Oh so true. I recently left one of the world biggest corporates because I just couldnt handle the game playing - by the women. When I first joined said corporate, male dominated department, bit "boys club" but surviable. Moved departments - OMG! The women pretend to be your best friend, attempt to ask you your deepest darkest, or if considerably older, "mother" and patronise you (even if you have no maternal need). Within 3 days, with me naively innocent to the schemes at hand, I had been completely sabatoged - in a new team, before I had a chance to establish myself.
For the next 3 years I spend 50% of my working time having to "protect my arse".
In short, it was extremely insecure behaviour. Women the same age see you as competition, women who are older seem to resent the fact that they did it the hard way so why should todays women have it easier.
Obviously I found a few good women - suprisingly mostly amongst Gen Y rathern than X or boomers (for the rec, I'm an X).
When I returned to work after a bub, well, I had it unofficially slammed down my throat that despite the fact I was completing roles above my level, and they were hiring, promotion wasnt coming to me. I got so sick of having to play childish "cover your arse" games that took over 60% of my time - so much for client time!
In the end I decided it was completly beneath me, and walked away.
This, from a corporate that is one of the oldest and largest in the world. So much for "diversity" and "bullying" policies.
Thank you, Mary, for such a well-written and insightful post! You could say my dad realized the American dream b/c he came to this country with no education, no skills, no money (except for $50 after selling everything we had), a wife, and three little girls (with a fourth shortly afterwards), and not a word of English amongst us. Twenty years later, thanks to a little welding business he started from scratch, he had $1.2 million! (See "How Dad Turned $50 into $1.2 Million" at http://shanelyang.com/2007/11/15/how-dad-turned-50-into-12-million/ ) It takes hard work, but the American Dream is alive and well for family-run businesses! : )
I just finished a book called "Mean Girls All Grown Up" (I can't remember the author and I mailed it to my mom). It is the best book that I have read on women and communication! I am planning on letting all of the women in my life borrow it, because it really describes how we women can be so destructive to other women and how to NOT let that office gossip/politics get you down. :)
The last time there was a push to change the rules on health insurance, many groups lined up against it. Now, though, I think most of those groups have changed their position.
Health care providers opposed reform, because they feared that outsiders would end up deciding what care they could and couldn't provide. Now that insurance companies do that routinely anyway, I think they'll be in favor of reform.
Large employers opposed reform, because they wanted to be in control of what coverage they provided (and paid for). Now that they find themselves at a disadvantage competing with with foreign companies whose employees have national health coverage, the big employers will support reform.
Middle-class workers opposed reform, because they had good, cheap insurance from their employers and didn't want the government to step in and screw things up. But now that even people with good jobs are seeing their premiums soar and their coverage get squeezed, many more middle-class folks will support reform.
Many people, of course, will always oppose reform for ideological reasons, and many other people will oppose any particular reform because the details of the reform will inevitably produce winners and losers. But I think the forces for reform have a winning hand this time.
A wonderful CSA in the Chicago area is Angelic Organics. I've been with them for several years and they have pick up stations throughout the Chicago area. Fresh organic veggies each week (except Winter) and fresh organic fruits every other week.
Give it a try.
I vote for not blaming the victim, though I understand that she can and should empower herself. If a woman adopts what society deems as masculine characteristics (being tough for example) then she is condemned; if a man adopts feminine charactertistics (being nurturing), then he is celebrated. Our culture and attitudes about gender, race, age, etc. can and should be altered as well.
And though I am out of the corporate loop nowadays, I do hear quite a bit about diversity training and hope that it teaches employees, managers, leaders, etc. how to value different approaches to solving problems.
I will warn you that, although I agree with the leadership principles, the book deems the organization as perfect and the people as the problem, which is often not true. I am team-oriented and that is not always embraced in the corporate world though the idea is that the corporate world is headed in that direction. So, I was offended somewhat when I first read the book, but enjoyed it more on a second read from the facilitator's perspective.
If you had insurance through your employer, leave the company, and then use your COBRA coverage until it expires (18 months), then insurance companies do have to issue you a policy regardless of preexisting conditions. However, neither the coverage nor the premiums are regulated. The result is that you do get insurance, but it doesn't cover much even though it is very expensive.
