It's today's world, there are tons of people choosing Room A, just hoping they will strike it rich (some are even doing this by playing the lottery). There is no longterm plan, and their approach is likely to wear them out quickly when they don't see any results.
I am enjoying the life in Room B. I'm only 25 years old, and have just begun the journey, but I know that with the power of compounding, that million dollars will be waiting for me at the end of the hallway.
I find it hard to believe, but instead of Room A or Room B, there are many people that are choosing to be in neither! They are sitting in the waiting room still thinking about their options. These are the people that are waiting to see if the market will remain solid, or their waiting to see if house values will go any lower. Watching, watching, waiting - but doing nothing. Yes, the market may go down, but I'd much rather get a start and develop a habit rather than watch the world go by and get rich without me! :)
Great post Craig. Thankfully, my wife and I decided to pay off debts before we started investing. Well, actually, I got a little antsy and threw some money in the market while we still had student loans. Luckily, I came to my senses (after making a little money, thankfully) and put it all towards our loans.
I like your comment about the "hot stock tips" as well. These almost never pan out. I work in an office building and hear about so many crazy investment ideas. They almost always crash and burn.
Ok, yes, she is frugal and lives on next to nothing, but it's only at the expense of others! I do not agree with this lifestyle, especially since she seems proud of it. One should always put forth their best efforts in order live well, not scheme and scavenge in order to barely survive.
It isn't called the "wedding industrial complex" for nothing. People who do these big deals are trying too hard to please other people. Use the money to pay off debts or put a down payment on a house.
What happened to the getting married in the back yard and having a picnic after?
Second marriage? Elope I say. Our country is WAY too into consuming, if all these people could do math this extravaganza called a wedding wouldn't be so out of hand. Why start off a partnership with biggest expenditure other than buying a home?
Dude where's my country? Watching TV and buying into the media driven need to make you think that what you want is a necessity. Live simply so others can simply live I say.
My wedding, seven years ago cost us $500, with the three night honeymoon. We'd been together for almost twenty years then and we entered our legal union without debt and with the same ideas about money. A half hour before the wedding I wasn't freaked out and being bride-zilla---I was taking a peaceful nap! No stress no tension. Food for thought.
Hi, Erin! Thanks for your question. Most bloggers receive the prizes free from companies that wish to have their products promoted on the blog. For example, if a cleaning products company wanted blog readers to know about a new soap they offered, they would work with the blogger to hold a giveaway on the blog, providing the soap prizes for free. I know of bloggers who have purchased their own prizes, as well. You can usually (but not always) find a disclosure at the bottom of many of the posts (or within the context of the post) stating who provided the prizes. At the conclusion of the giveaway, the blogger is either responsible for mailing the prizes directly to the winner, or the company may do so for them. This is similar to how radio stations, newspapers, and magazines get prizes for their promotions. I hope this answers your question!
And what about the 3rd and 4th weddings? In this day and age with people getting divorced and remarried left and right, I for one feel the first wedding is the Big Hoopla one where everyone can go as crazy as they want with gifts and parties and gowns and general wedding hoop-de-do. After that the big gift, party and wedding cost fairies can appropriately take leave of the scene.
Everyone I know who has been married a 2nd time has done it low key with at most close friends and family present. In fact I know a handful who have taken trips to Hawaii or the likes and tied the knot at the beginning and then "honeymooned".
As someone who is facing the issue of having to go through a second marriage, I feel like I should weigh in on this...
From the perspective of a second time bride:
- While I wouldn't necessarily go "all out" with a second wedding, I have to state that I didn't go "all out" with my FIRST. I would hope that my guests wouldn't look at me having a wedding for my second marriage as being "greedy" or just to get gifts or things, but as an important life event in the same way any OTHER marriage would have been. Sure, its likely to be less showy, but that doesn't mean that the ceremony or feelings behind the ritual is any LESS important to the people involved than it was the first time.
-Most second weddings I have been to did not have the shower or bachelor parties...because they aren't necessary.
