"The key is to keep your identify separate from your preferences. Then you can do what needs to be done without first having to get over the hurdle of completely changing your image of the sort of person you are."
I agree with this SO much. For a long time, I had a partner who felt his choices were his identity; thus, if I didn't like an apartment he liked, he took it personally.
I do ride the bus and wear used clothing (especially after Hurricane Katrina, when I was given a lot of quality used clothes). People seem to like how I dress.
I bet hearing that hurts a few peoples sensibilities. Sometimes it's hard to accept that you are the sort of person that does thing just to impress. How many people people who say "i'm not the sort of person who wear seconds clothes" also says "i'm not the sort of person who trys to impress".
It seems like for people living in more temperate climates year round, a root cellar doesn't really make sense anyway, since storing food for the winter was one of the main reasons to have a root cellar. Theoretically, if you're living somewhere that the ground never gets cold enough, then you should have more/better access to fresh produce year round, right?
I'm posing this as a question because I live in Michigan...not exactly known for its mild winters.
Ahhhh a frost line. I remember that...as well as the little closet in the closet under the stairs in the basement of my grandparents' house which was always called the root cellar. They stored canned fruits and vegetables (both those they canned themselves as well as extras bought at the grocery store) there. When I was little, I thought it was a little odd, but their kitchen was tiny so it worked for them.
Now I live in north Texas. Most houses don't even have basements, let alone anything that might be usable as a root cellar for most of the year. It's a great idea, but not terribly practical where I am.
Root cellar sounds dreadfully plebian and old world :)
Rebrand it as a wine cellar! It's the same thing - a room with a constant environment. And a hell of a lot cheaper than those climate controlled cabinets that are sold for storing wine.
A friend converted his basement into a wine cellar and always bought "1 to drink and 1 to cellar", it didn't take long to build up an interesting collection. His wife meantime used it to store her preserves and herbs etc.
I'm sure you're right: The "ick" factor is exactly what makes people resist all sorts of simple, easy things to save money. And, as long as you acknowledge it--saying, 'I'm so rich I can indulge my "ick" factor to the point of only wearing new clothes, only buying new cars, only moving into new houses...' then all is well.
But if you let the ick factor take control--if you make it part of who you are--then you become terribly vulnerable. After all, which would put your child more at risk? Choosing a boarder after getting an application, checking references, and doing an in-person interview? Or becoming homeless and finding yourself and your child living in your car because your income dropped and you got evicted?
The key is to keep your identify separate from your preferences. Then you can do what needs to be done without first having to get over the hurdle of completely changing your image of the sort of person you are.
I don't have much to add to what others have already said. I just wanted to thank you for a very good post about something that I believe really does have a lot to do with the culture of over-spending in which we live. So thank you!
For three years now I have been canning, blanching and storing locally grown food (that I have grown myself or bought locally), and not only have I spent less money doing this, but we eat better/healthier. And let's not forget the great sense of satisfaction you get, too!
I'm not certain I'd consider Colorado part of the sort of southwest I was thinking of! *grin*. (Maybe the southern part?) I was thinking ore like, NM, AZ, southern California, where a frost line is not even dreamed of...
well i'm in colorado, so i guess i'll find out! here we do have the advantage of really cool nights, so even when we're having a streak of warm days, the temps really come down after dark, so despite a mild autumn, my little stash of veggies are still in good shape out there. i would think that, underground, temps remain stable wherever you are, really.
Just revisited this topic. In addition to closing all joint accounts, I would go one step further: clean them out. Yes, the checks will bounce either way but he/she will get the money before you do. happened to me in lst marriage.
Before you ask for a divorce, try to line up your shots, (make your plans). Do you have a reliable income, steady job? Savings? Emergency fund? A place to live? Money to rent/pay security fees? A relative/friend you can stay with or can help you financially? What financial assets do you have that you can tap?
