There are a few areas of corruption that make the USA different from many other countries that have made other choices:
(1)Educational "legacies" - the Bush clan who were able to pay their way into high level systems and the networks that relate to them. If that's not an institutionally acceptable bribe, I'm not sure what is. Having a few friends in the Ivies, I can assure you they're not exactly graduating with a legion of Obamas. A perfect SAT plus class presidency does not make the cut, but a Fortune 500 family does.
(2) Gentrification policies - strategic divesting poorer populations of real estate and resources by strategic rezoning. See: rebuilding the housing projects in New Orleans. That you don't understand what's going on does not make it any less corrupt. How is it better to steal a diamond mine than a billion dollar piece of property.
(3) A taxation system that has made the wealthy super rich while ensuring the middle class work more for less and the poor remain poor - it is ironic that America takes a page from the monarchies of England in designing its policy.
(4) A health system that is the biggest racket of all. Pay or Die.
But the most corrupt behavior of the United States is actually the way it has treated other nations, and international organizations. That is why the world thinks your country is corrupt, because many of them live in nations that can stand in line with examples of the ways America has extorted something from them, and continues to do so. Ask cotton farmers outside America about corruption via GATT, and why the Doha round was so contentious. Or ask why countries that corrupt law enforcement. It's often as a result of a coup paid for to gain access to a resource. Your country has taken some of the most amazing leaders South and Central America had to offer because they wouldn't give you a hydro dam for a little more cheap power. What about countries you've bombed for the past decade for no justifiable reason, attempting to extort a better price of oil? Is that corruption?
America is an expert at insitutionalizing corruption. They do it to their own, and they do it to others. Americans, like many citizens of "corrupt" nations, are great. America, like many "corrupt" nations, is far from it.
With respect, you have misunderstood why the world thinks America is corrupt. You will find these opinions fully supported by Americans like John Perkins and much of the non-American intellectual community.
I'm mostly talking about the sort of mock human relationships that businesses try to create in order to manipulate you. When there's a real human relationship, such as in a family business, the situation is different.
When you think about it, businesses that aren't family businesses are a modern invention. The family (whether nuclear or extended) was the basic economic unit from prehistoric time up to just the past few hundred years. Every human culture has traditions for the obligations than run from family business to individual and vice versa. I hesitate to step in and suggest that whatever cultural norms apply to your family should be ignored.
The modern Western notion that the individual is the basic economic unit is really quite new. It does have the advantage of providing the maximum freedom for individuals to do whatever makes them happy, while at the same time providing plenty of room for individuals with big ideas to turn them into big successes. Those are real advantages, but they don't make the modern Western values better than the traditional values that date back thousands of years in every cultural tradition.
I don't suppose that non-answer helps at all. Perhaps seeking advice from friends, relatives, and business and cultural leaders in your own community would be useful.
When we were pregnant with our first child, I really had no concept of how much income I would end up sacrificing. I hoped that I could adjust my schedule to work after my husband got home, and that we would need at most a couple of hours of care a day.
In reality, here I am in my third year of stay-at-home momhood, with our third child on the way. To the person who says she can juggle her baby on one knee and homework on the other, you can get things done to some extent, but mostly before the baby turns one. Wait until it's a 14-month-old into everything or a 2-year-old who wants mommy to play with her at every waking moment, and see how much work gets done from home. Enough to run the household, yes, maybe enough to bring in a modest part-time income, but not full-time work. Not without childcare.
However, I also had no concept of how much less my husband and I could really consume. We moved to a lower-cost area, we stopped going out to restaurants and bars, stopped making multiple plane trips per year, and we spend less or equal as a family of 4 than we used to spend as just 2 people. It's not easy, but even though we are just scraping by, we didn't give finances much thought when we decided to go for child #3. We knew that if necessary, more adjustments could be made.
And by the way, to the welfare mom and her detractors, this is what should be offered to every family with children in America -- the financial help to care for our own children while they are small. Home care should not be available only to the well-off or the poor as it is now, with everyone in between relegated to institutional care.
I think this article has great advice, but what about single women who are sick of waiting and want to have children? It scares me to think that if I don't find the right man soon, I'll never have kids because I'll never be able to afford them.