-I think that guests should not treat a second wedding as if it were not important to the couple, including with gift giving. Second marriages often bring different things into the mix -- the couples sometimes have children from previous marriages, or have lost a lot in divorces -- that aren't present at first marriages. Sure the couples already have set up homes, but that doesn't mean that they don't need the signs of support for their new "home" together from their friends and family. While I wouldn't necessarily expect ANY guest (and having had a marriage and wedding previously I can say with all honesty that 90% of my guests did NOT spend $100 a head and I was perfectly okay with that!) to spend a large amount on a gift, but I would never go to a wedding -- first, second, fourth!-- without bringing a gift to the couple.
And yeah, generally second weddings are not as elaborate, but if the bride and groom WANT elaborate and can afford it, I don't think that there is anything WRONG with them choosing to have a fancy wedding. Just because they have "been down the aisle" before doesn't mean they can't treat a wedding as a special occasion.
Cheap Treats -- My dogs are food crazy, but their favorite treat is popcorn! I do occasionally buy real treats (Trader Joe's chicken jerky treats, usually), but when I make popcorn on the stove, I make a little extra, and put some in a ziploc before i butter and salt it for myself. Then they each get 3 or 4 pieces whenever it is "treat time" and they go crazy for it!
When my wife and I were discussing (24 years ago) where to hold our wedding, my mother-in-law (trying to helpful) suggested the same hall where my wife had married her first husband.
When my wife glared at her suggestion, my mother-in -law only shrugged and said,
"The food was good. The marriage may have sucked but the food was good."
I haven't won anything, but I have a question - how do the bloggers get the stuff that they give away for free? I am assuming that they don't pay for it themselves... clues? Thanks!
is there wording in the "wedding handbook" that second marriages are any less important than firsts? Should we not celebrate with as much gusto? Why don't we write a card that says "good luck this time around, hope it sticks this time."?
People are waiting until their 30s even for a first marriage, and by this time are probably well established. So, does this mean they shouldn't have all the gifts and parties because they can afford to buy their gifts themselves? Should the festivities only be allowed for very poor folks who are very young and are on their first wedding?
I understand what you're saying, but I think that if you have trouble participating financially (for whatever reason) then just make your own judgment and act accordingly. Weddings are a celebration of 2 people deciding to join their lives together, and want to share that event with others. Penalizing or otherwise deciding that it shouldn't be viewed as an amazing event of joy, isn't your call.
I could see good reasons for two people agreeing to a more toned-down affair if both were previously married, but what if one person was never married? Somehow it feels mean to expect them not to celebrate fully ...
A lot of the points you raised are easily addressed by taking a practical, reasonable approach to marriage. My husband and I are both frugal. We certainly wouldn't go for the etiquette breach of expecting lavish gifts for any occasion. We adamantly refused to have a registry, or even give hints about preferred gifts (to the chagrin of well-meaning friends and relatives) - registries are weird for etiquette anyway, and besides, we have or can save up for everything we need. We rejected the over-the-top messages of the wedding industrial complex (you have to have a fancy cake! you have to have a bachelorette party!) and had a simple wedding in line with our values.
For me, it was everything I wanted a wedding to be. (It helped that I hadn't spent my childhood doodling the things I wanted to have as part of a "perfect" wedding.) It doesn't matter if it was his second wedding or my first wedding. It's just as special as anyone else's celebration.
As for people who are invited to celebrations that require more time or money than they're comfortable with - it doesn't matter if it's a first wedding, a second wedding, or a tenth. Stick to your values and don't get talked into the kind of spending that would make you resentful. Sure, it might require tough discussion, but it's better for you and the relationship in the long run.
Sharing a celebration should never be about paying your dues. =)
I guess I would say that I'm not at all convinced that a *first* wedding should be celebrated with the degree of extravagance you are describing. I personally find the culture of entitlement and greed that has cropped up around weddings very disturbing. It hasn't always been that way--looking through the family photo album previous generations before the 60's/70's (in my family, anyway) got married in suits and nice dresses, but nothing resembling a royal wedding.
