My mother started labeling each ornament given by her or received in our family with a to/from gift tag with the year marked. I have continued her tagging tradition. My husband and I have given each of our children one or more ornaments each year. They each have dozens of ornaments to start their own Christmas trees when they move out and they know from whom and when each was received. Whenever I give a tagged ornament as a gift, I always get a comment about what a great idea it is to identify it.
Thank you for being a voice of reason on this topic. "Poor kids should get whatever charity *I* feel is acceptable" is a very sad way for human beings to think about one another. This post author did the right thing by walking away; her kind of help doesn't really help at all.
My husband and I do not do the angel trees in town after we found out that they put the same names on several trees in town. If each taker buys 2-3 gifts that could be quite a haul for any child! We do participate in a teen angel program run by the junior high school in town. The teachers nominate children they have noticed that need things then the lists are given out. A list of people willing to take a name is maintained by the school. Also the kids are "asked" to stay after school the last day to help "clean the rooms". a local resturant donates food so they have a small party and the other kids do not know that they are receving these gifts. No limit is set and the things the teachers suggest are heartbreaking like shoes, coats, gloves, even proper fitting underware for young ladies etc. one year we received a thank you sent through the principle at the school. We knew we had a set of twins to buy for and they needed coats. By using coupons and saturday sales I was able to get each of them a warm jacket, jeans, shirts, sweaters, make up sets, hair trims sets, an inexpensive watch and some other things for less than $100 each. the letter told us about the best Christmas they had ever had and that they had new coats - which they had never had. Also that they had never had clothes "like everyone else wears". that got to me! Sad thing is we have to have the tags marked 'no cash refunds', can not give gift cards or cash and have to remove any price tag to prevent the parents from returning for cash for drugs etc. that is really sad. The upside- our local goody's store manager often throws in a free item or additional discount when he finds out what we are buying for. So this is my passion and will be for many years. A baby with no gifts is sad but not as sad as a young teen returning to school after break and having to say "I got nothing".
When I worked retail I used to bring a second pair of shoes to change into mid-shift. It made a huge difference both in how my feet felt and my energy level at the end of the day.
Excellent article. I had worked super small scale retail years ago, and just got back into it for extra money for the house savings fund. Working big-box is not easy. people can be either; a. the coolest most grateful people on earth just because you listen to them, b. nice, but in a hurry, or c. condescending assholes who think I am an idiot. Guess what, I'm not! I find most of the nice people are teenagers (probably helps that I am just as much a wise ass as them), moms with little kids, and rich guys with time to kill. Rude people I have found, single well to do women, white trash/ghetto types, and I am sorry to say, old people. They are the ones who think all the problems in the store are my fault. oh well. I can't please everyone.
I worked retail in high school and through part of college and can definitely attest to the fact that customers often assume retail workers are stupid or that they can't get a "real job".
I can't even begin to count how many times I had customers talk down to me and give me attitude just because I was a cashier... little did they know I was just working there during a break from college and that I was planning on continuing on for a master's degree. People can be selfish and inconsiderate--you definitely need to have a thick skin to work in retail.
For some reason I decided I strongly desired a futon mattress like I had when I was younger. My dad and I drove all around Northern Virginia looking for one, but the only place we could find one was KMart. It was kind of funny because my younger siblings were with us and, as we entered the store, my dad told everyone to stay really close to him.. I guess he thought we could potentially get jumped.
I like the idea of writing the list, then stepping back and letting it all settle for a bit and then coming back to it.
When you're ready to make changes, at first you're pumped up with all this energy from your enthusiasm, and this can cause you to go overboard, and write a few things that really aren't that feasible.
Best to come back to it with a calmer, clearer head! ;)
I think there are 2 main differences: 1) the sponsoring organization sets the tone for the gifts and expectations on both sides (giving and receiving) and 2) there is an established relationship among the parishes, not just because of the Christmas program but a faith connection that is present throughout the year and not just once a year.
Agencies or groups that are good stewards will screen their clients, understand client needs, and communicate those needs to existing and potential donors in a graceful manner in a way that encourages compassion rather than judgment. I hope that is not too philosophical but a practical explanation that there needs to be understanding on both sides.
Can I just add that if the lines are long and there isn't enough help, it's not my fault? I'm doing the best I can, but the corporate office just told us to cut 20 hours a day from payroll. If we want to keep the business going during a recession, the lines are going to get longer. It's not my fault. And yes, I can hear you muttering under your breath about how incompetent we are and how you deserve better service. I really do like to help people and I feel just as frustrated as you.