Apparently the nuclear family is the only one that works (financially, speaking).
Wow, it's hard for me to think of my friends who struggle financially. Who work full time to bring home maybe $150 a month take home pay, because they need to pay the bills and the insurance and the mortgage. And these are two-income families.
It's really hard for me to say "yay for the welfare system" to compare my friends with someone who is using it to "be the kind of mom I want to be". Someone who *could* do more and chooses not to.
That's not to say I don't believe in welfare, but I draw the line at a totally different place.
I'm so jealous of you ladies with the lovely salt and pepper locks! Alas, my hair isn't destined for such greatness. I do think that when it grows out, though, it will look more feminine.
Great ideas :) I'm asking for a slow cooker so I can take advantage of stewing less expensive cuts of meat and cooking up vegetarian favourites like lentil stew and vegetarian chili (these dried goods are oh-so inexpensive!)
I think the more important question is are you emotionally mature enough to be a parent. Thirty year olds with a bank full of money but are still adolescents emotionally will be worse parents than a 20 year old who is cash poor but emotionally mature and available to raise a child. Children can overcome childhoods raised in poverty or low income, but it is much more difficult to overcome scars left from emotionally immature or unavailable parents.
Frankly, sometimes I think kids are better off (all else being equal) in a family where things aren't always smooth financial sailing. They learn that you can't always have what you want, that you can't always have what your friends have, that sometimes you have to buckle down and work longer hours, pitch in, be creative--but that life has a funny way of working itself out in the end.
I think the most important factor that impinges on kids-and-finances is having kids with a partner who is going to stick with you all the way through. If you're just out of college and aren't bringing in a big salary or don't have much saved up yet--that'll work itself out over time. It's a divorce midway through your parenting trajectory that can really throw a family off course financially at a time when they can least afford it. In other words, the who matters more than the when.
I'm glad I am paying taxes so you can have a good lifestyle. I think Welfare should be for those who have no other means of supporting themselves. It is one thing to be frugal and other to be cheap, lazy and take advantage of others (the government in this case) for your own gain.
I am sorry able your early gry hair. Hang in there you'll catch up to it agewise! I am 65 and still have just flecks of gray and yes, folks think I am younger. Tell my achy body that. LOL
Great post! It was great to hear all the tips on how to adjust to going gray. I'm 48 and have dark blond hair. I highlight it at home very infrequently, and usually share one kit with my sister or my daughter, so it averages about 6 bucks about every 8-12 weeks. So far that has made the gray blend in pretty well. I have noticed lately though that the top of my head is a much "cooler" or "ashy" shade than the bottom, so I've been pondering how to address that (and of course hoping I can do it inexpensively at home). I'll check back to see if anybody has any tips!
Great post..
What boggles my mind is..what if, the situation is like this:
A person works for an uncle (family company) and spend most of his time there, even with modest payment only and willing to sacrifice weekends for the company?
Does that mean, that the family (company) is using personal involvement (being part of a family)and emotional ties as a tool for business?
That is how I see it, and has made this person loyal for all these years, feeling very bad about leaving the company, although there are many other better opportunities out there. What's the best advice for this?
It definitely helps to plan, but sometimes all you can do is prepare yourself to the best of your abilities, then expect that your plans will be turned on their head.
I think one of the most important things in parenting is adaptability. That said, having more financial cushion definitely helps parents to adapt more quickly and easily to various situations.
My planning process is a little less structured, but basically it involves doing as much as I can to learn how to be a good mom, and saving like crazy until my target age of 29-30, at which point I'd like to have kids.
I am actually getting my hair cut and foiled tonight. Right now I have turquois blue streaks in my hair and will either keep that or go with a fuschia-y color. I do this about 3 times a year. The way my stylist does it, isn't so noticeable when it grows out and looks very professional...but punk rock which is what I was going for. I have to do a conditioning treatment every week because I abuse my hair with blow drying, flat ironing and product. When I condition I put the dye in with it, that way I get manageable hair and a color touch up.
For me, it's money well spent and a small splurge every once in a while.