I am very happy to celebrate a second wedding a wish joy upon the couple--but I'm not eager to participate in showers, bachelor/ette parties or extravagant gifts for *any* wedding. Happily I am in the midwest where the pressure seems to be less than on the coasts. (And I'm not a hypocrite on this one--my husband and I did our entire wedding/reception/honeymoon for around 10K and even pulled off an open bar.)
I think if it's a second marriage for both, it should be very toned down. If it's a second for either the bride or groom, but the first for the other half of the union, I think it might be OK to be a little more celebratory.
Standing while working? I'm not sure but several others are doing it. These are people making creative stuffs online. Gina Trapani of Lifehacker recently published an article on it.
My apologies for your loss. What a frustrating thing to deal with.
I can identify because I used to work as an insurance adjuster. Insurance companies will only pay so much and the client is already frustrated with the situation. Everything you've felt and experienced here is what I've seen from those who have losses.
Good luck during this tough time. I hope some silver lining comes out of it somewhere.
Fear of embarassment can be paralyzing but there's so much opportunity when you open yourself up. Some of the most enlightening experiences of my life have been my most embarassing moments.
Keep copies of all your receipts at someone else's house/in the cloud. Receipts fade, copies don't. Your box of receipts will be used by the thieves to carry out your items, your receipts in your computer will be stolen because they will take the computer, the fire/water damage will destroy your computer/your receipts. You will still be expected to produce your receipts if these things happen! The dog ate my homework will not suffice here.
No, its the crappy poor quality of fruits and veggies being sold in grocery stores these days. Nothing is fresh. Lettuce is generally yellow inside the head once you break it open, celery is yellow and wilted, berries are already rotting or not even ripen enough to have been picked, potatoes are old, soft and tasteless. Apples are often "woody" inside. I grew up on a farm and believe me, the stuff you are buying in the stores is probably no better quality than the much maligned Little Debbie cakes everyone keeps harping on. Eat the peanut butter sandwich.
Awesome analogy!
It's today's world, there are tons of people choosing Room A, just hoping they will strike it rich (some are even doing this by playing the lottery). There is no longterm plan, and their approach is likely to wear them out quickly when they don't see any results.
I am enjoying the life in Room B. I'm only 25 years old, and have just begun the journey, but I know that with the power of compounding, that million dollars will be waiting for me at the end of the hallway.
I find it hard to believe, but instead of Room A or Room B, there are many people that are choosing to be in neither! They are sitting in the waiting room still thinking about their options. These are the people that are waiting to see if the market will remain solid, or their waiting to see if house values will go any lower. Watching, watching, waiting - but doing nothing. Yes, the market may go down, but I'd much rather get a start and develop a habit rather than watch the world go by and get rich without me! :)
Great post Craig. Thankfully, my wife and I decided to pay off debts before we started investing. Well, actually, I got a little antsy and threw some money in the market while we still had student loans. Luckily, I came to my senses (after making a little money, thankfully) and put it all towards our loans.
I like your comment about the "hot stock tips" as well. These almost never pan out. I work in an office building and hear about so many crazy investment ideas. They almost always crash and burn.
I've done it before, but I'll never do it again. It is better in the long run to just repay it.
Ok, yes, she is frugal and lives on next to nothing, but it's only at the expense of others! I do not agree with this lifestyle, especially since she seems proud of it. One should always put forth their best efforts in order live well, not scheme and scavenge in order to barely survive.
It isn't called the "wedding industrial complex" for nothing. People who do these big deals are trying too hard to please other people. Use the money to pay off debts or put a down payment on a house.
What happened to the getting married in the back yard and having a picnic after?
Second marriage? Elope I say. Our country is WAY too into consuming, if all these people could do math this extravaganza called a wedding wouldn't be so out of hand. Why start off a partnership with biggest expenditure other than buying a home?
Dude where's my country? Watching TV and buying into the media driven need to make you think that what you want is a necessity. Live simply so others can simply live I say.
My wedding, seven years ago cost us $500, with the three night honeymoon. We'd been together for almost twenty years then and we entered our legal union without debt and with the same ideas about money. A half hour before the wedding I wasn't freaked out and being bride-zilla---I was taking a peaceful nap! No stress no tension. Food for thought.