I hope it doesn't come to that, but try, as best as you're able, to prepare - if possible.
funny, i've just recently been getting into the root cellar idea. i have a basementy sort of room under the kitchen, but it actually stays relatively warm because the furnace is down there, so instead i cleared a cabinet in my unheated detached laundry room and filled it with winter squash. i'll be curious to see how that plays out. i also have some apples in a crate and a paper bag of sweet potatoes. so far so good. it's nice to walk out there and see a small bounty of eatables.
i don't think this is necessarily true for everything, though. while i'm pretty willing to try most anything, i think for some people, the "thing" they don't want to do is not because they don't have to moneywise, but because it just conflicts with some basic thing in them. like, i know people who would never buy clothes from goodwill because they are kind of germaphobic and really can't bear the idea of used clothing from strangers, the ick factor is just too high for them.
and i know that many people with children would be very hesitant to take in a roommate out of a sense of insecurity about having a strange person in the house. as a single mom with a young daughter, i think this would be my biggest "can't do" thing. of course, a friend or relative would be a different matter.
but i do agree that in many instances, the "can't do" is really more about pride and saving face. everyone has a line below which they are reluctant to go unless they really, really have to, and it's amazing sometimes just how high that line is for many people!
My husband and I love buffets, but we have yet to find one where there wasn't at least one young child at the buffet line, picking its nose and poking the food, reaching out and grabbing items and putting them back, or coughing and sneezing directly onto the food.
If your child is still small enough to be able to fit under the sneeze guard, he should not be at the buffet line. Even parents who take their child up to serve them cannot seem to physically restrain the child from contaminating food.
This may sound negative, but it seems to me a lot of times that comments like "I'm not the sort of person.." has a lot to do with pride. People may think those sorts of suggestions are "below" them. They may not be rich and might still think that way and very well may be going into debt.
It reminds me of a post on the forums a while back. Someone posted a link to an article about a guy who didn't tell his wife that he had lost his job and kept re-financing his home "to keep up appearances." In that case, it seemed like pride had a lot to do with it, in addition to not wanting to let down his wife.
I would agree that saying you're not that sort of person isn't a reflection of who you really are. Rather, it's most likely a reflection of how you want other people to see you.
"The key is to keep your identify separate from your preferences. Then you can do what needs to be done without first having to get over the hurdle of completely changing your image of the sort of person you are."
I agree with this SO much. For a long time, I had a partner who felt his choices were his identity; thus, if I didn't like an apartment he liked, he took it personally.
I do ride the bus and wear used clothing (especially after Hurricane Katrina, when I was given a lot of quality used clothes). People seem to like how I dress.
I bet hearing that hurts a few peoples sensibilities. Sometimes it's hard to accept that you are the sort of person that does thing just to impress. How many people people who say "i'm not the sort of person who wear seconds clothes" also says "i'm not the sort of person who trys to impress".
It seems like for people living in more temperate climates year round, a root cellar doesn't really make sense anyway, since storing food for the winter was one of the main reasons to have a root cellar. Theoretically, if you're living somewhere that the ground never gets cold enough, then you should have more/better access to fresh produce year round, right?
I'm posing this as a question because I live in Michigan...not exactly known for its mild winters.
Ahhhh a frost line. I remember that...as well as the little closet in the closet under the stairs in the basement of my grandparents' house which was always called the root cellar. They stored canned fruits and vegetables (both those they canned themselves as well as extras bought at the grocery store) there. When I was little, I thought it was a little odd, but their kitchen was tiny so it worked for them.
Now I live in north Texas. Most houses don't even have basements, let alone anything that might be usable as a root cellar for most of the year. It's a great idea, but not terribly practical where I am.
Root cellar sounds dreadfully plebian and old world :)
Rebrand it as a wine cellar! It's the same thing - a room with a constant environment. And a hell of a lot cheaper than those climate controlled cabinets that are sold for storing wine.
A friend converted his basement into a wine cellar and always bought "1 to drink and 1 to cellar", it didn't take long to build up an interesting collection. His wife meantime used it to store her preserves and herbs etc.
@ dianna:
I'm sure you're right: The "ick" factor is exactly what makes people resist all sorts of simple, easy things to save money. And, as long as you acknowledge it--saying, 'I'm so rich I can indulge my "ick" factor to the point of only wearing new clothes, only buying new cars, only moving into new houses...' then all is well.
But if you let the ick factor take control--if you make it part of who you are--then you become terribly vulnerable. After all, which would put your child more at risk? Choosing a boarder after getting an application, checking references, and doing an in-person interview? Or becoming homeless and finding yourself and your child living in your car because your income dropped and you got evicted?
The key is to keep your identify separate from your preferences. Then you can do what needs to be done without first having to get over the hurdle of completely changing your image of the sort of person you are.