I also complained to the bank manager about the unsanitary nature of the ink pad. Some strangers before me put their thumb on the pad and for all I know they just pulled their thumb out of their butt. I would rather spit on the check so they could get my DNA.
I asked for a sanitary wipe and some sanitizing gell.
When one deposits a check in the bank and it isn't good, my bank charges a $10.00 fee because I deposited a bad check. In addition, they automatically run it a second time. If it clears the 2nd time....try getting that $10 banking fee from the customer....ya right.
I put up with it for years and finally confronted the bank manager to no avail. So, I opened an account with $50 and promptly withdrew $49. This Wachovia bank has free checking with no minimum balance and today had a promotion if someone referred me to Wachovia that had an account I would get a Visa gift card of $25 and so would the friend who referred me.
I wasted their time by reading all the 12 pages or so agreement asking questions (it rained all day). I found that I need to keep the account for 6 months or pay a fee for closing the account and that after one year of an inactive account a fee of $5 month takes affect. So I will close the account after 11 months....then open a new one. Hopefully, they will offer another incentive for opening an account.
My name is Evelyn Roebuck in Columbus, GA. If anyone wants to open an account at Wachovia Bank say I referred you and you and I will get a $25 gift certificate.
Every year at Christmas my RC parish (admittedly a pretty wealthy one) sponsors 2 or 3 poor parishes (almost always inner city Philadelphia parishes) and if you choose to participate you are expected to buy gifts for the whole family and their Christmas dinner.
We've partiicpated for TEN years and I've never once seen even one outrageous gift on the list. One year one of the 16 yo girls asked for a warm blanket (!)
The list almost always runs to a generic: "clothes (sizes are given,) toys, books, toiletries, games."
I'm sorry to hear others have had such a poor experience but participating in this program is the highlight of our Christmas!
And last year I even got a thank-you note that was beyond lovely. (The program is meant to be anonymous but the mom must have gotten my name and address off one of the boxes in which we packed the gifts and food.)
I'm at a loss to eplain the difference between our experience and that of the other "voices" on this blog.
When I was traveling, I had to carry toilet paper with me at all times, because Chinese bathrooms don't offer such amenities. I learned that one or two squares of toilet paper was sufficient, if all you were doing was peeing.
I've also never peed out of my vagina, though, so maybe that has something to do with it.
"What child has ever wanted jeans and a shirt for Christmas?"
Me, that's who. Growing up, clothes were hand me downs from cousins who were all much bigger than me. I was always dressed in seriously over sized stuff. Or even better, I would have loved a winter jacket. I never had a winter jacket I wasn't embarrassed to be seen in until I bought my own when I was 18. And I can think of at least two occasions where I was teased mercilessly because of them.
People are upset by this, not because kids want this stuff, but because these trees are supposed to be for kids whose parents can't afford any presents. If they've made it past basic necessities for life, social embarrassment from peers, and all the way down to high priced electronics...these families probably aren't that badly off. They must have heat and decent clothing to wear. They probably have a tv and possibly even a computer. And those aren't the kind of people we were expecting to see on these trees. That's why people are upset.
The issue I have with the iPod request is that to operate an iPod, one must have a computer. Do these families have computers at home filled with music? An xbox requires a television and game cartridges (or whatever they are now) that aren't cheap either. What good is giving a kid an iPod if she can't ever load music on it?
With each passing year, I become more and more humbug about [insert winter holiday of your choice here]. It seems this time of year is supposed to be about giving and being happy and thankful and all that. But that's just a thin coat of icing over a thick fruitcake (ick!) of greed, entitlement, and consumerism. It completely sours me on the whole October-January season.
And while I'm lucky enough to have an iPod (an unsolicited gift from my parents a few years ago), I have to say that one of the best gifts I ever received for chrismasolstikwaanzika was a stack of slotted paper plates from my brother's family. They were tight on money but wanted everyone to unwrap something from them. I hate my food touching. I thought it was incredibly brilliant!
My son is 2.5. He wants an Ipod. I kid you not. Now, I have one, that I use pretty much just at the gym. And we hook it up at home and listen to music.
I bought my dh one for Christmas, because his mp3 player is so only it only fits like 50 songs.