Hi, Erin! Thanks for your question. Most bloggers receive the prizes free from companies that wish to have their products promoted on the blog. For example, if a cleaning products company wanted blog readers to know about a new soap they offered, they would work with the blogger to hold a giveaway on the blog, providing the soap prizes for free. I know of bloggers who have purchased their own prizes, as well. You can usually (but not always) find a disclosure at the bottom of many of the posts (or within the context of the post) stating who provided the prizes. At the conclusion of the giveaway, the blogger is either responsible for mailing the prizes directly to the winner, or the company may do so for them. This is similar to how radio stations, newspapers, and magazines get prizes for their promotions. I hope this answers your question!
Really excellent article that confirms for me that we all make our lives more complicated than they need to be.
And what about the 3rd and 4th weddings? In this day and age with people getting divorced and remarried left and right, I for one feel the first wedding is the Big Hoopla one where everyone can go as crazy as they want with gifts and parties and gowns and general wedding hoop-de-do. After that the big gift, party and wedding cost fairies can appropriately take leave of the scene.
Everyone I know who has been married a 2nd time has done it low key with at most close friends and family present. In fact I know a handful who have taken trips to Hawaii or the likes and tied the knot at the beginning and then "honeymooned".
Work for a professional bakery and have fun baking sweet yummy treats every day..maybe when I retire that will be my part time job :)
As someone who is facing the issue of having to go through a second marriage, I feel like I should weigh in on this...
From the perspective of a second time bride:
- While I wouldn't necessarily go "all out" with a second wedding, I have to state that I didn't go "all out" with my FIRST. I would hope that my guests wouldn't look at me having a wedding for my second marriage as being "greedy" or just to get gifts or things, but as an important life event in the same way any OTHER marriage would have been. Sure, its likely to be less showy, but that doesn't mean that the ceremony or feelings behind the ritual is any LESS important to the people involved than it was the first time.
-Most second weddings I have been to did not have the shower or bachelor parties...because they aren't necessary.
-I think that guests should not treat a second wedding as if it were not important to the couple, including with gift giving. Second marriages often bring different things into the mix -- the couples sometimes have children from previous marriages, or have lost a lot in divorces -- that aren't present at first marriages. Sure the couples already have set up homes, but that doesn't mean that they don't need the signs of support for their new "home" together from their friends and family. While I wouldn't necessarily expect ANY guest (and having had a marriage and wedding previously I can say with all honesty that 90% of my guests did NOT spend $100 a head and I was perfectly okay with that!) to spend a large amount on a gift, but I would never go to a wedding -- first, second, fourth!-- without bringing a gift to the couple.
And yeah, generally second weddings are not as elaborate, but if the bride and groom WANT elaborate and can afford it, I don't think that there is anything WRONG with them choosing to have a fancy wedding. Just because they have "been down the aisle" before doesn't mean they can't treat a wedding as a special occasion.
Cheap Treats -- My dogs are food crazy, but their favorite treat is popcorn! I do occasionally buy real treats (Trader Joe's chicken jerky treats, usually), but when I make popcorn on the stove, I make a little extra, and put some in a ziploc before i butter and salt it for myself. Then they each get 3 or 4 pieces whenever it is "treat time" and they go crazy for it!
When my wife and I were discussing (24 years ago) where to hold our wedding, my mother-in-law (trying to helpful) suggested the same hall where my wife had married her first husband.
When my wife glared at her suggestion, my mother-in -law only shrugged and said,
"The food was good. The marriage may have sucked but the food was good."
New tires for the car. I'd love to splurge and get a new front-loading washing machine!
I haven't won anything, but I have a question - how do the bloggers get the stuff that they give away for free? I am assuming that they don't pay for it themselves... clues? Thanks!
is there wording in the "wedding handbook" that second marriages are any less important than firsts? Should we not celebrate with as much gusto? Why don't we write a card that says "good luck this time around, hope it sticks this time."?