Excellent post. You could add shopping in dollar stores and thrift stores to the list, since they come up so frequently on the forums.
I don't have much to add to what others have already said. I just wanted to thank you for a very good post about something that I believe really does have a lot to do with the culture of over-spending in which we live. So thank you!
Thank you for this post. I'm probably not the only one out here who needed to have some assumptions challenged today.
For three years now I have been canning, blanching and storing locally grown food (that I have grown myself or bought locally), and not only have I spent less money doing this, but we eat better/healthier. And let's not forget the great sense of satisfaction you get, too!
Thanks for such a thoughtful post. I agree that it is hard for people to move out of their comfort zones to be honest with themselves.
I'm not certain I'd consider Colorado part of the sort of southwest I was thinking of! *grin*. (Maybe the southern part?) I was thinking ore like, NM, AZ, southern California, where a frost line is not even dreamed of...
we'll see about that
well i'm in colorado, so i guess i'll find out! here we do have the advantage of really cool nights, so even when we're having a streak of warm days, the temps really come down after dark, so despite a mild autumn, my little stash of veggies are still in good shape out there. i would think that, underground, temps remain stable wherever you are, really.
Just revisited this topic. In addition to closing all joint accounts, I would go one step further: clean them out. Yes, the checks will bounce either way but he/she will get the money before you do. happened to me in lst marriage.
Before you ask for a divorce, try to line up your shots, (make your plans). Do you have a reliable income, steady job? Savings? Emergency fund? A place to live? Money to rent/pay security fees? A relative/friend you can stay with or can help you financially? What financial assets do you have that you can tap?
I hope it doesn't come to that, but try, as best as you're able, to prepare - if possible.
Best wishes to you.
How well does this concept work in say the american southwest region?
funny, i've just recently been getting into the root cellar idea. i have a basementy sort of room under the kitchen, but it actually stays relatively warm because the furnace is down there, so instead i cleared a cabinet in my unheated detached laundry room and filled it with winter squash. i'll be curious to see how that plays out. i also have some apples in a crate and a paper bag of sweet potatoes. so far so good. it's nice to walk out there and see a small bounty of eatables.
VERY good points.
In addition, in my marriage we have separate accounts, chip in for utilities, pay half the rent each, separate credit/debit cards.
Difficult, emotional topic and you could not cover everyones' situation - but you did a real good job. Thank you.
Know what the heat comes from, and keep that/those happening!
i don't think this is necessarily true for everything, though. while i'm pretty willing to try most anything, i think for some people, the "thing" they don't want to do is not because they don't have to moneywise, but because it just conflicts with some basic thing in them. like, i know people who would never buy clothes from goodwill because they are kind of germaphobic and really can't bear the idea of used clothing from strangers, the ick factor is just too high for them.
and i know that many people with children would be very hesitant to take in a roommate out of a sense of insecurity about having a strange person in the house. as a single mom with a young daughter, i think this would be my biggest "can't do" thing. of course, a friend or relative would be a different matter.
but i do agree that in many instances, the "can't do" is really more about pride and saving face. everyone has a line below which they are reluctant to go unless they really, really have to, and it's amazing sometimes just how high that line is for many people!
My husband and I love buffets, but we have yet to find one where there wasn't at least one young child at the buffet line, picking its nose and poking the food, reaching out and grabbing items and putting them back, or coughing and sneezing directly onto the food.
If your child is still small enough to be able to fit under the sneeze guard, he should not be at the buffet line. Even parents who take their child up to serve them cannot seem to physically restrain the child from contaminating food.
was just wondering if someone can help with the unlock code for ths machine please?
And a good reminder. I myself am guilty of saying this exact thing sometimes.
And I liked what loveandsalt said - by saying 'I'd never do...' you are putting down those who do.
Another great post Mr. Brewer!
This may sound negative, but it seems to me a lot of times that comments like "I'm not the sort of person.." has a lot to do with pride. People may think those sorts of suggestions are "below" them. They may not be rich and might still think that way and very well may be going into debt.
It reminds me of a post on the forums a while back. Someone posted a link to an article about a guy who didn't tell his wife that he had lost his job and kept re-financing his home "to keep up appearances." In that case, it seemed like pride had a lot to do with it, in addition to not wanting to let down his wife.
I would agree that saying you're not that sort of person isn't a reflection of who you really are. Rather, it's most likely a reflection of how you want other people to see you.