Why does my 2.5 year old want an Ipod? Because his three year old friend at daycare has one. Yep. Three. (He's almost four, but has had it for 6 months or so.)
Yeah, kids don't know what things cost. You can argue that. But the parents should make sure the "wish list" has a variety of costs on there. Maybe you'll get lucky and someone will buy you the Ipod. But if that's all on your list, you probably get nothing. Maybe a $20 gift is appropriate to put on the list too.
My mom buys gifts for some neighbors who live in a drafty trailer (with duct tape keeping the windows sealed). They are so excited.
I don't see a needy kid wanting an Ipod to be any different from the college student to charges it on a Visa and takes two years to pay for it.
I donate money to the food bank and the women's shelter.
A few people above have commented that "poor kids don't need an iPod." Um, what child *does* need an iPod? Do rich kids need an iPod? Are your needs determined by how much your parents make? Is an iPod a need if your parents make six figures, but a want if they are on public assistance?
Nora, I am a divorced male, 65 years old, lives alone. My home is worth approximately $325,000. in a depressed market, considerably more in a "normal" market.
My mortgage totals approximately $280,000.00 I have private life insurance for $200,000.00.
I've read what you have said regarding the inadvisability of mortgage life insurance. However, if my goal is to leave my children my home free and clear of any mortgage obligations, would I be better off cancelling my life insurance, which will not cover the remaining mortgage balance, and taking out a private mortgage life insurance policy which will leave my home free and clear to my four children to divide? The sale price of my home will most definitely exceed the $200,000.00 life insurance I presently have.
Maybe if your vagina were the size of a fish egg, 1 or 2 squares would be sufficient, but even though I religiously wash up, I prefer to not get urine all over my hands while I'm wiping. BLEGH.
Some people take this eco crap too far. Leaving pee and/or poop (gross, Steve) in a toilet with 1 square floating on top is absolutely below my level of comfort. (And I'm grateful I don't live with any of you people who do it. I hope I'm not friends with you either.)
I don't know if this is true or not but I heard recently that Locks of Love charges for thier wigs. After donating mine to them a few years back, I really hope that it is not true.
My mother started labeling each ornament given by her or received in our family with a to/from gift tag with the year marked. I have continued her tagging tradition. My husband and I have given each of our children one or more ornaments each year. They each have dozens of ornaments to start their own Christmas trees when they move out and they know from whom and when each was received. Whenever I give a tagged ornament as a gift, I always get a comment about what a great idea it is to identify it.
Great site.
I think the first investment anyone should make is in themselves.
Mark
Thank you for being a voice of reason on this topic. "Poor kids should get whatever charity *I* feel is acceptable" is a very sad way for human beings to think about one another. This post author did the right thing by walking away; her kind of help doesn't really help at all.
My husband and I do not do the angel trees in town after we found out that they put the same names on several trees in town. If each taker buys 2-3 gifts that could be quite a haul for any child! We do participate in a teen angel program run by the junior high school in town. The teachers nominate children they have noticed that need things then the lists are given out. A list of people willing to take a name is maintained by the school. Also the kids are "asked" to stay after school the last day to help "clean the rooms". a local resturant donates food so they have a small party and the other kids do not know that they are receving these gifts. No limit is set and the things the teachers suggest are heartbreaking like shoes, coats, gloves, even proper fitting underware for young ladies etc. one year we received a thank you sent through the principle at the school. We knew we had a set of twins to buy for and they needed coats. By using coupons and saturday sales I was able to get each of them a warm jacket, jeans, shirts, sweaters, make up sets, hair trims sets, an inexpensive watch and some other things for less than $100 each. the letter told us about the best Christmas they had ever had and that they had new coats - which they had never had. Also that they had never had clothes "like everyone else wears". that got to me! Sad thing is we have to have the tags marked 'no cash refunds', can not give gift cards or cash and have to remove any price tag to prevent the parents from returning for cash for drugs etc. that is really sad. The upside- our local goody's store manager often throws in a free item or additional discount when he finds out what we are buying for. So this is my passion and will be for many years. A baby with no gifts is sad but not as sad as a young teen returning to school after break and having to say "I got nothing".
When I worked retail I used to bring a second pair of shoes to change into mid-shift. It made a huge difference both in how my feet felt and my energy level at the end of the day.