People are waiting until their 30s even for a first marriage, and by this time are probably well established. So, does this mean they shouldn't have all the gifts and parties because they can afford to buy their gifts themselves? Should the festivities only be allowed for very poor folks who are very young and are on their first wedding?
I understand what you're saying, but I think that if you have trouble participating financially (for whatever reason) then just make your own judgment and act accordingly. Weddings are a celebration of 2 people deciding to join their lives together, and want to share that event with others. Penalizing or otherwise deciding that it shouldn't be viewed as an amazing event of joy, isn't your call.
I could see good reasons for two people agreeing to a more toned-down affair if both were previously married, but what if one person was never married? Somehow it feels mean to expect them not to celebrate fully ...
Second marriage for him, first marriage for me.
A lot of the points you raised are easily addressed by taking a practical, reasonable approach to marriage. My husband and I are both frugal. We certainly wouldn't go for the etiquette breach of expecting lavish gifts for any occasion. We adamantly refused to have a registry, or even give hints about preferred gifts (to the chagrin of well-meaning friends and relatives) - registries are weird for etiquette anyway, and besides, we have or can save up for everything we need. We rejected the over-the-top messages of the wedding industrial complex (you have to have a fancy cake! you have to have a bachelorette party!) and had a simple wedding in line with our values.
For me, it was everything I wanted a wedding to be. (It helped that I hadn't spent my childhood doodling the things I wanted to have as part of a "perfect" wedding.) It doesn't matter if it was his second wedding or my first wedding. It's just as special as anyone else's celebration.
As for people who are invited to celebrations that require more time or money than they're comfortable with - it doesn't matter if it's a first wedding, a second wedding, or a tenth. Stick to your values and don't get talked into the kind of spending that would make you resentful. Sure, it might require tough discussion, but it's better for you and the relationship in the long run.
Sharing a celebration should never be about paying your dues. =)
I guess I would say that I'm not at all convinced that a *first* wedding should be celebrated with the degree of extravagance you are describing. I personally find the culture of entitlement and greed that has cropped up around weddings very disturbing. It hasn't always been that way--looking through the family photo album previous generations before the 60's/70's (in my family, anyway) got married in suits and nice dresses, but nothing resembling a royal wedding.
I am very happy to celebrate a second wedding a wish joy upon the couple--but I'm not eager to participate in showers, bachelor/ette parties or extravagant gifts for *any* wedding. Happily I am in the midwest where the pressure seems to be less than on the coasts. (And I'm not a hypocrite on this one--my husband and I did our entire wedding/reception/honeymoon for around 10K and even pulled off an open bar.)
I think if it's a second marriage for both, it should be very toned down. If it's a second for either the bride or groom, but the first for the other half of the union, I think it might be OK to be a little more celebratory.
Standing while working? I'm not sure but several others are doing it. These are people making creative stuffs online. Gina Trapani of Lifehacker recently published an article on it.
Sarah,
My apologies for your loss. What a frustrating thing to deal with.
I can identify because I used to work as an insurance adjuster. Insurance companies will only pay so much and the client is already frustrated with the situation. Everything you've felt and experienced here is what I've seen from those who have losses.
Good luck during this tough time. I hope some silver lining comes out of it somewhere.
Fear of embarassment can be paralyzing but there's so much opportunity when you open yourself up. Some of the most enlightening experiences of my life have been my most embarassing moments.
Keep copies of all your receipts at someone else's house/in the cloud. Receipts fade, copies don't. Your box of receipts will be used by the thieves to carry out your items, your receipts in your computer will be stolen because they will take the computer, the fire/water damage will destroy your computer/your receipts. You will still be expected to produce your receipts if these things happen! The dog ate my homework will not suffice here.
No, its the crappy poor quality of fruits and veggies being sold in grocery stores these days. Nothing is fresh. Lettuce is generally yellow inside the head once you break it open, celery is yellow and wilted, berries are already rotting or not even ripen enough to have been picked, potatoes are old, soft and tasteless. Apples are often "woody" inside. I grew up on a farm and believe me, the stuff you are buying in the stores is probably no better quality than the much maligned Little Debbie cakes everyone keeps harping on. Eat the peanut butter sandwich.