I love this article. I have a one-year-old and I am Ttotally with you.
I want to also add there is actually no need for a crib or toddler bed. We did co-sleeping in our bed until our son was 10 months and then he slept on a regular full mattress.
Dr. Sears has some excellent information on safely co-sleeping and the benefits it brings to your child. We got a crib as a gift and used it like your experience with a tub.
Tami, I'd welcome any comments you have on what you need for cloth diapering (how many, covers, other supplies); I haven't done cloth diapering myself, so didn't feel like I could provide an experienced viewpoint on it. But thanks for bringing it up!
I got my first card the way a lot of people do, I suppose -- from one of those booths on a college campus. It had a $500 limit, and I even remember my first purchase (at Disneyland for a snowglobe that I still own). I still have the card, although it has a zero balance and a lot higher credit limit now! :-)
I had a steady job at the time, so I feel that the $500 limit was appropriate for my circumstances. With that limit, I couldn't get into trouble with the card until they increased the limit so much that it became an enabler. I think that's a bigger trap than the granting of the card itself.
Candice, great point about the possibility of weak stress points from wrecks... And the expiration dates are important, which is why I recommend only purchasing a used one (if you go that route) 5 years old or newer. Used car seats can still be a good way to go if you can get a newer one from a trusted source (friend/family member).
We bought ours new and used it for our first three as well, and it lasted through with no problems. My sister gave me the "next step up" car seat (forward facing) which was just a couple of years old, so we didn't have to spend for that.
For baby 4, I'll have to buy new and will probably go with the travel system option (I was just looking at one at Target).
Self-created needs are the biggest problem. People determine that they are entitled to certain pleasures that their parents never had. That thought shift alone is a main reason for a lot of the consumer debt in the world.
Hi Mandy, great point about family being a resource. My sister let me use her Medela breast pump with my first two babies, then I gave it back to her when she had her 3rd. She also passed on a Pack'n'Play, and my sister-in-law loaned me her bassinet... I've also had friends pass baby gear on, which can be hugely helpful - from gently used clothes to maternity wear to high chairs, cribs, blankets, and play stuff. I always love seeing the cycle of "giving" that happens - when I'm done, I pass it on to someone else and we all save money and create less waste.
So true, Andrea - a swing or play seat that keeps baby happy for 20 - 30 minutes is a life saver for exhausted Mamas. Of course, if it doesn't work, it's just a waste of money...
Hi there, sorry to disappoint! I did think about cloth diapering, but decided not to go into it since I've not done cloth diapering myself so don't have any experience to recommend what you really need or don't. I have several friends how have done cloth diapering and highly recommend it. I'm considering it for my next baby (due in May)...
Thanks for sharing these resources for cloth diapering so other readers can gain that information, too. Maybe in a few months I'll have some experience there and be able to write about it.
I got my first credit card in my junior year of college. I didn't use it much because my parents had raised me to save up cash and then spend. It has helped me to control my credit card expenditure a lot.
I got my first credit card when I was in college, 19 years old. It didn't get it from one of those booths they set up on campus and give away "free" t-shirts. I worked for a financial company and an attorney who dealt with collecting medical debt so I was introduced to the horrors of owing money at a good point in my life.
I don't think that I ever brought morality into the picture - it's just that "aggressive" tactics are frequently encouraged by experts in the field of career advancement, and it was seen as women's fault for being so weak when they DIDN'T expressly ask for more pay.
It's not just the style of asking, either - it's the asking itself that women don't do.
I wonder if a man who used "feminine" techniques would get good or bad results. If a man asked for a raise by citing that his team leader encouraged him to, would be get the raise? Is it a matter of us playing to our gender strengths or are women pigeon-holed into a smaller number of strategies than men? Are feminine strategies just as effective for women as masculine strategies are for men?
Your article seems to be biased toward assuming that the masculine, aggressive methods are morally superior. They are not. Neither the aggressive nor the team-player methods (masculine nor feminine) are morally superior.
I also TOTALLY agree on the salary transparency issue. I'm disheartened when HR tells an employee "Don't discuss your salary." What they mean is, "We are screwing over at least 30% of the employees here, and we don't want them to know."
I've been at the receiving end of a couple of missent emails proclaiming that the company was doing well financially since they managed to get Employee X to agree to such a lousy salary. It's never a good thing.
Woah, thank you for the thoughtful comment and all the links.
"Did you think the same way about pushy over aggressive men? Is it a matter of degree or a result of socialization that ambitious women that don't soft pedal it are just bitchy?"