Also, the HIPAA protections scarcely apply at all to individual policies. I could have taken advantage of HIPAA (and, in fact, was very much keeping it in mind if I had any trouble getting insurance). Now that I've taken an individual policy, though, I no longer qualify for HIPAA portability. If I get sick, I'm vulnerable to my rates soaring or my policy not being renewed.
There's some good information in this article (it talks about individual policies on page 2):
Think like a man. Work like a dog. Act like a lady.
There is still a lot of repression in the workplace. If women can get past the nay-sayers they will also be passing up those people in the promotions.
Women need to start ignoring the status quo.
When people tell you them they can't do something they should ignore it.
@ Xin Lu: Men work well in survival mode. Most women don't.
Women have to fight for their rights, their men, their children and their jobs.
Men don't have to fight as much. If a man and a woman were competing for the same job position the woman could fight for her life even if she is over qualified and the man could put in half that effort qualified or not.
Put two women in that mix and the more assertive one will win. Qualified or not.
Nora has got the assertive part correct. Tooting your own horn should be second nature.
I actually put more thought into thsi and realized that the price for my vote is the freedom to have an abortion if I choose, and the possibility that my tax money will begin to pay for my medical coverage.
So I guess the republicans can't afford me, after all.
I think many women who have reached higher levels believe that they will not be able to work with other women on the same level- that another woman in a comparable or equal position will be their replacement. This is especially true for women who have reached the ceiling; they feel they will not be able ot move up any further, therefore the newer woman is a threat to their job.
I've had 2 highly respected females as my boss, and I can further support they both allowed me (a male) far more room to grow than my female colleagues. I was actually skeptical going into a "female dominated" subgroup within these companies, but within a month, I basically got anything I wanted.
To some extent, I actually miss that working environment b/c the same competitive tendencies can be found in predominantly male working environments. Although, it's generally nothing a few beers and buffalo wings can't solve at happy hour.
The point about the women bosses sabotaging other women is kind of sad because it is true in a lot of places. Male managers I have met have been more encouraging and supportive in general. Men are also more likely to just treat me like a guy and a teammember rather than competition. I don't know why women end up being more scheming and manipulative.
We are part of the problem if we don't change our own expectations of our own earning potential and ability to get into the game, play the game, and win in the business world! Dr. Lois Frankel's excellent book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office outlines the typical traps that even very intelligent, high-powered executive women fall into because they are not even aware of how to play the corporate game. I summarized many of her key points in my series called "Success in the Corporate World" (which is not just for women, BTW, but also men who are "too" nice) at http://shanelyang.com/2008/02/13/success-in-the-corporate-world-self-test/
I HAVE BEEN BOYCOTTING CHEAP CHINESE CRAP FOR YEARS!!!! I became utterly sick of it all when upon realization that EVERY store everywhere (read: CHAIN STORES) was full to the brim of nothing but plastic Made in China JUNK that falls apart 2 weeks after you buy it, and it's probably also poisoning you. So my solution has been more or less to STOP SHOPPING altogether. (Not that I was ever a big shopper to begin with.) Most stuff we really don't need anyway-- and if I DO need something, I will search high and low until I find an American manufacturer, a local craftsperson, or someone who is making it out of real material that lasts-- (NOT PLASTIC!)- or just do without.
Plastic falls apart, looks ugly, and how do you dispose of it?? So.. I refuse to buy into this Chinese junk addiction. I don't buy appliances anymore (ALL Chinese now- they don't last).. Chinese crap has even infiltrated the CLOTHING market- great. Remember the recent incidents of people breaking out in horrific acid-burn type rashes from Wal-mart flip-flops, and from Victoria's Secret bras, which were found to be sprayed with formaldehyde? Disgusting. So I only thrift shop, once in a while- otherwise I wear stuff til it falls apart. Also am learning to sew so I can make my own.
And food?? Don't get me started on that. I am so distrustful of Chinese toxic crap slipping into our food supply, and deceitful food trade practices... that I ONLY buy from local farms & farmers markets, and from health food stores only IF I am sure the food is American or Canadian-grown. (No stuff from Mexico either!).. and grow my own.