I hope the current economic slowdown encourages people to do things for the sheer joy of it rather than focusing on money all the time. Having children, starting or growing a family (aka living) is a wonderful thing. What you invest in time, energy and finances now will reap a reward for yourself and society later. Truly give yourself, don't just stay home "until you can get back to work." Really invest yourself. Teach your kids life skills they will need later and that can benefit others. You might find that by living smaller now you will live larger later.
Children aren't an expense, they are an investment.
My wife and I are planning on having kids in the next few years. This article definately gives us some good stuff to talk about, in fact I am going to email her a link now. Thanks
I have to put in my two cents as a welfare mom. Not a typical welfare mom, mind you, a college-educated welfare mom with only one child (who plans to return to school when my daughter is in school full-time). I am so grateful to the welfare system that lets me be the mom I want to be! I work part time, take my child with me to work (work in childcare & breastfeeding education), feed her mostly organic food (yaay food stamps!) breastfed her for 2+ years (just like the World Health Organization and American Academy of Pediatrics reccommend...). Thanks to the "welfare" system, we have a great apartment that we pay only $150 monthly, are on state-sponsored health care, plenty of food thanks to food stamps etc.
As far as child care items go, we never had a crib, she always just slept with me. Strollers & other "essentials" are so easy to find second hand (yaay craigslist!), we buy our clothes mostly secondhand, & ebay is great for deals on everything from cloth diapers to toys etc.
As for paying for her college, I am blessed to have a family that is very supportive of education and will help financially.
So! Don't let money woes stop you from having a kid! Yes, they are still expensive, but so worth it!
You certainly won't find me defending the war on drugs. I think it's a huge misallocation of resources that largely hurts people who are harmless (if technically "guilty" of a crime), sweeps in some number of innocent people as well, produces a bunch of peripheral violent crime (because the participants don't have access to the courts to adjudicate business disputes)--and, as you suggest, inevitably generates large amounts of corruption. (Because of the nature of drug crimes--a willing seller and a willing buyer, both cooperating to keep the transaction secret--the only ways to get evidence to prosecute involve things like confidential informants and plea deals--both of which are inherently corrupting in the same ways that "paying for evidence" always is.)
I also agree with you that the behavior of people in power--who seem to think it's okay to harshly punish other people for actions that they themselves got away with--is shameful.
Still, in my experience, people do have the option of choosing to follow the law, and in doing so, largely protect themselves from the whole corrupt mess. I think that's different in an important way from corruption that forces itself upon you however much you try to just get on with your life.
Also, the United States has a genuinely democratic government, so the unjust laws could be changed if the people who suffered would just become a bit more politically active. (They wouldn't need to have a majority, either. Any group that can deliver a large number of votes to candidates that support their agenda can shift public policy.)
Plan, plan, plan, think, think, think, save, save, save.....then throw out the wasted pieces of paper and time. Having kids isn't like writing a business plan. Some advance thinking and planning is a good idea but when the kid(s) arrive all of your plans get thrown out the window. Your life changes, your priorities change, your finances change and most importantly you change but somehow most of us make it through the process. We continue altering our plans, priorities and finances as we and our kids get older. For some reason, my business plan 21 years ago did not involve saving money for a 2-week backpacking trip through the Middle East with my son. Like the VISA commercials...some things are priceless and you manage to do whatever it takes to save time and money to enjoy those moments. Plan but don't put off having kids until you have everything checked off.
I agree with you completely. Money is not the only consideration.. But, it is important. we need to foresee the extra expenses and plan accordingly.
Kids are a matter of 'heart'. Don't you think we can work hard to make that extra money for our beloved kids? In the process, we will also have other benefits ...
I let my hair grow out to shoulder length and go gray (and I'm really gray/silver!) about 2 years ago. I'm 53 now and have been pretty gray since 35, but always spent the time and money to color.
I actually have women stop me in the street to talk about going gray. The funniest incident was DURING a mammogram, when the technician (who had beautiful short silver hair) decided to stop and chat about gray hair during the most uncomfortable part of the procedure :)
I do notice that I've had to change my clothing colors and be sure to add blusher in the mornings. I have dark glass frames and really like the contrast.