Oh, no, this was absolutely a matter of my societal conditioning telling me that women can't be bossy or aggressive - especially ironic given that I attended college where we were encouraged to be as bossy and aggressive as we needed to be. That's what made the NPR story so painful to hear - I'm as big a part of the problem as I am a part of the solution.
You know what? Sometimes I think of the psychological warfare as being a fascinating game to play, but then, I have more time than a lot of women do to think about that kind of thing.
I can see where aggressiveness across genders might be considered an asset in some professions, and I hadn't really delved into that, either. I was thinking mostly of your average office employee or warehouse worker, but I would see how Wall Street wouldn't really care one way or another how you came across.
Of course, like you say, it puts you in a different mindset than other industries are willing to accept.
Oh, Connie, I'm so sorry to hear that! There is nothing worse than realizing that you've been cheated out of what is rightfully yours.
I'm personally not a fan of not knowing what everyone in the company is earning. Obviously, private firms can (by law) keep this information secret, but it doesn't help them in the long run, because word eventually leaks out. I worked for a company once where I made 30K and found out that a couple of (extremely lazy) coworkers in another department made well over 100K each. I quit that one as quickly as possible.
You are very welcome Gaby. If this article helps anyone get a job, then it has served its purpose. I wish you the best of luck in your career. Let us know if you bag the job!
I see some people got the "free t-shirt" with a new credit card deal on college campuses.
I got my first credit card just before heading to college. Didn't use it much back then. I still have the same card, and I don't carry a balance on it. Pay it off each month and build up rewards points.
Crap. File this one under the things I never knew and really didn't want to know.
I was a manager for a high tech firm. I was in my own opinion, good. Others seemed to think so too. When we did salaries I was amazed that a bunch of the guys working for me, made more than me. How the heck did that happen? I got promoted over them but clearly because I stayed within the female stereotype and didn't ask for more money, I was not seen as "aggressive". I had no idea that I was being underpaid. I guess as long as they spent the appropriate time complementing me I would have gone home with no raise, happy.
I got my very first credit card right before I went to college, I was probably 18. My mom wanted me to have a credit card while I was away for emergencies. I only had a $500 credit limit, so I couldn't do too much with it, and I knew it was only for emergencies. But, once I got to college, I also got sucked into getting two new credit cards. I think I got a phone card for them (I had a long distance boyfriend at the time). I ended up canceling one since I only remembered signing up for one, but it can become a slippery slope of spending.
I could have written this myself (my oldest of three turns 5 on Friday.) Some of the extras are fun or make life easier, but I would say 99% of the stuff you said you don't need - you really don't!
The one thing I would splurge on buying new is a car seat. Once a car seat has been in a wreck, it can look perfectly fine but still have weak stress points. That means your baby wouldn't be as safe in a crash. That's why insurance companies will pay to replace your car seat if it's been in an accident.
Also, they expire. The expiration date can be found on one of the stickers on the base of the seat. The plastic starts to wear and weaken after a couple years, and safety features improve over time, so it's important to get a car seat that is not expired!
We picked up a travel system at Target for $100 5 years ago and used it for all three kids (the seat expires in July) It was well worth the money!
First time I got a credit card was my sophomore or junior year in college. It was one of those cards that are specifically designed to attract financially uneducated college kids and I fell victim far before I was ready to use/own a credit card. I did have 3 different jobs at the time, but the combined income was barely enough to pay for books, supplies, transportation, the typical student necessities...and thus, not nearly enough to take on ANY kind of credit card debt.
It definitely pays to shop around, and not be afraid of certain "used" items. I just picked up a Maclaren stroller that is $300 on Amazon for $24 at a rummage sale that is held annually in our area. Sure, I had to wash the fabric, and wipe the whole thing down with Clorox wipes, but I would have probably done that anyway. Clearance is another great option - our brand new car seat was 75% off at Target last summer (before we were even expecting, but were trying). I had actually bought a car seat/stroller combination like I had with the first two kids, but returned it (since I hadn't opened it) when I found the car seat alone two weeks later for 75% off. Family is another great resource - I sold our swing a few years ago (it went through massive amounts of batteries every three days), and am borrowing my sister's this time around (that plugs into the wall - ya!!!), and my MIL sent over a high chair that she doesn't want to store at her house anymore that is in fabulous shape!
I love this article. I have a one-year-old and I am Ttotally with you.