Anyway it's so good to hear there may be a backlash coming.. it's about time!!! YES I am angry about it- and I will be right there at the front.
Anthropology has the best parties. Cultural anthropologists justify drinking as necessary to "create rapport." Physical and biological anthropologists drink because they spend their days squatting in the dirt. Either way, we rock it! Last anthro party I went to began with (and ended with!) shots of Albanian moonshine.
For Sony Ericsson candybar-phone like yours. You should use the auto keypad-lock function. It automatically locks ur keypad after a short idling time. To unlock press * and select "unlock". Check your phone manual for details.
of insurance coverage, or so that is the idea. I have often heard of HIPAA in relation to privacy but apparently there are also legal protections associated with changing your insurance, specifically relating to pre-existing conditions. HIPAA is a federal regulation but some states, such as mine -- NC, have also adopted additional protections. From what I understand, carrying continuous coverage helps to limit or eliminate exclusions associated with preexisting conditions. It's not a perfect system or solution but it wouldn't hurt to ask your insurance agent or the state's insurance commissioner's office about HIPAA protections.
I've seen reports of home builders selling an upscale home (4000 sqft) at regular price but giving a smaller home (1500 sqft) away for free. I'm sure there are tons of concessions, but if you play your cards right, you can certainly clean up.
I am sorry if you are offended. Please review your comments. "...fake morals..."? This is a matter of taste, not morality. If you wish to regift, do as you see fit. Please be aware of how others view you, however. Ms. Manners has spoken out on the nature of gifts several times.
"...quite happy to tear down someone ..." You may wish to review my comments. I have not commented on anyone's nature, or whether they are boring at parties. My comments deal exclusively with the advice. I would, of course, never venture to say rude things about your sincerity, or you personally!
Should your opinion be different than mine, well, fine. It is still a free country, and you are most certainly entitled to your opinion about regifting. And, as a matter of fact, I do try to be high-minded!
I think Slinky's comments are much to the point: "...it [the thought] only counts if there actually was thought..." I agree entirely.
Oh so true. I recently left one of the world biggest corporates because I just couldnt handle the game playing - by the women. When I first joined said corporate, male dominated department, bit "boys club" but surviable. Moved departments - OMG! The women pretend to be your best friend, attempt to ask you your deepest darkest, or if considerably older, "mother" and patronise you (even if you have no maternal need). Within 3 days, with me naively innocent to the schemes at hand, I had been completely sabatoged - in a new team, before I had a chance to establish myself.
For the next 3 years I spend 50% of my working time having to "protect my arse".
In short, it was extremely insecure behaviour. Women the same age see you as competition, women who are older seem to resent the fact that they did it the hard way so why should todays women have it easier.
Obviously I found a few good women - suprisingly mostly amongst Gen Y rathern than X or boomers (for the rec, I'm an X).
When I returned to work after a bub, well, I had it unofficially slammed down my throat that despite the fact I was completing roles above my level, and they were hiring, promotion wasnt coming to me. I got so sick of having to play childish "cover your arse" games that took over 60% of my time - so much for client time!
In the end I decided it was completly beneath me, and walked away.
This, from a corporate that is one of the oldest and largest in the world. So much for "diversity" and "bullying" policies.
Thank you, Mary, for such a well-written and insightful post! You could say my dad realized the American dream b/c he came to this country with no education, no skills, no money (except for $50 after selling everything we had), a wife, and three little girls (with a fourth shortly afterwards), and not a word of English amongst us. Twenty years later, thanks to a little welding business he started from scratch, he had $1.2 million! (See "How Dad Turned $50 into $1.2 Million" at http://shanelyang.com/2007/11/15/how-dad-turned-50-into-12-million/ ) It takes hard work, but the American Dream is alive and well for family-run businesses! : )
it is "Mean Girls Grown Up" by Cheryl Dellasega.
Here is an article on it:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1195438
I just finished a book called "Mean Girls All Grown Up" (I can't remember the author and I mailed it to my mom). It is the best book that I have read on women and communication! I am planning on letting all of the women in my life borrow it, because it really describes how we women can be so destructive to other women and how to NOT let that office gossip/politics get you down. :)
I'm hopeful that things will change.