I should add that my husband colors his hair (we have hairdressers on both sides of the family). I worry that people will think I'm much older than him, but hey, guess they'll just think I landed a younger man!
I am a product of being a teen in the 80's. I started having my hair dyed at age 15- first highlights, then eventually into higlighting/lowlighting. About 6 years ago, I decided enough was enough. It wasn't right for me to scrimp on just about everything- then go and blow $80 on hair every 4- 6 weeks. I just up and stopped. I got my hair cut as short as I would tolerate and let the hair coloring grow out. It only took about 4 months of meh hair- then I had a completely different coloring than I had thought I had. Back at 15, my natural hair had been a more sandy brown- now in my 40's--- its DARK brown, bordering on a black. My greys are still somewhat scattered, but I can look to my mom and see how my hair will eventually become a beautiful salt & pepper. With my coloring in its natural state, I have had to relook at my makeup and coloring of clothing. In the 6 years since I did this, I have systematically rid myself of clothes that have colors no longer flattering with my dark hair. I had enough sandy tan clothing that had looked good with the highlighted hair- but looked BAD with my naturally dark hair. All I did was over time, just buy things that fit into my natural color palate better. I find now that jewel tones and "winter" colors are more flattering. This was not necessarily an added expense of letting my hair go natural-- as I brought in the appropriate colored clothes gradually, as I was needing to get new clothes anyway.
I have similarly switched my hairdo to a much more maintenance free style. Bangs I can trim myself and long hair. I get crookedy bangs every couple months and then go for $5 bang trims at Supercuts to get ack on track. (I style the bangs to the side anyways- so perfection is not required, but sometimes, I get WAY off course from perfection!) I would say I now spend maybe $30 total on my hair cuts/year-- two bangs trims and maybe two haircuts (to keep my long hair trimmed maybe twice a year).
There are a few areas of corruption that make the USA different from many other countries that have made other choices:
(1)Educational "legacies" - the Bush clan who were able to pay their way into high level systems and the networks that relate to them. If that's not an institutionally acceptable bribe, I'm not sure what is. Having a few friends in the Ivies, I can assure you they're not exactly graduating with a legion of Obamas. A perfect SAT plus class presidency does not make the cut, but a Fortune 500 family does.
(2) Gentrification policies - strategic divesting poorer populations of real estate and resources by strategic rezoning. See: rebuilding the housing projects in New Orleans. That you don't understand what's going on does not make it any less corrupt. How is it better to steal a diamond mine than a billion dollar piece of property.
(3) A taxation system that has made the wealthy super rich while ensuring the middle class work more for less and the poor remain poor - it is ironic that America takes a page from the monarchies of England in designing its policy.
(4) A health system that is the biggest racket of all. Pay or Die.
But the most corrupt behavior of the United States is actually the way it has treated other nations, and international organizations. That is why the world thinks your country is corrupt, because many of them live in nations that can stand in line with examples of the ways America has extorted something from them, and continues to do so. Ask cotton farmers outside America about corruption via GATT, and why the Doha round was so contentious. Or ask why countries that corrupt law enforcement. It's often as a result of a coup paid for to gain access to a resource. Your country has taken some of the most amazing leaders South and Central America had to offer because they wouldn't give you a hydro dam for a little more cheap power. What about countries you've bombed for the past decade for no justifiable reason, attempting to extort a better price of oil? Is that corruption?
America is an expert at insitutionalizing corruption. They do it to their own, and they do it to others. Americans, like many citizens of "corrupt" nations, are great. America, like many "corrupt" nations, is far from it.
With respect, you have misunderstood why the world thinks America is corrupt. You will find these opinions fully supported by Americans like John Perkins and much of the non-American intellectual community.
I'm mostly talking about the sort of mock human relationships that businesses try to create in order to manipulate you. When there's a real human relationship, such as in a family business, the situation is different.
When you think about it, businesses that aren't family businesses are a modern invention. The family (whether nuclear or extended) was the basic economic unit from prehistoric time up to just the past few hundred years. Every human culture has traditions for the obligations than run from family business to individual and vice versa. I hesitate to step in and suggest that whatever cultural norms apply to your family should be ignored.