I want to also add there is actually no need for a crib or toddler bed. We did co-sleeping in our bed until our son was 10 months and then he slept on a regular full mattress.
Dr. Sears has some excellent information on safely co-sleeping and the benefits it brings to your child. We got a crib as a gift and used it like your experience with a tub.
Tami, I'd welcome any comments you have on what you need for cloth diapering (how many, covers, other supplies); I haven't done cloth diapering myself, so didn't feel like I could provide an experienced viewpoint on it. But thanks for bringing it up!
I got my first card the way a lot of people do, I suppose -- from one of those booths on a college campus. It had a $500 limit, and I even remember my first purchase (at Disneyland for a snowglobe that I still own). I still have the card, although it has a zero balance and a lot higher credit limit now! :-)
I had a steady job at the time, so I feel that the $500 limit was appropriate for my circumstances. With that limit, I couldn't get into trouble with the card until they increased the limit so much that it became an enabler. I think that's a bigger trap than the granting of the card itself.
Candice, great point about the possibility of weak stress points from wrecks... And the expiration dates are important, which is why I recommend only purchasing a used one (if you go that route) 5 years old or newer. Used car seats can still be a good way to go if you can get a newer one from a trusted source (friend/family member).
We bought ours new and used it for our first three as well, and it lasted through with no problems. My sister gave me the "next step up" car seat (forward facing) which was just a couple of years old, so we didn't have to spend for that.
For baby 4, I'll have to buy new and will probably go with the travel system option (I was just looking at one at Target).
Self-created needs are the biggest problem. People determine that they are entitled to certain pleasures that their parents never had. That thought shift alone is a main reason for a lot of the consumer debt in the world.
Hi Mandy, great point about family being a resource. My sister let me use her Medela breast pump with my first two babies, then I gave it back to her when she had her 3rd. She also passed on a Pack'n'Play, and my sister-in-law loaned me her bassinet... I've also had friends pass baby gear on, which can be hugely helpful - from gently used clothes to maternity wear to high chairs, cribs, blankets, and play stuff. I always love seeing the cycle of "giving" that happens - when I'm done, I pass it on to someone else and we all save money and create less waste.
So true, Andrea - a swing or play seat that keeps baby happy for 20 - 30 minutes is a life saver for exhausted Mamas. Of course, if it doesn't work, it's just a waste of money...
Hi there, sorry to disappoint! I did think about cloth diapering, but decided not to go into it since I've not done cloth diapering myself so don't have any experience to recommend what you really need or don't. I have several friends how have done cloth diapering and highly recommend it. I'm considering it for my next baby (due in May)...
Thanks for sharing these resources for cloth diapering so other readers can gain that information, too. Maybe in a few months I'll have some experience there and be able to write about it.
you forgot to mention cloth diapers! they save you tons of money (plus the environment and your own baby's tush!) :)
I got my first credit card in my junior year of college. I didn't use it much because my parents had raised me to save up cash and then spend. It has helped me to control my credit card expenditure a lot.
I got my first credit card when I was in college, 19 years old. It didn't get it from one of those booths they set up on campus and give away "free" t-shirts. I worked for a financial company and an attorney who dealt with collecting medical debt so I was introduced to the horrors of owing money at a good point in my life.
I don't think that I ever brought morality into the picture - it's just that "aggressive" tactics are frequently encouraged by experts in the field of career advancement, and it was seen as women's fault for being so weak when they DIDN'T expressly ask for more pay.
It's not just the style of asking, either - it's the asking itself that women don't do.
I wonder if a man who used "feminine" techniques would get good or bad results. If a man asked for a raise by citing that his team leader encouraged him to, would be get the raise? Is it a matter of us playing to our gender strengths or are women pigeon-holed into a smaller number of strategies than men? Are feminine strategies just as effective for women as masculine strategies are for men?
Your article seems to be biased toward assuming that the masculine, aggressive methods are morally superior. They are not. Neither the aggressive nor the team-player methods (masculine nor feminine) are morally superior.
I also TOTALLY agree on the salary transparency issue. I'm disheartened when HR tells an employee "Don't discuss your salary." What they mean is, "We are screwing over at least 30% of the employees here, and we don't want them to know."
I've been at the receiving end of a couple of missent emails proclaiming that the company was doing well financially since they managed to get Employee X to agree to such a lousy salary. It's never a good thing.
Woah, thank you for the thoughtful comment and all the links.
"Did you think the same way about pushy over aggressive men? Is it a matter of degree or a result of socialization that ambitious women that don't soft pedal it are just bitchy?"