The last time there was a push to change the rules on health insurance, many groups lined up against it. Now, though, I think most of those groups have changed their position.
Many people, of course, will always oppose reform for ideological reasons, and many other people will oppose any particular reform because the details of the reform will inevitably produce winners and losers. But I think the forces for reform have a winning hand this time.
A wonderful CSA in the Chicago area is Angelic Organics. I've been with them for several years and they have pick up stations throughout the Chicago area. Fresh organic veggies each week (except Winter) and fresh organic fruits every other week.
Give it a try.
I vote for not blaming the victim, though I understand that she can and should empower herself. If a woman adopts what society deems as masculine characteristics (being tough for example) then she is condemned; if a man adopts feminine charactertistics (being nurturing), then he is celebrated. Our culture and attitudes about gender, race, age, etc. can and should be altered as well.
And though I am out of the corporate loop nowadays, I do hear quite a bit about diversity training and hope that it teaches employees, managers, leaders, etc. how to value different approaches to solving problems.
I will warn you that, although I agree with the leadership principles, the book deems the organization as perfect and the people as the problem, which is often not true. I am team-oriented and that is not always embraced in the corporate world though the idea is that the corporate world is headed in that direction. So, I was offended somewhat when I first read the book, but enjoyed it more on a second read from the facilitator's perspective.
I usually go into off-sites with an oppositional attitude that then worsens.
Thanks Philip, and others, for your insights.
This is somewhat depressing and will likely keep me a wage slave until things change.
If you had insurance through your employer, leave the company, and then use your COBRA coverage until it expires (18 months), then insurance companies do have to issue you a policy regardless of preexisting conditions. However, neither the coverage nor the premiums are regulated. The result is that you do get insurance, but it doesn't cover much even though it is very expensive.
Also, the HIPAA protections scarcely apply at all to individual policies. I could have taken advantage of HIPAA (and, in fact, was very much keeping it in mind if I had any trouble getting insurance). Now that I've taken an individual policy, though, I no longer qualify for HIPAA portability. If I get sick, I'm vulnerable to my rates soaring or my policy not being renewed.
There's some good information in this article (it talks about individual policies on page 2):
http://www.insure.com/articles/healthinsurance/HIPAA.html
Think like a man. Work like a dog. Act like a lady.
There is still a lot of repression in the workplace. If women can get past the nay-sayers they will also be passing up those people in the promotions.
Women need to start ignoring the status quo.
When people tell you them they can't do something they should ignore it.
@ Xin Lu: Men work well in survival mode. Most women don't.
Women have to fight for their rights, their men, their children and their jobs.
Men don't have to fight as much. If a man and a woman were competing for the same job position the woman could fight for her life even if she is over qualified and the man could put in half that effort qualified or not.
Put two women in that mix and the more assertive one will win. Qualified or not.
Nora has got the assertive part correct. Tooting your own horn should be second nature.
I actually put more thought into thsi and realized that the price for my vote is the freedom to have an abortion if I choose, and the possibility that my tax money will begin to pay for my medical coverage.
So I guess the republicans can't afford me, after all.
I think many women who have reached higher levels believe that they will not be able to work with other women on the same level- that another woman in a comparable or equal position will be their replacement. This is especially true for women who have reached the ceiling; they feel they will not be able ot move up any further, therefore the newer woman is a threat to their job.
Sadly enough, sometimes they're right.
I've had 2 highly respected females as my boss, and I can further support they both allowed me (a male) far more room to grow than my female colleagues. I was actually skeptical going into a "female dominated" subgroup within these companies, but within a month, I basically got anything I wanted.
To some extent, I actually miss that working environment b/c the same competitive tendencies can be found in predominantly male working environments. Although, it's generally nothing a few beers and buffalo wings can't solve at happy hour.
Interesting research indeed.
The point about the women bosses sabotaging other women is kind of sad because it is true in a lot of places. Male managers I have met have been more encouraging and supportive in general. Men are also more likely to just treat me like a guy and a teammember rather than competition. I don't know why women end up being more scheming and manipulative.