The modern Western notion that the individual is the basic economic unit is really quite new. It does have the advantage of providing the maximum freedom for individuals to do whatever makes them happy, while at the same time providing plenty of room for individuals with big ideas to turn them into big successes. Those are real advantages, but they don't make the modern Western values better than the traditional values that date back thousands of years in every cultural tradition.
I don't suppose that non-answer helps at all. Perhaps seeking advice from friends, relatives, and business and cultural leaders in your own community would be useful.
When we were pregnant with our first child, I really had no concept of how much income I would end up sacrificing. I hoped that I could adjust my schedule to work after my husband got home, and that we would need at most a couple of hours of care a day.
In reality, here I am in my third year of stay-at-home momhood, with our third child on the way. To the person who says she can juggle her baby on one knee and homework on the other, you can get things done to some extent, but mostly before the baby turns one. Wait until it's a 14-month-old into everything or a 2-year-old who wants mommy to play with her at every waking moment, and see how much work gets done from home. Enough to run the household, yes, maybe enough to bring in a modest part-time income, but not full-time work. Not without childcare.
However, I also had no concept of how much less my husband and I could really consume. We moved to a lower-cost area, we stopped going out to restaurants and bars, stopped making multiple plane trips per year, and we spend less or equal as a family of 4 than we used to spend as just 2 people. It's not easy, but even though we are just scraping by, we didn't give finances much thought when we decided to go for child #3. We knew that if necessary, more adjustments could be made.
And by the way, to the welfare mom and her detractors, this is what should be offered to every family with children in America -- the financial help to care for our own children while they are small. Home care should not be available only to the well-off or the poor as it is now, with everyone in between relegated to institutional care.
I think this article has great advice, but what about single women who are sick of waiting and want to have children? It scares me to think that if I don't find the right man soon, I'll never have kids because I'll never be able to afford them.
Apparently the nuclear family is the only one that works (financially, speaking).
With the cost of education so high, dogs are the new babies. They shall inherit the earth.
Wow, it's hard for me to think of my friends who struggle financially. Who work full time to bring home maybe $150 a month take home pay, because they need to pay the bills and the insurance and the mortgage. And these are two-income families.
It's really hard for me to say "yay for the welfare system" to compare my friends with someone who is using it to "be the kind of mom I want to be". Someone who *could* do more and chooses not to.
That's not to say I don't believe in welfare, but I draw the line at a totally different place.
You're welcome.
I'm so jealous of you ladies with the lovely salt and pepper locks! Alas, my hair isn't destined for such greatness. I do think that when it grows out, though, it will look more feminine.
Great ideas :) I'm asking for a slow cooker so I can take advantage of stewing less expensive cuts of meat and cooking up vegetarian favourites like lentil stew and vegetarian chili (these dried goods are oh-so inexpensive!)
Good point on emotional maturity! That's probably a bigger concern for me when I look at the idea of having kids.
I think the more important question is are you emotionally mature enough to be a parent. Thirty year olds with a bank full of money but are still adolescents emotionally will be worse parents than a 20 year old who is cash poor but emotionally mature and available to raise a child. Children can overcome childhoods raised in poverty or low income, but it is much more difficult to overcome scars left from emotionally immature or unavailable parents.
Frankly, sometimes I think kids are better off (all else being equal) in a family where things aren't always smooth financial sailing. They learn that you can't always have what you want, that you can't always have what your friends have, that sometimes you have to buckle down and work longer hours, pitch in, be creative--but that life has a funny way of working itself out in the end.
I think the most important factor that impinges on kids-and-finances is having kids with a partner who is going to stick with you all the way through. If you're just out of college and aren't bringing in a big salary or don't have much saved up yet--that'll work itself out over time. It's a divorce midway through your parenting trajectory that can really throw a family off course financially at a time when they can least afford it. In other words, the who matters more than the when.
I'm glad I am paying taxes so you can have a good lifestyle. I think Welfare should be for those who have no other means of supporting themselves. It is one thing to be frugal and other to be cheap, lazy and take advantage of others (the government in this case) for your own gain.