Oh, no, this was absolutely a matter of my societal conditioning telling me that women can't be bossy or aggressive - especially ironic given that I attended college where we were encouraged to be as bossy and aggressive as we needed to be. That's what made the NPR story so painful to hear - I'm as big a part of the problem as I am a part of the solution.
Thanks for reading!
You know what? Sometimes I think of the psychological warfare as being a fascinating game to play, but then, I have more time than a lot of women do to think about that kind of thing.
I can see where aggressiveness across genders might be considered an asset in some professions, and I hadn't really delved into that, either. I was thinking mostly of your average office employee or warehouse worker, but I would see how Wall Street wouldn't really care one way or another how you came across.
Of course, like you say, it puts you in a different mindset than other industries are willing to accept.
Oh, Connie, I'm so sorry to hear that! There is nothing worse than realizing that you've been cheated out of what is rightfully yours.
I'm personally not a fan of not knowing what everyone in the company is earning. Obviously, private firms can (by law) keep this information secret, but it doesn't help them in the long run, because word eventually leaks out. I worked for a company once where I made 30K and found out that a couple of (extremely lazy) coworkers in another department made well over 100K each. I quit that one as quickly as possible.
Your shop certainly has many affordable items, and I love the rosette headbands. In fact, I think I just might buy one right now!
You are very welcome Gaby. If this article helps anyone get a job, then it has served its purpose. I wish you the best of luck in your career. Let us know if you bag the job!
I see some people got the "free t-shirt" with a new credit card deal on college campuses.
I got my first credit card just before heading to college. Didn't use it much back then. I still have the same card, and I don't carry a balance on it. Pay it off each month and build up rewards points.
Crap. File this one under the things I never knew and really didn't want to know.
I was a manager for a high tech firm. I was in my own opinion, good. Others seemed to think so too. When we did salaries I was amazed that a bunch of the guys working for me, made more than me. How the heck did that happen? I got promoted over them but clearly because I stayed within the female stereotype and didn't ask for more money, I was not seen as "aggressive". I had no idea that I was being underpaid. I guess as long as they spent the appropriate time complementing me I would have gone home with no raise, happy.
I got my very first credit card right before I went to college, I was probably 18. My mom wanted me to have a credit card while I was away for emergencies. I only had a $500 credit limit, so I couldn't do too much with it, and I knew it was only for emergencies. But, once I got to college, I also got sucked into getting two new credit cards. I think I got a phone card for them (I had a long distance boyfriend at the time). I ended up canceling one since I only remembered signing up for one, but it can become a slippery slope of spending.
I could have written this myself (my oldest of three turns 5 on Friday.) Some of the extras are fun or make life easier, but I would say 99% of the stuff you said you don't need - you really don't!
The one thing I would splurge on buying new is a car seat. Once a car seat has been in a wreck, it can look perfectly fine but still have weak stress points. That means your baby wouldn't be as safe in a crash. That's why insurance companies will pay to replace your car seat if it's been in an accident.
Also, they expire. The expiration date can be found on one of the stickers on the base of the seat. The plastic starts to wear and weaken after a couple years, and safety features improve over time, so it's important to get a car seat that is not expired!
We picked up a travel system at Target for $100 5 years ago and used it for all three kids (the seat expires in July) It was well worth the money!
First time I got a credit card was my sophomore or junior year in college. It was one of those cards that are specifically designed to attract financially uneducated college kids and I fell victim far before I was ready to use/own a credit card. I did have 3 different jobs at the time, but the combined income was barely enough to pay for books, supplies, transportation, the typical student necessities...and thus, not nearly enough to take on ANY kind of credit card debt.
It definitely pays to shop around, and not be afraid of certain "used" items. I just picked up a Maclaren stroller that is $300 on Amazon for $24 at a rummage sale that is held annually in our area. Sure, I had to wash the fabric, and wipe the whole thing down with Clorox wipes, but I would have probably done that anyway. Clearance is another great option - our brand new car seat was 75% off at Target last summer (before we were even expecting, but were trying). I had actually bought a car seat/stroller combination like I had with the first two kids, but returned it (since I hadn't opened it) when I found the car seat alone two weeks later for 75% off. Family is another great resource - I sold our swing a few years ago (it went through massive amounts of batteries every three days), and am borrowing my sister's this time around (that plugs into the wall - ya!!!), and my MIL sent over a high chair that she doesn't want to store at her house anymore that is in fabulous shape!