We are part of the problem if we don't change our own expectations of our own earning potential and ability to get into the game, play the game, and win in the business world! Dr. Lois Frankel's excellent book Nice Girls Don't Get the Corner Office outlines the typical traps that even very intelligent, high-powered executive women fall into because they are not even aware of how to play the corporate game. I summarized many of her key points in my series called "Success in the Corporate World" (which is not just for women, BTW, but also men who are "too" nice) at http://shanelyang.com/2008/02/13/success-in-the-corporate-world-self-test/
Funny you should mention that Matt, I wrote about that freebie in this post .
I HAVE BEEN BOYCOTTING CHEAP CHINESE CRAP FOR YEARS!!!! I became utterly sick of it all when upon realization that EVERY store everywhere (read: CHAIN STORES) was full to the brim of nothing but plastic Made in China JUNK that falls apart 2 weeks after you buy it, and it's probably also poisoning you. So my solution has been more or less to STOP SHOPPING altogether. (Not that I was ever a big shopper to begin with.) Most stuff we really don't need anyway-- and if I DO need something, I will search high and low until I find an American manufacturer, a local craftsperson, or someone who is making it out of real material that lasts-- (NOT PLASTIC!)- or just do without.
Plastic falls apart, looks ugly, and how do you dispose of it?? So.. I refuse to buy into this Chinese junk addiction. I don't buy appliances anymore (ALL Chinese now- they don't last).. Chinese crap has even infiltrated the CLOTHING market- great. Remember the recent incidents of people breaking out in horrific acid-burn type rashes from Wal-mart flip-flops, and from Victoria's Secret bras, which were found to be sprayed with formaldehyde? Disgusting. So I only thrift shop, once in a while- otherwise I wear stuff til it falls apart. Also am learning to sew so I can make my own.
And food?? Don't get me started on that. I am so distrustful of Chinese toxic crap slipping into our food supply, and deceitful food trade practices... that I ONLY buy from local farms & farmers markets, and from health food stores only IF I am sure the food is American or Canadian-grown. (No stuff from Mexico either!).. and grow my own.
Anyway it's so good to hear there may be a backlash coming.. it's about time!!! YES I am angry about it- and I will be right there at the front.
Anthropology has the best parties. Cultural anthropologists justify drinking as necessary to "create rapport." Physical and biological anthropologists drink because they spend their days squatting in the dirt. Either way, we rock it! Last anthro party I went to began with (and ended with!) shots of Albanian moonshine.
dry those eyes princess...
For Sony Ericsson candybar-phone like yours. You should use the auto keypad-lock function. It automatically locks ur keypad after a short idling time. To unlock press * and select "unlock". Check your phone manual for details.
of insurance coverage, or so that is the idea. I have often heard of HIPAA in relation to privacy but apparently there are also legal protections associated with changing your insurance, specifically relating to pre-existing conditions. HIPAA is a federal regulation but some states, such as mine -- NC, have also adopted additional protections. From what I understand, carrying continuous coverage helps to limit or eliminate exclusions associated with preexisting conditions. It's not a perfect system or solution but it wouldn't hurt to ask your insurance agent or the state's insurance commissioner's office about HIPAA protections.
I've seen reports of home builders selling an upscale home (4000 sqft) at regular price but giving a smaller home (1500 sqft) away for free. I'm sure there are tons of concessions, but if you play your cards right, you can certainly clean up.
Mr. Lawson:
I am sorry if you are offended. Please review your comments. "...fake morals..."? This is a matter of taste, not morality. If you wish to regift, do as you see fit. Please be aware of how others view you, however. Ms. Manners has spoken out on the nature of gifts several times.
"...quite happy to tear down someone ..." You may wish to review my comments. I have not commented on anyone's nature, or whether they are boring at parties. My comments deal exclusively with the advice. I would, of course, never venture to say rude things about your sincerity, or you personally!
Should your opinion be different than mine, well, fine. It is still a free country, and you are most certainly entitled to your opinion about regifting. And, as a matter of fact, I do try to be high-minded!
I think Slinky's comments are much to the point: "...it [the thought] only counts if there actually was thought..." I agree entirely.
With respect...