I am sorry able your early gry hair. Hang in there you'll catch up to it agewise! I am 65 and still have just flecks of gray and yes, folks think I am younger. Tell my achy body that. LOL
Great post! It was great to hear all the tips on how to adjust to going gray. I'm 48 and have dark blond hair. I highlight it at home very infrequently, and usually share one kit with my sister or my daughter, so it averages about 6 bucks about every 8-12 weeks. So far that has made the gray blend in pretty well. I have noticed lately though that the top of my head is a much "cooler" or "ashy" shade than the bottom, so I've been pondering how to address that (and of course hoping I can do it inexpensively at home). I'll check back to see if anybody has any tips!
Great post..
What boggles my mind is..what if, the situation is like this:
A person works for an uncle (family company) and spend most of his time there, even with modest payment only and willing to sacrifice weekends for the company?
Does that mean, that the family (company) is using personal involvement (being part of a family)and emotional ties as a tool for business?
That is how I see it, and has made this person loyal for all these years, feeling very bad about leaving the company, although there are many other better opportunities out there. What's the best advice for this?
It definitely helps to plan, but sometimes all you can do is prepare yourself to the best of your abilities, then expect that your plans will be turned on their head.
I think one of the most important things in parenting is adaptability. That said, having more financial cushion definitely helps parents to adapt more quickly and easily to various situations.
My planning process is a little less structured, but basically it involves doing as much as I can to learn how to be a good mom, and saving like crazy until my target age of 29-30, at which point I'd like to have kids.
http://renaissancetrophywife.wordpress.com/2008/10/16/family-planning-in...
Thanks for raising some important issues!
I am actually getting my hair cut and foiled tonight. Right now I have turquois blue streaks in my hair and will either keep that or go with a fuschia-y color. I do this about 3 times a year. The way my stylist does it, isn't so noticeable when it grows out and looks very professional...but punk rock which is what I was going for. I have to do a conditioning treatment every week because I abuse my hair with blow drying, flat ironing and product. When I condition I put the dye in with it, that way I get manageable hair and a color touch up.
For me, it's money well spent and a small splurge every once in a while.
I hope the current economic slowdown encourages people to do things for the sheer joy of it rather than focusing on money all the time. Having children, starting or growing a family (aka living) is a wonderful thing. What you invest in time, energy and finances now will reap a reward for yourself and society later. Truly give yourself, don't just stay home "until you can get back to work." Really invest yourself. Teach your kids life skills they will need later and that can benefit others. You might find that by living smaller now you will live larger later.
Children aren't an expense, they are an investment.
My wife and I are planning on having kids in the next few years. This article definately gives us some good stuff to talk about, in fact I am going to email her a link now. Thanks
-Dan Malone-
I have to put in my two cents as a welfare mom. Not a typical welfare mom, mind you, a college-educated welfare mom with only one child (who plans to return to school when my daughter is in school full-time). I am so grateful to the welfare system that lets me be the mom I want to be! I work part time, take my child with me to work (work in childcare & breastfeeding education), feed her mostly organic food (yaay food stamps!) breastfed her for 2+ years (just like the World Health Organization and American Academy of Pediatrics reccommend...). Thanks to the "welfare" system, we have a great apartment that we pay only $150 monthly, are on state-sponsored health care, plenty of food thanks to food stamps etc.
As far as child care items go, we never had a crib, she always just slept with me. Strollers & other "essentials" are so easy to find second hand (yaay craigslist!), we buy our clothes mostly secondhand, & ebay is great for deals on everything from cloth diapers to toys etc.
As for paying for her college, I am blessed to have a family that is very supportive of education and will help financially.
So! Don't let money woes stop you from having a kid! Yes, they are still expensive, but so worth it!
@wildigft:
You certainly won't find me defending the war on drugs. I think it's a huge misallocation of resources that largely hurts people who are harmless (if technically "guilty" of a crime), sweeps in some number of innocent people as well, produces a bunch of peripheral violent crime (because the participants don't have access to the courts to adjudicate business disputes)--and, as you suggest, inevitably generates large amounts of corruption. (Because of the nature of drug crimes--a willing seller and a willing buyer, both cooperating to keep the transaction secret--the only ways to get evidence to prosecute involve things like confidential informants and plea deals--both of which are inherently corrupting in the same ways that "paying for evidence" always is.)