Excellent article. I had worked super small scale retail years ago, and just got back into it for extra money for the house savings fund. Working big-box is not easy. people can be either; a. the coolest most grateful people on earth just because you listen to them, b. nice, but in a hurry, or c. condescending assholes who think I am an idiot. Guess what, I'm not! I find most of the nice people are teenagers (probably helps that I am just as much a wise ass as them), moms with little kids, and rich guys with time to kill. Rude people I have found, single well to do women, white trash/ghetto types, and I am sorry to say, old people. They are the ones who think all the problems in the store are my fault. oh well. I can't please everyone.
I worked retail in high school and through part of college and can definitely attest to the fact that customers often assume retail workers are stupid or that they can't get a "real job".
I can't even begin to count how many times I had customers talk down to me and give me attitude just because I was a cashier... little did they know I was just working there during a break from college and that I was planning on continuing on for a master's degree. People can be selfish and inconsiderate--you definitely need to have a thick skin to work in retail.
For some reason I decided I strongly desired a futon mattress like I had when I was younger. My dad and I drove all around Northern Virginia looking for one, but the only place we could find one was KMart. It was kind of funny because my younger siblings were with us and, as we entered the store, my dad told everyone to stay really close to him.. I guess he thought we could potentially get jumped.
Now people think they have a reason to treat all the retailers like more crap than usual.
I like the idea of writing the list, then stepping back and letting it all settle for a bit and then coming back to it.
When you're ready to make changes, at first you're pumped up with all this energy from your enthusiasm, and this can cause you to go overboard, and write a few things that really aren't that feasible.
Best to come back to it with a calmer, clearer head! ;)
I think there are 2 main differences: 1) the sponsoring organization sets the tone for the gifts and expectations on both sides (giving and receiving) and 2) there is an established relationship among the parishes, not just because of the Christmas program but a faith connection that is present throughout the year and not just once a year.
Agencies or groups that are good stewards will screen their clients, understand client needs, and communicate those needs to existing and potential donors in a graceful manner in a way that encourages compassion rather than judgment. I hope that is not too philosophical but a practical explanation that there needs to be understanding on both sides.
Can I just add that if the lines are long and there isn't enough help, it's not my fault? I'm doing the best I can, but the corporate office just told us to cut 20 hours a day from payroll. If we want to keep the business going during a recession, the lines are going to get longer. It's not my fault. And yes, I can hear you muttering under your breath about how incompetent we are and how you deserve better service. I really do like to help people and I feel just as frustrated as you.
It's about being treated like a criminal!
I also complained to the bank manager about the unsanitary nature of the ink pad. Some strangers before me put their thumb on the pad and for all I know they just pulled their thumb out of their butt. I would rather spit on the check so they could get my DNA.
I asked for a sanitary wipe and some sanitizing gell.
When one deposits a check in the bank and it isn't good, my bank charges a $10.00 fee because I deposited a bad check. In addition, they automatically run it a second time. If it clears the 2nd time....try getting that $10 banking fee from the customer....ya right.
I put up with it for years and finally confronted the bank manager to no avail. So, I opened an account with $50 and promptly withdrew $49. This Wachovia bank has free checking with no minimum balance and today had a promotion if someone referred me to Wachovia that had an account I would get a Visa gift card of $25 and so would the friend who referred me.
I wasted their time by reading all the 12 pages or so agreement asking questions (it rained all day). I found that I need to keep the account for 6 months or pay a fee for closing the account and that after one year of an inactive account a fee of $5 month takes affect. So I will close the account after 11 months....then open a new one. Hopefully, they will offer another incentive for opening an account.
My name is Evelyn Roebuck in Columbus, GA. If anyone wants to open an account at Wachovia Bank say I referred you and you and I will get a $25 gift certificate.
Every year at Christmas my RC parish (admittedly a pretty wealthy one) sponsors 2 or 3 poor parishes (almost always inner city Philadelphia parishes) and if you choose to participate you are expected to buy gifts for the whole family and their Christmas dinner.
We've partiicpated for TEN years and I've never once seen even one outrageous gift on the list. One year one of the 16 yo girls asked for a warm blanket (!)
The list almost always runs to a generic: "clothes (sizes are given,) toys, books, toiletries, games."
I'm sorry to hear others have had such a poor experience but participating in this program is the highlight of our Christmas!
And last year I even got a thank-you note that was beyond lovely. (The program is meant to be anonymous but the mom must have gotten my name and address off one of the boxes in which we packed the gifts and food.)
