order, so you're left with no choice but to cram into the sole working elevator with the rest of humanity. They even fray your carpet so the tacks are exposed.

They developed the high heel.

That's a crap, folks

If you buy it, it will come (to your house [in a box {barring shipping issues}]). #dream

Some folks follow the Woot-Off for the good deals, others for the variety of products. And others, well, they break their F5 buttons in the quixotic pursuit of a bag of worthless crap. Maybe this will be the time. Maybe... 

Ends Sunday! Free Shipping On $50 $20 Off $125. Use Codes SHIP50VS

Florida Residents - Free Shipping on any order.

That's a crap, folks

If you buy it, it will come (to your house [in a box {barring shipping issues}]). #dream

Some folks follow the Woot-Off for the good deals, others for the variety of products. And others, well, they break their F5 buttons in the quixotic pursuit of a bag of worthless crap. Maybe this will be the time. Maybe... 

That's a crap, folks

If you buy it, it will come (to your house [in a box {barring shipping issues}]). #dream

Some folks follow the Woot-Off for the good deals, others for the variety of products. And others, well, they break their F5 buttons in the quixotic pursuit of a bag of worthless crap. Maybe this will be the time. Maybe...