I also agree with you that the behavior of people in power--who seem to think it's okay to harshly punish other people for actions that they themselves got away with--is shameful.
Still, in my experience, people do have the option of choosing to follow the law, and in doing so, largely protect themselves from the whole corrupt mess. I think that's different in an important way from corruption that forces itself upon you however much you try to just get on with your life.
Also, the United States has a genuinely democratic government, so the unjust laws could be changed if the people who suffered would just become a bit more politically active. (They wouldn't need to have a majority, either. Any group that can deliver a large number of votes to candidates that support their agenda can shift public policy.)
Plan, plan, plan, think, think, think, save, save, save.....then throw out the wasted pieces of paper and time. Having kids isn't like writing a business plan. Some advance thinking and planning is a good idea but when the kid(s) arrive all of your plans get thrown out the window. Your life changes, your priorities change, your finances change and most importantly you change but somehow most of us make it through the process. We continue altering our plans, priorities and finances as we and our kids get older. For some reason, my business plan 21 years ago did not involve saving money for a 2-week backpacking trip through the Middle East with my son. Like the VISA commercials...some things are priceless and you manage to do whatever it takes to save time and money to enjoy those moments. Plan but don't put off having kids until you have everything checked off.
I agree with you completely. Money is not the only consideration.. But, it is important. we need to foresee the extra expenses and plan accordingly.
Kids are a matter of 'heart'. Don't you think we can work hard to make that extra money for our beloved kids? In the process, we will also have other benefits ...
-David.
I let my hair grow out to shoulder length and go gray (and I'm really gray/silver!) about 2 years ago. I'm 53 now and have been pretty gray since 35, but always spent the time and money to color.
I actually have women stop me in the street to talk about going gray. The funniest incident was DURING a mammogram, when the technician (who had beautiful short silver hair) decided to stop and chat about gray hair during the most uncomfortable part of the procedure :)
I do notice that I've had to change my clothing colors and be sure to add blusher in the mornings. I have dark glass frames and really like the contrast.
I should add that my husband colors his hair (we have hairdressers on both sides of the family). I worry that people will think I'm much older than him, but hey, guess they'll just think I landed a younger man!
I am a product of being a teen in the 80's. I started having my hair dyed at age 15- first highlights, then eventually into higlighting/lowlighting. About 6 years ago, I decided enough was enough. It wasn't right for me to scrimp on just about everything- then go and blow $80 on hair every 4- 6 weeks. I just up and stopped. I got my hair cut as short as I would tolerate and let the hair coloring grow out. It only took about 4 months of meh hair- then I had a completely different coloring than I had thought I had. Back at 15, my natural hair had been a more sandy brown- now in my 40's--- its DARK brown, bordering on a black. My greys are still somewhat scattered, but I can look to my mom and see how my hair will eventually become a beautiful salt & pepper. With my coloring in its natural state, I have had to relook at my makeup and coloring of clothing. In the 6 years since I did this, I have systematically rid myself of clothes that have colors no longer flattering with my dark hair. I had enough sandy tan clothing that had looked good with the highlighted hair- but looked BAD with my naturally dark hair. All I did was over time, just buy things that fit into my natural color palate better. I find now that jewel tones and "winter" colors are more flattering. This was not necessarily an added expense of letting my hair go natural-- as I brought in the appropriate colored clothes gradually, as I was needing to get new clothes anyway.
I have similarly switched my hairdo to a much more maintenance free style. Bangs I can trim myself and long hair. I get crookedy bangs every couple months and then go for $5 bang trims at Supercuts to get ack on track. (I style the bangs to the side anyways- so perfection is not required, but sometimes, I get WAY off course from perfection!) I would say I now spend maybe $30 total on my hair cuts/year-- two bangs trims and maybe two haircuts (to keep my long hair trimmed maybe twice a year).