I'm at a loss to eplain the difference between our experience and that of the other "voices" on this blog.
When I was traveling, I had to carry toilet paper with me at all times, because Chinese bathrooms don't offer such amenities. I learned that one or two squares of toilet paper was sufficient, if all you were doing was peeing.
I've also never peed out of my vagina, though, so maybe that has something to do with it.
"What child has ever wanted jeans and a shirt for Christmas?"
Me, that's who. Growing up, clothes were hand me downs from cousins who were all much bigger than me. I was always dressed in seriously over sized stuff. Or even better, I would have loved a winter jacket. I never had a winter jacket I wasn't embarrassed to be seen in until I bought my own when I was 18. And I can think of at least two occasions where I was teased mercilessly because of them.
People are upset by this, not because kids want this stuff, but because these trees are supposed to be for kids whose parents can't afford any presents. If they've made it past basic necessities for life, social embarrassment from peers, and all the way down to high priced electronics...these families probably aren't that badly off. They must have heat and decent clothing to wear. They probably have a tv and possibly even a computer. And those aren't the kind of people we were expecting to see on these trees. That's why people are upset.
The issue I have with the iPod request is that to operate an iPod, one must have a computer. Do these families have computers at home filled with music? An xbox requires a television and game cartridges (or whatever they are now) that aren't cheap either. What good is giving a kid an iPod if she can't ever load music on it?
With each passing year, I become more and more humbug about [insert winter holiday of your choice here]. It seems this time of year is supposed to be about giving and being happy and thankful and all that. But that's just a thin coat of icing over a thick fruitcake (ick!) of greed, entitlement, and consumerism. It completely sours me on the whole October-January season.
And while I'm lucky enough to have an iPod (an unsolicited gift from my parents a few years ago), I have to say that one of the best gifts I ever received for chrismasolstikwaanzika was a stack of slotted paper plates from my brother's family. They were tight on money but wanted everyone to unwrap something from them. I hate my food touching. I thought it was incredibly brilliant!
My son is 2.5. He wants an Ipod. I kid you not. Now, I have one, that I use pretty much just at the gym. And we hook it up at home and listen to music.
I bought my dh one for Christmas, because his mp3 player is so only it only fits like 50 songs.
Why does my 2.5 year old want an Ipod? Because his three year old friend at daycare has one. Yep. Three. (He's almost four, but has had it for 6 months or so.)
Yeah, kids don't know what things cost. You can argue that. But the parents should make sure the "wish list" has a variety of costs on there. Maybe you'll get lucky and someone will buy you the Ipod. But if that's all on your list, you probably get nothing. Maybe a $20 gift is appropriate to put on the list too.
My mom buys gifts for some neighbors who live in a drafty trailer (with duct tape keeping the windows sealed). They are so excited.
I don't see a needy kid wanting an Ipod to be any different from the college student to charges it on a Visa and takes two years to pay for it.
I donate money to the food bank and the women's shelter.
A few people above have commented that "poor kids don't need an iPod." Um, what child *does* need an iPod? Do rich kids need an iPod? Are your needs determined by how much your parents make? Is an iPod a need if your parents make six figures, but a want if they are on public assistance?
Nora, I am a divorced male, 65 years old, lives alone. My home is worth approximately $325,000. in a depressed market, considerably more in a "normal" market.
My mortgage totals approximately $280,000.00 I have private life insurance for $200,000.00.
I've read what you have said regarding the inadvisability of mortgage life insurance. However, if my goal is to leave my children my home free and clear of any mortgage obligations, would I be better off cancelling my life insurance, which will not cover the remaining mortgage balance, and taking out a private mortgage life insurance policy which will leave my home free and clear to my four children to divide? The sale price of my home will most definitely exceed the $200,000.00 life insurance I presently have.
Thank you for your advice,
AJ
Maybe if your vagina were the size of a fish egg, 1 or 2 squares would be sufficient, but even though I religiously wash up, I prefer to not get urine all over my hands while I'm wiping. BLEGH.
Some people take this eco crap too far. Leaving pee and/or poop (gross, Steve) in a toilet with 1 square floating on top is absolutely below my level of comfort. (And I'm grateful I don't live with any of you people who do it. I hope I'm not friends with you either.)
I don't know if this is true or not but I heard recently that Locks of Love charges for thier wigs. After donating mine to them a few years back, I really hope that it is not true.